Strollerderby : dating

Is it a Lucky Boy Who Dates Obama's Daughter?

JeanneSager — Thu, 21 May 2009 17:24:00 GMT

The president is nervous.

Not about the economy (well, probably) or swine flu (OK, maybe that too).

But President Barack Obama is a dad after all, and he can't help but think about what will happen when daughters Sasha and Malia start dating.

Can you blame him? I wrote a piece a few months ago about Jamie Foxx stressing about his daughter dating and earned a ration of comments about my need to buy into patriarchical nonsense. But come on, folks, dads worry about their daughters. Heck, I worry about my daughter!

So why is it so inappropriate for dads to stress about the day their daughter brings a boy home?

The president told a reporter recently, "dating I think will be an issue because I have men with guns surrounding them at all times, which I'm perfectly happy with, but they may feel differently about it."

He was laughing when we said it, and minus the guns, I can her it coming out of the mouth of almost any dad I know. Those poor, poor prospective suitors.

Dating is a fun time for kids, but with hormones high on both sides, it's wrought with challenges. Broken hearts. Nights spent crying in bed because he didn't call when he said he would (and it doesn't make it much better that he simply forgot because that's what teenagers DO!). It isn't just a "Ohmigod, sex," thought that runs through a parents' mind when they think about their kids dating. We don't want them to get hurt.

And yeah, there's the sex thing too. None of us want to be grandparents tomorrow. And we remember what it's like to be in lust, right? We can't tell our kids WHEN to have sex, how or where. But we can worry about protecting their hearts and their bodies.

And let's face it, dads with daughters have an especial worry chiefly because they know what HE is thinking (or at least have an inkling of it). When my husband gets a look on his face about our daughter's little boyfriends, I don't worry that he's spending too much time thinking up ways to exert his patriarchical thumb over her femininity. He's just a dad who doesn't want his daughter to get hurt.

He may not be surrounded by guys with guns and access to his FBI file, but let me put it this way - the boy who messes with our daughter is no luckier than the boy who has to come face to face with the leader of the free world on prom night.

Image: DenverPost

Parents are People Too - They Date

JeanneSager — Wed, 18 Mar 2009 19:52:00 GMT

There are two words that even today I can't stand to be used in the same sentence. OK, maybe three. "My parents" and "sex."

No, I'm not a prude. Yes, that's just . . . ewww. So the new dating site for single parents might have a goofy name, but it's kind of, well, true. Parents "R" People.

Well, duh.

But has anyone told their kids yet? Because parents plus dating is often pretty icky as far as kids are concerned.

Started up by a single mom and licensed clinical social worker, the site is recession-proof because it's free. "I am a single mom and finances are often tough for us...working and supporting kids," explains founder Stacy Schwed. "It is also tough for single dads who are working, and running their household while also paying child support."

Technically the site is a social media setting for parents - any parents, including married ones. But change your marital status to "looking," and it becomes a place for single parents to possibly get rid of the "single" part of the title. For a lot of single parents, the biggest fear of stepping out there again is the second part of their title - "parent." But as Schwed points out, parents are people too, and there's a guarantee someone on the other end of the DSL line gets what it's like to have kids.

"I believe everyone deserves a chance to be happy and have in their lives what they truly want...including a great relationship," Schwed says. Because parents might be single, but that doesn't mean we're dead. Not even our sex drives.

Image:

A Mother Stalks Her Young Son’s Crush

Hannah Tennant-Moore — Mon, 20 Oct 2008 21:00:00 GMT

“He did not linger long enough for me to squash him completely into myself….”

The above is not, unfortunately, a sentence from a soft core porn novel. It is an excerpt from a New York Times essay in which a mother describes her obsessive, jealous, and blind love for her nine-year-old son. Thanks to Jezebel for directing me to this gem of a Modern Love piece.

The only thing creepier than the essay’s title—“The Tiny Hand that Robs the Cradle”—is the fact that this tiny hand belongs to a third grader who has a crush on the author’s son. Somebody call a family therapist, stat.

Kate Krautkramer is a teacher at her son Sarvis’ school. When she learns that one of his classmates has scrawled “I ‘heart’ Sarvis” in the bathroom stall, she completely loses her mind. In hopes of discovering the identity of this “little vixen” who was so unforgivably bold as to publicly proclaim an interest in her little boy, the jealous mother turns first to the principal, then to her son’s female classmates, who all “acted innocent in their double braids tied with impossibly pink ribbons.”

With no leads, Krautkramer takes to using the bathroom stall with the Sarvis graffiti every single day. She leans her body against her son’s name and traces the heart with her hand. She comforts herself with the thought that “Graffiti Girl,” as Kautkramer derisively terms her son’s classmate, “didn’t know Sarvis the way I knew Sarvis, no matter what the bathroom wall proclaimed.” But she also torments herself with thoughts of one of Sarvis’s nine-year-old peers “turning her 18-inch hips just so for the very first time, or taking a try at batting her lashes.”

I understand that there is irony at work in this essay. Yet no amount of irony can take away the extreme mortification the author’s son will have to withstand for the rest of his life, now that his mother has publicly confessed not only to having Oedipal urges that would make Freud blush, but also to being clinically insane.

Besides, the irony frequently gives way to disturbingly honest reflection: “I knew it was only an innocent crush, yet I truly lamented that some little girl was pushing my boy into a vaguely sexual consciousness.” Actually, neither Sarvis nor his classmate are displaying any "sexual consciousness." They’re just kids. The mother is the one who sexualizes youth by referring to the girls’ “tiny blue jeans and frilly tops,” and by describing Sarvis’s hair as “brown ringlets” that “hung in heart-stopping whorls down his neck.”

If Kautkramer’s goal is to make sure that her son never marries (or goes on a date), mission accomplished. No girl in her right mind would ever put up with this woman as a mother-in-law.

Photo: New York Times

You're Doing It Wrong: Date Night

Madeline Holler — Wed, 13 Feb 2008 18:34:00 GMT

You know "date night"? You're doing it wrong. Or someday you will be. This is what brain scientists are telling us and they should know, right? They're all in happy, sexed-up relationships.

But you like your date nights? You look forward to them? No you don't. And if not now, someday you won't. You're going to get sick of them just like you're going to get sick of your partner. (But remember, that's OK.)

So what can you do on date night to get sparks flying? Well, you're going to have to make some changes. Quit going out to the same restaurant, quit going out with the same couples. Find something -- anything new -- and go do it together.

From NY Times' The Well:

"...couples need to tailor their date nights around new and different activities that they both enjoy, says Arthur Aron, a professor of social psychology at the State University of New York at Stony Brook. The goal is to find ways to keep injecting novelty into the relationship. The activity can be as simple as trying a new restaurant or something a little more unusual or thrilling — like taking an art class or going to an amusement park." Yes, but won't the kids be pissed when they find out?

It turns out the brain likes novelty, and new activities stimulate the brain's reward system and flood it with dophamine and norepinephrine -- the chemicals released when you first fall in love and also those involved in drug addiction and obsessive compulsive disorder.

So couples in the study who were told to pace the floor together reported a lower marital satisfaction than the couples who were told to chase a ball while their ankles and wrists were bound. I'll bet they did!

Granted, this study was for older couples in their 50s, but still. Younger parents might want some excitement too!

Personally, I hate the term "date night". I also refuse to utter "girls' night out" but that's just me and my hang-ups with language. Both are worthwhile endeavours that I don't do often enough (calling babysitter right now ...).

Kids Crushing on Kids

Karen Murphy — Thu, 31 Jan 2008 23:32:00 GMT

When my older son was in kindergarten, he let it slip at school that he was going to marry his little sister. "Ew, you can't do that!" shrieked his outraged friend, whose own sister probably just didn't pass his qualifications for relationship material.

"Can't I marry Serena?" my son asked me as we drove home from school one day, his face contorted with anxiety.

Sure that when the time came he'd likely change his mind about this, I assured him that he could marry whomever he wanted when he was ready to. He leaned back in his seat, satisfied. He was 6.

So what's the deal with kids and crushes?

SD's own Kelly Mills dishes on her own kid's serial monogamy this week over at The Poop. You need to read it. (I'll wait.)

There, you back already?

So...what's the deal on kid-crushes? I was baffled by other kids for the most part in early childhood, but developed some mild and benign worship-from-afar tendencies in about the 4th grade, finally ramping up into full-on obsession-from-afar in the 8th grade.

But plenty of kids are taking marriage plans in preschool. While I draw absolutely no correlation between kid-crushing and later relationship woes and/or awesomeness, I am curious as to how early crushing translates into later dating. Got any theories? Or stories?

Oh, and Serena? She probably won't marry anybody, not even her big brother, because at 8 she's determined to somehow become a boy.
But that's a whole other thing.

Dating Desperation: Single Parents Go Online

Karen Murphy — Tue, 09 Oct 2007 14:23:00 GMT

Single parent? Why hello, that's me! Dating? Er, not exactly (hushed whisper: "it's complicated"). But if I was, apparently I'd be taking up more than my fair share of bandwidth in the online dating arena. Yep, match.com and eHarmony were made for people like me. Uh, or so they say.

Why the trend to online dating for single parents? I can boil that right down for you:

We haven't the strength or energy left after being a parent for anything more, and we so are not interested in wasting our time, so why not winnow out the losers with a few clicks? (can you do that? the winnowing? hmm...)

And it so makes sense. So much that, even though only about 5% of all parents are single, single parents represent more than 16% of total online daters. Maybe it's easier getting certain things out of the way that way, crushing issues people might have right up front, laying everything out there for all to see. Or maybe people are being more circumspect online, crafting personae to fit the occasion.

Anyone want to weigh in on this with your own experience? I'm all ears.

Strollerderby : dating

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Parents are People Too - They Date

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Half of Kids Surveyed Think Rihanna Had it Coming

Mamas Don't Let Your Kids Grow Up to Drink and Party

A Bargain A Day Guaranteed For Families

A Mother Stalks Her Young Son’s Crush

You're Doing It Wrong: Date Night

Kids Crushing on Kids

Dating Desperation: Single Parents Go Online