Strollerderby : equal parenting

Where Does Halloween Rank on Your Family's Holiday-O-Meter?

JeanneSager — Thu, 30 Oct 2008 14:31:00 GMT

We've never been the people who hid in the back of the house with just the flicker of a TV for light on Halloween night, but before our daughter came along, my husband and I weren't the biggest fans. Even now, it's up to me to take our daughter trick-or-treating, while Dad stays home to hand out treats.

In our house, it just isn't that big a deal. I mean, sure, we do the costume and the trick or treating. We make the rounds of the community kid parties - two this year packed into one sugar-filled day. But there's no real desire to find a sitter and head out to a costume party ourselves or do up the path to our front door with faux cemetery markers and skulls. Nor is there ever a kumbaya, "one big happy family" kind of vibe to Halloween.

In all fairness to my husband, he attended both community parties this year. While I snapped pictures for the local paper at the first, he walked our daughter to each booth and helped her chuck rubber spiders, paint pumpkins and toss beanbags. We were co-parenting the party with the best of them. But come Friday night, he'll be more than happy to stay home with a black cat full of Play-Doh, plastic teeth and rubber bangle bracelets while I walk the walk with a bunch of girlfriends and their costume-clad tots. I wouldn't expect him to come along even if I plied him with Lemonheads and Sweetarts (so I know his weakness, we're still not going to hold hands and frolick together).

I felt a tad guilty reading Sports Illustrated writer Joe Posnanski's column this week about the strain an elongated world series puts on a dad who really wants to be home with his kids on Halloween, but I'm holding firm. Halloween is for the kids. Christmas for us is for the family.

How about you? Do you do it up family style for Halloween? Or is All Hallow's Eve the red-headed stepchild in your holiday hoe downs?

Image: FrugalLawStudent

Tape of Ten-year-old's Death Released by Police Department

Is Mandy Moore Being a Homophobe or a Normal Daughter?

Economy? Down. Halloween Sales? Up!

Daddy's At War, But He's Here in Doll

Trick or Treating for Fair Trade

Do You Dress Up for Halloween?

10 Signs that Parenting is More Equal than it Used to be

Rachael Brownell (Redsy) — Wed, 09 Jul 2008 22:56:00 GMT

While it is debatable whether truly equal parenting is common or just an impossible dream, there are signs that indicate the era of "Father Knows Best" or even "Mr. Mom" -- Look! That Man is Holding a Vacuum!!" are long gone. And good riddance!

Here are 10 common signs that co-parenting is on the upswing:

1. Diaper changing tables in the men's room - Because even Daddy changes diapers now, even though grandpa likely still won't.

2. Paternity leave - These days fathers are expected to take more than just a week or two off work when baby arrives. When patched onto the end of maternity leave, paternity leave is invaluable to most families.

3. Daddy takes a sick day - Fathers who in previous generations would rely on their wives to take sick days when the kids were ill, now use some of their time to take care of Billy's cold.

4. Doctors, dentists, and parent-teacher conferences - No longer solely the domain of mamas, it is wonderfully heartening to see so many Dads taking the lead in these previously mom-only domains.

5. Stay at home, daddy - If it's good enough for Brad Pitt, it's good enough for Mike Adamick and Gavin Rossdale (even though he might eschew daddydom for the tour). Primary caregiving isn't just for mommies anymore. And thankfully, we don't need any movies with Michael Keaton to prove to us how inept men are at domestic things.

6. Dad writes - Ever since Anne Sexton and Sylvia Plath penned poems about mothering, the literary description of parenting has previously been mostly left to women. Thankfully that is now no longer the case. From beautifully written blogs like Sweet Juniper to funny writings at Dadcentric, the unique literary expression of fatherhood will never be ignored again.

7. Baby packs - Even 10 years ago, it was less common to see daddies hauling the little babies in the packs and slings and Bjorns. The most beautiful site is when Daddy carries new baby in the Bjorn, holds the hand of the toddler, while balancing a cell phone and carrying a bag of groceries. Welcome to my world!

8. Man bags - Many of them are "geared toward men" because they are made of ugly camouflage, but as long as none of us have to carry nylon diaper bags covered in teddy bears and baby bottles, it's all good.

9. Daddy ain't heavy - Daddy used to be the threat to insure good behavior. Most parents I know share the role of good cop/bad cop with the kids, so neither parent has to be consdered the heavy.

10. Dad is the new Mom - More and more women are the primary breadwinner and are happy to leave primary caretaking to the men. Even when Daddy doesn't stay home full-time, more men are taking the childrearing reins.

Are You the 'Trailing Spouse'?

Rachael Brownell (Redsy) — Fri, 27 Jun 2008 12:00:00 GMT

Turns out married couples are fighting over more than equal parenting. According to CNN, when one spouse gets transferred the other 'trailing spouse' pays the price in lost income and job opportunities.

Despite the numbers of men choosing to stay home to take care of the kids, most couples still place the husband's career ahead of the wife's.

According to Daniel Buccino, a psychotherapist and faculty member at Johns Hopkins University School of Medicine, "Until more men are willing to say, 'You know, honey, you shouldn't have to change your name or sacrifice your career, and I'll stay home with our kids and aging parents,' progress will remain glacial."

Say amen somebody!

Distilled: Sunday New York Times Magazine

Adrienne Martini — Tue, 17 Jun 2008 17:30:00 GMT

As a service to the harried Strollerderby reader, I've read the Sunday Times' Magazine cover story on equal parenting and have distilled it down to four words. You can thank me later.

The four words: We all make choices.

Of course, the argument that writer, Lisa Belkin, makes is full of subtleties that those four words don't even begin to touch. However, they do sum up the nub of what the story says. When it comes to parenting, we all make choices, whether they be socially supported or not.

If you have all sorts of time, feel free to read it yourself and tell me how close I've come. Or, if there's something you'd like me to sum up for you so that you don't have to read it yourself (keep it parenting-related, please), leave a comment.

And, yes, you're welcome.

Photo credit: Achim Lippoth for The New York Times