Strollerderby : christina aguilera

I was super excited when I saw the feature Celebrity Birthing Footprints over on the eco-fashion website Sprig. All the recent big-name baby producers are represented in their slideshow (as well as a few smaller ones -- hey, Ethan Hawke's lady just gave birth). And there's nothing I love more than taking down environmentally self-righteous celebs, whose carbon/trash/consumer footprints alone are waaaaaaaaay huger than an entire new housing development's silly Hummer-driving, McMansion-erecting, meat-eating suburbanites.

Alas, the piece disappoints. First, none of these celebrities is doing anything more than the rest of us to go green -- even superficially. Second, the little project is inconsistent -- there's no rubric for how they're determining letter grades.

Plus, I think I uncovered this dirty little secret: they're dinging celebrities who got c-sections! (I mean, maybe c-sections are melting polar icecaps, but then they need to point that out.)

Summary:

A's went out to Jessica Alba, Jack Black and Soleil Moon-Frye. Oddly, Jack Black gets the A for saying if he were president, each car in the country would have a solar panel on the roof. (Wow! So engaged!)

Know who gets a C? Tori Spelling, whom they congratulate for using cloth diapers. But she had a c-section, so I suppose she's lucky she didn't flunk.

Other C's, a D and a D- go out to Jamie Lynn Spears, Christina Aguilera, Jennifer Lopez and Angelina Jolie (who's international birthing needs cancel out any recycling and Prius-driving they may do around the Chateau). Anyway, you tell me, what do these baby-makers have in common? That's right: surgical birth.

My conspiracy theory unravels with Nicole Ritchie. She earned a C+, but from what I can find online, she gave birth vaginally. So why the low grade? Toxic oversized sunglasses?

Here's what I would have liked to see: more talk about these very rich people committing to smaller homes, smaller cars, less air travel (please stop going to Vegas for the weekend, Christina), lower water use, lower consumption overall (for God's sake, rewear something once in a while). And, yes, maybe solar panels as far as the eye can see (though not on the roof of the car. Do you know what that would do to the gas mileage?)

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Photo: Sprig.com

Xtina and Max Rock the Vote

Brett Singer — Mon, 14 Jul 2008 21:04:00 GMT

Remember Rock the Vote? How it was supposed to be a game-changer, bringing all these young people to the polls? And then George W. Bush got elected two times in a row?

Well, that hasn't stopped celebrities from using their fame to get us to the polls. Christina Aguilera literally wraps her son Max in the American flag and sings about those Purple Mountains Majesty.

I'm a big fan of voting, and I agree with Rock The Vote's mission. I just wonder how much it really does. I mean, is someone going to say, "Well, Xtina told me I should Rock The Vote. Well, dammit, I'm going to!"?

I guess every little bit helps. Here's the video. It's way better than Puffy's "Vote or Die" campaign.

image: RockTheVote

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From TMZ: Hooker Moms

Brett Singer — Thu, 19 Jun 2008 20:00:00 GMT

I'm not a celebrity gossip news obsessive but I like the occasional BritneyAngelinaAmericanIdolPamAnderson Whatever story as much as the next red-blooded American. (Anyone who doesn't is, naturally, a communist. So now you know.) But we've come a long way from the days of Walter Winchell, or even Liz Smith.

TMZ posted a photo gallery called "Hooker Moms." When I saw the title, I actually thought it was, you know, moms who are now or at one time were prostitutes, or maybe strippers or porn stars or something else from the sex trade. In fact, it's just a bunch of mamacitas wearing outfits ranging from slightly unfortunate to seriously slutty.

Now here's the thing: would you really want to be on a list called "Hooker Moms"? Do you really want your kids to see something like that? In Pamela Anderson's case, she's going to have a lot of 'splaining to do once her boys find out about her most famous movie role (her kids are teenagers so they probably already know.) Even so, who needs this type of thing? Is it just the price they pay for being famous and suckling at the teat of notoriety? (There's a sentence for you.) Can TMZ and their ilk ever cross a line and go too far? "Poshtitute Spice?" Are there places even they won't go? Or is it all just harmless fun?

image: TMZ

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Before and after baby pics from TMZ

Brett Singer — Thu, 19 Jun 2008 01:33:00 GMT

TMZ has a gallery of before and after pregnancy photos of various celebrities; I won't list the names because in our gossip-fueled media, you probably know who they all are.

Whenever I see something like this I think of an interview that Ricki Lake did with David Letterman a few years back. Ricki was talking about how much weight she had lost, and said something to Dave about how it was difficult but worth it (or something like that, I can't find a clip.) Letterman, in his low-key midwestern way, said something very memorable: "when you make the kind of money we do, it's a lot easier to stay in shape."

I'm paraphrasing but the point is that a person of means can hire a trainer, a chef, or whatever they need if they require help in shedding extra pounds. Most people, however, can't. When I see "look how thing she is" stories, I'm always curious who the trainer is. This isn't to say that someone who isn't flush with moolah can't lose weight. It's just nice when they acknowledge that they have help.

Of course, some of the women did better than others in the weight-loss department. But blaming all the weight gain on the baby, especially in the case of Britney (y'all!) seems kind of unfair. Sure, it's tough to get back to pre-baby weight, but it's even tougher when all you do is eat corn dogs all day (y'all).

As for the others: Julianna Margulies doesn't look much different. Melissa Joan Hart looks like a real parent – tired. Nicole Ritchie appears to be at a normal weight when pregnant as opposed to her skin and bones thing. And based on this photo, Christina Aguilera seems to have gained weight only in her chest. Check 'em out for yourself if you like that kind of thing.

image: TMZ

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Christina Aguilera’s Parenting Tips

Hannah Tennant-Moore — Thu, 05 Jun 2008 23:30:00 GMT

Just because you have a newborn doesn’t mean you can’t have a life. Take it from 27-year-old Christina Aguilera, who recently told Access Hollywood, “If I want to go out and have a mommy-daddy night with my husband, I am more than allowed to do that.” And if that night out involves staying out till four a.m. at a Las Vegas club, she is not going to have any of that new motherhood guilt thrown in her face. Aguilera went on to point out that she sees her five-month-old son during the day. How much time can any two people spend together without like, totally, getting on each other’s nerves?

And if Mommy wants to brag to the world about her new E-cup bra and about how damn “sexy” motherhood makes her feel, well, that is also Mommy’s prerogative. And if Mommy wants to decorate her son’s Bris with blow-up penis balloons, that is her decorative right! Aguilera is a grown woman, and she won’t be pushed around.

All kidding aside, the penis balloons sound pretty sweet.

Photo by: Noel Vasquez / Getty

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Whit Honea — Fri, 23 May 2008 20:00:00 GMT

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Top 5 Worst Diva Moms

Rachael Brownell (Redsy) — Tue, 19 Feb 2008 23:28:00 GMT

The top 5 worst diva moms of all time are easy to spot (the special lotions, 800 nannies, and private birthing suites give them away). Perhaps the best known diva-mom-in-training is Jennifer Lopez, whose birth preparations are unparallelled.

Ms. Lopez reportedly has a special suite prepared for her twin delivery that no staff person is allowed to step inside (Diva in a Bubble, anyone??) until she, er, her twins arrive. Imagine the fun of being one of her ~~servants~~ birth attendants.

The other worst divas of all time after the jump....

2. Heidi Klum -- With a nanny to child ratio of 2:1 it's amazing she can muster the energy to shop.

3. Teri Hatcher -- Because anyone who ~~loves~~ hogs the camera this much and dresses her daughter 10 years too mature needs serious help.

4. Catherine Zeta Jones - It's the sturgeon roe and the surgery, stupid.

5. XTina -- Even with all the money in the world, there's no justifying very bad manners.

Now. Who did we leave off? And what about those fussy n' fancy fathers??

JLo, Do You Need Better Baby Names?

Kelly Mills — Tue, 05 Feb 2008 16:31:00 GMT

I guess Jennifer Lopez and Marc Anthony's baby name choices got leaked, and a baby name book author takes them to task for their choices (they are having twins, which you probably know unless you abstain from all celeb news, and if so, stop reading right now and maintain your vows, cheater.) I could've told JLo that the minute you tell the wrong person your choice they say something like, "Oh no, not Lucius, a kid named that used to steal my lunch money in grade school!" Or other peeps just get pursed lips and say, "Oh, how...lovely." In this case, the flack is because the chosen monikers don't fit the proper career trajectory.

See, JLo and MA are going with Max and Emme, and Xtina Aguilera already got Max (name-stealing is another problem) while Emme is almost as common as, well, Jennifer was a while back. So the baby namer thinks the celeb couple should go with something more befitting a celebrity, like Rufus and Octavia or Tango and Cadenza. (Not Tango and Cash? Ahem.) I think she's missing something here though: By choosing not-unusual names, JLo-MA are actually breaking ground amongst celebs, and perhaps igniting a trend of giving children common names. It's so ordinary it's different! Perhaps Gwyneth will be racing off to change Apple's name to Anne any minute now, and Suri will be known as Susie.

Christina Aguilera Has Baby--And Jennifer Block Preaches C-Sections

Kelly Mills — Sat, 12 Jan 2008 13:57:00 GMT

Yesterday was the date the mags and rags told us one Christina to the Aguilera had her baby, possibly by scheduled cesarean section. Jennifer Block wrote our fair lady an open letter on HuffPo before the blessed event, opening with the statement that it is every woman's choice how she does her birth. Buuuut c-sections are so much more dangerous for mom and baby, have a longer recovery time, and are more painful. She notes that if Xtina is going non-hoo hoo birth for cosmetic reasons, she should know about the belly skin overhang that is the aftermath of the "C". Block tells Xtina that since she has all the money and resources at her disposal, perhaps she could consider a home birth, an option not even available to most women. She stops short at mentioning the possibility a vaginal birth can make you orgasm. And now I'm actually feeling bad for Xtina.

See, I get why people don't want births to be so medicalized, and I do believe home births should be legal and I'm fully supportive of however anyone wants to get the little bundle to emerge. But damn, leaving aside the fact that we have no real idea what Xtina did, if she wanted or needed a c-section, then I say leave her the hell alone. I mean, if she had some medical reason for the "C" would anyone decent then launch into the litany of how much more dangerous it is than vaginal birth? Naw, the assumption is that she's doing to avoid birth pain (as reported) or for vanity or convenience. Well, so what? It's her life, her baby. Just because she's famous, doesn't mean she has to be earth mama for us all, resources at her disposal or not. I have to tell you that at times, some folks in the natural home birth camp bug the hell out of me with all the preaching. For some people birth is better at home, and for others, an epidural and a doc are a better fit, and for still others, a c-section is going to be the way to go, and even an imperative. I guess I think it doesn't matter as much how the babies come out, and more that everyone gets support and non-judge-y love.

More On the Annoying Hot Pregnant Celebrity Thing From Maxim

Kelly Mills — Fri, 30 Nov 2007 15:04:00 GMT

When I covered Xtina's nude-knocked-up pics, I totally neglected to dicover that Maxim has a slideshow of the hottest pregnant women. It is, of course, not very interesting choice-wise. Maxim is generally boringly celebrity A-list fawn-y, only Monica Belluci is a good selection, and if you're gonna do it, uh, how can you leave out Gabby Reece? But leaving aside the merits of the Maxim slideshow selection process, I just feel even more annoyed with the pregnant-hot thing. There's the tagline: "When you're Christina Aguilera, you can pull off swollen ankles." Wow guys, thanks for your generosity in still finding your favorite pinups sexy even when they are with child. Oh, or Halle Berry's bit: "Descriptions like 'over 40' and 'with child' aren´t usually things we associate with looking hot, but Halle pulls off both better than anyone we´ve seen." Hmmm, why is this "we'd still do you knocked up" thing feeling just this side of condescending?

Maybe it's also lines like this when talking about Naomi Watts: "Naomi has always been hot, but a little on the scrawny side for our tastes. Once she got pregnant, she carried that baby weight in all the right places (boobs)." Look, as I said before, I'm already irked that now women have an unrealistic, airbrushed standard of pregnant beauty to try and emulate now, and so with this oogling maybe I'm getting het up over what's just a wider objectification net. Like, "Really? You guys would still beat off to these celebrities even though they have a bun in the oven? What sweethearts." It chafes, oh yes it does. This kind of ushering in of the full-bellied red carpet queens to 'sex-symbol' status feels about as comfortable as the maternity up-to-the-boobs underwear.

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Rachael Brownell (Redsy) — Mon, 20 Aug 2007 19:02:00 GMT

This post by Whit.

Damn! Xtina has yet to officially announce her pregnancy, but I would say the proof is in the pudding, or melons, as the case may be. Either Aguilera is getting along in her pregnancy, or she has found the world's greatest bra. If the latter is the case, where did she get it, and do they sell men's underwear there?

Seriously though, look at her clothes, and how taut they are. It's like her chest is turning into the Hulk. Except in this case we will like it when she's angry.

Oh yeah, her husband is also in the picture. Jordan something or other.

Other fun at Famecrawler today:

Trucker hat anyone?
Wonder Years star's breast milk confession
The sight that makes everyone (EVERYONE!) cry

Photo: GabSmash

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