Do Your Kids Need a Coach?

Jen Chaney — Mon, 07 Apr 2008 16:02:00 GMT

Apparently more and more of us are willing to pay $75 and up to have someone tell us how to raise our kids.

This Newsweek item, which comes a few weeks after this story ran in The Washington Post, notes that parent coaches have become more common, as moms and dads often seek outside counsel on how to handle child-rearing dilemmas. Why is this becoming a trend? Among other reasons, because many families don't live near relatives and can't call on them for help. Or because, as one mom says, friends are so competitive about parenting that they can't turn to each other for objective advice.

There's also another factor, which the Post piece alludes to but the Newsweek one glosses over: It's because parents are so busy. If you have two full-time working parents and multiple children, then you don't have time to do the research required to figure out how to get Dylan to eat his green beans. It's easier to throw some green money at someone and have them solve the problem for you.

Am I sounding like Queen Negative, Her Royal Highness of Cynicism? Maybe it's because I'm a little skeptical of the whole coach concept. Whenever someone says he has a life coach, I always picture him being followed around by some guy who keeps yelling, "Live! Live! Live! Rah! Rah! Rah!" I know, I know, life coaches and parent coaches can be invaluable, as worthwhile as a good therapist. Stil, It's hard for me not to wonder why we have invented these professions when, a decade ago, they didn't need to exist.

Our parents raised us without calling in any consultants. And we Gen Xers turned out okay, didn't we?

On the other hand, I understand the mom in the Post article who sought a professional to help her son, who suffers from acid reflux, sleep for longer than two hours. In those situations, sometimes you really do need someone other than the pediatrician, your best friend or your mother-in-law to put you on the right path. It's a question of knowing when you need the help and when you're just being lazy.

Anna Kuchment, the author of the Newsweek piece, said she had a great experience with a parent coach. The "small amount of validation made the visit worthwhile," she says. She also notes that the "supernanny" outlined a detailed plan designed to prevent her daughter from having temper tantrums when Dad wants to put her to bed instead of Mom. But, Kuchment says, she has "yet to muster the courage to try this."

And there's yet another problem: If you can't get up the gumption to do what Coach says, seems like you're destined to lose the game. Or at least $75.

Hello. I Love You. Won't You Tell Me What To Name My Child?

makeitadouble — Thu, 29 Nov 2007 20:08:00 GMT

There is a recent ~~scam~~ movement affecting the agonizing plight of parents as they struggle to find the perfect name for their bundle of joy and it is the use of Baby Name Consultants. These ~~crooks~~ consultants sometimes charge overwhelmed parents up to $450 to tell them whether the names they have chosen are too hot, too cold, too hard, too lumpy or just right.

Well, put those check books away and cancel that $300 half-hour call to that Numerologist you found on Craigslist because I am about to provide you with the down-to-earth honest answers those so-called professional consultants never would for the low low price of FREE!

After conferring with my fellow authors, baby-namers, and Kenny Rogers enthusiasts here at Strollerderby I have assembled a simple checklist that will hopefully provide you with the guidance you need to bestow upon your child a fitting name that will not result in a lifetime of ridicule, playground ass-whoopins’or of repeating lines like “No, it’s with two Z’s and a Q. Yes a Q. It’s a silent Q.”

Amy wants parents to just stop it with the "ayden" names. Just. Stop. It. Brayden, Cayden Hayden...the trend is OVAH.
Amy also offers the legal angle by suggesting use of the Supreme Court Justice test. “Supreme Court Justice Apple Martin just doesn’t sound right.”
Put your hands together for another suggestion from Amy called The Stripper Test “If you could picture your child's name being used by a stripper of either gender it’s back to the drawing board.”
Karen reminds you to make sure a child's name can’t be adapted to sound like a bodily function. (See Carter, Martin, Missy, Grommet, Sydney Stone) Also check what your kid's initials spell “It was too late when I realized my youngest’s name spells EWW.”
Please Please Please, implores Karen and Madeline splashing Holy Water at a passing school bus, take Kaitlyn away and all her evil incarnations.
Kelly decries lunch and mythology by insisting you do not name your child after a sandwich or a Greek hero who fucked his/her parent to which Karen added “Isn't a Greek hero also a sandwich” Yes it is Karen so don’t name your child Gyro.
Rhyming is also a no-no says Kelly so do not give them a name that rhymes with your last name. (See Nathan Gathen)
From inside her Hazmat suit Redsy reminded us never to name a child after a major illness or nerve gas “Seriously, I met a girl named Sarin once.” (see also Soman and Tabun)
Jessica discounts vitamin C, swatches and sports figures in one breath, “Fuck the fruit, fabric and professional athlete names” (See Pomegranate, Naugahyde, and Vick)
Make a choice advises Madeline. You only get one fashionable name per child. So, no Emma Ava or Jack Brody or Kaitlyn/Katelyn/Kaytlen Taylor (See number 5)
Jim Henson be damned but don’t name your child after famous TV Puppets (See Alf, Kermit and George W. Bush)
Germaphobes beware, kids should never named after a cleaning product (see Pinesol, Mrclean, and Fantastik)
Globally responsible Peace Corp types need not apply, never use a third world country as a name (see Seychelles, Burkina Faso and Canada)
We know you loved The Matrix Trilogy but avoid naming your baby after a city from a science fiction movie (see Zion)
You love Sportscenter, that’s fine but don’t select a television network as a name (See Espn, Spice, Lifetime)
Into Gadgets? Cool. Your child is not a gadget. No technology inspired names (see iPhone, Dot Matrix, Blakberri)
Show no emotion when it comes to naming (see Hatred, Apathy, Happiness)
Hey wasn’t the album “…And Justice For All” awesome? Maybe we should name the baby after the band? Maybe you shouldn’t. No Rock Bands (see Metallica, Megadeth, Nirvana)
Shhhh…What’s that sound? Oh we were just calling our son for dinner. No Onomatopoeias (see Buzz, Whack, Crash, Meow, Neigh, Vroom)
I’d like to buy a vowel and some commonsense Pat? Avoid phonetic spellings of popular names, adding superfluous letters just for shits and giggles or mashing together two names to make one. (See Dylon Micheal, Bretlyn)
Unless you are feminie hygiene product, a candle manufacturer or a crayon rethink using descriptions of nature for a name (see Summer Sky, Autumn Night, Winter Snow, Forest Green, Summer’s Eve)

Hopefully this list will be helpful to you as you are deciding on a name for your baby, but if it for some reason only complicates matters perhaps you should just give up trying and name the child a symbol or maybe the Child Formerly known as Autumn Sullivan Corbett Fitzsimmons Jeffries Hart Burns Johnson Willard Dempsey Tunney Schmeling Sharkey Carnera Baer Braddock Louis Charles Walcott Marciano Patterson Johansson Liston Clay Frazier Foreman Brown.

Strollerderby : consultants

Do Your Kids Need a Coach?

Hello. I Love You. Won't You Tell Me What To Name My Child?