Strollerderby : fat babies

Morning News: Hormonal Women the Answer to Economic Recovery

Madeline Holler — Tue, 31 Mar 2009 13:00:00 GMT

Perhaps President Obama and his economic advisors have been thinking about this economic recovery all wrong. Instead of giving money and loans to banks and businesses, they should give it to the people who could really inject some cash into this economy: women. Specifically, hormonal women.

A new British study claims to show that women way overspend when they ovulate and that they do the real damage a week before their periods start. So one minute the gals are cranky and crampy, the next they're all "oh, look at those pretty shoes." We hate studies like this.

This will piss a (very) few premenstrual women off: "Guiding Light" is getting axed. The longest running soap opera (70 years if you count its run on the radio) just isn't attracting viewers like it once did. (Who knew it was even still on the air?)

Know what show isn't getting axed and has far more viewers than we'd even like to imagine? Glenn Beck's on FOX News. This guy is such a screaming, ranting, dangerous racist, it's unbelievable that he gets to have a TV show -- and suddenly, lots and lots of coverage (which, we realize, we're adding to here ...).

He probably even drives a Hummer, the vehicle that represents this most recent economic, carbon and car-size exuberance. The Hummer bubble has burst as well. The GM brand is searching for a buyer. Maybe the auto giant's now former CEO (fired by Obama ... yikes!) would be interested.

Other perks of the well-to-do, but this one isn't going away: buying one's way into college. In fact, it's now easier than ever for the college-bound with parents of means to get into fancy schools, even if they're crappy students, even if there's a waiting list a mile long for better students of lesser means. Ahhhh. Now that's some economic news we can wrap our minds around!

Here's what else money can buy: four-year-old Mercy Grace! She's the Malawian girl Madonna is trying to adopt. Folks in Malawi are being critical of this generous and entitled and well-meaning super star, so it looks like little Mercy will join the family later rather than sooner as a judge has delayed his decision.

Hundreds of school campuses in California are at-risk for outbreaks of childhood illnesses such as measles and mumps, according to the LA Times. Most of these schools are in more affluent areas, so yours truly is enjoying the breeze up here on the moral highground.

We would also like to share the best and worst shampoos, according to NBC's Today Show. Not surprisingly, what appeared to be a bar of soap made the worst list.

Oh, and fat babies are at risk for becoming fat toddlers. So get those chubberkins on a diet!

Photo: sheknows.com

Study: Those Growth Charts Are Total BS

Karen Murphy — Thu, 26 Apr 2007 14:01:00 GMT

At last, I have a valid reason to go give dirty looks to the pediatricians who told me that my babies needed to gain weight: a new study reveals that the growth charts we've all been relying on to determine whether our babies are healthy or not are skewed. That's right, skewed! It turns out that high-protein baby formula makes heavier babies (which in turn can make heavier adults, how do you like that one for a nice dish of Guilt Supreme?). Babies fed high-protein formula put on weight faster and more extensively than did babies who were fed breastmilk or low-protein formula. So no Atkins For Babies, I guess.

Parents who breastfeed can breathe a sigh of relief now that there's proof that they haven't been starving their babies all along, and hopefully the judgemental pediatricians will lay off too. Like I said, there are a couple I'd like to have some words with.

As for parents who formula-feed? I don't know where you go with this one. If it were me I'd of course be looking for corroborating information (cuz I know ya'll don't make life-altering decisions based on what you read here at Babble) while trying to avoid feeling guilty over something that's not your fault. And maybe checking the protein levels of your formula (which purportedly have been halved over the past 25 years, but are still too high according to this study).

Junk Food Ads Contribute to Childhood Obesity. In Other News, Pope is Catholic.

JasonAvant — Thu, 25 Jan 2007 19:00:00 GMT

The third California Childhood Obesity Conference kicked off on Tuesday, the 23rd, and experts agree that marketing plays a big (and insidious) role in shaping kids' dietary habits. I was going to hold off on writing about this particular article until after the PR guys from McDonald's, Kellogg's, et al. put out statements questioning the validity of statements made by those speakers while defending their products ("But we also sell yogurt!"). There's just something exhilarating about people who are so nefariously intent on denying reality; putting a delusionary spin on matters of life and death is so vile and sad you just have to laugh.

And yes, childhood obesity is a matter of life and death. The study highlighted in the O.C. Register article indicates that 1 in 4 Orange County children are overweight; we all know that young children who are obese have a much higher chance of developing serious and potentially life-shortening health problems.

What's worth repeating is that like Joe Camel before him, Ronald McDonald wants your kids to become addicts; put on the Disney Channel, Cartoon Network, or any Saturday morning cartoon show and you'll be inundated with fast food and sugar-laden cereal ads. None of which talk about the downside of eating that shit (Mayor McGreasetrap or Tony the Triple-bypass Tiger, anyone?).

Look, I enjoy the occasional big-ass bowl of Cap'n Crunch as much as the next guy. But I'm a grownup. The article raises an excellent point - young children can't differentiate between the program and the commercial. One expert recommends sitting down with your kids and talking about the differences between the two (good luck with that if your kid likes to watch old Transformers cartoons). In my house, we've devised another solution. The DVR. We don't let the kid watch "live" TV; we record the shows, then when he watches them, we fast forward through the commercials (bonus: we get to control what shows he watches, and how long he gets to spend watching them. Plus with the DVR, I can now record 24 while watching Heroes. Thus my life is fulfilled.) Our cable company charges an additional $10 a month; chump change compared to what we'd end up spending on insulin.

Samantha Bee Says Your Baby's Too Fat. Like, Unlovable Fat.

Alisyn — Wed, 10 Jan 2007 19:00:00 GMT

Ever get the nagging feeling that your baby is too fat? That he or she is a threat to your family's overall attractiveness? You’re not alone. Fake news reporter Samantha Bee knows just how you feel.

Tuesday night's episode of The Daily Show with Jon Stewart debuted a new segment, “Baby Talk,” hosted by Sam and her husband, Jason Jones, also a Daily Show reporter. (Jones couldn’t make it to the set in time for broadcasting due to his penchant for strippers – new dads gotta get it somewhere! HAHA!… Ha.) - but that’s another story).

According to Sam's report, a frightening number of our “natal American” population are lard asses who are getting… lardier. Bee says that in 1986, most American babies were “endearingly pudgy.” By 1996, the majority had become “fatty bo-batties.” And today, 62% of babies are simply “unlovable.”

What’s led to this horrifying surge in infant obesity? Well, Bee says, the answer is simple: our incompetent parenting. Her suggested remedy to the epidemic? “Healthifying” babies meals by scraping out the creamy filling of baby’s daily Ring-Ding, and replacing it with strained peas… or tuna fish. Mmmm. Thanks, Sam!

Can’t wait for next week’s segment, “Is Your Baby An Asshole?”

Stay tuned!