Strollerderby : chores

Dad Calls Cops for Son's Messy Room

JeanneSager — Tue, 19 May 2009 14:07:00 GMT

As parents we are always looking for a little vindication, right? Especially when our kids have done something that really sets us on edge and yet, we have acted calmly, rationally . . . or at least not pitched a toddler-style fit of our own?

I've got some good news for parents who have thrown up their hands at their kids' messy rooms.

At least your kid isn't twenty-eight, living at home and in need of some tips on how to tame the trash. Oh yeah, and at least you haven't called the cops to make your kid get his tuchas in gear.

It's exactly what a dad in Ohio did last week, calling 911 in utter frustration at his adult son. He's since apologized, but I'm not sure whether to feel sorry for the dad or pull a Cher a la Moonstruck and tell the man to "snap out of it."

I'm imagining a twenty-eight-year-old man who can't get off his butt and clean up his room now couldn't do it back in his first go-round of living home with dad. Which puts all the arguments over my daughter's messy room in a whole new light. Everytime we go another go-round, I figure I'm saving my daughter from an adulthood of being a disgusting slob.

Because it can be much easier to just give in and clean your kid's room. I remember doing it back when I shared a room with my little brother, throwing in the towel after weeks long stand-offs that involved him continuing to throw clothes and toys on the floor. I responded with trash bag in hand. Ah, revenge was sweet (midnight walks to the bathroom without stubbing my toe were even sweeter).

With my daughter, I've managed so far to stand my ground. She's just shy of four, so we're still at a point where we clean her room together, but she plays a big role in that process. We assign particular roles, and she sets off on stuffed animal duty or packing her dress-up clothes back in the dress-up trunk. Will I ever give up and spend an afternoon in the room with a trash bag in hand? Theoretically, it could happen, but I'd like to think that early years of pitching in will lead to do-it-yourself versions in her teen years.

Do you make your kids clean their rooms or do you do it for them?

Image: Boston Globe

Are Chores Important? The Obamas Say Yes.

Shannon LC Cate — Tue, 24 Feb 2009 18:00:00 GMT

One of the first things Michelle Obama did when she met the White House domestic staff was instruct them not to make her children's beds. She wants to make sure they learn that kind of responsibility for themselves. When I read that, my heart went out to the first parents.

As a mom who is usually just a bit stricter than my peer-moms, I feel for the Obamas, striving to make sure their kids don't learn to take the privileges of the White House for granted, as they grow through their tweens and into their early teens in that most rarified of homes. I have a hard time when kind waitresses offer my kids a free cookie or tell them (instead of me) what their drink options are, including more than "milk" or "water" (which are their drink options at home). I can't imagine the temptation of sneaking treats to the adorable Obama girls, or of spoiling them--just a little--by picking up their clothes off the floor before Grandma sees them and they get in trouble.

One thing the Obamas plan to do is to hold their kids accountable to the responsibilities they had to manage at home in Chicago:

"In the Obama White House, bedtime is still at 8 p.m. The girls still set their own alarm clocks and get themselves up for school in the morning. They make their own beds and clean their own rooms. And when the much-anticipated pet arrives, they will walk the dog and scoop its poop."

These basic guidelines seem just perfect for girls aged seven and ten. Our family is waiting to get a pet until our girls are old enough to take on the bulk of responsibility for its care, too. My girls, at 4 and almost 2, do the bulk of "cleaning up" (putting away toys) in their own rooms, with just a little supervision to help them stay on task. We're working on the "put away the first thing before taking out the next thing" rule, but it's tough to enforce. They both love to "help" with laundry (putting things in and out of the washer and dryer) but their help doubles the length of time it takes, so I only let them help once in a while.

What are the responsibilities of the children in your home? Or, if yours are truly too little to help, what are our plans when it comes to teaching your kids self-care and responsibility for maintaining personal and shared space?

They Say: Teens WANT to Help Their Parents

JeanneSager — Mon, 09 Feb 2009 20:28:00 GMT

Toddlers are always thought of as the people pleasers and their teen counterparts as the surly loner types. Not so says a new study from researchers at three American universities.

The small study finds teens may actually WANT to help their families.

Researchers at the University of Rochester, the University of Missouri-Columbia, and the University of Illinois at Chicago, presented one hundred twenty kids in grades seven through ten and their parents with stories in which teens or parents asked for help. The study subjects were asked to determine whether the protaganist in the stories should provide the help or not, and decide whether it was OK to opt for personal desires instead.

The results indicate that parents believe kids are more selfish while the kids are more likely to put personal desires aside to offer their assistance. No wonder teens and parents collide!

The results were most interesting in light of the comments on my recent post about the benefits to having a big family in economic times. Based on the experiences of larger families I know, I suggested that having a large age gap provides for built-in babysitters when parents are forced to get a second job or a non-working parent finds they must take a job to make ends meet.

Not surprisingly, the responses ranged - some parents refuse to make their kids babysit, others felt it was the responsibility of teens to kick in. As a much older sister who did almost all of the babysitting, I concur that it's irresponsible for parents to put their own burdens squarely on the shoulders of their older kids. Before giving birth, parents need to look at their situation and determine how to ensure all of their kids get equal advantages - the new baby is the responsibility of his or her parents, not his or her siblings.

But babysitting is a chore. And kids have responsibilities to do chores as part of the family unit. If that's the chore parents decide to assign, cutting out other chores to ensure teens still have the ability to enjoy childhood and take advantage of after-school activities at school or other pursuits, parents should take heed of this study. It shows they're on the right track.

This study seems to further evidence that kids - no matter their age - want to be part of the family structure. They crave structure, and with that comes some sort of responsibility to prove they're vital cogs in the family wheel.

Does this mean we can stop dreading the teen years?

Image: Cincinnati Children's

Four Reasons Big Families Might Have it Better in This Economy

Is the Sitter Just There to Watch the Kids?

JeanneSager — Wed, 04 Feb 2009 21:25:00 GMT

Have you ever asked the babysitter to do laundry? Wash your dishes? Take out the trash.

A fed up babysitter sounded off over at MomLogic this week, putting parents on notice she's paid to watch the kids . . . and only to watch the kids.

"Mary Poppins," says she's sick of moms bugging her about how to properly iron their little boy's shirt before a party, and she's not reaching their hands into that laundry basket and washing hubby's clothes.

She's got a point. She's not the maid. She's the sitter.

But is she a little bit wrong too? Is there ever a time when it's appropriate to ask the sitter to do chores around the house?

It's rare that sitters come to my house, but I can't say that I've ever asked one to do anything more than spend time with my daughter and keep her out of trouble. I try to prep the meals ahead of time, so they have only to throw some milk or juice in a cup at intervals throughout the day and unwrap the PB&J to put it on a plate. They're welcome to the food in the cabinet, but I'd prefer not to come home to a pile of dishes in my sink.

Beyond that, there isn't much I can imagine asking my sitters to do. I admit I am enamored with the one teenager my friend recommended, who spent part of the day in my daughter's room with her, empty each dresser drawer of clothing, folding everything and putting it back. I paid top dollar for her, but wowsa - I could FIND a pair of jammie pants and a jammie shirt that matched that night! You want her number now, don't you?

As a babysitter myself back in the day, I remember doing that type of thing - the unasked-for tidying. I clearly remember alighting from the bus with the little boy I watched every afternoon, heading inside to set him up at the table to do his homework then turning to the dishwasher. We had our adventures, but when we weren't tromping through the woods or reading in the living room, I felt like I had to keep myself busy.

There were limits. I would never have touched the parents' laundry; and if they'd asked I would have balked. Laundry is just too personal a job for someone who isn't being paid to do it, and for a teenaged babysitter to have to see the Dad's underwear there can be untold traumas!

But the kids' laundry is another issue. "Mary Poppins" says she won't iron the baby girl's socks as asked. She won't iron the kids' pajamas either because that's "stupid." I tend to agree with her on the order itself (but then again, I don't iron - that's what a spritz of water and a tumble in the dryer is for). But this is an issue that's related to the task at hand - it's part of taking care of the kids. Doesn't that make it part of her job?

What about picking up after the kids? She says she barely has time to get their dirty breakfast bowls in the sink because keeping up with three toddlers is hard. Yes, toddlers are hard to handle, but she picked babysitting. She told these parents she could handle the task. Now, apparently, she can't. So maybe the people she needs to go back the drawing board with the parents, and discuss what's expected and what she's comfortable doing. Or maybe she needs to find a new job, in a new career path.

I might not ask my babysitter to do much, but if she told me she flat out didn't think she had to do things that related directly to watch my kid, I'd be finding another sitter.

Image: MomLogic

A Chore Confession

Adrienne Martini — Sun, 10 Aug 2008 21:00:00 GMT

I'm not a domestic goddess. Most chores do nothing for me. Yes, I like to have a clean house but vacuuming just for the sake of vacuuming will never happen. Still, I get a secret little thrill from doing laundry -- and that's not just because I get to play with my husband's underthings, because, really, ew.

I have been known to lovingly stroke the new front-loaders at the home supply store. Sometimes, I drool and moan. I used to think I was alone in my secret laundry love.

But I'm not. Susiej knows what it is to love laundry -- so much so that she's come up with 13 environmentally friendly ways to make it even better. Like such a thing is possible.

So go and tumble some for me.

Photo credit.

Top 10 Best Household Chore Shortcuts

Rachael Brownell (Redsy) — Sun, 29 Jun 2008 13:47:00 GMT

Am I the only one who finds weekends far more exhausting than the M-F routine? Weekends often become the Great Chore Pile-On as we rush around catching up on all the things we didn't get done during the week. Forget about a day of rest, how about a day of less work?

Here are 10 household chore shortcuts that won't win you homemaker of the year, but will buy you more time to hang with your kids in the pool:

1. Floors - With the occasional sweep-up, even dusty old wood floors look okay from far enough away. Carpets are grand because unless they're white, you can run a little sweeper once every other week and be just fine. Better yet, just train your eyes away from the floor altogether. Pretty soon you won't mind at all.

2. Laundry - Laundry is tricky. You obviously need enough clothing for you and your little ones, but most of us have enough items kicking around that laundry can be ignored for quite awhile. In my house, we're embracing the beauty of the spot clean. If the laundry pile gets too high, just chuck the piles into the washer or dryer so at least you don't have to look at it.

3. Oven - If you don't have one of those self-cleaning types, why poison yourself and your loved ones with oven cleaner when a quick wipe out will usually do? If it starts smoking, time to start having more takeout.

4. Tubs & Showers - The beauty of tubs and showers is that they are usually hidden away from visiting guests. If necessary, you can run a quick cloth soaked in Windex around the worst spots and hope for the best.

5. Refrigerator - Now this is an appliance that needs to have a self-cleaning capability. I'll admit to washing ours out only every 6 months or so. The only shortcut I've found is dishsoap on some paper towels.

6. Family Car - Our car gets so grimy with crackers and spilled milk that it smells like a bucket full of week-old fish. We only vacuum it out when we see ants. I wish I were kidding, but I'm not. The upside is public transportation or walking looks awfully good by comparison.

7. Kids' Rooms - The nice thing about young kids is that they usually litter most in the public areas. On the off chance your kids' room is a cyclone depot for toys, you can always shove everything into the closet, in case of grandparents visiting or other guests.

8. Closets - You probably shouldn't clean these out ever, especially since this is the place you can stash your overflow from all the other rooms you aren't cleaning.

9. Basements & Garages - If you're in the suburbs or exurbs chances are you have one or the other of these monolithic monstrosities and they're full of crap a mile high. We had a garage sale a few weeks back and in some mystery of the material universe we actually appear to have more stuff covering every square inch now than before. The best plan here is to put everything in a pick-up and haul it to Goodwill or the like.

10. Windows - Dirty windows are a pane (har har!), but when you have kids, it's easy to blame the fingerprints on them anyway. Once a year, we hire this nice man to climb up a huge ladder and clean ours inside and out. So for at least two days a year, we can see the sky from our living room windows.

What chores do you skip or scrimp on?

5 Reasons Wives Do More Housework

Cole Gamble — Tue, 15 Apr 2008 13:00:00 GMT

A recent study found wives do seven times more housework than their husbands. As I write this post my wife is folding laundry, and I wonder, can this be true? Do wives really do more housework? Nah, crazy talk. Oh honey, while you are tackling that mound of freshly laundered clothes, could you grab my coffee mug? It’s sooooo far away.

Okay, okay who thinks this comes as a big surprise? It's a stereotype, a running joke, a real screw job for women, but I think I have some legitimate reasons why women do more around the house.

First, let me give you a little background. I am actually quite domesticated. I grew up in a house where the father cooked more than half the meals and definitely did his share of chores. It's funny, because I thought this was normal. I think many guys of my generation grew up under similar circumstances; homes where both parents work and so the men were needed to pitch in to a greater degree. So in an age of more enlightened men, why do women do more? Here are my theories:

Old Fashioned Sexism. Not until I met my in-laws did I discover some people really see a difference in “women's work” and “men's work.” Dishes, vacuuming, windows—my father-in-law won't touch them. The only kind of chores he'll consider are those masculine enough to present a potential for physical danger (i.e. changing lawn mower blades, knocking down a hornet's nest). I would suggest he wash all the knives in the house after having five or six whiskey sodas if he requires that Fear Factor element, but I don't think he would buy it.

Men simply have a different tolerance for disarray than women. I see it whenever my wife goes out of town. Am I disgusting when I am left to my own resources? Do I allow plant and animal life to flourish in pools of spilled orange juice on our counters? No, but I certainly don't do much in the way of housework but every other day (a thought that cause's my wife's throat to close up and sends her into coronary palpitations). Where am I saving time? Oh, I suppose one could start by not making the bed in the morning (I'm going to mess it up in fourteen hours anyway). Simple corner cutting practices like this streamline my life when I am on my own so I can literally drive to work still half asleep. When it comes to finer cleaning like water spots on the mirror or dust on the bookshelf, women might think men just don't give a damn. Not necessarily true, we are just unaware of it. When my wife says, “This place is a dump” I look around and see a perfectly ordered house with everything in its place. I literally can not see the squalor she sees. For a man to see the dust, it has to be within six inches of his nose, so unless he finds himself trapped under a collapsed bookcase, said bookcase will not see Mr. Pledge until the dust is as thick as a dictionary.

Women don't like how men do it. I mentioned my wife is folding laundry. Help was offered by me but Nicole declined it. She usually does, as did my step-mother when I was a kid, because both women can't stand how I fold laundry. I honestly don't know what I am doing wrong; there is some kind of perfect geometry to underwear folding I apparently can't get my head around.

Some chores have higher point values. My wife has zero interest in cleaning the cat box. Who does? So the job falls upon me and because of the sheer grossness factor of the chore we've agreed my turd sifting contribution is worth three of her preferred tasks.

Women just want to take care of us because they love us so much. Do I really mean this, or am I just baiting for comments?

Photo: www.theage.com

Dads Aren't Slacking, Are Getting Some

Kelly Mills — Mon, 10 Mar 2008 19:29:00 GMT

There has been a glut of "guys do housework, get laid" stories out lately, and some of them frankly sound like a bid to get laundry help. You know, men who do housework are hot, if women aren't tired they feel more in the mood, and so on. If it doesn't make you feel like a low-paid call girl, I suppose you could even work out some sort of direct exchange of chores for hummada hummada, but I doubt either party really wants to feel like there's an ulterior motive behind the acts of cleanliness and love.

No matter how you look at it though, a new report says guys are pitching in on housework and childcare more, and possibly getting laid for it. They cite that men's contributions to housework have doubled since the 60's, and pitching in on childcare has tripled since 1965. Great. Maybe now people will stop asking dads with kids in tow, "Oh, are you babysitting?" And if there's a happy ending (in every sense) to this more equitable division of labor, then three cheers for parents today.

Even More On Sex and Chores (and Chore Sex)

Kelly Mills — Thu, 14 Feb 2008 20:26:00 GMT

If there's a theme emerging on the Derby and in the rest of the news, it's that women want guys to do more in the way of housework, and doing the dishes or folding the laundry is essentially foreplay. There's even this article on the hotness of a man who knows how to wield an iron (some ladies made a "porn" book of photos of guys cleaning, hee hee). Now, I'm gonna bet that some guys already pick up the house without being told, maybe even as the neatnik in the family. But the bottom line is this: If you and your partner aren't necessarily compatible in the standard of cleanliness you require for sanity, the messier of the two is probably going to have to pitch in even when they don't want to, because that's part of being in a relationship. One person doing the lion's share is a recipe for trouble unless that's an agreement both are on board with.

That said, of course the same goes for sex. You have the clean(ish) house, it also seems fair to me that if one person has a stronger libido, the other person may need to do it even when they aren't begging for it themselves. After all, why should one person have to constantly tamp down their desire because the other one is rarely in the mood? Obviously there's extenuating circumstances (illness comes to mind) at times and maybe some work has to be done to make the experience more interesting for both parties. But either way, any natural incompatibility is probably going to necessitate compromise, and the solution probably can't be living in a pigsty and only having birthday sex, or giving in to the other person's requests for chores or sex with complaining or eye-rolling. Love is lots about giving, and not being an asshole about it.

If the idea of having sex makes one person resentful because they are tired from doing everything, or the notion of chores pisses someone off because they are treated to shabbily and never even get any, maybe it's time for someone to call truce. But if you are the clean one and the libidinous one, well, we'll find you some different porn.

Do We Do Too Much for our Kids?

Karen Murphy — Wed, 17 Oct 2007 12:33:00 GMT

I read Sandy Banks' article in the L.A. Times and had one thought: I'm screwed.

Everything she talks about, I'm doing. Everything. I am so screwed.

Here's the thing, and maybe you don't do this, I don't know. Maybe you haven't succumbed to the urge. What am I talking about? I'm talking about the urge some of us parents have to continue to do everything, all the cleaning, all the chores, all the everything, for our kids despite the fact that they've grown old enough to do some or all of that themselves. For whatever reason. In my house, it's for a number of reasons:

My kids are only at my house part-time, and I rationalize that they'd rather spend their limited time with me playing and having fun than swabbing toilets.
Playing on this, they complain and moan when I do ask them to do something.
Which causes me to avoid asking.
ad infinitum
Plus, it's easier to do it myself. Sometimes.

But Sandy points out, and rightly so, that we're actually doing a disservice to our kids when we do this. We're not teaching them useful life skills, and more importantly, kids need to see that "taking care of the house is a collective responsibility." She gives several good tips in making the transition, s butome of which make my eyelids curl involuntarily, but I think if I really tried I could get past them. (Something about "patience," whatever that is.)

Can't Get Your Kids to Clean? Hire a Robot

Karen Murphy — Fri, 12 Oct 2007 20:07:00 GMT

Though the excitement over ordering a robot to throw something in the trash may be short-lived, it's possible that iRobo, once it makes it into actual production, could change your life forever. I would totally invest in something that did all the cleaning up. Wouldn't you?

[via Engadget]

Strollerderby Playdate: Chores and Wars

Kelly Mills — Fri, 10 Aug 2007 11:02:00 GMT

People sometimes accuse blogs of covering only the most mundane stuff, like, "Then I went to the laundromat and I ran out of quarters" and of course, some of them are really like that. But power parent bloggers know there's funnies in the laundry. And the plumbing. And the power struggles over chores. Play with these folks and see.

White Trash Mom has a nine-year old's guide to blaming your sister for a mess.

Wiping Up Snot had plans for the splash park--and then got her own, right at home!

Adventures in Babywearing knows sometimes calling the yarn store constitutes an emergency.

The Queen of Shake-Shake uses laundry as an opportunity to teach her husband about the difference between boys and girls.

Three Kid Circus lives for grocery day.

Chore Wars: Online Chore Game Motivates

Karen Murphy — Tue, 24 Jul 2007 11:38:00 GMT

Getting kids to do chores can be, well, a chore. They might have good intentions but get sidetracked doing other things, fun things, ANY thing except the chore. It happens. Kids hate being told what to do. Don't you?

So there's a free new online game that lets families track who does what. Kids earn gold and character points for doing chores and for doing certain types of chores. Then they can compete online against monsters using the traits they've built by logging in the chores they do. I'm thinking this new game, Chore Wars, is a cross between Runescape and D&D, and gets your kids to do chores at the same time.

Of course, then you have the problem of too much time being spent online, but I figure it's a small price to pay for having the beds made and the cat box scooped.

[via Boing Boing]

"My Reward Board": The Chore Chart That Lives on Your Computer

Stefania Pomponi Butler (CityMama) — Sun, 25 Feb 2007 17:02:00 GMT

Kids doing chores. Quite frankly it's the moment I've been waiting for as a parent. I carried my kids around for nine months, birthed them, nursed them, and changed thousands of their diapers. I've been peed on, spit upon, and snotted upon, and now it's time for them to start giving something back.

My 2.5-year-old clears her dishes from the table (with help) and puts her dirty clothes in the hamper (with help). My 4.5-year-old does those things plus fetches the morning paper from the front porch, makes her bed, and helps to set the table.

That's why this cute virtual chore board caught my eye. So far my kids do their chores because they enjoy helping, but there might come a time when need a little extrinsic help to be intrinsically motivated. The Reward Board not only helps to manage chores but helps kids with goal setting, calendar skills, and money sense all while teaching them to be more responsible.

Now if I could only teach my kids to mix me a martini that'd be worth at least five stars.

Strollerderby : chores

Dad Calls Cops for Son's Messy Room

When Mommy Becomes Mom

Don't Give Me Your Tired, Your Stained

We're Not Judging You, Pinky Swear

Stay At Home Moms Worth $122,000

Are Chores Important? The Obamas Say Yes.

They Say: Teens WANT to Help Their Parents

Four Reasons Big Families Might Have it Better in This Economy

Is the Sitter Just There to Watch the Kids?

They Say: Kids Might Not Doom a Marriage

Your Kids' Good Manners Could be a Crimebuster

Is the Sitter Just There to Watch the Kids?

Pistol Packing Preschooler Shoots Babysitter

Family Sues Over What Kid Found in Hotel Room

What Could a Baby Really Do in Four Hours?

Smackdown: Party On Baby!

A Chore Confession

Top 10 Best Household Chore Shortcuts

5 Reasons Wives Do More Housework

Dads Aren't Slacking, Are Getting Some

Even More On Sex and Chores (and Chore Sex)

Do We Do Too Much for our Kids?

Can't Get Your Kids to Clean? Hire a Robot

Strollerderby Playdate: Chores and Wars

Chore Wars: Online Chore Game Motivates

"My Reward Board": The Chore Chart That Lives on Your Computer