Scientology vs Pokémon

Brett Singer — Mon, 10 Mar 2008 13:15:00 GMT

Scientology is everywhere these days, from Tom Cruise's wacky video to actors claiming that the religion is responsible for their success in television. The general consensus is that (a) Tom is a kook, and (b) Scientology is weird. The same day I first saw Tom laugh maniacally and claim that he was "the only one who can help," I also listened to my son tell me, in great detail, about his current obsession, Pokémon. So I started thinking: what's weirder, Pokémon or Scientology?

There are some basic similarities:

Both words are made up, and were formed by combining two other real words (“Science+Technology” and “Pocket+Monsters”.)
Both have rabid followers (talk to a six year old about it sometime, and see if you don't consider, just for a second, having them deprogrammed.)

Here are some more comparisons between the religion and the kids' game:

	Scientology	Pokémon
Example of beliefs	The thetan (spirit) is described in Scientology as having no mass, no wavelength, no energy and no time or location in space except by consideration or postulate. The spirit, then, is not a thing. It is the creator of things —1956, Professional Auditor's Bulletin 85 (source: Wikipedia)	Players of the [Pokémon] games are designated as Pokémon Trainers, and the two general goals (in most Pokémon games) for such Trainers are: to complete the Pokédex by collecting all of the available Pokémon species found in the fictional region where that game takes place; and to train a team of powerful Pokémon from those they have caught to compete against teams owned by other Trainers, and eventually become the strongest Trainer, the Pokémon Master. (source: Wikipedia)
Sacred text	Dianetics	Pokédex
Sacred item	Deluxe Planetary Dissemination Edition E-Meter ($5500) (source: The New Yorker)	Trading cards, video games ($5 - $50)
Patron saint	L. Ron Hubbard	Professor Oak
Controversy	Some believe it to be more of a cult than a religion; outlawed in some countries	Episode of cartoon series caused seizures in children; has been attacked by religious groups for various reasons, including taking offense at the concept of “Pokémon evolution” (FYI, there is no “Pokémon intelligent design”)
South Park episode making fun of it	“Trapped in the Closet”	“Chinpokomon”

Bottom line: both are an obsession, both sound whack-a-doodle to the uninitiated, and both want your money. But Pokémon wants less of your money, and most kids grow out of it and/or move on to something else.
Maybe someone should buy Tom Cruise a Pikachu doll. Couldn't hurt, right?

Strollerderby : dianetics

Scientology vs Pokémon