Strollerderby : england

Poolside Breastfeeding Violates No Food Rule

Brett Singer — Wed, 20 May 2009 15:00:00 GMT

This is annoying. And funny.

Laura Whotton of Nottingham (no relation to the Sheriff of Nottingham) was "rebuked" when she tried to breastfeed her son at the pool. Her older boy was swimming at the time, and she wanted to keep on eye on him while the baby had a snack.

The mother, of course, was upset. "People in bikinis were showing more skin and breast than I was." With all due respect, that seems unlikely since breastfeeding requires exposing a breast, although I suppose it's possible she was using a Hooter Hider (that's a real product name, by the way) or similar covering. Mrs. Whotton also said that the incident "could put people off going swimming," which seems a little overwrought. As for being "rebuked by a staff member at the John Carroll Leisure Centre" (hee hee -- the English talk funny), I see her point. It's annoying and uneccessary.

The City Council has since rewritten their rules on poolside noshing in order to accomodate future breastfeeders.

This is not the first time a mom was told to put "the girls" away at the pool. (I know, it's not like she was stripping, I'm just trying to turn a phrase.) Something similar occurred in Canada back in October of 2008.

Here's a funny angle on the story. In general, breastfeeding advocates will say things like, "It's just eating." Right? Well, doesn't that mean that breast milk is food? And therefore, if there is a ban on food and drink at the pool, why doesn't that rule apply to breastfeeding?

To me, the answer is that there's no crumbs. What do you think?

Source: Telegraph

Image: Amazon

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13 Year Old Alfie Definitely Not A Dad

Brett Singer — Tue, 19 May 2009 01:56:00 GMT

It's official -- Alfie Patten is not the father of baby Maisie. Biologically, at least.

Alfie thought that he had impregnated 15-year-old Chantelle Stedman when he was just 12 years old. Although I admit that science is not my strong suit, that didn't seem possible to me. I guess I was right. (Take THAT Mr. Knauer! He was my bio teacher a long time ago. But I digress.)

This news isn't completely new, but it has just now been released after a ban on the info by a British court was overturned. A judge had previously ruled that "the rights of the teenagers took precedence over the Press's right to report the case." Well, I guess not.

This is an interesting point, one that I've thought of a few times over the past few years. Maybe minors' names should never be released to the public. What possible reason is there for us to know their full names? Does it really enhance our ability to understand a story? I don't see how it could. In my opinion the idea the "the press has a right to know" or report or whatever is very suspect when it comes to matters like this. Why does the press have more rights than a kid?

Source: Daily Mail

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Abortion Ads On Television?

Brett Singer — Mon, 30 Mar 2009 14:00:00 GMT

British TV viewers may soon see "adverts" for abortions alongside the more typical commercials for tea and crisps.

According to ABC News, "the Broadcast Committee of Advertising Practices [in the U.K.] is considering rewriting the TV rules regarding advertising as a way of tackling the problem" of an increased rate of teen pregnancy. Rules on condom ads would be relaxed as well; currently prophylactic TV pitches are only allowed to air after 9pm.

Groups like the British Pregnancy Advisory Service would applaud the changes, with chief executive Ann Furedi saying, "Why would we not want women to be able to know quickly and simply where they can get pregnancy testing and referral for abortion treatment or antenatal care, depending on what they decide is best for them?"

Speaking for the other side is Dr. Peter Saunders of the Christian Medical Fellowship. "This is like having the ambulance at the bottom of the cliff to deal with the casualties rather than putting up a safety rail at the top of the cliff to stop them falling off."

Well, not exactly. It's more like telling people the ambulance exists. While it's true that if there were no abortion clinics, there would be fewer abortions, is it really so wrong to actually let women know what their options are? Of course, cigarettes exist, and we don't allow television ads for those. (That's true in the United States at least; I don't know what the rules are across the pond.)

Should the rules be relaxed, and should ads for abortion clinics be allowed on television?

Source: ABC News, BBC (Video report)

Image: SXC

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Move Over Booties! Here Come Knitted Boobies!

Kate Tuttle — Thu, 12 Mar 2009 20:30:00 GMT

From England, a new and crafty way to promote breastfeeding: a competition in which knitters create faux breasts. The contest is called Tit-Bit for Knitters, and is a project of the Trading Standards, a government agency that oversees trade, consumer, and food issues, in the town of Wigan, just outside Manchester.

Part of a larger governmental push to get more British moms breastfeeding, the Tit-Bit contest has already attracted some attention, according to Julie Middlehurst, a spokesperson for the Wigan Trading Standards. From the article:

"It's a bit of a joke but there's a serious message behind it. There isn't a huge up-take of breastfeeding nationally and it's the same in Wigan. Around 15% of mothers in Wigan who start breastfeeding stop after a few weeks.

"We're hoping to get people talking about the issue. We've had quite a few entries already, which are all different shape, sizes and colours."

Any Babble readers who find themselves in or around Wigan can still submit their knitted boobies, up to the April 3 deadline. Winners will be chosen, according to the news article, for qualities such as "most eye-catching, the most realistic and the largest number knitted."

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Mom Resuscitates Baby Four Times On Phone With Emergency Control

JeanneSager — Wed, 28 Jan 2009 18:33:00 GMT

Four times Cordelia Nolan's newborn son stopped breathing, and four times she brought him back while she waited for emergency workers to show up on her doorstep.

Nolan's cousin, Kieran Byrne, acted as a go-between between a 999 (this was Britain) operator and Cordelia while she repeated CPR again and again on her little boy, just ten weeks old and born two months premature.

Wow. Not the pithiest of statements, but this one stopped me cold.

I saw myself going through the motions in my head and bursting into tears. I know adrenaline kicks in when you're faced with adversity, and a mother's love for her child will always prevail, but I don't know if I'd have had the wherewithal to keep up the fight if my child continued to falter. What's remarkable about the 999 conversation (available in full thanks to the Daily Telegraph) is just how calm Nolan sounds, even as Byrne gets increasingly frustrated with the operator as she tries to collect information and dispatch emergency workers (give him credit, he was stressed and he was still respectful!).

Notably, Nolan had been offered training in CPR before her son Emrys was released from the hospital. Because he was born prematurely, it was a precautionary measure offered by the hospital - and one that proved not just necessary but life-saving. I've heard from moms of premies who have gone through a whole ration of training; one told me the hospital even contacted her local ambulance corps to offer THEM training on how to deal with her son's specialized needs in case of emergency.

It's a happy story all around, especially for baby Emrys, who is doing just fine. How do you think you would have handled this one?

Image: Daily Telegraph

Kids Around the Globe Weigh in on Obama

JeanneSager — Sat, 24 Jan 2009 17:35:00 GMT

Think it's just the adults who got emotional at the peaceful transition of power in America?

Kids around the world were celebrating the inauguration of President Barack Obama too - from Israel to the Palestinian Authority, China to England.

Stopping off at spots around the globe, ABC News caught up with kids who wanted to send good wishes to President Obama this week, and there was one standout that made me cry:

"No one's better than anyone; we're all the same," said Dara Jorallah, a thirteen-year-old with bright eyes from the West Bank. "We shouldn't discriminate against anyone. We should give chances, even if we look different."

Her comments came just after those of a little boy from Israel, who said he places a lot of hope in the new American president. Put together, the comments lend credence to statements made by Obama's new Middle East envoy, George Mitchell.

"From my experience there, I formed the conviction that there is no such thing as a conflict that can't be ended," Mitchell said this week when his appointment became public. "Conflicts are created, conducted and sustained by human beings. They can be ended by human beings."

If a child in the West Bank and a child in Israel can agree on Obama, maybe the kids are human beings to end it all.

Naive? Maybe, but that children are our future thing still gets me every time. For more on what the kids have to say (and some tear-inducing moments for you), visit ABC News coverage.

Image: ABC News

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"I Ate Little Black Girls for Two Years"

Cole Gamble — Wed, 21 Jan 2009 15:00:00 GMT

Listeners tuned into a British radio talk show got a pretty damn shocking surprise when a caller informed the host she had eaten “little black girls” for two years. Apparently, she didn’t know she was doing it at the time, but she did declare them "delicious."

Keep reading to hear the actual phone conversation.

(WARNING: Content is not only horrifying but maybe racist.)

Click Here to listen:

Gotta love how flip the host reacted. “Well, you win the weirdest thing eaten contest.” Does that mean he’s gonna send her a pair of tickets to Supertramp? Maybe he didn’t buy her story. Or maybe that kind of thing happens all the time in England.

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British Teen Makes History with Siamese Twins

JeanneSager — Mon, 24 Nov 2008 16:31:00 GMT

A British teenager and her husband will make medical history this week, but all they're too frought with worry to celebrate. Laura Williams is just eighteen. When she delivers conjoined twins this week via a C-section, she'll be the youngest-ever woman in British history to give birth to Siamese twins.

Williams and husband Aled, twenty-eight, have been told their twins, already named Faith and Hope, may not survive past the two-week mark. Like most parents, survival for their children is all the Williams' have focused on since her twelve-week sonogram revealed the babies' rare condition. Tests have confirmed the girls have separate hearts, which alone greatly enhances their chances of survival. They've also revealed the babies are joined from the breastbone to the top of the navel, but little else. Whether the girls share any major organs - which will play a large role in doctors' moves immediately following birth - has yet to be determined.

Laura Williams has spent the last month in a hospital under constant monitoring, in part because doctors warned that carrying this pregnancy to term could prevent her from ever again having a child. She'll be transferred to a hospital in London this week for the birth. "It's scary every day and it's been the hardest decision of our lives, but if they're meant to be in this world and if they've come this far, we've got to hope they'll make it the rest of the way," she told London's Daily Mail.

To have the strength to go forward with a pregnancy that could not only result in losing your children within two weeks but also destroy your chances of ever again having another child is incredibly brave and highly personal. I can't find fault with the Williams' decision; I can only cross my fingers for them that their brush with medical history is also a medical miracle.

No matter the outcome, at the very least, they have Faith . . . and Hope.

Image: Buckles Family (another set of conjoined twins)

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Facebook Kicks Teddy Bear Offline

JeanneSager — Mon, 27 Oct 2008 18:01:00 GMT

Christopher Robin wouldn't fit in at Facebook. Winnie the Pooh's best friend treated his stuffed teddy bear like he was a real live bear. Facebook, meanwhile, has kicked a British teddy bear offline, stranding his growing friend list without a bear buddy.

Bartie Bristle's creator Amanda Middleditch put up the page as a "bit of fun." But the English bear shop worker says she got "a very abrupt e-mail saying they felt Barty could be somebody masquerading as somebody else and it could be dangerous." The page was deleted, and calls to Facebook by the British newspaper the Daily Mail were met only with reference to the social networking site's terms of use which cite a user must be at least 13 years old. Bartie is only 2.

Before you start creating a site for your daughter's favorite dolly or your son's beloved bear, take heed: the terms also warn against impersonating "any person or entity, or falsely state or otherwise misrepresent yourself, your age or your affiliation with any person or entity."

If your kids want to be friends with Bartie, they still can. He's found a new home at the Ning site, McBears, and his fan base is thumbing its collective noses at Facebook.

Image: McBears.com

News from Darkest Peru: Paddington Turns 50

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British Parents Defend Son’s Suicide

Hannah Tennant-Moore — Fri, 17 Oct 2008 20:30:00 GMT

After becoming paralyzed in a rugby training session, Daniel James repeatedly reiterated his desire for death to his friends and family. Last month, the 23-year-old Brit traveled to Switzerland, where he died at an assisted suicide clinic.

It goes without saying that Daniel’s parents, Julie and Mark James, are filled with grief. But they have stated that they respect their son’s decision. They wrote in a statement that his death, though a huge tragedy for those he left behind, was “no doubt a welcome relief from the 'prison' he felt his body had become and the day-to-day fear and loathing of his living existence.”

Helping someone take his life is illegal in Britain; prosecutors are looking into the circumstances of James’ death, but have not yet stated that they will press any charges.

Photo: MSNBC

News from Darkest Peru: Paddington Turns 50

JeanneSager — Mon, 13 Oct 2008 21:05:00 GMT

The bear of very little brain may get more press, but I've always had a soft spot in my heart for another bear of English origins. Pad dingt on bear is still looking smart in his little blue duffle and jaunty felt hat – despite today's celebration of his 50th birthday.

Tales of the bear with an especial affinity for sticky marmalade sandwiches have been translated into 40 languages and sold more than 35 million copies since it was first published by Harper Collins on October 13, 1958. So why do I still feel like he's tromping in his wellies far behind Pooh?

Born in Darkest Peru and raised by his Aunt Lucy after being orphaned as a very little bear, Paddington falls into the lives of the Brown family of London much like he does any of his goofy predicaments. He's sitting with a suitcase and a tag that reads "please look after this bear," when the Browns stumble over him on their way to collect their daughter from the train. Thus ensconcsed in their London home, he proceeds to show he's made of much sterner stuff than Pooh - getting into the types of troubles the other, more wussy, bear would think, think, think about and never get around to. As Paddington says, "Things happen to me. I'm that sort of bear."

They share a taste for sweets and the resulting stout form, and like the other bear whose moniker starts with "P," Paddington has also been immortalized on the small screen. But without currying the favor of the Disney magic wand, the ever-polite Paddington has kept a stiff upper lip in the manner of all things British and let Pooh get all the play.

But with news late last fall that a producer of Harry Potter (you know, that other British import that's made movie magic stateside) is working on a Paddington Bear movie, there's hope that some day all American kids will be looking after the bear as he waddles into middle age.

Image: PaddingtonBear.com

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British TV journo turns down big bucks for baby pics

Brett Singer — Tue, 30 Sep 2008 15:34:00 GMT

Natasha Kaplinsky, a British television journalist (is that an oxymoron? The television journalist part, not the British thing) recently turned down an offer of £500,000 from "several celebrity magazines" for photos of her newborn babe, according to Mail Online. At current exchange rates, that's… wait… carry the one… one hundred billion U.S. dollars, right? (It's not, but it's still a lot of money.)

"A source has revealed that the glamorous journalist is hoping to spend some time enjoying being a new mum before revealing the child's face to the world."

My question is, why not tell the "celebrity magazines" that they'll just have to wait? Maybe they wouldn't. Or she just didn't want to deal with them at all, which is fair. She doesn't need the money I suppose – she is probably well paid, and her husband is an investment banker. Wait, in this economy, maybe she should take that offer after all…

Famecrawler has been all over this story; see below for links.

Source/Image: dailymail.co.uk

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Enormous baby sculpture

Brett Singer — Mon, 22 Sep 2008 16:00:00 GMT

If you have a lot of extra cash lying around, along with a lot of space, you can be the proud owner of this gigantic sculpture of a seven-month-old baby. This Marc Quinn work is currently on display on the grounds of Chatsworth House in England. The piece, called "Planet," is owned by The Duke and Duchess of Devonshire.

A few quick comments:

-   That's one big baby.
-   I like that the artist felt the need to say it was a seven-month-old. Very specific.
-   Unless I'm looking at it wrong, that kid ain't Jewish.

Source/Images: Telegraph (here and here)

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Only 43% of British Moms Offered Home Birth! Outrage!

Miriam Axel-Lute — Fri, 05 Sep 2008 20:55:00 GMT

Here in the states, we know things are a little different across the pond. British nannies have a certain something, their weather lacks a certain something, and there's that whole royalty business.

But sometimes we forget just how deep the differences can go. Take maternity care. In fact, in order to avoid a rose-colored-glasses look, take what bugs Brits about their maternity care, as described in a government-sponsored survey, and reported under headlines like "Maternity Nightmares!"

The top concerns, according to one TV station that has done a recent follow up, are:

"43% of women were not offered a home birth
23% said they were underfed in hospital
36% were not offered antenatal classes
18% said toilets and bathrooms on wards were not clean"

Well now. Certainly dirty bathrooms and not feeding new mothers enough is unacceptable. Sounds like there's some serious funding and staffing issues at NHS.

But to American eyes that top item feels a little like hearing someone complaining about the freshness and flavor of their food while you're starving. Natural childbirth and midwifery advocates here would be doing a ~~little~~ major happy dance if anywhere near 57 percent of pregnant American women were offered a home birth. (Or, you know, even if fully trained home birth midwives were no longer treated as criminals.)

Even though the survey found only about 3 percent of British moms actually did give birth at home, even the mainstream British media clearly thinks having the choice presented to everyone is important. How strangely refreshing. Perhaps the AMA (which is trying to make home birth illegal) is overdue for a British invasion.

BirthChoice logo used with permission.

3-Year-Old Runs Away From Daycare Because of Pork Chop Lunch

SunnyChanel — Thu, 28 Aug 2008 16:08:00 GMT

Lots of kids are finicky eaters. When they don’t want to eat something, they really don’t want to eat something. Leonie Terry of Manchester, England apparently is not a fan of the pork chop.

Instead of partaking in the school lunch provided, this hungry three-year old left the school, exited through the security gates and started walking to her home a half-mile away to get something else for lunch, in the process she crossed four intersection unattended. Right before hitting a particularly busy thoroughfare, a passer-by spotted the Leonie and ran after her. “"She didn't have a coat or bag with her. When we phoned the school they said they didn't even know she was missing." Needless to say, the parents were pissed. A full inquiry about how a toddler could leave the school grounds so easily is in the works.

(via Teamsugar via The Daily Mail)

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Not So Hot - Male Strip Tease Teach Suspended

Brett Singer — Mon, 16 Jun 2008 15:00:00 GMT

If you heard that a teacher did a strip tease in front of their class, you probably would think of a Van Halen-esque scene ("I got my pencil -- give me something to write on." Ah, the 80's.) At least that's what I would think of.

But, once again, I would be wrong. An English teacher at the Sudbury Upper School in the U.K. was trying to get his students to calm down. They wouldn't, so he threatened to take his clothes off. The teacher is not, shall we say, in the best physical condition. When the wild rumpus continued, he made good on his promise, "whipping off his shirt…before flexing his muscles…topless for a few seconds then spending half a minute getting his shirt back on."

A student filmed Mr. Rose Lee (not his real name, I just made that up) with her cellphone and posted the footage to YouTube. Unlike R. Kelly, he was unable to convince anyone that it wasn't him, and was promptly "sacked" as they say in Britain.

Bizarrely, some people actually seem to think this was an extreme punishment. Over at the Daily Mail, one commenter said, "I just think it's sick to take a bloke's job away for that. At least he got the pupils' attention." Another weighed in with, "I suppose this was a bit of fun, he never really hurt anyone, things like this make school life all a bit more fun."

The video is gone from YouTube, but some screenshots survived. For comparison, here is the classic Van Halen "Hot For Teacher" video. Even if the teacher looked more like the Van Halen girl and less like Fatty Arbuckle (actually, he kind of looks like Rob Reiner), I still think a firing isn't exactly unwarranted. Maybe he should hook up with this guy and start a day care center.

images: DailyMail

Baby Fight Club: Five-Year-Olds Forced to Kickbox

Cole Gamble — Tue, 10 Jun 2008 17:00:00 GMT

Every morning when I wake my 1-year-old by putting his little head in a sleeper hold. When, and if, he struggles free he has earned his breakfast of Cheerios. Throughout the day, as he toddles here and there looking for his Elmo toy, I sporadically pop out him and deliver a roundhouse kick, which he is finally able to deflect consistently. Don’t tell my wife, but I have Dalton signed up in an underground baby fighting ring. I know it’s wrong and sending him a bad message, but I swear the gambling we do on the fights is just to keep it interesting. At night I put him to sleep by whispering gently, “Sweep the leg, Johnny! Sweep the leg.” I want to raise my son not only as a fighter, but a dirty fighter. The day he grows stealthy enough to stab me in the back is the day I’ll know my boy has become a man.

Though I am training my boy to be a fighting machine, these British people have topped me, because they have their kids kickboxing each other.

Some not so pretty pictures ahead.

“Never surrender,” right?

It gives one pause when the article refers to a nine year old who had won two “knockouts.”

Photos: www.dailymail.co.uk

Couple Dump Twins at Hospital for Being the Wrong Sex

Amy Kuras — Thu, 05 Jun 2008 23:02:00 GMT

I think these people don’t qualify for the "1 0 Ways You're a Great Parent" list. A couple from Birmingham, England dumped their twin daughters at a British hospital because they were girls.

The couple, 59 (!) and 72 (!!), traveled to India for fertility treatment and conceived the babies via IVF. Immediately after the babies were delivered by C-section, the couple told medical staff at the hospital in Wolverton that they didn’t want the babies because they were the wrong gender. Also the father was apparently very keen to find out when they could fly out again for another round of IVF so they could try for a boy to carry on the family name.

Now, if carrying on the family name were so important, I've gotta wonder why this couple didn’t get around to reproducing until they were old enough to qualify for senior discounts. And while I understand that having a boy is much more important in some cultures (this couple is Indian) you've got to realize you roll the genetic dice when you have a kid and deal with whatever happens.

Sex selection is apparently a huge problem in India because of the cultural preference for boys. It's been banned since 1996, but according to Unesco, there's a thriving subculture of doctors who will perform ultrasounds and then abortions if the fetus is found to be the wrong sex. No matter how pro-choice you are, that's a little hard to take. Let's hope these little girls find a loving adoptive home.

Sins of the father: bin Laden's son can't live in UK

Brett Singer — Fri, 16 May 2008 12:30:00 GMT

Omar Osama bin Laden, the son of, yes, the Osama bin Laden, has been denied a visa to live in the United Kingdom. He currently lives in Cairo, Egypt with his wife, Zaina Alsabah, who is British. Alsabah -- who used to be called Jane Felix-Browne -- wanted to return home. Omar is 27, his wife is 52. (Um, you go girl?)

British authorities told Omar that they found "evidence of continuing loyalty to your father who is ultimately held responsible for the London bombing" which took place on July 7, 2005, killing 52 people. Omar has also allegedly said that his father's guilt in the World Trade Center attacks "could not be proved."

Alsabah says that the couple will appeal the ruling, because, "The decision can't be based on media reports." In other words, she believes that the British government denied the visa based partly on what they read in the newspaper about her husband. According to CNN, "Omar has not renounced his father, but says he wants to be an 'ambassador for peace' between Muslims and the West. The couple plan a 3,000-mile horse race across North Africa to draw attention to the cause of peace." Ooookay.

Look, if it were anyone else, it would be fairly easy to say that you shouldn't blame the son for his father's actions. In this case, I can kind of see the British government's point. When they say, "Your presence in the UK could...cause considerable public concern," that might be the understatement of the year. You also have to wonder about the mental state of someone who wants to move to a place where it is unlikely that he'll be able to move around freely. I mean, not only is he the son of the most notorious terrorist on the planet, he has the same name. Not just the same last name. THE SAME NAME. So maybe the Brits are actually doing him a favor.

image: CNN.com

Coping with Disability: Mother of Autistic Son Contemplates Suicide

Cole Gamble — Thu, 01 May 2008 18:00:00 GMT

This incredibly open and boldly honest story featured in The Guardian details one mother’s journey to the breaking point. This may be the kind of story people don’t want to hear, the kind some might even feel is repulsive, which is all the more reason people need to hear it… To have some understanding for this woman’s situation, think about your own kids. I, for example, have two regular kids: a four-year-old and a one-year-old. Though they are lovely separately, put them together and add the new addition of a puppy to our house, and it’s a screaming, destructive cyclone. If this was all I had to do I could see not wanting to jump out the window, but I work a full time job, work a whole other full time job at home freelance writing and blogging and the kids and dog are a full time job in itself. The other night Dalton, our 1-year-old, screamed and screamed until 1 am. Being robbed of the ability to hold onto one clear thought at some point in your day or even having the choice to decide when you want to go to bed is enough to make you want to jump a train and live a life on the rails. We are not supposed to complain about our children, and I am not. When I can snatch half a second of clear thought, all my frustration toward my kids melts away and I see their actions for what they are, experiment, play and emotional development. But when you don’t get that break, down that path madness lies. Now take the standard madness of parenthood and imagine that intensity multiplied by a factor of ten. Parents of autistic children often don’t even get that half second of sanity I mentioned. They barely get a chance to get their head above water. I know parents with autistic kids, and it is a full time business. Often one of the parents makes the difficult but necessary choice to stop working and stay home with the child. There can be no end to the sacrifices. A common first reaction to this mother’s story of contemplated suicide might be “what a horrible thought.” And it is a horrible thought, which is why it is so important this mother and others like her tell these stories. Being a strong and good parent isn’t hiding from the pain and desperation, it’s exploring it and most importantly sharing so those in similar situations may learn and understand.

Photo: www.just2moms.com

Church of England Provides Sex Guide For Married Couples

Kelly Mills — Tue, 11 Mar 2008 22:01:00 GMT

It's been a big week for religion and sinnin'. Not only did the Vatican expand the list of deadly sins to 14 (up from seven, five of which I practiced before noon, though I so wish I could commit the new sin of obscene wealth) but the Anglican Church published a guide for married couples that deals with sex. (Technically sex within marriage isn't a sin for members of the Church of England, but I believe good marital sex ought to feel like one.) The church put out the guide in an effort to address rising divorce rates and marital dissatisfaction.

While it doesn't include techniques or anything, it does encourage frank and honest discussion. But oh my, this is my very favorite part: The book includes the story of one couple who were distraught when they couldn't get pregnant. How come? The guide says, "It turned out they had never had full intercourse." But, um, wow, I mean, how do you... Well, sounds like this book could be very handy for some people. Ahem. Maybe a couple diagrams would be a good idea.

Husband Sneaks Abortion Pills into Wife’s Breakfast

Cole Gamble — Sat, 01 Mar 2008 16:00:00 GMT

When you are in a relationship, communication is key. For example, before you decide to have kids the two of you should discuss whether both of you want to have a baby. Or you could do what this man in England did, cut out the conversation, and try to give his wife an abortion behind her back.

Gil Magira attempted to give his wife a secret abortion by crushing the abortion drugs RU-486 and misoprostol into her breakfast. Magira’s plot was only revelaed when after many failed attempts to administer an abortion, he admited his acts to a pscyhologist.

As it goes, there are so many people in the world that, even when you think you’ve heard something for the first time, you haven’t (i.e. it turns out this has happened before.) Nothing new under the sun, I’m afraid. The last time someone tried a forced abortion in England was 40 years ago, so at least they had a nice run there for a while. Notice, incidentally, how many times the report refers to Magira as a “Woody Allen type character.” I’m sure Woody’s thrilled to have his visage serve as the new profile for renegade abortionists.

The child, by the way, survived.

Kids Are Alcoholics

Cole Gamble — Mon, 25 Feb 2008 17:00:00 GMT

Kids are drunks, especially babies. One second they’re laughing too loud, and then they’re crying in ear-splitting jags. They stumble about, crash into things, piss themselves, vomit on themselves, take a few swings at you and at the end of the night, like any frat boy, they just want to see a little boob. That said; check out these British kids who, year after year, are ending up in the hospital for binge drinking.

In England, more than 1,000 children under the age of 14 are drinking themselves right to the emergency room each year. I can’t tell you how incredibly cute that sounds. Little school aged Limeys all hooched up and looking for a fight. Precious. Once you’ve seen a seven-year-old’s pickled liver you just want to pick it up and put it in your pocket, it’s that adorable. With all these miniature English drunks stumbling about, it’s like England is being overrun by Dudley Moores.

Photo: www.askmen.com

Device Controls Kids With Ear-Piercing Blast

Karen Murphy — Wed, 13 Feb 2008 12:27:00 GMT

What would you do if you had a device that was audible—and annoying—only to kids? England's shopkeepers are using the devices, called "Mosquitos," to keep kids out of their shops, and civil liberties groups are a little up in arms about the discriminatory nature of something that affects a particular segment of the population.

But I sort of want to know more. Like...are these devices available for home use?

Yeah, yeah, civil liberties blah blah blah I totally get that...but just how ear-piercing are they? My 8-year-old can emit an ear-piercing shriek that's got to be at least 200 decibels and seems strangely unaffected by it.

Okay, I'm kidding. Sort of. The civil liberties people have an excellent point (they claim this is targeted at teens): they assert an "emerging gap between the young and the old, the fears, the intolerance, even the hatred, of the older generation toward the young," and I can't argue that. But that sounds sort of intense. What if you just want to make a Time Out a leeetle more effective?

Photo: content.ytmnd.com