Strollerderby : coming out

Is Mandy Moore Being a Homophobe or a Normal Daughter?

JeanneSager — Mon, 27 Oct 2008 13:59:00 GMT

Divorce is ranked as one of the highest stressors on the family unit, so it's no surprise actress Mandy Moore was upset when her parents' marriage broke up. But now internet reports put the blame on Stacy Moore's decision to leave Don Moore for another woman. Does that really change the way a kid is going to feel when her parents separate?

The twenty-four-year-old actress is reportedly threatening to boycott her own brother's wedding if their mother shows (with or without her new girlfriend). A report in the Star says Mandy "always believed that her mom and dad were happy and that her mom was straight. Now she has no idea what to believe and feels as if she’s been lied to her entire life."

Taking this all with a grain of salt (it is the Star after all), I have to admit I feel bad for Mandy. Studies have shown that whether you're four, fourteen or twenty-four, watching the two people who created you fall apart is jarring - at least in the short term. Although researchers have largely discounted the theory that children of divorced families suffer major long term affects, the immediate feelings have been likened to the emotions we deal with when someone dies. Children feel abandoned when their parents divorce. They feel rejected. That their parents may finally be feeling free and happy - for the first time, perhaps, in their whole life - isn't something kids can look at in the short term.

Kids whose parents have been living life as a heterosexual and suddenly come out of the closet often feel that rejection tenfold. They question how long that parent has been aware of his or her sexuality and whether their conception was the result of a sexual relationship that one parent truly hated. They ponder whether they would have been born if their mom or dad followed their projected path from the get go.

I'm not advocating gay parents remain in the closet by any means. They have the same right to be happy as a straight parent who files for divorce. Part of parenting requires putting a piece of yourself before your kids if only to serve as an example for them of how to live. Coming out allows gay parents say to their kids, "I walk the walk, now listen to me when I tell you to be true to yourself."

Is it unfair to expect sons and daughters like Mandy to put gay rights on the table when they're watching their parents' marriage fall apart? Or do her supposed statements make her out to be a homophobe?

Image: PopCrunch.com

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Clay Aiken Comes Out

Brett Singer — Wed, 24 Sep 2008 01:18:00 GMT

It's official – Clay Aiken is a gay dad.

In news that surprises absolutely no one, the AP is reporting that yes, Virginia (or is that Mary?) Clay Aiken is a gay man. Claymates everywhere are in tears.

The story highlights from CNN?

· "American Idol" runner-up and infant son are on new People cover
· "I cannot raise a child to lie or hide things," Aiken says
· Aiken made his debut on Broadway in "Spamalot"

So. The first two, OK. On the cover of People, interesting (especially since it was previously reported that no one wanted that picture because it was too "creepy"). Can't lie while raising a child, yes, right, newsworthy quote. And…he was on Broadway. This is relevant because…?

UPDATE: Famecrawler has the People Mag cover which features the headline, "Yes, I'm Gay." Pulitzer material, methinks.

Source/image: CNN

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If They Could Turn Back Time: Cher and Chastity to Host Coming Out Reality Show

Erin White — Fri, 28 Dec 2007 17:13:00 GMT

It's what ever mother dreams of from the moment the sonogram technician points to that blurry little vajayjay on the monitor: the chance to host a mother-daughter reality show. I mean, come on-- who among us hasn't imagined transforming our own homespun drama and tears into 30 minutes of entertainment for the masses?

Well, until you figure out a way to turn you and your 3 year-old's heart-wrenching struggle with getting her buckled into a car seat while she's wearing her Belle dress and her winter coat into something we all want to watch, the networks will be duking it out over who gets to air "Coming Out With Cher and Chas."

The premise for the show is that these two experts on healthy and loving responses to a child's pronouncement of sexual identity (Cher infamously threw things at Chastity when she told her she was a lesbian, then insisted she get psychological help to "cure" her of the problem) will, before a live studio audience, act as "Celebrity Counselors" for people who want to come out to their families.

So then this is my question: just how many gay boys who have been out since the 7th grade are going to testify to a life in the closet just for the chance to bury a weepy face in Cher's silky black tresses? I hate to admit it, but I'm going to be tuning in to find out.

Gay Kids May be Finding it Easier to Come Out These Days

Karen Murphy — Tue, 03 Apr 2007 11:56:00 GMT

When my older son was about three, he took to wearing an old skirt of his big sister's (she was about 15 then). At first it was just around the house, but eventually he insisted, as three-year-olds do about a whole host of things, to be allowed to wear it when and where he pleased. At that point I was used to putting barrettes in his hair and seeing him carry around an old purse (he made quite a striking figure in a very boyish polo shirt, a raggedy black pleated knit skirt, sparkly barrettes, and the purse). It was capped off when his dad bought him, for his fourth birthday, a pair of pink plastic high heeled shoes. Nathaniel refers to that time as "when he was a girl" and in fact most people did take him for a girl for at least a year, complimenting me on my "lovely daughters" after his little sister was born.

Now, I know enough to know that gender issues have nothing necessarily to do with being gay, but my son's preferences during that time did bring a question to the forefront, which was, "What if my son is gay?" My conclusion? "No problem." I knew I would be able to accept my son for who he was, whoever that turned out to be. Well, I hoped I would, of course, not really knowing how I would be in reality, because how can you know your reaction to anything in advance? But I hope I will be open to it when and if it comes up in his life. Or his sister's. Or his little brother's, for that matter.

It's not so easy in many families. There are expectations, misunderstandings, long-held beliefs, a whole host of things that all could make a kid's coming-out as gay one of the most difficult, painful, and stressful times of his (or her) life as well as the family's. Apparently, though, the climate is changing somewhat according to this New York Times article which tells the poignant story of Zach O'Connor and his family. Zach came out to his parents at the age of 13, much younger than what was previously the norm, at the same time escaping the years of angst that often have preceded such an announcement. Apparently this is a trend fueled in part by increasing social visibility through the Internet and TV shows like "Will and Grace." In addition, there is a burgeoning number of support groups and social groups in many communities and schools to help these kids connect and understand.

I think that this trend toward acceptance can only be a good thing. I went to high school with a couple of boys who came out afterward, and I can only imagine how difficult it must have been for them in high school. It's wonderful that Zach's parents are as accepting as they are of him, and I hope that this truly is a trend for the future.