Strollerderby : discipline

Do You Speak Up When You See a Child Hit in Public?

JeanneSager — Thu, 16 Apr 2009 21:31:00 GMT

Every April, I get that old Edmund Burke quote stuck in my head: "All that is necessary for the triumph of evil is that good men do nothing." Or something to that effect.

April is Child Abuse Prevention Month, the time when child protection groups across the country start beating that drum again. Speak up, speak up, speak UP when you see something.

Except, I am not that parent. I have a hard time walking up to the mother in the grocery store who has smacked their child across the face and saying, "Hey, lady, knock it off."

I'm more the indignant glare type, the one who will cut you down with my eyes, dark and forbidding from across the dairy aisle, running my cart perilously close to your heels. "I'm watching you," I say with my elbows as I get too close while we're both picking through the tomato pile.

And yet, I am not a proponent of child abuse (is anyone?). I am not even a spanker, preferring to discipline with words and timeouts in part because of my own history of beatings on the butt which left their emotional scars. Nor am I the quiet type. I frankly have a hard time shutting up about most things - hence the blogging job!

So why is it so hard to speak up about child abuse? For one, there's a fine line between outright abuse and a bad day. We've all been horrified by seeing a parent smack a kid, but who knows if that was a heat of the moment, having an awful day, never, ever happened before kind of thing or a normal occurrence in that family's life? We're too afraid of disrupting an otherwise normal family's life with an investigation by child protective services.

There's also a fear that our own closets aren't without their skeletons. Ever been locked out by your toddler? Check. Ever lost your toddler - even for just five seconds - because they wandered off while you were focusing on something else? Again, check. Ever left your child in the car for a second while you ran into the post office? One more time.

So we adopt the "he who is without sin" method of casting stones. We're not perfect, so who are we to judge? Although, we do judge. We glare. We huff. We go home and tell our spouses about the idiot we saw in the grocery store. We are aware that something might not be right, but by and large we are too afraid to do anything.

It's all in degrees, naturally. If I saw a baby sleeping in a backseat on a ninety-degree day with no adult in sight, you know I'd be on my cell phone to 911. If I saw a child battered and bruised with a split lip and a black eye, I'd be calling child protective services. Waiting until it gets to clear child abuse carries with it its risks - we aren't PREVENTING child abuse if we wait that long. We aren't protecting the nearly one million victims of child abuse every year, almost ninety-five percent of whom are abused more than once.

It's where that Burke quote comes into play. We are good parents, but we let bad parents win.

I've done it. You've done it.

Will you be speaking up next time?

Image: ChildAbusePreventionNetwork

Six-year-old Goes to Traffic Court

JeanneSager — Mon, 13 Apr 2009 13:34:00 GMT

He wasn't behind the wheel, but a six-year-old New Mexico boy was sentenced by a judge to traffic court. After all, it was his fault his mother ended up with a traffic ticket.

The boy's mom was pulled over and ticketed for not ensuring her elementary schooler was wearing his seatbelt. Rather than pleading guilty, the mom took the case to court - where she explained to the judge that nothing she does seems to get through to her son the importance of keeping the belt on.

"He took off his seat belt, I pulled over again and put it on and he took it off right in front of the cop," the mom told a New Mexico TV station. The judge agreed something had to be done - and he used his position to make it happen. He told her to take him to traffic school.

It doesn't seem to matter how on message you are with the seatbelt talk, some kids just love to rebel. We switched our daughter out of the carseat and into a booster the second she was tall enough - despite all the parents who told me they weren't as safe - because she couldn't be convinced NOT to move the chest plate down onto her belly. Every time she slipped it lower, I worried about the impact that would have on her internal organs if we were to get into an accident. The booster seat ensures she can't move the belt around, and the impact would be spread across more of her body.

Other parents say their problem is once they move into the booster seat, they can't keep their kids from the fascination of clicking the seatbelt button.

Some kids never test the limits, but there will always be that bunch who do. The best you can do is make sure you never take your kids out for a ride without the seatbelt and to always wear one yourself. I also used the cop next door as an excuse - reminding my daughter that he would have to come arrest me if she wasn't wearing a seatbelt. I'm not lying - it's essentially what happened with this New Mexico family!

The mom ended up taking her son to a seatbelt safety class - judge-approved. He's considering making future offenders and their kids take the same class, but it's not a bad idea for parents who are struggling with the problem - to prevent the ticket, and prevent a horrible accident.

Any other tips, Babble readers? What tricks have you used to keep them belted in?

Image: Edmunds

What They're Babbling About: David's Back at the Dentist and We Rant

JeanneSager — Fri, 10 Apr 2009 16:26:00 GMT

It's a random round-up in this week's edition of What They're Babbling About - nothing ties them together - other than parenting of course. So let's dig in.

Thought David Goes to the Dentist was hilarious? It gets better - someone's mashed up David with the Christian Bale rant. Warning - kick the kids out of the room, and do not play this one at work! - YouTube

We've all been there - pissed beyond belief, pissed beyond compare . . . sound kind of like Christian Bale. So how do you rein in the rant when your kids are around? Stamp down the steaming streaming with these tricks. - Parent Dish

Just don't use the brake pedal for discipline - or you'll end up in the slammer with this bus driver. - Parent Dish

Think the ranting over Madonna adopting out-of-country is over the top? This mom thinks that's just another road that will lead the reduction in reproductive choice. Weigh in here. - Proud Parenting

Since we're talking taboos, is money no object these days. . . conversation-wise? Everyone's moaning about the economy, so is this mom right in finding more room to talk about family finances out and about? - Work It, Mom

Ready to get this kid out of you but not willing to try something crazy? Find out what doctors say is a no-fail way to get the baby moving, and what one moms says it did to her. - LilSugar

And since that will generally lead to breastfeeding, my favorite pick of the day - what to do when a mother is breastfeeding next to you on an airplane. A primer for all you lucky ducks on your way home from spring break. Hint: it's not looking around uncomfortably. - Sustainable Mothering

Toddlers Whose Parents Hit Have More Trouble Sleeping

Hannah Tennant-Moore — Tue, 07 Apr 2009 17:30:00 GMT

I’m hoping it won’t surprise you to learn that a three-year study of 4,600 toddlers has concluded that children whose parents hit or yell at them are more likely to have trouble sleeping. It doesn't take an expert to realize that a quick slap and a screamed threat are not exactly relaxing.

What is surprising is that the Australian pediatrician who led the study is arguing that there is no way to know whether aggressive parenting causes sleeping problems, or if toddlers who are cranky and overtired cause their parents to be more hostile."It's always a cause-and-effect argument and you can't really conclude from this which occurs first," said Dr. Harriet Hiscock.

Call me naïve, but I kinda thought it was common knowledge that, “He made me do it!” is not a justifiable excuse for violence—particularly when the “he” is a toddler. Furthermore, the study—which examined sleeping habits when children were one-year-old, and then again two years later—found that “mothers' parenting style was not a big factor in sleep problems at the age of one, but became an issue by the second study.”

Hmmm, I wonder if the inability to fall asleep that these kids developed over time had anything to do with living with the constant stress of parents who frequently lose their tempers….

Photo: Hank van Stuivenberg/Sydney Morning Herald

Another Country Bans Spanking

Dad Beats the Demon out of His Son

JeanneSager — Tue, 07 Apr 2009 15:01:00 GMT

We've all thought our kids were little devils, but when you start to feel guilty for thinking bad thoughts kid-ward, take heart you aren't this guy:

A Texas dad told cops he beat his son to a pulp to rid him of a demon that he believed invaded his home . . . and the three-year-old's body.

Neighbors of Jacky Tran told the Houston Chronicle they saw him throwing furniture out of his house because he thought it was "evil," and the little boy unfortunately fared even worse. Tran was reportedly seen swinging the child, who suffered head fractures but is expected to be OK.

Why is it the stories you hear are either this side of crazy or the parent next door who lets their three-year-old run around the library like a banshee? I guess because the rest of us just aren't newsworthy as we trudge along, thinking the occasional "they're driving me crazy" thought about our kids but not acting on them.

Tran, in particular, sounds like he's mentally ill and should face some psychiatric evaluation before a judge decides if he'll serve the five to ninety-nine years he's face if convicted. And as horrible as this sounds, I think a tiny part of a lot of us knows, we're lucky to be absolutely, achingly normal.

Image: About.com

Judge to Mom: Spank Your Kid or Pay Up

JeanneSager — Sat, 04 Apr 2009 17:22:00 GMT

A judge who ordered parents to paddle their children with a wooden board in an open courtroom or face hefty fines has been warned his mode of punishment is not acceptable by a Texas judicial conduct panel.

Well Gawd bless those Texans for some common sense.

Judge Gustavo Garza has told parents of truant children they would have to pay as much as $500 if they didn't take a board, labeled "board of education" and spank their kids. One dad is suing, saying he reluctantly paddled his stepdaughter, only to have Garza tell him he hadn't hit her hard enough.

Since when does a judge get to advocate violence to prove a point? Because even the pro-spanking crowd has to admit that telling a parent to hit their child with a paddle - and to hit "harder" is something intended to inflict pain.

As Hannah pointed out recently, in all fifty states, it is legal for parents to hit, spank, paddle, or whip their children. Legal, but not required. Just like I can't be compelled to raise my child a Catholic or a Jew or force her to eat meat or not, I can't be forced to use spanking as my form of discipline.

One lawyer likened Garza's courtroom to something out the Jerry Springer Show, and I'd tend to agree. The idea of the law sneaking into parents' homes makes me uncomfortable, and I admit a slight hesitancy in supporting the concept of an anti-spanking law - because I've worried how far-reaching it can go. But when the opposite is in affect, when a judge forces a parent to hit their child, using the force of the law, we're right up there with the countries that practice torture.

What happened to Amendment 8 of the Constitution? You know, the one that says judges shall not call for "cruel or unusual punishments" for criminals? Maybe it's time to take Judge Garza over our knee and show him what it's liked to be punished for abusing his power.

Source/Image: MomLogic

School Kids Get Exercise Balls Instead of Chairs

JeanneSager — Fri, 13 Mar 2009 19:30:00 GMT

Your kid could be getting an education - and a core workout - all at once.

Teachers at schools around the country have opted to pull chairs out of their classrooms in favor of workout balls – those giant rubber blobs that are the bane of out-of-shape mothers everywhere. Turns out, they're keeping kids focused - and not just on keeping their butts centered.

In a study published last month in the Chronicle of Kinesiology and Physical Education in Higher Education, a college professor who switched out chairs for workout balls says the balls improved students' focus and their attention. For young kids who need to get the wiggles out, the balls give them a chance to bounce their behinds, something your average chair can't.

Of course there are drawbacks. Critics say without relief for leaning back, kids are putting pressure on their tail bone all day long - and teachers can't well be expected to roam the aisles correcting kids' posture. And posture is a big issue with kids - backpacks on wheels started flying off shelves a few years back when parents got the warning that their kids had "backpack syndrome" from carting packs that were more than ten percent of their body weight.

But teachers aren't currently strolling the aisles telling kids to stop slumping in their seats either (who has time for that?), and I'd dare so most kids have horrible posture in your standard chair. At least with the ball, they develop core muscles which, in turn, strengthen the back. Come to think of it, maybe I need to do this to finally get the aching back left over from the little girl who loosened up my abdominal muscles.

Some schools are asking parents to chip in for the "seats" for their kids. Would you?

Image: MSNBC

The Newest Form of Discipline: Licking

JeanneSager — Wed, 11 Mar 2009 15:01:00 GMT

Leave it to a childless celebrity to tell us how to make your kids behave. Rosario Dawson says she's not going to scream at her (currently hypothetical) kids; she's going to lick them.

OK. And what will that taste like?

I'm not exactly fond of screaming either, but the idea of licking a kicking, biting toddler (who happens to be screaming herself) is hilarious. "Come here, honey. No, hold still, wait a moment, come on, I don't want to get the taste of snot streaming down your face in my mouth . . ." I'll hug my daughter and smother her with kisses after she's been crying, but I like to hit her up with a tissue first - I can't imagine putting my big ol' tongue up to her face and letting loose.

Dawson says her mom did it to her, and it worked. "If I was acting out or talking up or just being a precocious child as I was she would lick me and my face in front of all her friends," she told Tarts during promotion for her newest film.

I can see there might be a shock factor there - at least the first time. A licked child will be so confused that they stop what they're doing. But the shock value would fade with each swipe of the tongue, I'd think. Still better than beating or screaming, but does anyone see this actually working? With anyone OTHER than Dawson?

Image: Fox News

Child Abuse Investigation Centers on Supernanny Dad

JeanneSager — Thu, 26 Feb 2009 15:03:00 GMT

A father featured on the popular ABC show Supernanny is now at the center of an investigation into allegations that he abuses his children.

Is anyone surprised it's the guy seen smacking his kids across the face and calling his four daughters "bitches" on camera?

The show aired Feb. 13, featuring Phil and Debbra Davis, a Florida couple with five children, including Phil's fourteen-year-old stepdaughter, the couple's nine-year-old son and three daughters under four (yes, he calls kids under four bitches). From the get-go, Supernanny Jo Frost says Phil needs a "good talking to," as he shares his expectations for his wife (cleaning the house before she leaves for work and again after she gets home from a job where he says she "sits on her rear end all day."). When she realizes he pulls out his belt and threatens one of their toddlers, she calls him "disgusting" and "appalling."

I couldn't have said it any better.

A TV viewer apparently lodged the complaint to the Volusia County Sheriff's Office. Because it's an investigation, officials won't say whether there's more to the complaint than what was seen on camera.

This is sure to enrage the pro-spanking parents out there, and parents who think that the arm of the law has no place in discipline. But watching the show, Davis clearly has no sense of control as he slaps his children across the face (a major no-no in my book, it's degrading in addition to painful) and calls his stepdaughter a "slut" and a "ho."

Do you think he crosses the line?

Image: PopCrunch

When Should the School Call the Parents?

JeanneSager — Sat, 21 Feb 2009 20:02:00 GMT

Life in a small town is strange sometimes. I didn't hear about the punching incident at my daughter's pre-school from her or even from the teacher.

I heard about it in town, via the long grapevine of small town life. I also heard it was dealt with - appropriately - by the teacher.

It didn't bother me in the least that I hadn't known before - after all, my daughter wasn't involved. But when I mentioned it to another parent, her reponse shocked me. "You didn't get a letter? The teacher didn't say anything?"

Of course she didn't say anything. One little boy punched another little boy, and the teacher stepped in. She talked to the parents of the kids involved. The parents dealt with it. My daughter wasn't involved, and therefore I wasn't involved. I probably would have been more concerned if the teacher was telling the private business of two other children and two other sets of parents - to me.

My friend wasn't giving up. "But there's a bully in your daughter's class. Don't you want to know to protect her? Shouldn't you know what happens in that classroom during the day?"

I can see her point, but when I drop my daughter off in the morning, I put her in the care of her teacher and the teacher's assistant for three hours. I have to trust that those two adults are protecting my daughter, and that they're ensuring what happens in that classroom is safe and appropriate. If it isn't, I'd expect them to tell me.

What do you think? Should parents be notified of every "bad" thing to happen in a classroom? Or should notification be child specific?

How To Catch a Teenage Crook: Use Facebook

JeanneSager — Sat, 21 Feb 2009 17:47:00 GMT

If you thought the only risk your kids had in going on Facebook was from child predators, guess again. It turns out when they royally screw up in the real world, Facebook can get society the help it needs.

Police officers in Maine took surveillance photos of some teenage hoodlums and posted them on Facebook - so users could identify the crooks and send them to jail.

The pictures went up on Facebook on Jan. 29, and already the three fifteen- and sixteen-year-olds responsible for breaking into a spa and wreaking havoc were identified - ostensibly by other teens - and arrested.

Considering law enforcement and social networking sites have had to develop relationships thanks to dumb kids posting photos of their misdeeds online, it's high time there was a little quid pro quo. It's also a good reminder for kids who think they're safe from their crimes that the more widespread big brother's reaches, the more likely their pranks will land them in jail. Good ammunition for parents who are at the end of their rope and looking to cash in on the scared straight program.

If nothing else, the parents of the kids who IDed the perps can feel a little better about how much time their kids are wasting online. At least they performed a public service.

Image: Mediabistro

Elementary School Essay Lands Dad in Jail

JeanneSager — Mon, 16 Feb 2009 13:20:00 GMT

I'm not sure which part is more depressing: that a father would shoot his son with a BB gun or that the boy would think it normal to write about in a school essay.

A Wisconsin nine-year-old related the day his father shot him in the buttocks for not moving out from in front of the TV screen in an essay for his teacher; and the teacher called in police to investigate the boy's father.

The dad, David J. Peschl, was subsequently arrested on a felony count of child abuse. He admits to the incident, but says it wasn't malicious or even a form of discipline. It was "horseplay," he says, and he regretted it immediately after it happened. Regretted it, maybe, because he realized he'd end up in jail?

The little boy apparently wrote in the essay that the moment was the "most painful thing I ever felt in my life," and says his mother could hear him screaming from the road. His father says the wording of the essay doesn't sound like his son, inferring that the boy had "help" from a teacher in crafting the piece. Although I agree kids embellish, it's not hard to imagine a nine-year-old saying the time his father shot him in the behind with a BB gun was the worst moment of his life. He was shot . . . with a BB gun . . . by his father.

That's not horseplay. Horseplay is wrestling a child to the ground and giving them a noogie. Horseplay is tickling them until they move out from in front of the TV. Horseplay is throwing a blanket over their head and yelling "now you can't see the TV either" or something equally silly. Shooting them in the hind end with a BB gun? That's simply cruel - and I dare say abusive (hey, police agree - look at the charge).

It's sad that a father would do this to his child, but a small part of me is even sadder that the child thought this was normal. That of all the moments in his life, he thought of this one to write about for a school essay - as if it were just another moment like any other.

Or do you think this was a simple cry for help? That the nine-year-old was too afraid to speak about this in words to his teacher, so he wrote through the pain to share his tale?

Image: Kids.Indianeducation (not the boy in the story)

Smackdown: I Need a Time Out!

JeanneSager — Fri, 13 Feb 2009 15:02:00 GMT

The amount of time my daughter spends in her room has grown exponentially as she's gotten older.

She sleeps less. She "times out" more.

Yes, time out is a staple of our discipline diet in my household. Early on in my pregnancy, my husband and I debated the best methods for behavior modification. Neither one of us was crazy about spanking. But the idea that you discipline with love? That's the stuff of temper tantrums - for Mom.

The way I see it, I love her so much that she needs to go to her room and think about what she's done. Or, at least, get out of my hair so I can have a few moments to breathe deep breaths and rip my hair out in little tufts (even more reason to shave the head next month for children's cancer, huh?).

Time out isn't an every day occurrence in our house, and it's not the answer to every infraction. But when my daughter - who at three is now developing her sense of right and wrong - does something she has been clearly told again and again not to do, there have to be repercussions. Like hitting the dog. Drawing on the walls with crayon. Pouring a cup of juice on the floor because it isn't the juice she "wanted."

On the first occurrence or even the second, explaining why we don't do something is enough. But toddlers naturally test their limits. Without someone guiding them back into line, that testing can quickly become habit.

Enter the time out. Because nothing bothers a toddler like being removed from the action. The naughty chair didn't work in our house; because our little ham would promptly hop off and come to see what everyone else was doing. Same went for the corner. She'd turn on her heels and follow us. Now she's sent to her room for the age-appropriate six minutes (two minutes per year of age, although it varies among time-outting parents I know from one minute up to five).

As my colleague Kate points out, I recognize that at three kids are unlikely to do much ruminating up there about why their misdeeds were wrong. What I hope she learns, instead, is that Mommy and Daddy were upset with what she did. Because with the natural affinity of toddlers to test limits also comes an inherent desire to people please. Noticing her parents don't want her in the same room has a sobering affect that a simple "No, don't do that" can't achieve. That disconnect from her toys, her pets and the center of attention is the second benefit for the kids in time-out. Suddenly, bad behavior equals a loss of the things she loves. It's simple logic, and it works.

It works for me too. Because time outs aren't just for kids. I decided early on not to be a spanker, but I don't know a parent out there who hasn't been tempted at one time or another to haul off and whack their child out of pure frustration. What separates most of us from the child abusers is strength against temptation. For me, that strength comes from knowing my limits. Some friends have talked about locking themselves in another room to separate themselves from their kids for just a moment or two while they cool off. I need that separation time to cool off; it makes me a better parent.

While my daughter is in time out, I get a few moments to look at why I'm really angry. Is it because she's crayoned on the wall for the fifth time this week and I feel like all the talking I've done isn't getting through? Is it because she spilled juice on a floor I just finished mopping? Sometimes it gives me time to clean up the mess or devise a plan for her to help me - a second lesson for her in why we don't throw pour juice on the floor or crayon on the walls. Like I said - it's a time out for the parent as much as it is a time out for the kid.

When the kitchen timer goes off, the stressful moment has passed. We can discuss things calmly, and she bears a memory of a punishment that is more distinct than a simple "no" and less emotionally-scarring than a screaming (or worse, abusive) parent. Then we work together to fix it.

Time out works for us. It's helping my curious toddler find her boundaries, and we're doing it with love.

Even better - I get to keep my hair.

THE OTHER SIDE: Smackdown: No Naughty Chair For Us, Thanks

Image: More4Kids

Smackdown: No Naughty Chair For Us, Thanks

Kate Tuttle — Fri, 13 Feb 2009 15:01:00 GMT

Popularized as an alternative to spanking, the time-out has become such a feature of American child-rearing that it's spawned an entire industry in advice books and tiny moralistic furniture. And no episode of Supernanny would be complete without it. Millions of parents seem to feel it's the only non-violent way to discipline their children, and that without it we'd be a nation of spankers, misbehaved kids, or both.

I disagree. It's not that I spank my kids – I don't, never have and never will – nor that I think they should be allowed to run roughshod over my household or anyone else's. Neither do I think my spawn are somehow just naturally well behaved and perfect. It's just that time-outs, at least as carried out on Supernanny and in homes and daycares with designated "naughty seats" or "time-out chairs," seem to me just as physically coercive and humiliating as spanking. Watching TV nanny Jo Frost instructing parents to march their children back to the "naughty chair" dozens of times, even engaging in wrestling matches with those old enough to put up a good fight, then extracting a forced apology from a child who often barely remembers or understands her crime, makes me wonder what on earth she thinks this teaches a child (beyond reinforcing their natural urge not to get caught in the first place). Is this really meant to help a child grow into a person with empathy and a moral compass?

All kids (heck, all people) get overwhelmed at times, and most of the bad behavior in my house – whether from my toddler or my teenager – comes from mental and emotional overload. Taking some time away from a stressful situation is often the best solution, and I have no problem suggesting that my child go someplace quiet to restore his or her calm. Since most toddlers are simply too young to do this on their own, I often take my son out of the room for a breather, but then instead of putting him on a chair or step to "think about what he's done," I sit with him until he's feeling peaceful enough to return to the fray. As the child psychologist and parenting author Penelope Leach says, "the toddler whose behavior has gone beyond the pale doesn't need pushing further out but bringing back in." In effect, until your child regains his self control you can lend him some of yours. Once a child gets a little older, she can learn her own methods of self-calming, to break the cycle of whatever craziness is underway. But demanding a child take that break in a time and place of your devising, under rules that separate him from you and your love, feels punitive and ultimately cold-hearted. If you have to get up and chase him down and then physically overpower him to get him to stay there, how exactly is that a kinder, gentler form of discipline? And despite the idea that time-out is the alternative to spanking, a quick breeze through parenting websites that discuss discipline makes it clear that most parents who do one also do the other -- as one mother on such a site said, "with my son I have had to spank him for doing the same things over & over, because the time out didn't teach him anything."

To my mind, kids need guidance and lots of modeling as they learn to navigate their emotions and frustrations. Formalized rituals of discipline don't seem to work as well as showing a child how to take a deep breath or ask for help. Many meltdowns can be averted by anticipating tough transitions, letting kids know what to expect, and helping them work through their problems, especially that perpetual difficulty (for adults as well as kids) of putting feelings into words. When the words don't come and intense emotions turn into unacceptable actions – throwing things, making a deliberate mess, becoming a danger to one's self or others – then it's a parent's job to offer a safe place to chill out, whether in the parent's arms or not, and a framework for recovering from any hurt feelings, and a chance to handle things differently next time.

So no naughty chair for us, please. Nobody in my house is naughty, any more than we're angelic. We're all just people –the parents as well as the kids – dealing with all the crazy mixed-up feelings people have, learning as we go. If that doesn't conform to Supernanny's standards, well, I'm okay with that. And if things get really out of hand, there's always Mommy 's Time Out, though probably best to save that for after the kids are in bed.

The Other Side:

Smackdown: I Need a Time Out!

Teacher Taped Kids Mouths Shut

JeanneSager — Thu, 12 Feb 2009 13:26:00 GMT

A teacher from Tennessee really wanted the eight-year-olds in his mouth class to be quiet.

Did he prod them to raise their hands? Haul out the old "zipper your upper lipper" from days gone by? Start sending kids to the office?

None of the above. First-year teacher Kevin Ray has been accused of taping the kids' mouths shut. If it's true, I've got to ask. What the heck was this guy thinking when he got into teaching?

A self-described devout Christian who enjoys reading the Bible, Ray apparently skipped the part about "do unto others." He allegedly slapped the tape on the mouths of three of his charges, including one eight-year-old who sat through an hour-long class with his mouth clamped shut. Another child was allegedly tied to a chair.

Teachers have a rough row to hoe these days, I'll grant you. There's the No Child Left Untested Act, there's the lack of training for teachers who are now heading up classrooms of mainstreamed special needs kids, there are more discipline problems and more helicopter parents. There are also some fantastic, dedicated and talented teachers out there.

Still, I have never been able to fathom the excuse of the teachers who say "my job is tough, so . . . " It's a tough job, but you signed up for it - with full knowledge of what makes it so difficult to be a teacher. And part of that is dealing with mouthy kids.

If you can't hack it as a teacher, my response is the same as those who can't hack it as a writer or a fry cook. Get another job. Because if you can't handle kids being kids, you can't be head of a classroom.

Image/Source: MSNBC

New Brit Reality Series is Home Alone With Real Kids

JeanneSager — Wed, 04 Feb 2009 13:38:00 GMT

A British TV show has taken the early nineties hit that made Macauley Culkin (remember him) a star for ten minutes and made a reality version.

Boys and Girls Alone puts ten girls and ten boys alone in a house - or at the very least, as alone as you can be in a house crawling with cameramen and sound guys - for two weeks to see how kids would really cope without their parents.

Ages eight through eleven, the kids apparently bicker throughout the show (I haven't seen it, so I'm taking this out of reports), and split into mini Survivor-like factions. Producers at Channel 4 have defended the show from beginning to end, pointing out a child psychologist is on hand at all times, and with the show staff around, they aren't alone in a life endangering sense.

Critics, on the other hand, have gone beserk, calling the show everything from a ratings prank to "cruel and abusive."

I'm on the fence on this one. Kids, after all, go to sleep-away camp at eight. They spend weeks of their summer with limited adult interaction, surrounded largely by counselors who are only a few years their senior. And if you think they don't split into factions at summer camp, you haven't heard of Color War. And don't get me started on the mini-factions in the cafeterias of your average school. They're called cliques, and there isn't a school I've seen that escapes them.

On the other hand - because there always is that other hand - there ARE adults at summer camp. And at schools. And they make no bones about stepping in when kids need them (at least good, caring staff don't). A cameraman and sound guy who are told to watch but not interact may be ensuring the kids don't mix bleach and ammonia or accidentally burn the house down when they use the stove, but they're not there to mediate the disputes or offer comfort for a kid who is a little down.

Because these are kids we're talking about. Not even teenagers. Little kids. Kids who need Mom and Dad to give them a hug at the end of the day and say, "it's OK, Susie is being mean right now, but that's part of life" or to lean over and tell Susie to "knock it OFF." They're still developing their social skills, and they are not ready to be left alone for days on end. If you or I tried it, we would be brought up on charges of child abuse, and I'd say rightly so. The accusations of "cruel and abusive" have a ring of truth to them after all.

The kids' psyches are what I worry about the most when it comes to any talk of using kids in rituals or experiments. What do you think?

Image: Sky News

School Game Ends 100-0, Who Won?

JeanneSager — Mon, 26 Jan 2009 15:23:00 GMT

Remember when you lost your high school game and your mother told you to stop crying, "it's only a game"?

Let the record show, Mom was right.

Because a Dallas, Texas coach who left the first string in to bring the score to 100 to 0 against a team made up of children with learning disabilities, is nothing but a big loser.

Administrators from the Covenant School of Dallas issued a formal apology last week after the Christian school's girls basketball team wiped the floor with their opponents' dignity. They're forefeiting the game, and school officials promised they "have acted to ensure that such an unfortunate incident can never happen again" (no word on whether that means a coach will be fired or disciplined?).

The Covenant girls were up 59 to 0 when the first half ended, against a team of girls who have never won a game. There was no danger of losing. Still, the first string was left in the game. The benched girls never got their chance for Covenant, and the Dallas Academy girls never got a chance - period.

Jezebel tried to play the whole thing off as anti-feminist, accusing the girls of "being afraid to kick ass."

Puh-lease. These kids are in high school. They aren't supposed to be kicking ass. They're supposed to be learning about sportsmanship, discipline, teamwork. . . and getting some exercise.

Growing up in a sports-oriented (mostly football) school district, I found that too often the line between sports as part education and sports for sports' sake became blurred. There is an expectation in many of these schools that sports are there so the kids can play, get recognition from scouts and scurry their butt off to a Division I school with a fat scholarship.

Wrong. Sports belong in schools only as part of the well-rounding of children's education. It's one of the reasons I'd like to see more emphasis on intramurals and less money spent on sending kids two hours on a bus to play another big school, costing taxpayers more and taking the kids out of more and more classtime. Because, in school, kids are supposed to learn about how to get ready for the real world, and sports can offer part of that to the children who enjoy athletics. The teamwork, the discipline, and, in light of the childhood obesity crisis, a lifelong love of movement can go a long way in the real world.

So too can the ability to forge relationships with those you oppose. Because somewhere along the way, we have lost the art of civil discourse in this country. The Rush Limbaughs of the world won't say, "well, President Barack Obama won, and I don't think he can do it, but I hope he will." Instead, it's "I hope he fails." There is no meeting in the middle, no getting ahead only to reach back and help someone else along.

And our kids are taking up that mantra. They are running their opponents into the ground - figuratively, and, in this case, literally.

This isn't about feminism (could it be when you're talking about two girls teams facing off). It isn't about being "too wussy."

It's about common decency. It's about allowing your opponents on the court and in life a little dignity. Because who wants our kids to get ahead if they have to climb over everyone else on their way up?

Image: ABC News

They Say: Kids Need To Be Taught to Handle School Stress

JeanneSager — Tue, 13 Jan 2009 19:04:00 GMT

Could teens who turn to drugs and alcohol just be plain old stressed?

A new study out of Britain states thirty-six percent of kids who were stressed about exams, peer relationships and the volume of homework turned to drinking to drown their sorrows. Another sixteen percent smoked cigarettes, while six percent used drugs to make the stress go up in a puff of smoke.

The study, presented at the British Psychological Society's Division of Educational and Child Psychology annual conference, focuses on stress; but I wonder how much time they spent examining these kids' home lives. Because school is stressful; and not just because of the pressure of impending college applications but because it's the time when hormones are starting to drive every child a little bit loony!

But handling school stress and turning to drugs are two different things. Where are these kids' parents? I know that's often the response when anyone talks about kids on drugs or using alcohol . . . but that makes it no less of an obvious. I run the risk of sounding like an old fogey here, but in my day, when we started drinking, we did it as much because we could get away with it as we did for any sound psychological reasons. Who answered, "Hey, want a Zima and some Skittles?" with "yeah, my teachers are really riding me?"

In college, maybe. But in high school, we didn't sit around moaning about the SATs when we were drinking. So are kids actually more stressed? Or are they suffering a lack of parental intervention in their lives . . . which could translate into stress and give them the free time to indulge in vices that more-involved parents are able to weed out?

Image: NPR

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Dad Jailed for Threatening Kid's Softball Ump

JeanneSager — Fri, 09 Jan 2009 18:22:00 GMT

Why do parents think the best thing for their kids' sports futures is to enrage the coaches and umpires their poor kid now has to play in front of for the rest of his or her youth sports career?

A dad from Illinois who threatened the umpire in his daughter's softball game with bodily harm followed up this boorish behavior (in front of the kids, I might add) by spitting saliva and a mouthful of sunflower seeds on a responding cop.

He's been sent to jail for five nights (that's it?), charged $500 and ordered to attend anger management classes.

The sports-rage parents aren't just how cruel they are being to another human being (and needlessly so), but they carry out their rage-fueled over-the-top acts IN FRONT OF their kids. In this particular case, a dad committed felony acts of aggravated battery. He resisted a police officer.

All in the name of what? Making sure his kid got an extra base? It's a prime example of unsportsman-like (not-to-mention illlegal) conduct, and it's a classic way to teach your kid "he who screams loudest, wins." There's no mention of practice, play hard, and you'll score the next run, earn an extra touchdown.

Michael Beck has also been ordered to perform community service. Might I suggest it be in the form of volunteering for the local kids sports non-profit (softball, soccer, football . . . whoever will have him)? He'll be chewing through sunflower seeds by the bag trying to keep up with every movement of every little kid on that field.

Image: Time

Source: Chicago Sun-Times

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Old Bat Who Kept Kid's Football Sues His Family

JeanneSager — Sat, 03 Jan 2009 17:05:00 GMT

Remember the eighty-nine-year-old woman who proved every neighbor kid's worst fears about the cranky lady down the street? You know, Edna Jester, the octogenarian who actually kept the kid's football?

She got out of the charges of petty theft, jail time and the fines the cops threatened back in October. But since the satisfaction of keeping the pigskin didn't do enough for her, she's now suing the family of seven who called the cops over the missing ball.

She claims "emotional distress" because balls keep ending up in her yard. I know Amy put up a good argument for ol' Edna back in October, citing the parents' need to get their kids under control. Yes, kids should be taught to respect the neighbors.

But I know this type of woman (do I dare say I'm related to her?), and I know what it's like to live with neighbors on top of you. Balls flying into the neighbors' yard is one of those facts of living in close proximity to one another. My husband, daughter and I love to kick the soccer ball around our back yard - and I can't begin to count the number of times it's sailed out of the yard (I never said I was particularly GOOD at kicking the ball around).

If the balls were going through her windows, if the kids were trampling her begonias, if Edna had called the parents first - instead of keeping the dang football - she would be so in the right it isn't even funny. She'd probably even be able to get money in court for said broken window or begonias. Instead she's tying up the courts over balls and playthings flying into her yard.

I've got a few suggestions for you Edna - how about you build a really tall fence or pack up your fanny and move? Maybe a nice family will move into Blue Ash, Ohio so a pick-up football game can take place across TWO yards.

Image: GovGab

Dad Jailed for Head-Butting Tot

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Freaking and Shrieking: Christmas Morning Video

JeanneSager — Fri, 02 Jan 2009 22:32:00 GMT

There's nothing like those wide eyes on Christmas morn, the sweet smile spreading across that little face, the exclamation of "this is what I always wanted!"

Warning: this video of a Canadian kid getting a Wii on Christmas morning is nothing like that that. The boy's parents pull his present out of a bag, and apparently unwrap it (the lack of tearing noises made me wonder if this was staged until I realized they didn't bother really wrapping it - no wonder the kid freaks out!) and Dad does the excited "it's the Wii!" pronouncement.

The son, on the other hand? He looks shocked for a handfull of seconds before he starts shrieking. Not screaming excitedly. Shrieking - like some bad Meatloaf album title.

All of this is followed by maniacal laughter and a relative asking "are we on steroids buddy?" About the only thing that screamed normal kid about this video was the over-the-top grin on command at the end.

My daughter's three (and thus too young for a Wii), but if she acted like this, I think I'd be more tempted to send her to her room to blow off that steam than to keep filming. But then, we're still at the age where the mere fact that Santa came is enough.

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There's nothing like those wide eyes on Christmas morn, the sweet smile spreading across that little face, the exclamation of "this is what I always wanted!"

The son, on the other hand? He looks shocked for a handfull of seconds before he starts shrieking. Not screaming excitedly. Shrieking - like some bad Meatloaf album title.

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Dad Jailed for Head-Butting Tot

JeanneSager — Thu, 01 Jan 2009 15:01:00 GMT

A Michigan dad is in jail for allegedly head-butting his two-year-old daughter; and I can see a long line of parents kicking themselves for trying the same trick.

Think about it. The little girl had climbed on his lap, and her head hit his. So he used his head to butt her forehead. She had some swelling, but nothing that required hospitalization. It hardly sounds like a case of major child abuse.

The details of the case are limited, so I can't say honestly say whether or not Dwayne Rowe blew his top and deserves to be jailed. I'm certainly not saying that violence is the best way to go, and someone who saw this happen apparently thought this was bad enough to call the cops.

So let's take this out of the Rowe home and into yours. Your two-year-old climbs up on your lap, she slams her head into yours because she thinks it's funny. What do you do?

At that age, a lot of kids like to headbutt. My daughter used to sit on my lap and throw herself backward - hitting my forehead, my chest, my glasses . . . whatever was in the way. I had to start holding my hand out, just behind her head, essentially keeping her head in place so she couldn't use it as a battering ram. That's probably the best (non-violent) way of getting kids to stop this - they start to get angry because they realize they can't freely move their heads. It's not fun for anyone - but they need to learn that hurting someone else isn't funny.

I didn't head-butt her, but I've seen parents try it. It's akin to the "bite the biting child" trick. Does the shock value of the act - teaching a child that their actions really hurt - make this OK? Or is head-butting just another way a parent crosses the line?

Image: BBC

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Babble Talk: It Was an Accident

JeanneSager — Fri, 19 Dec 2008 22:06:00 GMT

It's always an accident. They knock over the bottle of water you just told them to watch out for, and they look at you, stricken. "I'm sorry Mommy, it was an accident!"

But the best "accidents" are the times they do something naughty that's really accidentally on purpose. Even the strictest disciplinarian has to get the lesson over FAST so they can run off into another room and get their giggles out.

Take Raphael, the three-year-old over at Kids Say the Cutest Things this week. He told one of the adults in his life, "I just climbed up on the counter and ate some sugar, by accident."

It's funny how that happens, isn't it? You're just going along, minding your own business, and poof, you're on top of the counter, licking that sweet white stuff. Come to think of it, I know a friend or two who has had some cravings like that . . . get your mind out of the gutter people, I met pregnant friends.

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Parents Make Son Hold 'I Will Never Shoplift Again' Signs

JeanneSager — Sat, 13 Dec 2008 17:34:00 GMT

To the Nebraska parents who made their sons stand downtown holding up signs that read, "I was caught shoplifting at Dollar General. I will never shoplift again. Stealing and lying is Wrong," I salute you.

To paraphrase Randy "Dopey Idol" Jackson, "You did your thing Mom and Dad, you did your thing."

Kip and Cole Russell, twelve and fifteen respectively, were caught stealing an ax from the Dollar General in Gering, Neb. last month and sent out by their parents to the busiest intersection in town to hold bright orange signs. Cole did the heist, while Kip kept watch outside, but the boys agreed they were both at fault - and both deserved punishment.

"I was with him, and I didn't try to stop him," Kip told the Omaha World-Herald as the boys' father, Merle Russell, watched from nearby, keeping track of the boys time spent on the busy street.

"I won't tolerate a thief, and hopefully this will teach them that they need to make the right choices," Merle told the paper. "When you steal, it takes money away from everybody."

The boys have been told to write letters of apology to the store, and their electronics (I'm not sure if that means game consoles, cell phones or what . . . the story just says "electronics) have been seized for a month. Cole was also expected to face court action on the shoplifting charge.

Considering how many parents are quick to jump to their kids' defense these days, it's nice to see a parent who puts the emphasis on responsibility instead of hiring a lawyer to get his kids out of trouble for something they did. Was the punishment harsh? Absolutely. But the punishments facing the boys if they were to continue on this path are much harsher - and rightfully so.

Something tells me Kip and Cole won't be shoplifting again any time soon.

Image: Omaha World-Herald

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Case Made In Defense of Teasing

Kelly Mills — Wed, 10 Dec 2008 18:32:00 GMT

Fears of bullying and violence and discrimination have led many schools to adopt very strong policies against teasing. And lord knows most of us could probably dredge up a painful school year or two when the taunts of classmates made our lives hell. In our important relationships, we are encouraged to avoid poking and instead honestly share our feelings. And don't even get me started on the workplace... I mean, you'd be hard-pressed to defend teasing, right?

Hmm, during a difficult discussion with my sister about some serious tension between us, I said, "I think at least we can both agree the real problem here is you are a bitch." She laughed.

This is part of the point of a great New York Times article in defense of teasing. The arguement is that while bullying and harassment are acts of aggression, other forms of teasing can actually serve to build bonds between people, alleviate tension, and allow us to deliver messages to each other in a less direct form. For example, couples who teased each other during discussions about loaded issues came away from the conversation feeling closer than couples who engaged in only direct discussion. And teasing can also help signal what behaviors are okay, and help establish social status. By prohibiting kids from teasing, we are discouraging an important kind of social interaction, one that can even help teach us not to take ourselves too seriously.

At least that's the case made here, and me and my bitch sister would probably agree. But what do you think?

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