Who needs a uterus? Or a partner?

Miriam Axel-Lute — Sun, 07 Sep 2008 23:40:00 GMT

Perhaps this will finally kill the use of the miserable phrase "female-headed household" to mean "single parent."

Reporting on a trend that says more to me about changing gender roles than anything Sarah Palin has done, the New York Times reports that like single women who feel their biological clocks ticking have done for decades, more and more single men—gay and straight—are choosing single fatherhood, through adoption or surrogacy.

The Times reports that they face discrimination in their quest: They tend to be on the bottom of the preference list for birth parents, egg donors, or surrogates (I wonder how single straight men compare to queer couples in those cases. My guess is it depends where you are). And apparently some face women trying to "help" or "correct" their parenting in public too. (This reminds me of my favorite GabbyBaby shirt: "Please don't ask my daddy if he's 'babysitting.' Thanks. xoxo")

I for one suspect that many single men do start off a little behind in the knowing what the hell to do with a baby department, just because of what we as a culture see fit to expect men and women to know, but this doesn't bother me. They'll catch up just fine, just like the rest of us catch up with all the things we didn't learn from growing up in massive extended families caring for tons of younger siblings and cousins.

What I want to know, though, is how many of these single fathers are going to try to breastfeed.

Photo by divine in the daily.

Gay Means Happy When It Comes to Fatherhood

Hannah Tennant-Moore — Tue, 29 Apr 2008 17:25:00 GMT

Gay men—once seen as the paragons of lusty bachelorhood—are now giving a whole new meaning to the term “family values.” As more and more homosexual couples opt for parenthood, it becomes increasingly clear that, for many people, the gay marriage movement is about more than spousal benefits: it’s about loving couples wanting to build families together. In the May issue of Details, writer Edward Lewine examines a movement that has become so popular, it’s earned its own moniker: the gayby boom has arrived.

Though firm numbers are hard to come by, it would be difficult for any member of the gay community to deny the rise in parenting among homosexual male couples. Lewine points to Circle Advocacy in Boston, which matches potential parents with egg donors and surrogate mothers. While the agency worked with almost no gay couples a decade ago, its clientele is now 90 percent gay.

This drastic shift also points to the fact that more and more gay men are opting for in-vitro fertilization or surrogate motherhood, as opposed to adoption. Not only do the former options allow men a genetic link with their children, but they also shield potential parents from the lengthy, emotionally draining adoption process. And since many states don’t allow people who aren’t married to adopt, adoption is not even an option for many gay couples. (And it’s too bad, since taking parentless babies into a loving home is, in my opinion, one of the best things a person can do for the world. Alas, occasionally puritanical legislation does not serve the greater good.)

The gayby boom is not limited to couples, with many single gay men more than willing to pay between $60,000 and $150,000 to becoming doting fathers. (Those numbers reflect the cost of in-vitro fertilization, in which an egg is fertilized in a lab and then placed in the surrogate’s womb; naturally, it’s cheaper to simply give a surrogate a syringe with some sperm in it.) According to Lewine, single parenting is considered "hot" in the gay male community, a sign of assertiveness and the ability to commit. I can think of a few single mamas who are going to pretty jealous when they get wind of this one….

Photo: Details (Ryan Pfluger)

Strollerderby : egg donors

Who needs a uterus? Or a partner?

Gay Means Happy When It Comes to Fatherhood