Strollerderby : fathers

Baby Toupee Creator Speaks

Brett Singer — Tue, 26 May 2009 21:00:00 GMT

If you made something as dumb as the Baby Toupee you might think keeping quiet would be the best course of action.

But you would be wrong!

TruTV interviewed Graham Farrar who did indeed come up with the idea for a line of baby headgear. Not just hats -- these puppies have hair.

Here's a sample:

Q: Who’s your typical customer?
A: Nuts with kids.

What a card.

Now, I suppose if someone wants to buy this sort of thing -- you know, a "nut" with a kid -- go for it. Apparently Farrar's customer base is mostly reggae fans, since his Bob Marley-esque model (aka "The Bob") is his biggest seller. (One of my colleagues wanted me to say that she feels the jokifying of Black hair is racist -- anyone agree/disagree? Let us know in the comments.) And in this economy, I don't want to bash a small businessperson.

Yet, bash I must.

Personally I'm not a fan of this sort of thing. Babies are cute enough on their own. OK, maybe Halloween. But these wigs look kinda nasty to me. I picture baby food getting stuck in those fake dreads... excuse me, I'm a little nauseous.

What do you think? Cute, not cute? Irie? Offensive? A great big plate of who cares?

Source: TruTV Dumb as a Blog

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Dad Charges Daughter With Grand Theft Auto

Brett Singer — Fri, 22 May 2009 21:00:00 GMT

A girl in Fort Lauderdale, Florida took her dad's car while he was visiting her much younger sibling (19 months old) at the hospital. She's 12. She drove around without the headlights on and hit a police car.

Her dad isn't messing around. He asked police to charge his daughter with grand theft auto. Not the video game -- the crime.

I have mixed feelings about this. On the one hand, this is the second time the girl has stolen her dad's car, according to the AP. On the other hand, it's your daughter. Do you really want her to rot in jail? Is that likely to help?

Something similar happened on 'Gossip Girl' this season. (Yes! I know. You think I'm nuts. Stay with me for a moment.) Lillian Van der Woodsen gives her daughter Serena an expensive bracelet, which is a family heirloom. Then, when Serena does something Lily doesn't like (it's not worth explaining what that was), she calls the police and tells them Serena stole the bracelet. Serena goes to jail. Not exactly the same situation of course, but similar enough. Choosing whether or not to send my kid to jail is a choice I hope I never have to make.

(Side note: what the heck is in the water in Florida? Crazy juice?)

What would you do if your kid were a repeat offender? Turn them over to the police or try something else?

Source: AP via Fox News

Image: SXC

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They Say: Having a Daughter Makes You a Liberal

JeanneSager — Fri, 22 May 2009 20:02:00 GMT

So blue might be the color most associated with boys. Turns out the blue states can thank their azure hues to the parents of little girls.

A conglomeration of studies about to be printed in a social science journal posit that parents' political leanings can be tied to the gender of their children. Notably, they say fathers of girls are more liberal.

Is that the same as saying they're more feminist?

Among the data social scientists looked at was the voting records of U.S. Congressmen. The first study (published in 2004) determined Congressman with daughters were more likely to vote liberally on reproductive rights issues. Four years later, the same researcher concluded the Congressmen with female offspring were voting liberally on a host of issues, including tax-free education and working families flexibility.

Integrating studies from Great Britain, the scientists have concluded parents with girls are more likely to sympathize with left wing ideals, while studies indicate that having a male child will lead to more right wing politics.

Interesting, because if you listened tp appeals to George W. Bush on particularly feminist issues, you'd often hear references to his daughters. As in "What kind of father would take his own daughter's rights away?" And I don't remember him coming out as a champion of Roe v. Wade, do you?

I'll allow that parents are more likely to weigh issues they wouldn't have otherwise focused on when faced with parenting a child of the opposite sex. A father with a daughter is more likely to have his daughter in mind when debating the rights of a woman over the rights of a fetus (although I'd wager there are a fair amount of dads who would still come down on the side of the fetus because they now equate their child with that fetus).

Even more interesting, the study suggests parents who lean to the left are more likely to stop having kids after the birth of a son - pointing to an added valuation of boys in the liberal community. Right wingers, they say, are more likely to stop making babies after a girl is born. Maybe it's all those liberal awakenings scaring them out of the bedroom?

Image: Flatrock

Via fivethirtyeight

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UPDATE: Dad Who Forced Son To Get Tattoo is Arrested

Brett Singer — Fri, 15 May 2009 16:15:00 GMT

Updating the story from a few weeks ago: Enrique Gonzalez, the Fresno father and gang member who allegedly forcibly tattooed a dog's paw on his 7-year-old son, has been arrested in Madera County, California, according to the Fresno Bee. Gonzalez was found hiding out at a motel with his girlfriend; he tried to escape through a window but police caught him. He is being held on $700,000 bail.

Original post follows below.

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This is pretty hard core.

Enrique Gonzalez, a Fresno, California father, is a member of a gang called the Bulldogs. He wanted his son, who is 7, to get marked with their symbol, which is a dog's paw. The boy didn't want to, possibly because he's seven and tattoos hurt. (I can barely get my kids to stick a thermometer in their mouths to see if they have a fever.) So, according to a police report, Gonzalez held his son down while Travis Gorman gave him the tattoo.

Gorman has been arrested, Gonzalez is still at large. (Note that these are charges that the two men have been accused of, so everything here is "allegedly.")

Adding to the troubling nature of this story (if that's possible) is that Gorman isn't a licensed tattoo artist. So what, you say? That just seems less safe. Not that it would have been OK to do this in a tattoo parlor, of course.

In California, it is illegal for anyone under 18 to get "inked", although police acknowledge that they have seen gang tattoos on children as young as 14. "But never this young," said Fresno Detective Jesse Ruelas. I hope not.

Other details of interest: the boy lives with his mother, and was visiting his father over the Easter holiday, which I suppose means the parents have shared custody, or maybe just that the father has visitation. I'm guessing that won't happen anymore. The mother found the tattoo when her son came home from visiting with dad and wouldn't let her see him get undressed to take a bath.

Scary stuff. Hope the kid is OK and he can get over this.

Source: Fresno Bee

Update source: Fresno Bee

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Depressed Dads More Likely to Have Depressed Kids

Hannah Tennant-Moore — Mon, 04 May 2009 23:20:00 GMT

Traditionally, research about the link between a caretaker’s and a child’s mental health has focused on mothers. But a team of researchers has officially shown that it ain’t just the womenfolk who screw up their kids.

University of Oxford researchers found that teenagers with depressed dads are more likely to be depressed themselves and to have suicidal thoughts. Kids whose fathers suffer from generalized anxiety disorder are twice as likely to have anxiety themselves. And paternal alcoholism is associated with a whole range of behavioral problems in children (particularly sons), including substance abuse, poor academic performance, and low self-esteem.

Having grown up with a father who struggles with depression, I find this study most important for its societal implications. Whether or not my own depression was imparted to me by my dad—either biologically or relationally—my father is the person who has helped me the most when I’m going through a depressive episode because he understands exactly what I’m experiencing and he’s committed to helping me through it.

But my father’s willingness to openly discuss personal problems is rare among men. As researchers point out, men are more reticent than women to seek help in managing mental health problems. I suspect that this reticence could have a greater effect on children than a father’s mental state, particularly for sons who are taught to adopt a “tough guy” mentality for dealing with emotional difficulties.

Photo: BBC

My Dad, the Zodiac; Woman Claims She Helped As a Child

Mike Adamick (Cry It Out!) — Thu, 30 Apr 2009 11:02:00 GMT

I've heard of take your daughter to work day, but this is ridiculous ...

A woman has come forward to claim that when she was just 7 years old, her dad took her with him while he committed murders that would be called the work of the Zodiac Killer.

Says Deborah Perez:

“There were strange events with my father,” she said. “I would hear shots and my father would say it was firecrackers. I would see a woman running and then hear shots and he would tell me someone threw firecrackers at her.”

The Zodiac Killer scared the ever living jesus out of the San Francisco Bay Area in the late '60s and '70s -- and any kid growing up in the Bay Area in the '80s will surely remember that one Halloween when a prank Zodiac letter nearly cancelled the whole holiday. The killer was never found, the murders stopped, suspects seemed to materialize out of nowhere.

Now, a group of lawyers and private investigators claim they have unmasked the killer -- and they trotted out Perez as an unwitting accomplice during the spree. When she was as young as 7. In a news conference, Perez said she wrote some of the infamous letters that taunted police and the media during the time, and she even claims to have the eye glasses worn by one of the victims.

uh huh. I'll believe that when I see it. I guess there is an upside to this bizarre story, however. As my colleague Brett said in an email: This makes anything we do as parents seem like nothing.

Agreed.

Thank you Zodiac ... Killers?

Ben Affleck Suffers Same Fate As Dads of Daughters Everywhere

JeanneSager — Mon, 20 Apr 2009 18:07:00 GMT

Jennifer Garner says she can always tell when husband Ben Affleck was left to his own devices with daughter Violet's hair. It comes out looking like a rat's nest.

Hey dads, sound familiar?

“You can always tell when he has been at it, just two random barrettes hanging in there. It’s so sweet," Garner told InStyle.

She could have been talking about my husband. He was over the moon when I gave birth to a little girl (which - despite us not finding out prior to delivery - he just "knew" was going to happen), but when she started sprouting enough hair to require clippies and ponytail holders, he was lost.

"It doesn't ever do what I want it to do," he tells me. "I just don't have the patience for it." This coming from a guy who once had hair past his shoulders. But his was super fine, super straight hair, hair that never needed to be brushed out with no more tangles spray after a night of rolling around on a crib mattress, hair that never needed to be secured in two little braids hanging down his back.

Some guys get hair and are perfectly adept at handling their daughter's locks. More are like my husband - facing a major learning curve after years of just not caring what their head looks like (because after years of long hair, his is now shaved in a Marine-like buzz - he does nothing more than shampoo daily). In our house it's particularly funny because it's the bald mother who has been showing Dad the ropes, teaching him about where on the head to place a ponytail (Not too high, this isn't the eighties. Not too low - she isn't an aging hippie) and how to brush out tangles without yanking on the scalp.

I'll give credit where credit is due. He tries. If he's the parent getting her ready for the day, her hair is at least brushed, albeit with a clip stuck at a random angle - kind of like Violet Affleck's.

Dads, did you jump over the curve after your daughters were born or do you turn out girls who sport the ragamuffin look in the morning?

Image: TheInsider

Dad Drives Drunk With Kids In Car

Brett Singer — Sun, 19 Apr 2009 15:30:00 GMT

Jason Ryan Damos of Portland, Oregon went for a drive. Drunk. With his kids in the back seat. A police chase ensued, and eventually Damos was caught. And arrested. Charges were "reckless endangerment, hit and run, felony elude and drunken driving." ("Felony elude" is a new term to me. It has a nice ring to it.)

After being involved in a hit and run accident, Damos kept on driving, possibly hitting other cars; full details were not in the KATU report. The main thing is that he had his two children, ages 3 and 4, in the back seat while he did his version of "The Dukes of Hazzard."

How drunk was he? According to one of the arresting officers, he was "beyond intoxicated." That phrase isn't as new to me as "felony elude," but it is very descriptive.

The mother of the two children was there to take the kids after police got Damos by "getting him to spin out, in what is called a 'pit maneuver.'" Dramatic stuff. Luckily the kids are OK.

Source: KATU

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Are Working Mothers (And Fathers) Discriminated Against?

Kate Tuttle — Mon, 30 Mar 2009 16:30:00 GMT

We all know the myth of the Superwoman is just that, but where does that leave the normal mom who also needs (and often wants) to work for pay outside the house? In a tragic bind, according to a recent post to the New York Times Economix blog. Women who attempt to balance working with motherhood nearly always pay a significant penalty at the workplace, whether in lost promotions or stagnating pay. Women who don't have kids are often praised for their ability to give their all to work -- but face stigma and gossipy questions about their childless status. Men, you'll be glad to know, tend to be rewarded either way (though I'm guessing that they benefit at least in perceptual terms for having kids).

The blog's author admits it can be hard to guage whether negative effects spring from discriminatory attitudes toward working mothers alone, or whether job performance can indeed suffer across the board for women who have caretaker responsibilities on top of job duties. I'd imagine it's a little of both -- the perception that mothers can't commit fully to their jobs is endemic, though, and is used against even those mothers who can and do overperform at work. In a study cited in the Times piece, both men and women evaluating fake resumes tended to discount those of women with subtle hints that they were mothers (telltale maternity leave gaps, etc.).

So what's to be done, and can the playing field ever be truly even? Or is an anti-mommy (or anti-child) bias just built into our sexist society, never to be overcome? I know that better maternity -- and paternity -- leave would be one solution, if only to help mothers maintain a consistent paycheck and pay history. But even if men and women were treated more equally in this regard (and in dividing their home duties -- I know, this is a pipe dream, and also a presumption of heterosexual couple-dom that I regret but can't seem to shake when thinking about this topic), where would that leave those with children versus those without? Perhaps we need to widen the scope even further, to seek not just gender parity but also some awareness that family responsibilities don't always come in the cute little form of a child. Workers caring for aging parents, or ailing partners, also need protection and respect.

Once we start talking about workers being treated with respect by big corporations, I know I'm in the land of fantasy. Still, the reality is so difficult that at times it can be hard to face. My own salary history is so uneven, what with staying home to care for two children, that I'll probably never again make as much money as my husband (we were on par when we met). I'm not even trying to get back to full-time work yet, but I wonder what limitations I'll face, and how many of them come down to the parenting choices I have made. Do I regret staying home with my kids? Not for a second. But do I wish mothers and fathers had better options? That's a no-brainer.

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UPDATE - Josef Fritzl Sentenced To Life In Psychiatric Institution

Brett Singer — Fri, 20 Mar 2009 01:35:00 GMT

UPDATE: Josef Fritzl has been sentenced to life in a psychiatric institution. While onthe surface this seems like justice has been served, The Scotsman says that the ruling means he could be free in 15 years if a doctor says he's been cured of whatever they decide is wrong with him. Basically, Fritzl is eligible for parole in 15 years. It's not a big chance, but it could happen. Which would be bad. The Scotsman's Stephen McGinty does say that, "It is likely...that [Fritzl] will die in prison," since he is 73 years old.

Earlier posts follow.

*-*-*-*-*

Josef Fritzl's daughter Elisabeth testified against him on Tuesday, according to CNN. Thankfully, it was by videotape. Elisabeth and the children she had as a result of her father's abuse are living in an undisclosed location with new identities.

How do you go on after something like that? I'm amazed and oddly impressed that Elisabeth has the strength to go on living, much less testify against her father. Of course, I imagine she would like nothing more than to see him go to prison for the rest of his life.

The case has become a major media event in Austria, with crowds gathering in and out of the courtroom. Press has been barred from certain parts of the trial, including Elisabeth's testimony.

*-*-*-*-*

CNN is reporting that Josef Fritzl will plead guilty to rape and incest on Monday. He will not plead guilty to charges of "murder, enslavement and assault." Fritzl's lawyer says that his client "expects to spend the rest of his life in prison." Um, yeah, that sounds right. That said, the charges he's pleading guilty to carry relatively short prison terms -- five to fifteen years for rape, one year for incest. The biggest is the murder charge, which, as discussed below, some experts think will be tough to prove. I guess it's a good thing that Fritzl will definitely be found guilty of something, although if he goes to jail for only a couple of years, that would be tragic.

Original post follows.

*-*-*-*-*-*

Josef Fritzl, the man who kept his daughter locked in the basement for more than 20 years and impregnated her multiple times, is finally going on trial.

Disturbingly, he may spend only 15 years in jail. Or less.

According to London's Times Online, the "Austrian incest monster" is about to stand trial for "murder, incest, unlawful imprisonment and enslavement." Fritzl thinks that he could receive less than 10 years in prison.

He may be right. Some lawyers feel that the murder charge, which is based on the fact that he allowed one of the children he had with his own daughter to die, won't stick. That leaves rape as the biggest charge, which under Austrian law carries a 15 year sentence. Parole, good behavior -- he could be out in five years.

I know that everyone is entitled to a defense, but the one that Fritzl and his lawyer are offering is almost as disturbing as what he did. Fritzl is "claiming that his daughter was having sex when she was barely out of her teens. She smoked. She took drugs. She drank. He wanted to save her." His lawyer, Rudolf Mayer, says of his client: "He is not a monster. He loved his daughter in his own way." The father also says that he took good care of his "captives", citing the fact that the bird he bought them lived as evidence of good air quality in their underground prison. (This is at least consistent with the insane statements he made last year.)

As a quick reminder, Fritzl kept his daughter Elisabeth in the basement, along with some of the children they had together. Three of them were allowed to live upstairs -- the "upstairs children". The cellar was equipped with soundproof walls. Elisabeth was forced to write a letter saying that she had run away and joined a cult. This was a well thought out crime. Fritzl says that he is "not normal," but that's as close as he's come to an apology.

Making matters worse, prosecutors may cut a deal that will allow Fritzl to choose the prison where he serves his short sentence. One that lets him sing in a choir and take cooking lessons. When he gets out, he wants to go back home and live with his wife.

According to the Times, many feel that this situation could have been avoided if social workers had done their jobs. That may be the case, but the idea that this monster could get off with a light jail sentence in a country club prison is horrible. Not as horrible as what he did. But it's pretty close.

Source: timesonline.co.uk

Image: BBC

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New Rick Springfield CD For Kids

Brett Singer — Wed, 11 Mar 2009 02:33:00 GMT

Rick Springfield just released a new CD. But this time it's for your kids.

The guy who wondered why he couldn't find a woman as great as the one Jesse had eventually settled down and had two kids of his own. Turns out they weren't great sleepers. So Rick, being a songwriter, wrote them some lullabies. When he recently found the songs "stuck in the back of a drawer," he found that he liked them and decided to put them out for the world to hear.

In an interview, Rick (he lets me call him Rick) referred to the tunes as "baby pop songs." That's a good description, but they also feel deeply personal. Listening to the CD feels a little bit like eavesdropping. These are actually songs he wrote for his children, and by his own admission, they aren't as polished as some of his other work. That doesn't mean unprofessional; the sound and production values are fine. But since the songs weren't initially written for everyone to hear, they have an appealingly private quality.

Put simply, don't expect "Jesse's Girl" or "Love Somebody." These are lullabies, meant to help kids fall asleep. As such, they're calm, pleasant, and enjoyable to listen to. Unlike an artist who switches from his "real" music to kid stuff, this is an adult musician who also happened to write some kid-friendly songs years ago, and only just decided to release them. As a father, it's hard not to get a little misty-eyed listening to the disc. There's a lot of genuine emotion in the music and the lyrics. Like "I love to watch you sleep / In the quiet of the night" from the title track -- what parent doesn't understand that? It may not be deeply profound, but so what? For grown-up Rick fans (and there are many, as I found out when I interviewed him and my mother, wife, and babysitter all suddenly expressed a keen interest in my work), "My Precious Little One" is certainly different from what you're used to. Check out some preview tracks at RickSpringfield.com and see for yourself. This might be the only time when a musician won't be offended if you tell him you fell asleep listening to his songs.

"My Precious Little One" is now available at Amazon.com exclusively for eight weeks; after that it will be available at retail outlets everywhere.

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Why Daddies Don't Babysit

JeanneSager — Tue, 24 Feb 2009 17:24:00 GMT

Let it be known that my husband is a saint - a superb dad, a model husband. But he doesn't babysit.

For that matter - no father worth his salt babysits.

They parent.

Since my first outing alone after giving birth - a whopping twenty-minute run to the grocery store and back - I've been haunted by the same question. "Oh, your daughter's not with you? Is Daddy babysitting?"

I usually just grit my teeth and nod, but sometimes I can't help myself. "No," I tell them. "He's not babysitting. You see, he's her father, and as such, he doesn't babysit. Babysitting is what someone is hired to do when her parents aren't available. My husband, her daddy, is home, spending time with his daughter."

The notion that mothers parent and fathers babysit is outdated at best, downright insulting at worst. Why are fathers, who in this day and age really do put in as much time with their kids as their female partners considered babysitters? They are, after all, doing the same things their wives and girlfriends do - playing games, discipling, bathing, etc. They have as much to do with the child's presence on this earth too; and not only in the sense of procreation. They help support their kids financially and emotionally. They get up late at night and fill a medicine dropper with Tylenol to soothe a teething tot, and they get up in the morning to make waffles and pour sippy cups full of watered down orange juice.

I don't know a dad who would call himself anything less. So why do people still treat them like the hired help?

Image: Sager Scenes

Jon Stewart on Dashing His Children’s Hopes

Hannah Tennant-Moore — Mon, 02 Feb 2009 16:00:00 GMT

Jon Stewart was on Conan O’Brien the other night, discussing the uncanny power of fatherhood. “Being a father is great for me because it’s a chance to ruin someone from scratch,” Stewart said, eliciting cathartic laughter from parents everywhere.

When you disappoint an adult, he explains, you know that they’ll get over it; they’ve been slighted or let down before. But when you disappoint your kid, you get a look that says, “I will never forget this as long as I live.”

Thanks to Jezebel for posting this clip, which is currently not available anywhere else. In fact, I’m unable to post the video directly on this page, but you can watch it here. Stewart also describes the hilariously adorable “secret plans” his son devises when her younger sister is taking a nap.

Photo: Blah Blah Blahg

Smackdown: Breastfeeding -- Why Not?

Brett Singer — Tue, 27 Jan 2009 14:15:00 GMT

Cole challenged me to a Smackdown on breastfeeding, and of course I said yes. I never back down from a challenge, at least not one as harmless as a blog face off. (In other words, don't challenge me to get in the ring with Mike Tyson. That, I will decline.)

Breastfeeding is a controversial subject, but it wasn't always. Back in the day (as in, black and white televisions, Uncle Milty, etc.) many women took a pill to dry up their milk ducts. They didn't feel guilty about it, and those children grew up to live happy lives despite being denied breast milk.

There was also a point in our history when women didn't have the right to vote. In other words, times change. We've learned a lot about human health, and there is definitely evidence that breast milk CAN be good for your kids. Is it conclusive? No. So what? If you are able to breastfeed, isn't it worth the potential benefits?

Now for some specifics:

1. The Guilt Factor: No disagreement here. It's wrong to bully a woman, especially a new mother. However, let us not ignore…

2. The Laziness Factor: There are a number of reasons why some women don't breastfeed their kids. I've heard at least one new mom who said that breastfeeding her child made her feel "gross"; she had no problems with her child latching on, she just didn't like having a baby suckling at her "teet." It made her, "feel like a mammal." When someone says that, I want to ask them a simple question: If you are able to do something that has potential health benefits for your child, why wouldn't you? If you can't breastfeed, you can't breastfeed. But if you tried once and just bailed, that seems like a cop-out. Some of the La Leche people may be a little nuts, but many lactation counselors are very good at what they do. If you have trouble with latching or other breastfeeding issues, it's worth trying a counselor just for the potential health benefits.

3. Expressed Milk in a Bottle: Cole, I love ya, but sometimes I wonder if you've been sipping from a different type of bottle. (A glass one. Filled with bourbon.) Who says that expressed breast milk is a bad thing? As I understand it, the debate is usually between breast milk and formula. And I have yet to see a study that says formula is undeniably better for the child. At best, some say that breast milk may not have the benefits that some claim. Which brings us to the next point:

4. "No Proof That Breast Feeding is Healthier": Is there proof that it's harmful? There is certainly evidence that breast milk is good for babies. Again, why not give it to your children if you can? There was a time when doctors said that smoking was healthy. Look at how that turned out.

5. Formulas Aren't Perfect Either: I haven’t done extensive research but I know that whenever there is a product that is mass-produced, there is the potential for problems. Remember the Chinese milk recall? Ever heard of a breast milk recall? I didn't think so.

There's a difference between "can't" and "won't." No one should be bullied into breastfeeding (sorry, La Leche). But if you won't even try because you just don't want to, or you feel like you want to "rebel" against the "breastfeeding nazis", maybe you should rethink your position. Cole is right -- you shouldn't do anything JUST because of peer pressure. But if everyone isn't jumping off the Brooklyn Bridge, that doesn't mean you should. (Think about it for a minute, I'm pretty sure it makes sense.)

Read Cole's take on the matter here.

Read Madeline's take on the matter here. (And I didn't say that ALL women who don't breastfeed are lazy. I mean, c'mon.)

What do you think? I'm right and he's wrong, yes? (Even if you think I'm wrong, let us know in the comments.)

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"Dads" Want DNA Testing in Kansas

JeanneSager — Fri, 23 Jan 2009 16:28:00 GMT

Christopher Sprowson's ex-wife had an affair that resulted in a baby. Now the State of Kansas wants him to pay for a child genetic testing proves isn't his because he's the "presumed father."

A bit presumptuous, aren't they?

Sprowson and his first wife divorced when the child, now thirteen, was just a baby. He's never had a relationship with the child, nor has the mother called for one. Why should she? He isn't the boy's father.

Kansas officials stepped in when the ex-wife filed for welfare.The state automatically seeks child support for any parent receiving public assistance to reduce the state's burden. Unable to provide a name for a father of her boy, the state put the blame on Sprowson. When DNA proved otherwise, a judge said it didn't matter – as her husband at the time of the baby's birth, he had to pay some $10,000.

But Sprowson and wife Karey have three kids of their own to support, and they have made a bid to the state legislature to change the laws, allowing men to use DNA evidence to prove once and for all that they aren't responsible for kids with whom they share no blood relation.

Critics have said this will pave the way for stepfathers everywhere to shirk their responsiblities to their stepkids. The way I see it, stepkids are just that - "step" kids. Short of a marriage to the child's biological parent, they aren't that child's parent. So why should they be responsible for their care outside of the marriage? Their argument is the old standby - it takes more than biology to make a parent, and I agree with them. But that's a saying used to describe the non-biological parents who nurture children, not one that can be supplied to defend thrusting someone else's responsibilities on men like Christopher Sprowson. He never nurtured the child because he had no reason to - he wasn't the boy's father in any sense of the word, biological or emotional.

I don't fault the state for trying to reduce a burden on taxpayers by requiring non-custodial parents to step in to care for a child rather than the state. But you can't legislate family ties into existence anymore than you can force an angry spouse to accept their cheating partner's love child into their heart.

Give the guys their DNA test, Kansas. And let the real fathers stand up.

Image: NIH

What's Wrong with "Women and Children First?"

JeanneSager — Tue, 20 Jan 2009 13:02:00 GMT

The crash of Flight 1549 came just when the nation needed it - a crisis averted, a hero in our midst, nearly two hundred people saved. Next to the inaguration, it's the brightest spot what's been an otherwise bleak American horizon of late.

But we're a country that thrives on some sort of scandal - so it's no surprise the heroism of Chesley B. "Sully" Sullenberger has quickly turned to criticism of the age-old (at least one hundred and fifty-some year-old) standard of evacuating people in case of tragedy: "women and children first."

To be fair, I'm biased. I am, after all, a woman. I'm also a mother. So women and children rank pretty high on my list. By all accounts, I should be rushing to the defense of the mandate Jezebel aptly dubbed "strangely quaint" and "old fashioned."

A lot of what Jezebel's Sadie said made sense - there has to be some organizational basis for getting people moved from here to there, and few would argue with a child's right to be cut the line in light of a tragedy. Children first, at least, is almost irrefutable. They still have a chance at a life. They still have time left to make a difference.

But Sadie makes one very salient point - kids need caregivers when they're rescued. And last I checked, caregivers come in all forms - daddies too. So what happens when we stick to "women and children first?" If a child is traveling with their Dad in tow, is the screaming tot ripped from his arms and thrust into those of a stranger, wriggling and crying? Add a toddler torquing his body in frustration to an already stressful situation, and you've just lost precious moments.The organizaton you're striving for can be dealt that fatal blow with the moments lost calming them down.

Yes, I would want to get off a sinking plane as quickly as possible - and with my daughter in my arms. But as important as I would hope someone thinks I am in my daughter's life, so too is my husband, my father, my brother . . . I am not a he-man hating feminist (yes, some of them still exist). If one of them were there with my child, I would hope that an able-bodied adult would be willing to let child and "male relative caregiver" take the place of "mother/woman."

Perhaps the more appropriate choice is children - with appropriate caregiver - first, to be followed by whomever the pilot and his crew thinks can be gotten to next in the most organized fashion?

Image: AP

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Daddy Club Rule: Don't Argue Kids Shows

JeanneSager — Sun, 11 Jan 2009 18:24:00 GMT

I wonder if the puppy blogs miss me. Because I've been getting my much-needed (in this economy, anyway) fix of "yes, things are right in this world," from Kids Say the Cutest Things here on Babble of late.

Who doesn't want to share their kidlet's latest cutie pie saying with people who actually CARE to hear it? As in someone other than the guy at the coffee pot at work whose eyes start to glaze over just around the words "and yesterday, she said . . . "

But as we've got KSCT already taking care of the kid quotes, I'll spare you mine (or at least let you make your own guesses as to which on there might have been inspired by the three-year-old in the Sager household). As for the adult conversations - I'm sorry, you're in the same boat as the coffee guy.

Because if there's one thing my husband is slowly starting to learn, it's DON'T argue with the kid over kid stuff. We'll call it Daddy Club Rule number one. You might be in decade three of life on this planet, but let's face it - you're clueless.

Case in point - the argument last week over the dancing robot on Noggin. "It's Brobee," my husband said. "Noooo, Daddy, it's Plex," (said with appropriately exaggerated eye roll).

"Brobee."

"Plex."

You get the idea. I sat through this, and because no one likes to hear "I told you so," I stayed silent. Until the next episode of Yo Gabba Gabba came on anyway. The "magic robot?" Yeah, her name is Plex. Brobee is "the little green one."

It's not that my husband is always wrong. It's that he bothers to belabor the point with a three-year-old . . . about a TV show character. If we were fighting about the name of the president (Dick Cheney, duh), I've told him, he should go full bore. But it's a dancing fluff ball. On TV.

So Dads, this is from my husband to all of you - the first rule of Daddy Club, don't talk about kid shows.

Does Your Kid Have an Accent?

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Why Do Pacifiers Piss So Many People Off?

Having a Kid Alone? Don't Tell Me Why I Have it Better

JeanneSager — Tue, 06 Jan 2009 17:27:00 GMT

I have got to hand it to single parents. You have one of the hardest - albeit the best - jobs on the planet.

So when a single parent wants to pour his or her soul out, my shoulder is right here, along with a big box of tissues and a pint of Ben and Jerry's. I'd just like a little of the same back from people like Lori Gottlieb.

Gottlieb's essay in this month's Parents "Why You Should Love Your Husband, Faults and All" is supposedly written for all of us gals out there with a partner, who Gottlieb says we just don't appreciate enough. Except Gottlieb apparently doesn't understand relationships - whether they be marriages or simple friendships. You know, give and take. Getting out some of your frustrations so you can come back to the table and build a BETTER relationship.

Gottlieb says she's a very happy single parent, that she's never had one qualm about her choice to become a mom on her own. With my biological clock ticking, I chose to have a baby on my own. No regrets on that score: I was fully aware of the enormity of the challenge I took on and I'm as hopelessly in love with my child as any married mom could be.

I'd believe her, if she didn't go on for paragraph after paragraph explaining why husbands are just so darn great.

Yes, Lori Gottlieb, my husband is my best friend. He's my rock. He's my little girl's incredible daddy. He's also a pain in the ass sometimes.

So am I.

And when we drive each other a little bit nuts (because we are both human, we are living in a crappy economy and we have a three-year-old who likes to crayon on the walls), the beautiful thing is, we have friends who will let us vent a little. We have sounding boards, who send us back to each other with fresh ideas and a renewed sense of why we love each other so darn much, and why that three-year-old is the best thing we have done together, green marks on the wall or no green marks on the wall.

Gottlieb, however, spends her entire essay putting married friends of single moms on notice. Don't come calling, she says, because my life is so much worse. What a great friend.

Is it callous for married friends to call their single mom friends and moan about their spouse? If that single mom just lost her partner to death, yes, it is. If she's just gone through a divorce or the "father" flew the coop before baby was born, yes, you need to wait a little while. The married friends (or those who have some kind of partner in the picture) need to do what friends do. They need to listen, offer encouragement, pop in with a pint of chocolate chip cookie dough.

But the "pity poor me" act only lasts so long. Single parents, you can complain. You can seek help and guidance. You can tell me how much harder it is. I'll believe you. I'll offer to babysit. I'll pick up your kid from nursery school when you're stuck at work and there's no one else there to do it for you. It's part of being your friend.

But if you tell me you won't do the same for me? You're not the friend I want to have around.

Image: Single Mom Seeking (a single mom whose blog makes me WANT to be her friend)

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Airing the Parental Dirty Laundry

Brett Singer — Fri, 02 Jan 2009 17:00:00 GMT

If you blog, you presumably want readers. And one way to do that is with a snappy headline. One could borrow from supermarket tabloids and go with something sensational and completely fake -- "Sarah Palin Gives Birth To Three Headed Alien" – that would do it. But if you blog about family matters, the truth can work just as well.

For example: this post on Yahoo! Shine.

My son is home!!! And I am really mad at his father.

The title got me to click and see what the heck was going on.

The first sentence was a grabber:

I recently wrote a blog about how I hate it when my son goes to his father's for Christmas.

Then it got better:

So many of you left very nice comments about my tough time while he is gone. There were a few that said I was being petty. Let me Go deeper into this........

I started to feel like a voyeur. This was pretty personal stuff. But it's not like I'm looking in the author's window. I'm reading something she posted on the Internet.

I'm not sure what the initial post was about, but this one tells the tale of a father who brought his son home after Christmas with an injured thumb. The mother was mad because the kid should have gone to the emergency room, and thinks that pop was too cheap to pay the seventy-five dollar co-pay. The injury is described in "ER"-level detail: "When I picked him up, it was black and purple and he could not bend it. We went immediately to the ER. After 2 shots of pain killer, they drilled 2 holes in the nail to relieve the pressure." Presumably the couple is divorced and the boy was spending the holidays with his father, although the post doesn't say that explicitly.

So here's my question. Is this fair to the kid, the father, and everyone else involved? Most of us who blog, whether for pay or play, reveal certain details. But it's one thing to talk about a goofy thing your three year old told you. It's another thing to reveal personal details like the ones on this particular Shine post.

It could be a generational thing. I'm selective about what I share with the world, and I think most folks are. Other people don't mind putting it all out there. (That's why Facebook is so successful.) In this case, I imagine that posting these personal details is therapeutic for the author. It is also interesting to other people; the post has over 100 comments. But if I'm the father, I'd be irritated.

Of course, if I'm the father and I really didn't take my son to the emergency room because I didn't want to spend seventy-five dollars, I'm also a major league jerk. Part of the problem, of course, is that we don't know what the father did or didn't do. It's possible that he weighed in with a comment; I haven't read them all. Still, judgments will be made – by me, the commenters on Shine, and commenters here. That's the nature of blogs. Once it's out there, it's out there. But is there a line that we shouldn't cross when kids and/or our significant others are involved? Can there be such a thing as too much sharing online?

Source: Yahoo Shine

Image (which is completely unrelated to this topic): sas.org.uk

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A Quiverfull Of Kids

Working Parents Smackdown Part 2 – Dads With Jobs vs Moms With Jobs

Working Parents Smackdown Part 1 - SAHD vs SAHM

Who Buys The Baby Products In Your House?

Brett Singer — Thu, 01 Jan 2009 16:15:00 GMT

We now present: The Diaper Follies.

Scene: An apartment in Manhattan. There is a stench. It is coming from the baby. The baby's father, a stay at home dad, puts the baby on the changing table and removes his diaper. It is indeed filled with a noxious substance not unlike nuclear waste. After cleaning the baby's tushy, Father notices that there are no clean diapers. He picks up a telephone and calls Mother, who is at work.

Father (very cheerful, abnormally so): Hi Honey.

Mother (working, wary of Father's cheerful mood): Hello dear. What's up?

Father (still cheery but as transparent as a brand-new window): We're out of diapers.

(Pause.)

Mother (calm): You should go buy some.

(Pause.)

Father (still cheerful, hiding his nervousness): Great idea! Thanks hon! See you later!

And… scene.

*-*-*

Obviously that's not exactly what happened. I would never leave a baby on the changing table while I made a phone call, for example. But I did email my wife (I didn't call, that would be weird) and inform her that we were out of diapers. We just, I don't know. We didn't have any. And I didn't know where she got them from.

Does that make me a dummy? I was probably tired and it was my first time. The point is, despite the fact that my wife is the primary wage earner and I am the primary childcare person, she's still in charge of stuff like diaper purchases.

While I never called my wife at work to tell her we were out of diapers or other baby products, that still isn't really my department. Another example: I am at the drugstore to buy diapers. Upon arriving, I realize that I have no idea what size diaper my children wear. Rather than buy the wrong size (which has happened before and may happen again – would those kids just start using the freakin' bathroom? Sheesh) I call home and say, "Honey? What size diapers should I buy?" I am mocked for not knowing, but that's better than the beating I receive for buying the wrong size. (Note: my wife has never actually beaten me for buying the wrong diapers. Mocked me, yes. Forced me to wear the diaper on my head…OK, that's not true either. But mocking. Oh, the mocking.)

Anyway, I was wondering – who's in charge of baby product buying at your house?

Image: Amazon

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A Quiverfull Of Kids

Working Parents Smackdown Part 2 – Dads With Jobs vs Moms With Jobs

Working Parents Smackdown Part 1 - SAHD vs SAHM

Bringing Sexy Back: Involved Dads

JeanneSager — Wed, 17 Dec 2008 20:28:00 GMT

The news that a man at the helm of a parenting publication was news to the New York Times is nothing short of depressing. So he's a dad, and he's interested in parenting issues. And?

Come on, is that all there is here? Because we've got several dads who write for Babble on a regular basis (and one who outfits his daughter in some natty duds off his own sewing machine . . . I'll leave it to you readers to fight it out over which 'Derby Dad could double for Dior).

The point is, dads who know their parenting stuff are there - and they deserve credit for something other than what's hanging down between their legs.

Maybe I'm just cranky because I just put down a novel by a stay-at-home-dad about a stay-at-home-dad's brush with feeling too feminine simply for staying at home. Man of the House is Ad Hudler's follow-up to Househusband, a book I confess I never read.

Main character Linc Menner is Hudler in novel form, an anal-retentive (character and author both started coloring clubs in elementary school, then kicked the other kids to the curb for straying over the lines . . . they make medicine for that kind of thing these days) guy who decides he'll stick to the house to raise his daughter while his wife continues climbing the corporate ladder. The emasculating part isn't in letting their wives bring home the bacon but in a brush with home construction on their Florida home - when a man who spends all day with a daughter roiling with the hormones of puberty and all night with a wife roiling with the hormones of menopause is suddenly face to face with the uber macho man most of us just call the contractor.

I was all set to mock the storyline - guy emasculated by being a stay-at-home - until I started reading. As the daughter of a contractor, who, by the way, cries during chick flicks (sorry Dad), I get this. To this day, I am the only one in my family who has to think "righty tighty, lefty loosey" before I fit the screwdriver into the appropriate slots and start spinning. I take careful thwacks with my hammer - at least four or five to their one capable whaaaaaack. What should be my birth right as the daughter of a contractor somehow has passed me by - hopefully to my daughter.

The problem is, Linc Menner isn't any better at hanging drywall than I am - the difference in our "down there parts" be darned. So why should that separate our parenting skills? Why shouldn't a book about a guy making fun of the idiot mothers who have to have their own special parking spot in the school pick-up line be considered as snarky and fresh as it would coming from a mother herself? Man of the House isn't a book about a guy who steps into being the "mother" of the household. It's the book about a guy, who stays home with his kid, makes her eat three squares and do her homework and drives the van to the mall with a bunch of teenagers gabbing in the back.

In short, it's a book about a parent. The fact that it's not earth-shattering news makes it all the more worth reading.

Image: Amazon

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Working Parents Smackdown Part 2 – Dads With Jobs vs Moms With Jobs

Brett Singer — Wed, 17 Dec 2008 17:00:00 GMT

Part 2 of Working Parents Smackdown (read Part 1 here). This time we focus on the workplace:

When men work late, they're just doing their jobs. Women are neglecting their children.

Women are often made to feel guilty about working late, sometimes by their spouses. Men probably are too but it seems like its easier to avoid.

Women who work risk "emasculating" their husbands. "Femininasculating" isn't even a word.

The "Mommy Wars" are definitely a thing. There are no "daddy wars."

If a woman works "outside the home" and has children, people ask "how does she do it?" If a man works, no one ever says "outside the home", and nobody wonders how they do whatever "it" is.

No matter what, mom is the first point of contact for any school issues. That's not to say I have a problem with that but that's what I see happen. This includes general PTA-type matters, actual issues such as coming to pick the kid up due to illness, and of course Mom's Night Out. (Note: I am NOT angling for an invite to Mom's Night Out. I vastly prefer Dad's Night In, especially when there is a football game on.)

These aren't necessarily sexism or something-ism. It's more of an assumption of gender roles. Which is technically sexism. But it doesn't feel quite as insidious as, say, discrimination in the workplace. Of course, these assumptions can easily translate into more dangerous actions in a job setting, such as when a woman is passed over for a promotion because her boss assumes that she will eventually leave her job to have children. So maybe it is the same. I don't know.

I do know that the last time my friends teased me for being a stay at home dad (who, for the record, works) I was able to silence them by saying, "Have fun at the office on Monday, guys." Haven't heard any teasing since then.

Last word: I find it infuriating when anyone gives a woman a hard time for being a primary caregiver. (Although I use the term frequently, "staying home with the kids" is kind of a silly term once the rugrats are old enough to go to school or even daycare.)

Last word number two: Feelings of emasculation are in the brain of the man. That doesn't mean that the feelings are invalid, nor does it mean that there aren't women who can be cruel and try to make their menfolk feel small. But often the issue is in the guy's head. (It was with me; that's a topic for another time.)

Last word number three: I hereby vow to look up the meaning of the word "last".

Image: edmbookstore.com

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Working Parents Smackdown Part 1 - SAHD vs SAHM

Brett Singer — Fri, 12 Dec 2008 17:00:00 GMT

Definitions:
SAHD = Stay at home dad
SAHM = Stay at home mom

I've been thinking about some of the differences between these two types of parents. (See also Part 2, Dads With Jobs vs Moms With Jobs.)

Now:

At a party, SAHDs are asked, "What do you do?" SAHMs are not.

If a woman chooses to be a SAHM, she is:
- a lazy throwback
- not fulfilling her potential

If a man chooses to be a SAHD, he is:
- making a sacrifice
- taking a break from work

Men who stay home are doing something great for their wife and children. Women are just, you know, doing what they're supposed to do.

SAHMs are "homemakers." SAHDs are "musicians."

Men who stay home with their kids are special and unique. Women are ordinary and perhaps even bad for their gender.

To sum up: women, whatever you do, you are wrong. If you work, you suck. If you stay home, you suck. Guys: whatever you do, you're OK! Rock on! Write that novel! Play that funky music, SAHD!

I'm exaggerating somewhat, but I'll put it out to the crowd. Am I exaggerating? If so, how much?

Image: theonlymanofthehouse.com

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Do You Have an Easy Bake Oven in Your Vagina? (by Miriam - one of the greatest blog post titles ever)

Kids Stay In Car While Dad Gets A Lap Dance

Brett Singer — Wed, 10 Dec 2008 19:00:00 GMT

Being a father is very stressful. You have to find ways to relax and enjoy yourself.

Note to self: this is not a good way to relax.

Keith Dodson of Barberton, Ohio is being charged with two counts of endangering a child after he popped into a local strip club for a lap dance. Problem is, he left his two kids in the car. And if that's not enough for you, the kids are very young – a six year old girl and a two year old boy. He told police that he was only in the mammary mecca (apologies to whoever it was coined that phrase) for "a few minutes", but witnesses said it was more like an hour. One dancer said he was with her for 30 minutes.

Now the kids are staying with relatives (no mother was mentioned in the news reports I read), and Dodson could get a year in jail (six months for each kid). To top it all off, he can't even go back to the club, which is called Francois Lounge. What a dope. Hope the kids will be OK.

You know what's scary? This isn't the first time this sort of thing has happened. In fact, it's happened a lot. (Here's one, here's another.) I mean, OK, men are pigs, we know that, oink oink. But guys – maybe get a sitter next time, 'kay?

Source: Ohio.com

Image: woio.com