Strollerderby : dick cheney

Morning News - GOP Calls Sotomayor Racist

Brett Singer — Tue, 02 Jun 2009 13:00:00 GMT

The Republican/Conservative Hive Mind Coalition has decided how to attack Supreme Court nominee Judge Sonia Sotomayor. What is it? Drum roll, please... She's a racist! This comment from Rush Limbaugh is... well, you decide: "Limbaugh called the president 'the greatest living example of a reverse racist,' and said that he has picked another for the Supreme Court vacancy of retiring Justice David Souter. Limbaugh later equated Sotomayor to former Ku Klux Klan leader David Duke." David Duke? Huh? The comment Limbaugh, Newt Gingrich and Hive Mind members are clinging to is one that Sotomayor made at a Duke Law School symposium in 2001: "a wise Latina woman would more often than not reach a better conclusion than a white male who hasn't lived that life."

I haven't read much about Judge Sotomayor, but I think the GOP Hive Mind is grasping at straws by clinging to one quote that she made. How difficult would it be to review cases that were before her while she served as a judge, and to talk about those? I've said plenty of things that I wouldn't want thrown back at me if I were up for an important post. (Supreme Court seems unlikely since I don't have a law degree, but maybe I could be the head of the Department of Video Games and Comic Books.) Also, as a white man who grew up in the Bronx and worked for two years at a job where there were many Latina women, I can honestly say that a great many of them reached better conclusions than I did. So there.

Speaking of the GOP, Mitt Romney seems to think he's still running for President. He's mad at President Obama for the way he's handling our foreign policy. (Grrr... Mitt is angry... Grrrr...) I love how it's OK for people to criticize the President when said President is a Democrat. Remember how we were all supposed to support President Bush because we were a nation at war? That attacking the Commander-in-Chief of the United States could be damaging to troop morale, and make us look bad in the eyes of foreign leaders? I guess that doesn't matter anymore.

One more political item -- Dick Cheney (aside: if my name were "Richard" I wouldn't use "Dick" as my nickname) admitted that there was "no link" between Saddam Hussein and the September 11th attacks. But he still thinks we did the right thing by marching into Iraq. He, too, took issue with President Obama's policies. I'm not 100% positive about this, but didn't various Bush administration officials and the Republican/Conservative Hive Mind spend a lot of time and energy telling the public that Saddam Hussein was, in fact, involved in the September 11th attacks? If so, what is Cheney saying now -- sorry, my bad?

On to less important matters. Susan Boyle checked into the hospital after losing "Britain's Got Talent." She is said to be "suffering from exhaustion," which I think officially makes her a real celebrity, since I have never heard of anyone other than a celebrity checking into a hospital because they were tired. (I know, that's reductionist, and an over-simplification, and probably other words that basically mean the same thing as those two. Bear with me, I'm exhausted.) The funny thing about Susan Boyle? She didn't "lose." She came in second. She was a complete unknown and now she's famous enough to check into a hospital for exhaustion without being laughed at. She will certainly have some sort of career in the entertainment business if she wants to. How is that "losing"? A year from now, let's see who has had a better career -- Susan Boyle or the dance troupe Diversity. My money's on Boyle.

OK, one more serious thing: a federal judge has ruled that "Guantanamo evidence must be made public." This is "the unclassified evidence that it says justifies the continued imprisonment of more than 100 Guantanamo Bay prisoners." So, you know. So there.

Here's a headline you don't like to see: "Federal Reserve puzzled by yield curve steepening." It's one thing if I'm puzzled by financial matters facing our nation. But the Federal Reserve? They shouldn't be puzzled. They should know stuff. Lots of stuff.

Finally, something silly and utterly unimportant. Kathy Griffin says that Eminem walking out of the MTV Movie Awards was "a stunt." What happened? Sasha Baron Cohen, aka Bruno, stuck his heinie in the rapper's face.

Here's what happened:

And here's what Kathy Griffin thinks of it:

See? Now you know everything you need to know to start your day. Enjoy!

Image: Latina.com

Dad Charges Daughter With Grand Theft Auto

Morning News - Mike Tyson's Daughter Injured

13 Year Old Alfie Definitely Not A Dad

Morning News - Talk Show Host Waterboarded

Brett Singer — Mon, 25 May 2009 13:00:00 GMT

Sean Hannity said he would do it but hasn't made good on that pledge. So Erich “Mancow” Muller stepped up and got the job done. Here's a video, which is not safe for work or anyone who feels that watching a wildly unpopular talk show host get waterboarded is an insult to their intelligence.

I've said this before, but it bears repeating. The great thing about Republicans these days is that they are so tolerant. Case in point: Colin Powell, who felt the need to go on CBS' "Face The Nation" and tell everyone that yes, he is still a Republican. This depiste the fact that Dick Cheney recent said "My take on it was Colin had already left the party. I didn't know he was still a Republican." And the lovely Mr. Rush Limbaugh, who says he would like the former Secretary of State to "close the loop and become a Democrat." An article from the AFP wonders if all of this "our way or the highway" stuff is going to be a turn off to anyone who might, gawd forbid, disagree with the Cheney/Limbaugh hive mind. Gee, ya think? On a personal note (shocking, I know) I would genuinely like to have a civil discussion with a person of the Republican persuasion so I can find out what the appeal is. Seriously. I know people who lean to the right politically and yet aren't braying maniacs like Limbaugh or "Mancow". So far I haven't worked up enough nerve to discuss politics with any of them. If someone wants to leave a comment about why they are a Republican, please do so. Understand that I'm not saying that all Republicans are kooks, just that the only ones that we hear from in the media seem to be on the kooky side.

Staying with politics for a moment, President Barack Obama is expected to announce his pick for the Supreme Court this week. I'm going to go out on a limb here and suggest that unless he chooses, say, Dick Cheney, most Republican politicians will not be pleased with his choice. But hey, ya never know. I've been wrong before. (Like the time I said, "Hairspray" as a musical? No one wants to see that. Or when I suggested that Warren Beatty and Dustin Hoffman make a little film called "Ishtar." Only one of those statements is true. Guess which one!)

Moving on to the world of entertainment, Susan Boyle moved on in the "Britain's Got Talent" contest. She sang "Memory" from "Cats." Daring choice. (Meow.) Here's a video, which is safe for work but not safe for those who find the music of Andrew Lloyd Webber to be only slightly more pleasurable than fingernails on a chalkboard:

Speaking on TV talent contests, Queen might have a job for "American Idol" runner-up Adam Lambert. They'd like him to do their laundry. Kidding! He would be the lead singer. Everyone said he (Adam) was just like Freddie Mercury, right?

In movie news, "Night at the Museum: Battle of the Smithsonian" beat out "Terminator Salvation" by about $10 million. When asked for a comment, Christian Bale said, "OHHH! GOOD FOR YOU!"

Last, but not least, today is Memorial Day. I couldn't find one story that I thought was "the one" to link to, so here's a bunch of them from Google News.

Women Switched at Birth Find Out 56 Years Later

More Babies Named After Sports Figure than President

13 Year Old Alfie Definitely Not A Dad

Morning News - March Madness or March Sadness?

Brett Singer — Wed, 18 Mar 2009 13:00:00 GMT

Apologies for forgetting St. Patrick's Day yesterday. I could make a culturally insensitive joke and say that I was drunk, but the truth is I just forgot. Apparently everybody was Irish on Tuesday, but today you're back to whatever it is you are the rest of the year.

Speaking of being culturally insensitive, it's a St. Paddy's Day tradition for the current Irish leader to bring the U.S. President a bowl of shamrocks. Faith and begorrah, laddie! Why doesn't he just dress up like the Lucky Charms mascot and dance an Irish jig on the White House lawn?

A group in Boston conducted a survey of local teens and asked them about Chris Brown and Rihanna. The results? Forty-six percent thought the beating Brown allegedly gave Rihanna "was Rihanna's fault, and fifty-two percent said it was both Rihanna and Brown's fault. Fifty-one percent blamed Brown." Wow. This story gets more depressing by the minute. I'm increasingly of the opinion that there are a lot of guys out there who think it's acceptable to hit a woman if she, you know, just doesn't listen or something. Scary thought.

In goofier entertainment news: Wow, Harry Connick Jr. got fat. I know that doesn’t really matter, but women are usually the target of this sort of nonsense, so I thought I'd share a pic of a famous guy who got caught lookin' chunky on the beach.

I'm not sure what it means when Judge Judy makes more sense than most of the people who talk about the state of our world today. It may be a sign of the apocalypse. Granted, anyone can look good next to Larry King, but Judge Judy sounds quite reasonable here.

There's a six-year-old boy out there with a 176 IQ. At that level, shouldn't he be able to move objects with his mind or something? (Oh, and I bet his father was young.) When you see a story like this, do you look at your own kids and say, "Why can't you be that smart?" Yeah, me neither.

February saw an increase in the number of new homes being constructed, aka "housing starts." Here's the headline, which is pretty typical these days: "Housing starts take surprising jump in Feb. / But can gains continue amid all the housing industry's woes?" It’s like giving a child a piece of chocolate cake and then telling him you might have dropped it in the sink. Or that the frosting is actually made with carob. (Remember carob? It was supposed to be healthier than chocolate. I think people stopped using it in the 1970's.) Just once I'd like to get a piece of good news without being told, "hey, it's good, but don't expect it to last."

Alex Rodriguez, whom I refer to as The Rod, has revealed his true talent -- being annoying both on and off the field. I mean, how is it that the highest paid player in baseball isn’t playing and is on the cover of Details magazine with the headline, "A-Rod: Confessions of a Damned Yankee"? Yes, the cover was planned before he had his surgery. But what the hell, dude?

And finally, March Madness has arrived. If you're like me and have no officemates to play with (let's call it March Sadness), you can make a bracket at NYTimes.com and compete against random people for an Amazon Kindle, which is a nice prize. And CNET has a list of several NCAA-related websites to choose from. The tournament starts tomorrow (Thursday March 19), so get your bracket ready if you want to play. It's like the stock market, only more fun and with less sweating.

Image: CNET

Half of Kids Surveyed Think Rihanna Had it Coming

6-Year-Old Boy has 176 I.Q., Bums out Entire Adult Population

GMA Tweets Details On Levi Johnston And Son

Jimmy Kimmel And The Octomom

Morning News - Cheney, Duct Tape, Outer Space

Brett Singer — Mon, 16 Mar 2009 13:00:00 GMT

Madeline is taking a little time off, so I'll be your Morning Newsperson for awhile. Gosh, I sure wish there was something to talk about. The news is so dull right now... Oh! Wait. My bad. Here we go:

Dick Cheney did an interview with CNN's "State of the Union" where he said that "reversing [Bush administration] anti-terrorism policies endangers Americans." See, if a Democrat said that about a Republican President, there would be an outcry. The former VP also said the Bush administration spent so much money (remember that surplus we used to have?) because "Stuff happens," and discusses the fact that his former boss (George W. Bush, remember him?) did not pardon Scooter Libby. That last one is interesting, I would have thought that Bush would do that. Guess not. There's a meeting it would be fun to be a fly on the wall for. "Dude, I am SO not pardoning Scooter." "Dude! You totally have to!" (Note: I wasn't there, but I bet that's not what they said.)

Some people who are out of work have decided to make their own jobs. The New York Times reports on a few folks who have found their inner entrepreneur, including Alex Andon, who makes jellyfish tanks. Seems that some people will spend big bucks for a nice home for their jellies. Who knew? If you can't make jellyfish tanks (and if not, that's OK, we can't all be good at everything), maybe one of your kids could make a YouTube video asking someone to hire you.

Investigators want to freeze the assets of Ruth Madoff, wife of Bernie. My only question is why did it take them this long to decide to do that?

The space shuttle launched! Um, what's that? You don't care? C'mon, isn't this still a cool thing? I remember being a kid and we were all so stoked whenever there was a launch. I guess it's just not that big a deal anymore. This particular mission sends the Discovery to the International Space Station "to deliver and install the fourth and final pair of solar wings." I don't know what that is, but "solar wings" sounds really cool to me.

Demon dad Josef Fritzl will plead guilty to some charges, but not the ones that carry the really long prison sentences. There will still be a trial, which CNN says will probably last less than a week. We could learn something from those Austrians.

In my day, if a kid made clothes out of duct tape, that meant he was nerdy. Nowadays, it's a contest, with the winner getting $3,000 in scholarship money, provided by Duck brand tape. Tough economic times have increased the number of participants: 25 last year, 80 this year. You can see lots of pics at CNN.com.

Catfight on the catwalk! Or something like that. There was a riot at the tryouts for "America's Next Top Model" in New York City. Clearly this is the result of opening the competition up to women under 5 foot 7. Or this particular crop of "hundreds of hotties in heels" are nuts, no matter how tall they are. Who knows.

And finally, Fed Chairman Ben Bernanke says that the recession could -- COULD -- end this year if -- IF -- the government can get the banks to lend money and make the financial markets "work more normally." I don't know about the rest of you, but I feel like a class A moron whenever people start talking about the economy. (Derivatives? What?) So all you finance types: Fix it, OK? Sheesh.

More tomorrow... same Babble time, same Babble channel...

Image: CNN

They Say: Don't Bother With Sleep Wedges

How to Find a Job in This Economy: Let Your Kid on YouTube

Do We All Have a Right to Procreate?

Oprah Gets It Right On Chris Brown

Do We Need to Know How Many Calories Malia and Sasha Consume in a Day?

George W. Bush Visits Texas Elementary School

Photo - Obama Shocked by Schoolkids

Morning News: The Real Story Behind Palin's Nomination

Madeline Holler — Thu, 19 Feb 2009 14:00:00 GMT

Remember how shocked everybody was back in August after the Democratic National Convention when John McCain picked Sarah Palin? His decision was characterized as impulsive, that she had been plucked out of nowhere. In fact, an August statement from McCain's campaign stated as much.

Wrong!

An unauthorized biography of Palin -- the same one that tells us why she hid her pregnancy -- reports that she learned she was on the VP shortlist way back in February 2008 at a governor's meeting in Washington. And Palin had, in fact, been working to work her way into the national spotlight. Palin disputes the book's accounts.

In more Republican disputes: Aides report that Dick Cheney lost his mind over President Bush's refusal to pardon Scooter Libby. Fun!

Not hiding a pregancy are San Francisco Mayor Gavin Newsom and his wife Jennifer Siebel Newsom. She's pregnant with their first child, no word yet on the due date. Experts say the baby may even be the perfect addition to Newsom's political career and his likely run for governor of California (sweet family and all).

Good news for babies everywhere: they'll now be screened for at least 21 life-threatening medical conditions with a simple blood test at birth. The March of Dimes has campaigned hard for more consistent screening nationwide. Until now, some states only screened for four of the treatable conditions while others screened as many as 29.

Lots of schools are loosening their rules on lice. They now only send kids home if there are signs of lice. But kids with nits -- the lice eggs -- are allowed to stay. Doctors, administrators and parents worried that kids were missing too much school during lice outbreaks. They argue nits don't spread like the actual bugs do. Still! Are you itching just reading this?

Can't figure out whether Obama's housing rescue plan can help you? Start here.

Also getting help? Traders and hedgefund managers and investment bankers who lost their jobs on Wall Street. New York City Mayor Michael Bloomberg wants to spend $45 million to help retrain them. Like, TV/VCR repair? What retrain?

Descendants of Geronimo are suing Skull and Bones and Yale University, claiming members of the university's secret society stole the warrior's remains and keep them locked away in a crypt. We're soooo hoping this isn't true.

Photo: zimbio.com

Morning News: Obama Weighs in on Jessica Simpson's New Size

Madeline Holler — Tue, 03 Feb 2009 14:00:00 GMT

Why is President Barack Obama talking about Jessica Simpsons controversial weight gain? Well, because Matt Lauer conducted another one of his insipid interviews on "Today" yesterday.

So what did the President say about the singer known for playing Daisy Duke, when Lauer shoved a copy of US Magazine in the face of the man trying to, oh, we don't know, fix the economy, restore a little dignity to the Constitution, and lead the country in a new direction as promised? Did Obama really imply that Simpson is fat?

No, no, of course he didn't.

At first, NBC published a transcript of the interview, which had Obama saying Simpson was "losing a weight battle." Shamey, shamey. Then a bunch of freaked out bloggers rewatched the video and Matt Lauer has come out to explain what really happened. Turns out, Obama (reading the headline in front of him) said that Simpson is "in a weight battle."

Moving on ...probably wishing he had new sexy curves to hide behind, Tom Daschle's got bigger tax problems than new Treasury Secretary Timothy Geithner. Daschle only recently paid the taxes he owed on a free car. He also deducted too much for charitable giving. We're trying to keep hope alive and all, but this feels a little icky.

Promises, promises. Michael Phelps pinky swears that he'll never ever smoke pot again. The 23-year-old swimming sensation was embarrassed by a photo of him ripping hits off of a bong. A few years ago, he was sentenced to probation for drunk-driving -- which he also promised to never do again. Okay, drunk-driving, caught smoking pot ... meth comes next, right? Or is it sex in a public bathroom -- we can never keep the celebrity self-destruction sequence straight.

This soldier may never go sky-diving again. During a tandem private lesson, the guy's instructor died in mid-air. He managed to land without getting injured. Unfortunately, the instructor, who had a heart attack, could not be revived.

The nut doesn't fall far from the Dick Cheney. Slate has uncovered and analyzed Elizabeth Cheney's senior thesis from college. She, too, thinks the Constitution is quaint.

One study has found that a third of all American kids take vitamins and most don't even need them. We have ignored tons of advice to give babies iron drops and, more recently, Vitamin D. And we're feeling vindicated. What about you?

Bringing this post around full circle and leaving off with whales. Specifically, older whale moms. Turns out, they make better mothers. (Sure, but they're also super competitive and all they want to talk about is preschool applications for their "brilliant" and "creative" and "advanced deep-sea swimming" little calves. Younger whale moms aren't as uptight.)

Photo: US Magazine

(Late) Morning News: Finally!

Madeline Holler — Tue, 20 Jan 2009 19:00:00 GMT

We know a little something about overdue births here at Morning News. The waiting. The frustrations. The compounding discomfort.

So indulge us when we say this inauguration -- this birth of a brand spanking new presidency and, perhaps, change in direction of the country -- felt like it needed to be induced months and months (and years!) ago.

Finally, this morning, before nearly 2 million people on the Mall in Washington and for 75 percent of the nation on TV or the Internet, Barack Obama was sworn in as the 44th president of the United States. Not a moment too soon.

His inaugural address carried on the themes of his campaign and called everyone to confront the economic crisis and “our collective failure to make hard choices.” His presidency will be a new era of responsibility. We can't wait to see what's next.

Obama told the crowd that "we have chosen hope." Hope, change, hard choices, whatever. We're just glad the grown-ups are finally in charge.

Meanwhile, the Bush family is off to Texas.

The Cheney's are off to Wyoming. (Sidenote: anybody else appreciate, metaphorically speaking, Cheney's incapactitation as a physical demonstration of his political incapacitation? Okay, President Obama, we will now officially end our petty grievances.)

In other news ...what other news? We're going to stay in the inauguration moment today.

Here's a schedule of events and coverage for those of us not lucky enough to be anywhere near D.C. Put on your party dress and tune in.

How do you feel today?

Photo: Washington Post

Morning News: Stevens Loses; Senate Dems Now at 58

Madeline Holler — Wed, 19 Nov 2008 14:30:00 GMT

Alaska Senator Ted Stevens, the guy who risked it all for a free grill, a back massager and a new deck, has lost his bid for re-election. Stevens, who likely would have won handily, had it not been for those pesky election year felony charges, lost narrowing to Anchorage Mayor Mark Begich. All of this adds up to nearly enough Democrats for a filibuster-proof Senate and a nightmare scenario for Republicans.

Oh, and Stevens will also likely seek a presidential pardon. (Of course, he is. Come on, George ... do one courageous thing before you leave office and tell him to serve his time.)

Is Hillary playing hard to get? Or is it that Bill, her husband, is hard to vet? Who knows, but apparently accepting the Secretary of State position is not a foregone conclusion. Insiders say she is torn between joining Barack Obama's cabinet and staying in the Senate to get healthcare legislation written and passed.

Know who else wants to stay in the Senate?

Obama rival and Hillary Clinton pal John McCain. He brought together a bunch of advisers to put together a political action committee -- a signal he intends to run for re-election in 2010.

Obama's cranking through the possible appointments: Eric Holder, a deputy attorney general under Bill Clinton, will likely be offered the attorney general job today.

This warms the heart: Dick Cheney and Alberto Gonzales were both indicted by a Texas grand jury on charges related to prisoner abuse.

Back to the Clintons -- Don't Ask Don't Tell, the bill that allowed gays to serve in the military bud forbid them from being gay might be overturned. The bill's sponsor says it'll happen in Obama's first year in office.

We reported recently on a hospital superbug that is giving thousands and thousands diarrhea. That superbug? Also showing up in loads of supermarket meat. Break out the veggie kabobs!

The parent company of Lean Cuisine is recalling a bunch of the frozen chicken meals. Not because of the gurgly tummy issue from the supermarket meat, rather these meals may contain some foreign matter. Ugh!

OK, so we've all gotten used to Bush's total incompetence regarding Hurrican Katrina. Looks like Hurricane Ike victims are faring no better. Months later, some families are still waiting for trailers, having spent their life savings on campers to live out of on their front lawns. The emergency services in this country are so embarrassing!

Anti-Gay Church Lays Off Workers (After Spending Gobs on Prop 8)

The Second Thing Michelle Said After Obama's Historic Win

Morning News: Is Hillary Back?

Photo: Politico

Morning News: Cindy McCain Has a Boyfriend?

Madeline Holler — Thu, 13 Nov 2008 14:30:00 GMT

It's been awhile since we've had a juicy political-ish affair to report on, so let's start the day with this one: the National Enquirer (ahem!) has published a super grainy photo of a blond woman in a pony tail kissing a creepy looking dude (perhaps also wearing a pony tail).

The tabloid says the woman is Cindy McCain and the dude is, well, they don't say. They say this make-out scene was at a music festival in Tempe, Ariz., two years ago.

We're skeptical, though gracious enough to note the scandal mag totally nailed the John Edwards/Hunter Rielle affair.

But you have to ask yourself: Cindy in an ugly flannel shirt? Drinking Bud from a plastic cup? And don't we expect more discretion from the former non-first lady of the U.S. Thoughts?

We're trying to quit Sarah Palin, so to speak, we really are. But we can't get her off of the widescreen! It appears she is covering all her bases during the post-election media frenzy that features, mainly, her.

First, she told us she'd run for president in 2012 if she received divine orders to do so. Now that her Alaska compatriate (and felon!) Ted Stevens is behind by three votes (at last count) in his re-election bid, she's also saying she'll be lookin' out for God's orders to make a run for that Senate seat in 2010 (or fill an empty one if Uncle Ted wins but gets the boot). So many ways to get Todd and the kids the hell out of Alaska!

Palin's poised even to unseat George W. Bush and his wife Laura in the book world. Publishers are lining up to get the not-much-longer first couple to pen their memoirs, even setting aside bags of money for their troubles. But Sarah Palin could strike a deal that would get her way more than them ... something like $7 million. George, baby, it's so over.

Now it's Joe and Jill Biden's turn to check out their new digs (what? The vice president is finally going to give up his Amtrak pass and live in D.C.?). They're meeting with Dick and Lynne Cheney today and, yes, we'd like to be a fly on the wall there too. No word on whether Cheney will be disclosing all those undisclosed locations. Or whether he'll wait until Jill leaves the room to tell Biden to "go fuck himself."

Ex-Rep. Mark Foley is breaking his silence on the whole text message young male pages thing that basically wrecked his career and helped Democrats take over Congress in 2006. But he's not exactly contrite. He says he's sorry for getting caught, but not for what he did. "They were almost 18!" he says. "No one told me that they weren't enjoying it!" Um. OK (you perv).

Disgraced non-gay Ted Haggard is also breaking his silence two years after the meth-using evangelical minister got totally outed by his favorite gay male prostitute. Haggard says his indiscretions stem from having been molested when he was 7 years old. But that he's all better now. And basically it was God's will that all these Republicans, including himself, got caught being hypocrites.

We like it when gays embrace their gayitude and are especially happy that Connecticut has kicked off gay marriage season just as California preps to shamefully shut its down. The Connecticut State Supreme Court recently struck down a gay marriage ban and couples are lining up to make their partnerships legal. Huh. We're going to go ahead and declare that God's will too.

Photo: National Enquirer

Morning News: Debate Prep Works! For Everyone!

Madeline Holler — Fri, 03 Oct 2008 13:00:00 GMT

Well, well, well. Only once or twice did Sarah Palin spiral into a dark and twisting tunnel of English words strung together with a kind of free-form syntax. Mostly, she stuck to the script, winked at the audience, did that clenched teeth thing (with the head tilt and pointed finger) and sounded like the spunky mom-gal we met but five weeks ago.

Joe Biden, too, benefitted from hours of debate practice against lady politicians and scored big points after he choked back tears remembering his big life tragedy. What a girl!

In summary: everybody won because nobody lost (but Biden won just a little bit more, what with the actual information and all).

Now, not everything that was said was factual. Go here for a rundown. We feel sad this is the only debate the two will have. But Palin performed well, which should put at ease those calling for her to step down from the ticket.(Question: is she really into gay civil unions as she seemed to indicate?)

So sure her debate was relatively gaffe-free. But if you've been getting your daily workout through the isometric muscle exercises brought on by involuntary and rigorous cringing, then you felt fat and disappointed after the 90 minutes of questions. Not to worry! Grab your pilates mat. We've got one last round of Katie Couric interviews.

Daily Palin (and final installment of Daily Couric): Sarah can't really name a past vice president that she admires. Sure, she says George Bush Sr., but look at her. She doesn't mean it. On the worst thing Dick Cheney has done as vice president, she names the duck hunting accident. Curious coming from an "energy expert" who's into transparency and busting up the old boys network. We figured she would at least say something about Cheney's meetings with the movers and shakers in the energy industry ... which were secret ... and a big group hug to an old boys network. Just sayin'.

A surprise cringe sneaks up on us when Katie asks the to VP candidates their favorite movies. Oh, come on, Katie, this isn't for the Today Show!

A Daily Palin Bonus: Pregnant teen Bristol Palin and her fiance Levi Johnston appear to be planning a summer wedding. She's due with their baby in December. In terms of marrying for the sake of the child, what's the lag time called?

Oh, enough of vice presidents, here's the other big campaign news: McCain is pulling out of Michigan, which is swinging plenty in favor of Obama.

Also, the House will try again today to pass a bailout bill. The lobbyists have had time to "educate" the lawmakers, so confidence is high that Bush will have something to sign, pronto.

In health news, we have a study that says exposure to phthalates in-utero may affect the development of baby boys' genitals.

Also, high-conflict parents teach their kids how to have crappy, fight-prone relationships.

The FDA says it's not going to immediately ban over-the-counter cold medicines for kids. Even though they don't really work. And may not be safe.

Sarah Palin Has a Gay (and Probably Pissed) BFF

Morning News Every Morning!

Sarah Palin pro choice -- for gays

Palin Wins the Wink War

Biden Chokes Up

Photo: USAToday.com

Morning News: The Everything's Foreign Edition! (Plus Pop Quiz: John McCain Has How Many Cars?)

Madeline Holler — Mon, 22 Sep 2008 13:00:00 GMT

Sarah Palin has inspired Morning News to bolster its own foreign experience credentials. So we're bringing you news bits that are at least tenuously connected to important matters in the foreign lands of foreign people! That's how it works, right?

We'll also look at the domestic front, including Emmy winners, banking losers, Ivy League whiners, and vice presidential record destroyers.

Let's start with a small town girl-mayor, the big dreams and her clever one-stop-shopping strategy to gain foreign experience without bending a single crisp corner of her like-new year-old passport.

Daily Palin: Sarah Palin will meet with lots of the foreign leaders she's been studying up on at the U.N. General Assembly tomorrow. Uncle Henry (Kissinger) will act as ambassador in this "take your party's unprepared VP candidate to work" day. We think she'll learn lots.

More foreign: The hundreds of billions of dollars bank bailout could extend to foreign banks. Because that's just how generous American taxpayers are! But the Democrats are skeptical and want more (some? any?) oversight as the Bush administration offers to shovel billions more into the fire burning down Wall Street. For some reason, it's controversial to ask, as the Democrats are, that limits be placed on pay for the bank executives who want to participate in the program. John McCain is calling for a $400,000 salary cap. (An amount that would still enable them to own as many cars as he does -- 13 in all, including a foreign made Prius. In case you're petty and have to know how many cars Barack and Michelle Obama own: one.)

By the way, when lawmakers call for privatization of Social Security and other programs, this whole market meltdown kind of puts a horrible spin on those ideas, doesn't it? Might be a good question to ask in the upcoming debates (first one is this Friday!).

Back overseas: The tainted milk scandal in China has expanded to nearly 13,000 cases of kids getting sick and four deaths. Oh, and now a three-year-old girl in Hong Kong is in the hospital with a kidney stone.

One more enlightening experience on Morning News's whirlwind foreign exchange program: internationally adopted children from certain countries show signs of puberty sooner than North-American born kids. Researchers believe hitting puberty early is correlated with birth weight.

Now, America, land of the free home of Dick Cheney: judges have ordered that he preserve records pertinent to the Bush presidency even though he doesn't want to. Just put them with Karl Rove's emails and they'll be safe.

Does happiness mean attending four years at an Ivy League school? Well, no. In fact, definitely not.

Happiness is, however, watching Tina Fey get lots of awards. Stephen Colbert, too. Sidenote: It was also a delight to see Don Rickles win something. Because we could have sworn he was dead.

Photo: utdallas.edu

Happiness for Her Kids: Even Lynne Cheney Wants it Now

JeanneSager — Fri, 19 Sep 2008 14:33:00 GMT

While the world’s been watching a hockey mom who’s seen Russia attempt a move cross country, the current resident of Number One Observatory Circle has been making some big moves of her own.

Lynne Cheney earned some fans in the GLBT community this week for sort of, almost, but not exactly putting her seal of approval on gay marriage. Congratulations Mrs. Cheney, you’ve taken the next step in what it means to be a mommy.

The vice president’s wife was on CBS’ Early Show to promote her new book, We the People: The Story of Our Constitution, not talk about her openly lesbian daughter Mary. But when CBS co-anchor Harry Smith pressed for her take on Star Trek actor George Takei’s marriage in California to his long-time partner, Brad Altman, Mrs. Cheney quoted one of her husband’s speeches embraced by gays and lesbians back in the 2000 campaign.

“Freedom in this country ought to mean freedom for everyone,” she said, paraphrasing Dick Cheney’s comments during the 2000 vice presidential debates (the exact context of the statements is available here). You know, the comments he conveniently forgot when it came time to stand by his boss and support the constitutional amendment banning gay marriage.

But I digress. This is about his wife, the mother of his children, after all. “I would wish my daughter to have happiness and freedom to make her own choices,” Mrs. Cheney told Smith.

Even skirting the words “yes, I support gay marriage,” she’s come a long way from the mom who made a political attack against John Kerry during the 2004 campaign for discussing Mary’s sexuality. She pulled the mom card when she called out Kerry to lend credence to her claim that he was “tawdry.” Now she’s pulling the mom card to turn her back on the Republican line.

If she were a politician, I’d call her out for being a flip-flopper. But she’s not a politician. She’s a politician’s wife, and she’s a mom. And I’m just too darn hokey to believe that moms don’t always want their kids to be happy. Call me Pollyanna, but come on. If they’ve got blue hair, a bull ring through the nose plus a lesbian girlfriend, they’re still yours.

So congratulations, Mrs. Cheney. You picked your daughter over the devil perched on your shoulder. Score one for motherhood.

Return of the son of stuff YUPPIE parents like

Brett Singer — Tue, 29 Jul 2008 15:00:00 GMT

Because too much is never enough. And besides, didn't you want to see this photo at least one more time?

1. Organic everything: from a commenter. I've succumbed to some of this, partly because, living in Manhattan, the cost difference isn't as great as it used to be, and sometimes the quality is better. I also admit that I feel less guilt giving my kids "organic" pre-packaged crap than I do giving them "chemical-laden" pre-packaged crap. It's still crap, but it's ORGANIC crap.

2. Classes and activities: yes, from the same commenter. She said, "mommy and me classes" but in my experience it's much more than that. Around here, it seems like everyone has their kids doing something all flippin' day. A parent once told me that she didn't understand why Kindergarten went until 3pm; she wished it ended at noon so her kid could take advantage of everything Manhattan had to offer. I replied that I thought Kindergarten should go until 8pm. We don't talk much anymore.

3. Kids' music that parents can enjoy: All parents have benefited from the boom in kiddie rock. While I am of course very glad that children's music has evolved beyond Raffi (who really isn't that bad) and Kidz Bop (which is), sometimes this preciousness can go a little too far. Sure, anything by Dan Zanes or The Dirty Sock Funtime Band is better than Barney's Greatest Hits, but a little James Taylor, Peter Paul and Mary, The Beatles – lots of great "adult" music out there that kids might like.

4. Taking their children to live rock 'n' roll shows: "Alternadad" Neal Pollack brought his little one to see The Hives, a rather loud quasi-punk act. I spotted two sets of parents who had dragged their children to see Yaz at the Beacon theater (I myself was dragged by my wife, but that's another story). When commenters on Gawker are giving good parenting advice ("Neil [sic], seriously--ear plugs"), you know something is out of whack in the universe.

5. Anything that isn't made of granite. At least after we found out about the radiation.

For more, click here.

image: nostalgiacentral.com

More stuff YUPPIE parents like

Baby Penis Album only five bucks

Stuff White Parents Like

When playgrounds attack, the sequel

The Dark Knight -- parents strongly cautioned (to go see it)

Here's to the laddies who lunch

Kid Food Is Mostly Crap, and It's a Little Shocking

More stuff YUPPIE parents like

Brett Singer — Sat, 26 Jul 2008 14:00:00 GMT

If you want to know why YUPPIE is written in CAPS, check out the comments on Redsy's post.

Also, a word of explanation for our younger readers: "yuppie" is a term that was coined in the 1980's. It means "Young Urban Professional." Obnoxious spin off terms include "buppie" (black urban professional) and "guppie" (gay urban professional, which is at least vaguely amusing). In general, I think that the term "yuppie" is (like myself) color-blind, so we'll just stick with that. (My color-blindness mostly means I need help choosing ties, but it also refers to non-clothing related issues.)

And now – the stuff!

1.   Fertility treatments: maybe this is a Manhattan thing, but I've seen several signs in drug store windows advertising help getting your health insurance to help pay to get you pregnant. My theory (unfounded and unresearched) is that there are a large number of parents having children later in life, and also a huge number of older dads starting second families with their second wives.
2.   Wooden toys: this is from a commenter, and it's totally true. I fully expect some "mompreneur" to start selling unadorned two-by-fours in colorful packaging. (Hang on, I need to copyright that idea.)
3.   SUV's: hopefully the price of gas will put the kibosh on these. There are other ways to schlep a family around town.
4.   Hybrid cars: for the parents who don't want SUV's. It's all about extremes, people.
5.   Feeling entitled to brunch: In some cases, even men want to emulate the Sex and the City gals.

For more, click here.

image: nostalgiacentral.com

Baby Penis Album only five bucks

Are Brangelina Too Posh to Procreate (the Old-Fashioned Way)?

Return of the son of stuff YUPPIE parents like

Mister Frickin' Rogers

Kids Stuff I like that my kids don't care about

More Kids Stuff I like that my kids don't care about

When playgrounds attack, the sequel

The Dark Knight -- parents strongly cautioned (to go see it)

Here's to the laddies who lunch

Stuff White Parents Like

Rachael Brownell (Redsy) — Thu, 24 Jul 2008 21:01:00 GMT

Inspired by the brilliant site Stuff White People Like, here are some things white (or, if you prefer, "yuppie") parents like:

1. Waldorf education - it's very expensive and makes perfect sense for parents concerned with creativity and limiting screen time.

2. Attachment parenting - only white parents need to label what has been a practice among cultures for hundreds of years.

3. Childrearing experts - White parents love to read books about child development, preferably while talking on their BlackBerry and returning emails.

4. Birth order studies- arguably, birth order tells us something about a person's proclivity to want to be taken care of (youngest child) or in charge (oldest child). White parents seem particularly interested in these kinds of studies.

5. Non-toxic coloring markers - With all the lead in toys and potential radon emissions from granite countertops, it seems silly for parents to worry about coloring markers. But worrying is something white parents love to do.

6. Gay children's children - Dick Cheney proved that even Republicans can love their gay children's children. Thanks, Dick.

For more stuff, go here...

Dick Cheney whispering hush: Goodnight Bush

Brett Singer — Sun, 22 Jun 2008 15:00:00 GMT

"Goodnight Bush" is a new take on an old classic, but probably not something you'll be reading (and reading, and reading, and reading – what is it about "Goodnight Moon"?) to your kids at bedtime.

According to the New York Times, the book was an unsolicited manuscript received by Little, Brown, who noticed it in the pile because it was mailed in a clear envelope. Good move – the package stood out, and the book is now on sale; it currently holds the #1 spot on Amazon.com in the Political Humor category.

"Goodnight Constitution. And goodnight evolution."

Hee hee.

The authors actually take their parody more seriously, with one of them saying, "We wanted it to be the definitive requiem for everything they've done." Um, okay. Can I just think it's funny?

image: sfgate.com

White House Slammed for "Sinful" Lesbian Photo

Mike Adamick (Cry It Out!) — Mon, 04 Jun 2007 20:01:00 GMT

Now here's a way to drive up support for the administration: Post hot lesbian parent photos on the main White House web site. Finally, they're doing something right. Unless, of course, you talk to Stephen Bennett -- founder of the Stephen Bennett Ministry of Ignorance and Stupity or something like that.

Bennett is bent out of shape because a photo showing the devil and his wife, Lynn Cheney, holding their new grandson included a caption explaining that the boy's parents are Cheney's daughter and her partner.

And because there's really nothing important going on in the world today, Bennett took time out of his insanely busy schedule to say, "I say shame on the White House, shame on the president and shame on the vice president for allowing such a caption to be 'officially' added onto the White House website and such a beautiful photo of two happy grandparents and their new grandchild."

Huh? Did you miss the controversy? What's the crime here, you ask? Why is Bennett so fumed? The caption listed Mary Cheney and her partner, Heather Poe, as "parents." And because lesbians obviously can't parent in any way, Bennett goes on to give a ninth-grade biology lesson on birds and bees and then throws his hands in the air and orders a "massage" from Ted Haggard. Tool.

Dick Cheney's Lesbian Daughter Gives Birth

Stefania Pomponi Butler (CityMama) — Wed, 23 May 2007 23:04:00 GMT

Mary Cheney, 38, and her partner of 15 years, Heather Poe, welcomed their son Samuel David to the world this morning. The baby's last name is Cheney. I would have gone with Poe.

Grandfather Dick, the meanest man in the entire world, even managed to crack a smirk.

Little Samuel (who is adorably chubby in the photos) was born at 9:46 a.m. in Washington D.C. and weighed in at 8 pounds, 6 ounces.

Congrats to the Cheney-Poe family, and Samuel, sorry your grandfather is the devil incarnate.

[photo: CNN via CBB]

Dick Cheney's Gay Daughter Expecting a Boy

Stefania Pomponi Butler (CityMama) — Mon, 09 Apr 2007 22:02:00 GMT

Vice President Dick Cheney announced recently that his daughter and her partner are expecting a boy. (We first told you about the pregnancy in December.) Mary Cheney, 38, and her partner Heather Poe, 45, have been together since their college days and this is their first child.

Of the legal standing regarding his daughter's relationship with Poe, Vice President Cheney says:

I think each state ought to have the capacity to decide how they want to handle those issues... And I obviously think it's important for us as a society to be tolerant and respectful of whatever arrangements people enter into.

For the record, Mary Cheney is in favor of legalized same-sex marriage. The man her father ~~controls~~ reports to is not.

[photo credit: Jeff Haynes/AFP/Getty]

Cheney Happy About Gay Daughter's Pregnancy

MetroDad — Fri, 22 Dec 2006 13:29:00 GMT

Vice-President Dick Cheney's conservative credentials were burnished many years ago. During his ten years representing Wyoming in the House of Representatives, he was easily one of the most conservative members of Congress.

His voting record was uniformly anti-gay. He opposed the ban on selling armor-piercing bullets, opposed sanctions against South Africa, and actually voted against a resolution calling for the release of Nelson Mandela from prison. On the education front, Cheney voted for a constitutional amendment that would ban school busing and voted against Head Start. As Secretary of Defense, he further burnished his conservative rep by directing both the invasion of Panama and Operation Desert Storm.

Clearly, for much of his political career, Cheney has been a true conservative's conservative.

However, I've always found his unmitigated love and support for his openly gay daughter to be not only surprisingly candid and contradictory but also, in a weird way, quite touching. Who would have thought a hard-core conservative would be so openly accepting of a gay child? However, the fact of the matter is that he and his daughter, Mary, have always been extremely close. She is his closest confidante and, throughout the years, has always been one of his top campaign aides. One only has to observe the two of them together to witness their genuine love for one another.

Since his daughter came out of the closet as a lesbian, Cheney's political views towards homosexuals have changed slightly and he has demonstrated a willingness to defy his conservative comrades. When the Bush administration supported the Federal Marriage Amendment, a proposed amendment to the United States Constitution that would limit marriage to heterosexual couples and also ban civil unions and domestic partnership benefits, Cheney opposed both his president and his party by stating that he was against the amendment and that it was an issue to be determined by the states.

The Cheney family is now back in the news as Mary and her partner Heather Poe (who have been together for 15 years) have declared that Mary is pregnant. This news has clearly rankled many conservative groups around the country. However, true to form, Vice-President Cheney continues to publicly state that he could not be happier and is looking forward to having another grandchild.

Look, I'm not going to get into a political debate here. However, the fact of the matter is that Cheney, no matter what one thinks of his beliefs or convictions, is like many of us. He's a devoted father who clearly has an unconditional love for his child and is willing to do anything for her. In this era of partisan politics, isn't it nice to see a little humanity from our polticians...in any way, shape or form?

Right-Wing Nutjob Says Soy Makes Kids Gay

Dad Gone Mad — Wed, 13 Dec 2006 14:00:00 GMT

Under the heading “A devil food is turning our kids into homosexuals,” some dickhead homophobe named Jim Rutz has written a commentary contending that soy makes kids gay. (Mr. Rutz is also rumored to believe that Spaghetti-Os turn you Mexican and Cheerios make you black.)

“Soy is feminizing,” he says, “and commonly leads to a decrease in the size of the penis, sexual confusion and homosexuality. That’s why most of the medical (not socio-spiritual) blame for today’s rise in homosexuality must fall upon the rise in soy formula and other soy products.”

He’s basically saying we’d all be a lot better off if we fed the kids a healthy, Republican diet. Lots of red meat and dairy products and whiskey. Then we could all grow up to look rotund and miserable like Dick Cheney, which is essentially the way the rest of the world views Americans anyway.

Who is this guy Rutz? What qualification does he have to make this absurd declaration? As I read his homophobic drivel, I see no mention that he did any sort of independent research. As all of the great hate-mongers of our time have done to support their causes, this asshole has simply stolen statistics and coordinated without context to support his assertion that we must drastically reduce our children’s soy intake before they all become – gasp! – fags.

Notice that in his attempt scare our kids into Heteroville, Rutz has link homosexuality to leukemia, breast cancer, infertility and testicular atrophy.

A confession: I go to Starbucks EVERY DAY and order an iced, venti SOY latte. I have been doing so for five years. Yet despite Rutz The Putz’s assessment, I have not noticed a decrease in my penis size, I am not “sexually confused” and I have not turned gay.

That said, I am cordially inviting Jim Rutz to suck my dick.