Strollerderby : custody battle

Michigan Court Must Hear Lesbian Custody Dispute

JeanneSager — Mon, 23 Feb 2009 21:31:00 GMT

The residents of Michigan passed a gay marriage ban in 2004, but that doesn't mean the courts can't weigh in on a lesbian couple's custody dispute.

A court ruled last week that the legal adoption of three children by two gay Michigan residents - while they were living in Illinois - must not only be recognized by the Michigan courts but addressed as the now estranged couple attempts to navigate a custody arrangement.

Diane Giancaspro and Lisa Congleton have three children between them, adopted in 1998, 1999 and 2002, while the couple was living in Illinois, a state that recognizes both parents in a homosexual relationship and allows for joint adoption. The women broke up in 2007 - after moving to Michigan.

But when Giancaspro sued for custody under Michigan law, her former partner called for the case's dismissal. Congleton was attempting to use the state's refusal to recognize domestic partnerships in her favor, stating that neither parent has rights in the state of Michigan. As depressing as it is that a lesbian had to make use of the laws that are set up AGAINST her to retain a connection with her children, it worked. The judge in the case said she recognized the "validity" of the adoption but couldn't enfore either woman's parental rights.

Giancaspro, with the help of the ACLU, took the case to an appeals court. Last week, a two to one decision from the court mandated the issue be put back before a Michigan court, ruling that the U.S. Constitution protects the adoption and therefore allows for a custody dispute to be mediated in a family court setting.

The decision has, of course, prompted suggestions by family values advocates that it's time for a gay adoption ban in Michigan (really guys? as if the gay marriage ban didn't prove you can't pull your heads from your you-know-whats?). But it's a victory for gay parents, who are finally getting access to a right afforded every other parent in the state - the right to their day in court.

I still can't help but come back to Congleton's argument, however. I understand she was grasping at the same straws any parent would to keep their children, but there's something deeply saddening about a mother forced to embrace the very laws that denied her rights that should be granted her as a member of the human race in order to be there for her kids.

Would you compromise your values in this kind of situation?

Image: Wikipedia

Some Good News in Cross-Continental Custody Battle

JeanneSager — Tue, 10 Feb 2009 13:32:00 GMT

Remember David Goldman, the Jersey dad whose wife up and moved to Brazil, cutting him off without a chance to see their four-year-old son? The story got us all ferklempt, not to mention righteously indignant on Dad's behalf when it came to light on the Today Show last fall.

Put down your pitchforks parents! Four years after his wife took off, divorced him, remarried and died, Goldman finally got to see his son this week.

It's a two tissue box tale if there ever was one. Goldman bid son Sean and wife Bruna goodbye at Newark International Airport in June 2004. He thought they were simply going to visit Bruna's family in her native Brazil, and they'd be home in due time.

Then he got word from Bruna that she wasn't coming back. Oh, and by the way, she wanted a divorce. Court battles ensued, but Goldman couldn't get past the Brazilian roadblocks, and his wife had remarried a "well-connected" Brazilian attorney who was helping her every step of the way. Then came word that Bruna had died during childbirth in August 2008. David Goldman thought he finally had a chance at his son; only to hear that the attorney was filing for a name change to take Goldman's off of Sean's birth certificate.

When the story became public, politicians from the U.S. stepped in to help. New Jersey Congressman U.S. Rep. Christopher Smith, traveled to Brazil this week with Goldman, securing visitation for father and son while he put pressure on the Brazilian government, warning them that they are violating the Hague Convention, an international adoption treaty.

It's not over yet, but can you imagine having been the fly on the wall for that meeting between father and son? We'd be talking a three-tissue-box story then.

Now Goldman's supporters are looking for letters to be sent to Congressmen who will help co-sponsor a bill - along with Smith - to call for Brazil to conform under the Hague Convention rules and send Sean (and American citizen) home with his father to the states. Get a look at the bill and a list of congressmen here.

Image: Bring Sean Home.org

Mom Bugs Kid's Teddy Bear to Spy on Ex

JeanneSager — Thu, 08 Jan 2009 13:04:00 GMT

Convinced your ex is up to nefarious deeds? If you're thinking about planting a recording device in your preschooler's teddy bear for his next visit to Dad's pad, you might want to REthink your plans.

William "Duke" Lewton of Nebraska is in the process of suing his ex-wife for bugging their four-year-old's bear to catch any big secrets revealed during his custody visits. As in, anything she could use against him in court.

Lewton alleges Dianna Divingnzzo or her dad (Lewton's former father-in-law) slipped a tape recorder into the little girl's bear, then tried to use the tapes during child custody proceedings in court. Too bad for Divingnzzo, the judge threw them out as inadmissable.

I'm not up on laws in Nebraska, but as a reporter in New York, I'm aware that in order to make a legal recording, at least one party to the conversation has to be aware he or she is being recorded. So if, say, Divingnzzo was caught on tape with Lewton - that part would likely be admissable here (since she knew they were being taped). Any other conversation would be off limits - including Lewton's talks with his daughter. The judge in the couple's custody case said even hearing the tapes would be illegal, as was the taping itself.

I feel kind of icky about the people who plop a camera in their kid's bear to watch the nanny. I can't imagine making the kid's toy part of my own plot to limit her time with Daddy. Talk about sullying the innocence of childhood.

The tapes, by the way, revealed nothing more than normal conversations between a father and his little girl, according to a report in the Omaha World-Herald.

The person who thought to rip a head off a kid's teddy bear, stuff a tape recorder inside and fasten head and body back together, however? Not normal. Not by a long stretch.

Image: CubeMe

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Court Bans Divorced Mom's Partner from Sleeping Over

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Court Bans Divorced Mom's Partner from Sleeping Over

JeanneSager — Sun, 28 Dec 2008 17:01:00 GMT

Proving once again that what's good for the gander isn't necessarily going to be allowed by homophobic family court judges for the goose, a divorced mom from Tennessee has been informed she can't allow her lesbian partner to sleep over on the same nights as her kids.

Her ex-husband, meanwhile, has remarried and his wife sleeps over - well, lives - with him every night.

Angel Chandler and Joseph Barker have been divorced for ten years, and shared custody of their two kids (now thirteen and fifteen) that whole time. They've both entered new relationships too, Barker remarrying five years ago while Chandler has maintained a monogamous relationship with a woman since 1999. But when they went to court late last year to modify the custody arrangements, the State of Tennessee sent both parents and both kids for psychological work-ups.

The evaluation determined Chandler's partner was a positive influence on her two kids. The court ignored it. A "paramour" restriction was added to the custody arrangements earlier this year, restricting Chandler's partner from being in their home on the nights when the kids were with Mom. Because after nine years, suddenly a set of teenagers are going to be shocked to find out Mom's a lesbian?

The women are now living in a duplex, side by side, so they can abide by court rules and still be together - sort of. The ACLU has stepped into the fray, filing a brief this week that urges the court to remove the paramour restriction, calling it unconstitutional for interfering with Chandler's abilities to raise her children as she sees fit.

If the court really wants to do what's best for the kids, how about allowing two sets of parents to get on with their lives in loving relationships and letting those kids see examples on both sides of happy, committed, successful couples?

Image: Amazon

Source: ACLU

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More Parents Leaving Kids Alone to Save on Daycare

Father Can't See His Little Boy, But Can He Give Him His Organs?

JeanneSager — Mon, 03 Nov 2008 15:01:00 GMT

Imagine just finding out there's a little boy out there with your genetic make-up. Yes, he's your son. Oh, and he needs an organ transplant. One of yours would probably do the trick. But, sorry, you can't meet your son.

The plot of a day-time soap? No, this is the story of British dad Michael Shergold, who learned just recently that an ex-girlfriend hid her pregnancy and the subsequent birth of their child. A school caretaker, Shergold was divorced in 1996 after his first wife was unfaithful. He secured full custody of their three children, and raised them single-handedly. His first relationship after his divorce didn't last long, Shergold told London's The Daily Mail, because he discovered the woman had a drinking problem. They broke up, and Shergold moved on. In 2002, he even remarried, this time to Alex, a Pentecostal pastor who moved from Los Angeles to Britain the same year the couple were married.

Then, in January 2007, the Shergolds received a letter from Hampshire social services. Michael called the number listed. Their news? That ex-girlfriend had delivered a son four years prior. It was a shock to Shergold, who said he never even knew she was pregnant. After speaking with his wife, Michael agreed to a DNA test and immediately began planning to incorporate the child into their lives.

But the big shock was yet to come. The boy, the social worker told him, is in ill health, and his best bet for survival is an organ transplant. The best donor, doctors say, would be a close relative. Which is where Shergold comes in. The boy's mother had agreed to donate the organ, then changed her mind. She'd already given the child up to the foster system, and she said the transplant might affect her future chance at having a child. Shergold was the boy's only hope.

He said not only would he like to donate his organ, but he'd like to adopt his own child and get him out of the foster care system. The response? Sorry, no adoption. You can't even see him. But about that organ . . . The fight isn't over yet, and Shergold is still trying to make his decision. He's dealing with what some would call a parent's worst nightmare - knowing that his child is suffering - but he has been denied a chance to reach out and wrap that child in his arms and provide the comfort every parent most wants to give.

How would you choose? Although the organ wasn't specified because of legal issues (social services tried to keep the Daily Mail from publishing the story), the best I can approximate is giving a kidney to a long-lost relative you've never met. We don't usually do that - live organ donation is something we usually do for someone we actually know. But can you really say a child you never met is a stranger?

Image: Daily Mail (Michael and Alex Shergold and two of his children)

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Supreme Court to Father: No, You Can't Circumcise a 13-year-old

JeanneSager — Tue, 07 Oct 2008 13:33:00 GMT

I'm not even a guy, but this story made me want to pull a Michael Jackson and grab ~~a little boy~~, uh, my crotch. Well, that and grab the not-so-little boy whose father wants to have him circumcised and run.

James Boldt has actually been shot down by the United States Supreme Court in his bid to have the highest court in the land hear his plea to circumcise his 13-year-old son. That doesn't mean the case is closed, however. A trial judge in Oregon will now get the case that's been argued since the boy was 9 and agreed to follow his father in a conversion to Judaism. Boldt, who has custody of the boy, had actually scheduled the procedure when his ex-wife, Lia, stepped in.

Lia, a member of the Russian Orthodox Church, has said the procedure is dangerous and told courts that her son is afraid to tell his father he doesn't really want the procedure done. James, meanwhile, claims the court is infringing on his right to religious freedom by not allowing him to circumcise his son. I'm not Jewish, so I'm not clear on the exact rules surrounding conversion and circumcision. And I thanked my lucky stars when I gave birth to a girl - so my husband and I never had the "should we" or "shouldn't we" discussion.

But circumcision at 13 seems preposterous:

It's painful (and, yes, it's painful for a baby too - but the chances of the emotional scars from this sort of pain are far greater).
It's not medically necessary. Not at 13. Not if he's had no problem with that little flap of skin for the past 13 years.
Lia Boldt is right. It could be dangerous. With ANY surgery there is risk, however minute. Which is why elective surgeries are often discouraged by doctors (well, except plastic surgeons).

And the biggest question here is how does Little Boy Boldt keeping his foreskin violate his father's right to practice his religion? Would letting the boy wait until he's 18, and he can make the decision really make him a bad Jew? Again, I'm not Jewish, so I would love the hear the Semitic viewpoint on this one.

Image: August Chronicle

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Part I: Why Parents of Girls Have it Better

A Guy’s Take on Why You Shouldn’t Circumcise (and Why You Should)

Alec Baldwin: Good Dad or Man Doing Damage Control?

Jen Chaney — Sun, 21 Sep 2008 17:32:00 GMT

Alec Baldwin is the new poster boy for divorced fatherhood. You may have read the recent New Yorker profile or seen his interview with Diane Sawyer on "20/20" or spotted this piece on Yahoo! Shine. If so, then you know the "30 Rock" star has written a new book, A Promise to Ourselves: A Journey Through Fatherhood and Divorce, that explores his messy split from ex-wife Kim Basinger and its impact on his parenting.

Baldwin says he wants parents, especially fathers, to be aware of the perils of custody battles, divorce court and "Parental Alienation Syndrome," a psychological term that basically means turning a child against the parent who doesn't have custody. Of course, this is also the same guy who left that famous voice mail for daughter Ireland last year, the one where he referred to her as a "thoughtless little pig" because she wasn't answering his scheduled phone calls. He addresses that incident in the interviews as well as the book, and expresses regret about having used such language. And, while it still seems like an extreme reaction, I can understand his perspective a bit more after knowing the hoops the guy has been jumping through to maintain a relationship with his child.

So after having read or seen these interviews -- or perused this excerpt from his book -- do you now think Alec Baldwin is a solid father who has been misunderstood and unfairly characterized by the media? Or do you think he's just trying to rebuild his image in the wake of Voicemail Gate?

My sense is that he genuinely does want to do right by his daughter and that the voice mail was an unfortunate incident for which, seemingly, Ireland has granted him forgiveness.The one thing that gives me some pause, though, is that he wrote this book. Baldwin may genuinely feel that he is doing a service to other parents in the same situation. But if he really wants a normal, private relationship with his kid, I wonder whether it makes sense to delve into all these details in such a widely publicized manner. Undoubtedly there is some ego at work here, too. And when ego gets involved, sometimes it can be hard for any of us to objectively see whether our actions, including writing so publicly about a custody battle, are really the best thing for our children.

Image: Macmillan

If Your Love is Blind Then We're Taking Your Kids

makeitadouble — Tue, 22 Jan 2008 22:00:00 GMT

Alright class, today we’re going to talk about what makes a good and capable parent. I’d like you to think about what the qualities of a good and capable parent are then just yell them out and I’ll write them up here on the chalkboard.

Love, good. Compassion, excellent. What else? Patience, yes that is an absolute must. Fun? OK…Fun. Remember there are no wrong answers here. Maternal or Paternal instinct, very good one. Provider, I agree a parent needs to provide, not just material things but also some of these other words you’ve already said like Love and compassion. This is a great start. What are some other qualities of a good parent?

Eyesight?

A father from South Africa who is legally blind and whose wife died after a prolonged battle with cancer back in November has had his three children taken from him by the court system because they say he is incapable of caring for them. Despite taking care of his family for the four months while his wife was in the hospital, two days after her death he was informed by a social worker that the children were being removed from his care.

The man’s attorney claims that his client’s blindness was the main reason for the removal of the children; with another being that it was thought he did not have the financial means to look after them. Shit, I didn’t know it was OK for parents to lose custody of their kids simply because they struggle to earn the financial means to support them. Someone better tell the more than a quarter of all working families right here in the United States that are considered low-income or poor that they better start making more money or they’re going to lose their kids.

Oh but something like this would never happen here in the United States, right? I’m sure we all remember the recent story about the overweight Missouri man who was denied custody of his cousin’s son because he was obese. Amazingly, one gastric bypass later and 200lbs lighter and the child has been returned to the man and his wife who can now legally adopt him.

Thankfully, the South African Council for the Blind is helping the man financially with the case. “There are many examples where blind people have made excellent parents and where they operated independently.” said Jill Wagner, the Council’s National Executive Director.

So what makes a good and capable parent? Is it things like love, compassion, and patience or is it being thin and having all 5 of your senses?

Fat Guy Gets Go-Ahead to Adopt

Madeline Holler — Tue, 08 Jan 2008 21:27:00 GMT

A super overweight guy who was convinced that a judge denied him custody of his cousin’s son because of the man’s size has once again regained custody of the little boy.

Now the wheels are in motion for him and his wife to finalize adoption of the now 8-month-old, who the couple began caring for when he was 1-week-old.

The judge denies that the man’s weight was ever a factor in denying custody. At the beginning of the battle, he weight 550 pounds. Now, after a Dallas doctor offered free gastic by-pass, he’s 200 pounds lighter.

Instead, the judge says the man improperly moved the boy across state lines. He was born in Texas, but the family now lives in Missouri, where the case is being adjudicated.

The overweight man has been fighting to regain custody of the boy since this summer, when he was placed with another (skinnier?) family, also interested in permanent adoption.

I’m happy for the big guy and the little boy. Weight shouldn’t be a factor when deciding where to place children, particularly in places like Missouri! Jesus! In Missouri, food is love! So I’m glad this is being resolved. But now I’m sad for that other family.

Should We Feel Sorry for Brit Now That Custody's Been Nixed?

Jessica Ashley (Sassafrass) — Mon, 01 Oct 2007 23:01:00 GMT

By now you know that a California court put an end to Britney Spears' parenting rights effective this Wednesday at noon, turning full custody of Sean Preston and Jayden to baby daddy Kevin Federline. Although it is unclear if an incident precipitated the order, it was the same judge who ordered the sequined pop un-sensation to undergo random drug testing, parenting coaching and to abstain from alcohol or drug use 12 hours before any visits with the children. As if that didn't cause its own ripple of "daaaaayuuummms" around the interwebs, the Superior Court judge underlined his disdain for Brit's behavior by striking down her request for a 50-50 custody agreement and one-upping K-Fed's counter request for a 70-30 arrangement. Too bad the court transcripts are closed, because I bet they are full of all kinds of juicy goodness, y'all.

As we consider all this Access Hollywood wonderment, perhaps the bigger question is this:

Do we feel sorry for Britney? Clearly, losing custody of your children is tough. I cannot imagine the pain that must cause (that is, if you are de-tequilaed or un-little yellow pilled enough to feel pain, but anyway...) both mama and babes. But just as clear is the need for those poor toted around, secondhand smoke exposed, Quarter Pounder and Kool-Aid eating kids to have a safe, loving, happy and stable environment to grow up in to make scale wages as stars of some VH1 show about effed up celebrity children (or as veterinarians or piano teachers or bloggers or whatever). The thing that kills me is that the safe, loving, happy and stable environment is with a dude who wears fedoras and leaves pregnant women to "go on tour" with a new hottie (nope, still not over that).

Ohhhh, to be able to hand out orders for parenting coaching at the playground. Until we can, tell us how much sympathy you've mustered up for lonely old Britney as she packs up the kids stuff to ship to Kev's crib.

Parental Alienation Has Many Faces, Some Non-Celebrities!

Melissa Summers — Fri, 18 May 2007 20:06:00 GMT

Another case of Parental Alienation rears it's ugly head. A divorced father writes to Mens News Daily telling the story of his failed attempt to take his 10-year-old son on an unsupervised trip to Disneyworld. When he told his son about the trip he was ecstatic and told everyone he knew he'd be going on this great trip.

On the day of the trip he arrived to pick up his son who suddenly didn't want to go on the trip, so the father cancelled the non-refundable trip thinking maybe the boy decided he was too old for Disney. Imagine his surprise when his ex-wife remarrienot long after and took their son to, guess? Disneyworld. When he questioned why his son didn't want to go with him he said his mother told him his father was taking him there to kill him.

I hope at that point the father felt okay with calling his son a rotten little pig, I mean he was pushed and a long time victim of parental alienation, so it's okay. Right? What?

Gawker Outs McGreevey's Custody Notes

Rachael Brownell (Redsy) — Sat, 21 Apr 2007 18:12:00 GMT

Ex-New Jersey Governor James McGreevey, who resigned two years into his term after admitting a homosexual affair with a male staffer, is in the midst of a custody battle over 5-year old daughter, Jacqueline. In a note to the court called out in Gawker, soon-to-be-ex Dana McGreevey objects to Jacqueline sleeping in bed with McGreevey and his gay lover. She takes issue with the child sleeping with a non-parent in bed.

I grant her point and her concerns seem valid, even though the inherent homophobia and contempt are barely disguised. Family beds are problematic, especially when there are memoirs to be written, and custody battles to be fought. The complexity of our world grows deeper with each turn of the sexual screw. Proceed with caution, friends.

[Photo Credit: Gawker]

Larry Birkhead and Dannielynn: What's Next?

Alisyn — Wed, 11 Apr 2007 13:53:00 GMT

It's official: Larry Birkhead is the biological father of Anna Nicole Smith's baby daughter, Dannielynn. So what's in store for the new daddy and his little girl?

Well, for starters, they'll be getting to know each other in the Bahamas. L.A. resident Larry cannot legally take his daughter home until he is granted full, legal custody of the baby. Until then, Birkhead must remain in the Bahamas (it should only be a matter of days). In a really sweet and surprising turn of events, Howard K. Stern has joined Team Larry, graciously hugging him outside the courtroom where the formal statement was made to the press, and vowing to fight for Larry to get sole custody of Dannielynn. (Anna Nicole's mom, Virgie Arthur, is expected to fight for at least partial custody). Howard told the press he hopes to make Dannielynn's transition "gradual" for her sake, and has invited Larry to his house to spend as much time as he'd like to with the baby.

Still unresolved is the matter of Anna Nicole's will, which specified that her now deceased son, Daniel, was to inherit her fortune should she be named the beneficiary of her late husband's $500 million dollar estate. Howard is named as trustee for Daniel in the event of Anna Nicole's death, but no provisions were made for baby Dannielynn. So the question remains: will Dannielynn inherit her deceased mother's possible fortune, and if so, who should administer it? Will the baby's name be changed to Dannielynn Hope Marshall Stern Birkhead? What role will Howard K. Stern play in her life? And what about that wild card, Virgie Arthur?

One down, baby Dannielynn. Many, many more hurdles to go...

[Via TMZ, AP]

Strollerderby : custody battle

Michigan Court Must Hear Lesbian Custody Dispute

Some Good News in Cross-Continental Custody Battle

Lesbian Lawmaker Denied Chance to Work for Kids

Mother and Daughter Parted by Court after Lesbian Break Up

Some Good News in Cross-Continental Custody Battle

Former Foster Care Kid Adopted At 36

Kindergartner Gets Best Birthday Present EVER

American Newborn's Stuck in Iraqi Red Tape

Lesbian Lawmaker Denied Chance to Work for Kids

Mom Bugs Kid's Teddy Bear to Spy on Ex

Having a Kid Alone? Don't Tell Me Why I Have it Better

Court Bans Divorced Mom's Partner from Sleeping Over

Mother Sues OB Who Said She "Deserved Pain"—And Gave It to Her

Toddler Injured in Xmas Tree Fight Between Mom and Grandma

Court Bans Divorced Mom's Partner from Sleeping Over

Stop Sending Palin Baby Presents

Teen Has Cancer and Lives in a Car

Man Says Drinking Breastmilk Cured His Cancer

Principal Censors Pro-Gay School Paper

Parents Upset: Transgender Kids Use Different School Bathrooms

Mommy and Mama Now Legal in New York

More Parents Leaving Kids Alone to Save on Daycare

Father Can't See His Little Boy, But Can He Give Him His Organs?

Supreme Court to Father: No, You Can't Circumcise a 13-year-old

Alec Baldwin: Good Dad or Man Doing Damage Control?

If Your Love is Blind Then We're Taking Your Kids

Fat Guy Gets Go-Ahead to Adopt

Should We Feel Sorry for Brit Now That Custody's Been Nixed?

Parental Alienation Has Many Faces, Some Non-Celebrities!

Gawker Outs McGreevey's Custody Notes

Larry Birkhead and Dannielynn: What's Next?