Strollerderby : creepy

The Miracle of Mannequin Childbirth - Creepy or Funny

Cole Gamble — Thu, 09 Apr 2009 16:00:00 GMT

As I wrote this post, watching this video repeatedly, I wondered, “Is this NSFW?” I mean it’s graphic, if you’re a mannequin. I’m so confused. Perhaps together you and I can make sense of this. Please share this with me and help me to understand.

Some Thoughts:

As these Nazis kept forcing the same baby through this poor mannequin’s vagina I screamed at the computer monitor, “Please no more! Can’t you see she’s had enough?!”

Is this video suggesting birth would be easier if we sawed the legs and everything above the waist of a woman? If so, my wife is so not going for that.

I hope to Jehovah these aren’t available to sell for personal use. I never want to find one of these in my son’s closet.

It’s really strange that there’s no sound. Is that to block out the all the disembodied mannequin torso screaming?

I wonder if this video has a blooper reel. You think on one of the takes Gary Coleman’s face popped out? You know that guy needs work.

Finally, I came to peace with this video, recognizing it for the beautiful, natural moment it is.

Realted Link: Why Are People So Afraid Of Childbirth?

More by this Author:

5 Lies Women Tell Each Other About Pregnancy

Child Raised Worse Than an Animal Gets Happy Ending

My Wife Says: 10 Reasons to Get Plastic Surgery after the Baby - Part 2

10 Things I Learned about Poop from My Son

Musical SpongeBob Rectal Thermometer. Fun for Your Kid’s Butt?

The Most Awesomely Epic High School English Paper of All Time

Musical SpongeBob Rectal Thermometer. Fun for Your Kid’s Butt?

Cole Gamble — Wed, 25 Mar 2009 04:30:00 GMT

Children do not like having rods shoved up their bumholes—especially when they are sick. For that matter, no human likes having rods shoved up their butts. So what’s a caring parent to do? Buy one of those convenient ear thermometers? Hell no! What you do is make the rectal temperature taking process more fun with your child’s most beloved cartoon character.

And so we come to the Musical SpongeBob Rectal Thermometer.

My mind has exploded. I really don’t know where to begin. I guess I’ll start with, is it truly fun to have SpongeBob up in there? How does SpongeBob feel about it? Who at Nickelodeon okayed this product?

And then we have the music. I must say the thought of SpongeBob singing jauntily deep into my bum is one of the creepiest things I’ve ever confronted.

Somebody please buy this product and write up a review. I 100% guarantee to post it.

My Wife Says: 10 Reasons to Get Plastic Surgery after the Baby

10 Things They Don’t Tell You about Parenting

The 12 Do’s and Don’ts of Throwing Your Kid’s Birthday Party

Things You Should Never Say at a Chuck E Cheese Birthday Party

Four Creepiest Animals Turned Adorable Kids Characters

JeanneSager — Tue, 24 Mar 2009 16:05:00 GMT

Just the thought of the scene when the rats converge in the kitchen in Disney's Ratatouille gives me the willies. They're (shudder) rats. Uggggh.

Becoming a parent, I quickly learned, was setting myself up for dozens of movies/tv shows featuring the world's creepiest animals thrown onto a screen in the attempts to make kids think they're just as cute and cuddly as your average puppy.

Who are they trying to kid? Rats, spiders and cuddly tigers? Oh my.

Remy in Ratatouille: He can read! He can cook! Gotcha - but he's still a rat. And rats don't belong indoors, not to mention in a restaurant kitchen mixing up French delicacies. Since this comes from the folks at Disney, I can't help but ask, did they take a look in their archives? I hold the rat scene from Lady and the Tramp wholly responsible for my residual rodent revulsion.

Charlotte in Charlotte's Web: Another reader, with a talent for writing, Charlotte is the true hero of the movie and E. B. White's book that bear her name. She's still a spider! With big buggy eyes and larger-than-life chompers. And did anyone catch the tail end of the Dakota Fanning version, with the egg sack full of thousands of little spiders just waiting to scuttle off and settle in the corners? See Also: Miss Spider's Sunny Patch Friends.

Alvin, Simon and Theadore in Alvin and the Chipmunks: I will always remember the day a contractor left a door open at my parents house and a chipmunk snuck in. Total. . . and complete . . . pandemonium. Followed by plenty of cleaning up of little pellets of poop in my bedroom. Ewww. Another member of the rodent family, chipmunks carry disease and are best-known for storing their food in their cheeks so long they come close to bursting, followed closely by their "chirpy" chipmunk calls. Ever said, "say it, don't spray it," when your kid spoke with a full mouth? Try telling that to a chipmunk . . . or to the three singing sweethearts who hanker for hula hoops? That Dave lets these little guys live in his house and eat of his cereal bowls is giving me flashbacks. . . to poop cleaning.

Oswald: With the disarming voice of a Savage brother, how could anyone dislike the bright blue resident of Big City who tips his bowler to everyone he meets? Maybe the fact that octupi have been known to kill sharks, detach one of their eight legs to escape predators and shoot bright clouds of ink at anyone who gets in their way? Fish may be friends, not food, but the octupus is not the friendliest member of the ocean community.

Images: Disney, Flixster, Amazon, Parent Previews

Bart Simpson-Scientologist

Brett Singer — Sun, 01 Feb 2009 21:00:00 GMT

Telemarketing is annoying. Robocalls, telemarketing via robot, even more so. But a robocall that promotes a cult using the voice of a cartoon character popular with kids?

Very very bad.

Nancy Cartwright is the voice of Bart Simpson. She is also a Scientologist who reportedly gave more than $10 million to the religion/cult in 2007. (Wow. Voice acting pays better than I thought.) If she wants to give her money to an organization that promises to rid her body of aliens (or whatever it is that Scientologists believe), that's her right.

Nancy, however, wants more people to realize the benefits of Dianetics and giving your money away. Listen to this:

First I have to say that I have no idea what the hell she is talking about (man). "I'm now auditing on new OT VII." "OT" doesn't mean "occupation therapy"; it stands for "Operating Thetan." Which is "a spiritual state above Clear." Which means... you know what? I'm going to stop there because I don't even want to know. This stuff makes my brain hurt.

Why even write about this? Because it annoys me that Cartwright is using a character that kids might identify with to promote this nonsense. Personally, I think Scientology is a cult. But even if you give them the benefit of the doubt and call it a religion, it's still wrong. Obviously she thinks that using Bart's voice on the call is the equivalent of a kid running for student council president putting "Free Beer! Now That I Have Your Attention..." on her posters. (Which I think was something Homer did in a Simpsons episode.) Who is likely to be intrigued by hearing that voice? A kid who likes The Simpsons, right? "Hey dad! I just heard that the lady who does Bart Simpson's voice is going to be appearing someplace. Something about aliens. Sounds cool. Can we go?"

Is this line of thinking overwrought? Maybe. But Fox disavowed the call, so they clearly saw something wrong with it. I don't know if they can do anything to Cartwright; she didn't release a video with Bart's image or something else that was obviously a copyright violation. I hope that somebody sits Nancy down and explains to her that she's entitled to believe whatever she wants, but when she starts using Bart's voice to convince other people to believe in the same thing, she may find out that there are a lot of actors who can do a damn fine Bart Simpson impression.

(For lots of reasons why people think Scientology is not only creepy but dangerous, check out this site.)

Source: Gawker , Village Voice

Image: The Sun

Wife Set Husband's Genitals On Fire, Charged With Murder, Endangering Life

Baby Bikini and Pregnant Man Top 2008 Weird News List

Kids Explain How Babies Are Made

VIDEO: O'Reilly Upset About Two Year Old Bashing Bush

Bizarro News: Flaming Squirrel Sets Elementary School on Fire

Silent Fright: 9 Creepy and Unsettling Christmas Commercials

Cole Gamble — Fri, 12 Dec 2008 17:30:00 GMT

#1 Ronald McDonald Plays with Children

If you wern't afraid of clowns before, now's the time to start.

#2 Vern Fonk Insurance Happy Holidays

Merry Christmas, from Satan

#3 Go Jesus

I don't know. I kind of like Bust a Move Jesus. You think our Lord and Savior can't shake his ass? Sinner!

#4 Mom is Santa

When you discover mom is a dominatrix, you've actually discovered two things. Dad's the gimp.

#5 A Very Scary Christmas

Do you think Freddy and Jason get into a fight over who gets to carve the ham?

#6 Santa Takes a Dump

Can Santa sue for defamation of character?

#7 Christmas Morning Meltdown

To be fair, that's how I reacted last Christmas when I got the diamond-studded Hummer 2 instead of the diamond-studdied Hummer 3 I asked for.

#8 Mistletoe Surprise

Thanks, Canadian company I can't remember. You runied Christmas with dog's nards. Congrats!

#9 The Dancing, Stripping Christmas Present

This guy wants to show us his package. Badly.

More by this author:

A Guy’s Take on Stay at Home Moms and Dads (Part 1: The Cons)

Banana Dildos and the 10 Worst Toys and Gifts This Christmas (part 1)

Skinny Jeans for Little Boys?

Desert Island Disks – Kid Music Edition

Gangsta’ Muppets: 12 of the Best Kids Show/Rap Mash-Ups

The Worst Baby Products Ever (Part I)

10 Things You May Not Know About Pregnancy (and might shock you)

The 26 Most Disturbing Kids Movies Ever

More Bad Halloween Costumes for Kids

Brett Singer — Wed, 29 Oct 2008 15:00:00 GMT

Shine has a list of some of the worst kiddie costumes. Mike covered a lot of these in his brilliant post The Return of the Halloween Baby Slut Costumes. (Sample: "Would anyone ever sell a Chippendale outfit for young boys? Would a parent ever buy one?") But there are a few more in the Shine list that are worthy of attention, and I found a couple of others I wanted to share.

Baby Whoopie Cushion Costume

I have to admit, I think this is hilarious. I mean, I wouldn't put this costume on my child. But it's a funny picture. The only way that a parent could get away with something like this is if they were some sort of a lovable doofus – think Joe Isuzu. (You either get that reference or you don't. Here's a video if you're curious.) Maybe if you own a novelty store – I can imagine Christopher Walken's character in 'Hairspray' putting this on an infant Tracy Turnblad. Of course, those are both fictional characters, which probably means that parents should avoid this outfit.

The Joker from The Dark Knight

The Joker was always a scary character. In the Batman comics, he's a guy with no powers that is feared by heroes and villains alike. Why? Because he's just that crazy. Even so, Heath Ledger's performance in 'The Dark Knight' took that madness to a new level. (“Want to see me make a pencil disappear?” If you saw the movie, you know what I'm talking about.) In the comic book, Joker's perma-grin is the result of a fall into a vat of mysterious chemical goo. In Ledger's interpretation, it's a scar. As in, cut with a knife. Ew. This one will probably be popular because the movie was monster hit, but I wonder how many little kids actually saw it (it really wasn't a kids' movie, but that doesn't always matter). Dressing up as Ledger's Joker would be OK for an older kid I suppose, but if a parent buys this costume for a little one they either didn't see the movie or are a weirdo. Or both.

Zombie Skate Punk Child Costume

This one is on sale. BIG surprise. What's weird about this costume is the shirt, which I guess is supposed to show scars and tattoos and other “punk” things. If you really wanted your kid to dress up as a “punk”, you could just get an old flannel shirt, rip it up, put a Black Flag t-shirt under it. Maybe some ripped jeans with safety pins. A heroin needle. You know, easy.

Batman Muscle Chest Costume

This isn't on Shine's list, but I'm going to add it because it annoys me. I wore a Batman costume for years, and I never thought, “Boy, I wish this had big fake muscles.” Do we really need to make kids feel bad about their bodies this early? There's plenty of time for them to be insecure when they get older, start losing their hair, many years from now... You know, when they hit 30.

Source: Yahoo Shine, mrcostumes.com

The Return of the Halloween Baby Slut Costumes

What are your kids wearing this Halloween?

Another non news photo

Greet the Ghouls in Style

Photo Contest: No Trick, All Treat

Etsy Alert: Gobble Gobble Gladrags

Rich or Rehab: Whatever Happened to the Little Girl From 'Halloween'?

Do You Dress Up for Halloween?

The Smurfs Turn 50

The Obamas wear cheap clothes

Best of FameCrawler: 9-12-08

Whit Honea — Fri, 12 Sep 2008 20:00:00 GMT

Creepiest Angelina Jolie Photos You'll Ever See

Jennifer Garner Smoking While Pregnant?!

Jillian Grace Naked Photos!!

Christina Aguilera VMA 2008: Video!

Sarah Palin: Now She's a Racist?

Matthew McConaughey is Quotable?

Jon Voight Loves McCain and Palin; Angelina Jolie, Not so Much

Robin Williams Does Sarah Palin on Letterman: Video!

Tina Fey Back to SNL for Palin Sketch? Awesome!

VMAs 2008 Britney Spears Wins Best Female Video

Creepiest spam message ever: "we have hijacked your baby"

Brett Singer — Tue, 26 Aug 2008 19:00:00 GMT

I just got this in my inbox and thought I would share it.

It's the typical attempt to get you to open an attachment, in this case "photo.zip", which I assume contains some sort of nasty viral payload. In other words, don't open it.

In the past, these sorts of messages said, "Naked Ana Kornakova Picz!" or something similar (I misspelled her name on purpose, by the way.) This time, though, it's a little more personal, at least if you have kids.

Anyway, don't open it, and hopefully you won't get it. If you'll excuse me, I need to go adjust my spam filter.

5 ways to get revenge on your kids

Old Jonas Brothers CD priceless

Children opposed to healthcare (Onion Video)

Hunka hunka burnin Barbie

Kids Stuff I like that my kids don't care about

The Doll Island of Dr. Moreau

Brett Singer — Tue, 10 Jun 2008 19:00:00 GMT

I know that this is an innocent service to those with dolls that are ~~injured~~ broken. But this photo is just plain creepy. It brings up too many memories of Chuckie movies. To paraphrase the great Bart Simpson -- can't sleep... doll will eat me...

I mean, look at this picture. The loose appendages, with wires sticking out... the shadow eerily cast by the completed doll, whose hair seems bizarrely long... thank goodness I have boys. They just like to play with guns and swords. Nothing as creepy as DOLLS.

Diane (as in Dolls By Diane) -- nothing personal. I'm sure you do excellent work. Please don't send your evil army of plastic nasties to kill me in ways too horrible to imagine.

image: dollsbydiane.com

Down Syndrome Dolls Freaky (But Not Because of THAT)

Kid's Kiss Deafens Mom In One Ear

RetroFitted: Glamour Gals Were, Like, Way Better Than Bratz

New From Bla Bla: Introducing the Boogaloos!

The Care and Keeping of My Little Girl

Who Loves Gumby? I Do! I Do!

Machines Are Labor-Saving Devices!

Adrienne Martini — Sun, 27 Apr 2008 16:00:00 GMT

Every pregnant woman has wished that she could just sub-contract the whole labor-and-delivery part of the event. Thanks to the wonders of modern technology, she can!

Well, maybe not yet. But once you read about all of the fun tricks this creepy robot can do to simulate a birth -- including moaning, screaming and grunting -- you realize that growing babies in vats really can't be far behind.

Noelle, can have her innards violated in any number of ways during the labor. The baby's shoulders can get stuck. Noelle's blood pressure can spike and she'll have seizures. Plus she has four cervixes to choose from, plus three vulvas for post-partum sewing practice. I'm thinking she's also a big hit at parties.

The simulated baby, however, is sold separately.

Photo credit: Saul Young

Ashlee's Dad Selling Baby Pictures While Ashlee Denies Pregnancy

Brett Singer — Sat, 19 Apr 2008 13:30:00 GMT

Joe Simpson, father of Ashlee and Jessica, has often showed himself to be, shall we say, a bit off (that's him in the photo, looking at his daughter). But never let it be said that the man isn't willing to do anything to make a buck.

The latest news is that Joe is trying to sell pictures of Ashlee's baby for (say this in a Dr. Evil voice) One Millllion Dollars. Apparently Joe would take the pictures himself (which he would get paid extra for) and Ashlee would appear on the cover of whatever glossy is willing to pony up enough cash.

There are three problems here:

One, no one is buying. One editor says that the pics would be worth, "$60,000 maybe." Do you ever wonder where they get these dollar amounts? The anonymously quoted editor went on to call the timing of the proposed sale "suspicious," since Ashlee has a new album out next week (which, sadly, is not called "Acid Reflux"). The editor also said, "Ashlee's lucky she got pregnant, frankly." Nice.

Two, Ashlee hasn't confirmed that she is pregnant, and her fiancé, Pete Wentz, actively denies the rumor, saying, "This is all news to me." Since rock stars aren't necessarily known for their strong connection to reality, it's possible that Ashlee is indeed pregnant and that Wentz doesn't know. But I kinda doubt it.

Three, IT'S JUST CREEPY.

Joe, here's some free advice: the girls make enough money. You make enough money off of the girls. Don't try to sell photos of your daughter's baby before she officially announces that she's pregnant. Just relax and enjoy life. Oh, and maybe get Ashlee some singing lessons.

Image: Google Image Search

Court: 8 years old too young to get married

Brett Singer — Wed, 16 Apr 2008 16:30:00 GMT

It's official -- 8 is too young for marriage. At least in Sanaa.

In what sounds like a Borat skit, Reuters reports that a Yemeni court "terminated" the marriage of an 8-year-old girl to a 30-year-old man. The court also ruled that the child's family had to pay $250 to the guy. Yes, you read that right.

So what does "terminated" mean? Because if it were a divorce, the skeevy dude (who was also abusing the girl) could try to "reinstate" the marriage. The reason for the court's actions were that the girl hadn't hit puberty yet, so this keeps the ex-husband from trying to get back together with his former, um, wife.

Ewwwwww...

image: NBC.com

Old Dogs Have No Problems With New Tricks

Adrienne Martini — Sun, 27 Jan 2008 20:30:00 GMT

I spend a great deal of time around 18-24 year olds. No, nothing like that, you perverts. I'm a part-time college prof. Each and every semester, a large portion of my class is stunned to discover that I know what Facebook is and how to find them on it. You'd think that I had discovered fire.

While to my class, I'm older than classic rock -- I'm only 36, for the record -- to my class' parents and grandparents, I'm punk rock. But even the generation just above mine knows how these new-fangled computers work and how to track down their offspring online. And it's creeping the kids out.

Apparently friend requests from 40-year olds that you are related to, like your mom or grandpa, is just weird. All of these old people online are keeping the youngsters from just hanging out and posting risque pictures of them falling-down drunk at local bars. One youth marketer compared an older adult online to an older adult going to the prom.

To which I say, suck it up, kiddies. We invented this internet thingy. Go text each other if you really want to keep us out of your social loops.

Photo credit: Dvorak.org

Have a Scary Merry X-mas Cuz Santa is Talking To YOU

Kelly Mills — Wed, 12 Dec 2007 18:33:00 GMT

I should've known I was in for it when I misread the e-mail to get a personalized video greeting from Santa as a "personalized video greeting from Satan." (As Mir from Droolicious said, ""Ho ho ho... why hello, BEELZEBUB! I remember you from last year... you live in THE BOWELS OF HELL, home of ETERNAL DAMNATION, and you turned FIFTY THOUSAND this year....") But in truth, the video greeting was more terrifying than anything Lucifer could have created.

You've heard of these? Using the magic of computer generated voices and video editing, you can get a video message for your child where Santa uses their name and certain key details to make the whole thing real special. Oh god, after the jump you'll see how special it can be.

See, Santa got my number on this one. And I'm very frightened. If you'd like to see what Santa said to me, click the link, but be forewarned. I am clearly not very emotionally mature, but while i was having some fun with this one I sort of ruined Christmas for myself. Now when I see mall Santas I turn and walk away the other direction. To avoid punishment.