Strollerderby : dreft

Another Reason To Hate Elisabeth Hasselbeck

Brett Singer — Fri, 07 Mar 2008 21:15:00 GMT

I'm going to dive right in here:

First of all, she spells her name with an "s". Who does that? (Probably lots of people, but when she does it, its annoying.) Second, she's a big dope who is only on "The View" because she was a contestant on "Survivor" (although she does seem to know that the world is round, unlike newer "View" moron Sherri Shepherd). Now she's pimping her new baby out to the highest bidder, and encouraging parents to take their underage offspring to the theater:

Week of January 28: FINALLY! A DATE!

With Grace! We hit Broadway running, as Disney's THE LITTLE MERMAID filled our afternoon with magic. I had Grace on my lap for most of it, and for two hours, my otherwise independent little girl was my baby again. Just to have one on one time was the greatest gift.

Where to start?

Let us begin with a question: why is your ~~infant~~ under 4-year old child (thanks to commenter Christina for the correction) at the theater? Imagine paying upwards of $400 ($100/ticket, family of four), not including dinner or transportation, to see a show and have it be disrupted by a petulant rugrat. I'm all for introducing young people to the arts, but (a) a huge Disney production is so commercial that it's only nominally "art" and (b) at that age they won't remember the experience. I don't want to be a "hater," but it's just inconsiderate. UPDATE: In fact, it's the theater's policy that "Children under the age of 4 are not permitted in the theatre."

Next: unless I'm missing something, the wife of the less-talented of the two Hasselbeck brothers (Matt Hasselbeck plays for the Seahawks and went to the Super Bowl a couple of years ago, Tim is a career backup who was dumped by the Giants and is now the third-string guy on the Arizona Cardinals – not a lofty position) seems to be saying that, in order to have "one on one time" with her baby girl, she needs to be in a dark room with a thousand other people. Much like this drawing (don't go there, it's one of those things you can't "un-see"), that's just disturbing.

And another thing: "I had Grace on my lap for most of it." So the rest of the time you checked her with your coat?

By the way, I found Hasseldreck's blog on Strollerderby; Madeline Holler agrees that it is awful, but also somehow draws you in, like a restaurant with terrible food and portions that are too small. FYI, Elisabeth is done posting, but we're fairly certain she'll find some way to annoy us again very soon.

Strollerderby Playdate: She's Leaving the Group

Madeline Holler — Wed, 13 Feb 2008 20:32:00 GMT

So this is it. It's over. One of my guilty pleasures is to be no more. My conflicted feelings over loving to read Elisabeth Hasselbeck's parenting journal, curiously over on the Dreft laundry detergent website, is to be no more.

She has written her final entry. And she has bid the blogger playgroup in my mind farewell. Dammit, Elisabeth. I was just starting to like you.

Her final entry is a whirlwind of ideas and activities and subtle clues about the woman who we know so well from Survivor, and that one E! show where she went shopping for cheap clothes, and now as the guardian of all ideas red, right and conservative on ABC's The View. Before she waves good-bye, she confesses that she doesn't easily say "no," bites off more than she can chew, and hasn't written thank-you notes to those who sent her newborn gifts (he's now 3 months old). She tells us she is overwhelmed with preschool applications for her unpotty-trained, binky-loving 3-year-old. Human, are we? I KNEW it!

You're going to miss Elisabeth too, right? It's not just me? I know I could start watching her on The View, but it won't be the same. I've accepted that we'll now only see each other when she's made a gaffe at work. But we had some good times, me and Elisabeth. Some good times.

Strollerderby Playdate: The Awful Blog I Can't Stop Reading

Madeline Holler — Wed, 09 Jan 2008 12:32:00 GMT

How can it be that I am a regular reader of this blog? I mean, you could hardly call it a blog -- she posts only once or twice a month, it's not terribly interesting, it's surrounded by ads for gentle yet overpriced baby laundry detergent that you don't even need.

And it's her! Her! I don't even like her! I am not interested in her! I do nothing but criticize and disagree with her. I didn't watch her on TV before and, now that she's back, I still don't. I won't! Yet, I read her blog. I check it for updates, feel let down when there are none. I find myself identifying with her truly mundane stories and smiling at -- and I mean this in the rudest ways -- the very unfunny funny things she strains to write. Please, what is wrong with me?

Somehow, I have let Elisabeth Hasselbeck get under my skin and into the heart of my web browser. Bafflingly, I don't consider the three minutes I put in each month checking out her posts -- she doesn't even have links or games or a photo album to look through! -- wasted time. How could I? I love reading it! But shouldn't I hate myself a little more for loving it? Shouldn't I want to soak in a tub of scalding hot water and gentle Dreft soap bubbles?

It's like the playgroup I go to again and again. The membership is dwindling, the only mom who shows up is the one you have nothing in common with. Nothing! But I keep going -- once or twice a month -- to not connect, to not agree, to not enjoy. Why go? Why not.