Strollerderby : fathers and daughters

Jamie Foxx: Just a Normal Dad?

JeanneSager — Mon, 29 Dec 2008 19:33:00 GMT

Aww, poor Jamie Foxx. His daughter's a hottie, and they've run out of chastity belts in Hollywood.

Somebody tell me, why is it news that a father has told his teenage daughter she can't "date until she's married?" So the father's Jamie Foxx, and anything an actor or actress does makes news, but I actually heard some women talking the other day about how far over-the-top Foxx is acting with all of this.

Excuse me, ladies, but do you have a daughter?

I considered sending them to chat up my husband. He's laid down the law. No dating until her eggs have shriveled up and we don't have to worry about out-of-wedlock babies.

OK, maybe he's overreacting. Maybe just until she's 37 or so, right?

I have yet to meet the guy who comes out of the nursery with his daughter wrapped in his arms and starts talking about the day she'll take her spot on the pole at the local strip club. He's an actor people, but he's still a father. And fathers don't take kindly to their little girls (of any age) being sexed up. And if they do, we'd suggest someone rescue those girls, stat.

Image: Sify

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Dad Wants Daughter Back Despite Negative DNA Test

JeanneSager — Fri, 14 Nov 2008 15:05:00 GMT

A text message from England told an Australian man the nine-year-old girl he always thought was his daughter isn't technically his daughter. The man's reaction? He doesn't care. He's still her dad, and he wants her back. Cue the tears folks.

An Australian newspaper reports the man (whose identity is being protected) was in college in England with the girl's mother when she became pregnant. Believing the child was his, he stepped up in terms of financial support and involvement in the girl's life. By the time the girl was two, the couple's relationship fell apart. The "dad" met an Australian woman, fell in love and got married. His ex-girlfriend stayed in England, but she too fell in love and got married. The man continued to make trips back to England to see his little girl, sending presents and letters. His mother, who still lives in the UK, remained involved as well - even stepping in to babysit.

But in the past year, the man says the girl's mother made it increasingly difficult for him to see their daughter. Packages and letters he sent to the little girl were returned unopened. His lawyer suggested a paternity test would give him grounds in a legal case to see his daughter more often. The hope was that the result would reopen the lines of communication between Dad and daughter.

But the DNA test came back negative. The girl's mom sent a blunt text message: "Got the results. Im sorry. I will sort out the birth cert + there will b no more contact. Sorry." She followed it up with legal papers, cutting off the man's financial responsibilities. Now he's being offered a refund for child support. But all he wants is his little girl. "She's still my daughter," he told the newspaper. It sounds like we've found the poster dad for that saying "any man can be a father, it takes a real man to be a dad."

The hundreds of thousands of adopted children are evidence that a biological connection has nothing to do with the bond between a parent and a child. So is this really any different?

Image: The Mercury (paintings the little girl sent to her "dad")

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Alec Baldwin: Good Dad or Man Doing Damage Control?

Jen Chaney — Sun, 21 Sep 2008 17:32:00 GMT

Alec Baldwin is the new poster boy for divorced fatherhood. You may have read the recent New Yorker profile or seen his interview with Diane Sawyer on "20/20" or spotted this piece on Yahoo! Shine. If so, then you know the "30 Rock" star has written a new book, A Promise to Ourselves: A Journey Through Fatherhood and Divorce, that explores his messy split from ex-wife Kim Basinger and its impact on his parenting.

Baldwin says he wants parents, especially fathers, to be aware of the perils of custody battles, divorce court and "Parental Alienation Syndrome," a psychological term that basically means turning a child against the parent who doesn't have custody. Of course, this is also the same guy who left that famous voice mail for daughter Ireland last year, the one where he referred to her as a "thoughtless little pig" because she wasn't answering his scheduled phone calls. He addresses that incident in the interviews as well as the book, and expresses regret about having used such language. And, while it still seems like an extreme reaction, I can understand his perspective a bit more after knowing the hoops the guy has been jumping through to maintain a relationship with his child.

So after having read or seen these interviews -- or perused this excerpt from his book -- do you now think Alec Baldwin is a solid father who has been misunderstood and unfairly characterized by the media? Or do you think he's just trying to rebuild his image in the wake of Voicemail Gate?

My sense is that he genuinely does want to do right by his daughter and that the voice mail was an unfortunate incident for which, seemingly, Ireland has granted him forgiveness.The one thing that gives me some pause, though, is that he wrote this book. Baldwin may genuinely feel that he is doing a service to other parents in the same situation. But if he really wants a normal, private relationship with his kid, I wonder whether it makes sense to delve into all these details in such a widely publicized manner. Undoubtedly there is some ego at work here, too. And when ego gets involved, sometimes it can be hard for any of us to objectively see whether our actions, including writing so publicly about a custody battle, are really the best thing for our children.

Image: Macmillan

Dads Pledge Purity for Daughters. Ewwww.

Amy Kuras — Mon, 19 May 2008 22:03:00 GMT

I don’t know why this phenomenon squicks me out so much: the father-daughter "purity ball." In which girls as young as elementary age and as old as college age spend a night getting dressed up and going dancing with their dads.

Dads, on the other hand, take a pledge to, as this NYT article puts it, "cover my daughter as her authority and protection in the area of purity."

Okay, I think I have figured out the squickitude: Why are these men taking ownership of their daughters' sexuality in such a way? If delaying sexual activity were the goal, why aren't these fathers as concerned with their son's virginity as well? Why is that the avenue through which they choose to get personally invested in their daughter's success or failure?

Have they heard of maybe coaching soccer?

What makes it difficult for me to completely condemn this is the stated motivations of many of the men who brought their daughters to the ball. Being a good example themselves, for one. Showing their daughter they cherish her. Being an involved father.

These are all things I can get behind, and I believe the studies that say having a close relationship with their fathers can keep girls away from too-early sexual activity and teen pregnancy. I have always been close with my own dad, and I know that helped me make some smarter choices than I would have otherwise.

But the "daughter's sexuality as father's commodity" troubles me. I'd think the last thing a young girl struggling with issues of sexual maturity would need is the idea that she loses her father's esteem along with her virginity. Or that her main value to her father is remaining "sexually pure."

Baby Boys Are (Allegedly) a Bummer

Jen Chaney — Tue, 22 Apr 2008 16:32:00 GMT

If you recently gave birth to a boy, you run a higher risk of getting postpartum depression. Why? Well, for starters boys require more energy. Also, women are narcissists who would prefer to have little mini-me daughters. Lastly, little boys are made of snips and snails and puppy dogs' tails. And snails are kinda slimy.

All right, so maybe I am oversimplifying this MSN article, which notes a recent study in France that implies mothers of small boys are indeed more likely to become depressed. However, the research was done solely on French moms and, as we already know, they are usually drunk or hopped up on nicotine. (Kidding, kidding). The story also points out that said research focused on only 17 women, which doesn't exactly represent a wide swath of the population.

However skewed these results might be, they did get me to thinking about whether women really do secretly long for little girls. I will admit that I had hoped for a daughter, either because a. I am a narcissist or b. because I think girls' clothes tend to be cuter. But once I knew I was having a boy -- and certainly once the little guy arrived -- I fully embraced him and don't think I was any more or less depressed because of it.

I've also had conversations with many moms who happily raise nothing but boys and, in some cases, even express relief about avoiding all the messiness of the mother-daughter relationship. So I ask you, Moms and Dads: Do you secretly wish you had a child of the same gender? And how has being a mother to a boy or a father to a girl enriched (or depressed) your life?

P.S. Narcissistic responses to this post are encouraged. I would have noted this before but I was too busy staring at myself in the mirror and imagining what a girl-baby version of me would look like.

Photo: shindigs.co.uk

Alec Baldwin to Write Book on Parenting. I'm Serious.

Kelly Mills — Tue, 01 May 2007 11:30:00 GMT

Everyone’s favorite daddy has big plans for the future. During his big damage control push over the voicemail tape (you know, calling his daughter a pig, threatening to get on a plane and straighten her out) Alec Baldwin told Babs, Rosie, and Co. on The View that he wants to write a book on the damage ~~having an asshole for a father~~ divorce does to children, and how dads get the shaft. In related news, Paris Hilton will be penning a book on the virtues of celibacy. Call me crazy, but if I was campaigning for fathers’ rights during divorce, I don’t think I’d want Baldwin to be the official spokesperson.

He went on so long about the book that Madame Walters had to remind him that his first priority should be repairing his relationship with his daughter. When Barbara Walters tries to get you to say the appropriate, sensitive thing, you know you’ve entered a special zone reserved for the insanely boorish.

Baldwin also took the opportunity to lay into his ex-wife, Kim Basinger. He only mentioned his poor child as an opening to spew more hate and to blow hard about his goal to be the next Dr. Spock. Right now some PR person is hurling coffee at their assistant and shopping online for muzzles.

Maybe I’ll buy a copy of the book and put it on the shelf next to the Joan Crawford book on positive discipline.

Baseball and Babies: A Season of Neglect?

Mike Adamick (Cry It Out!) — Tue, 03 Apr 2007 15:49:00 GMT

I took Emmeline to her first baseball game when she was just a few weeks old. Check out the picture there on the right. (No, not the creepy baseball doll -- keep going, scroll down a bit. Bingo!) That's us. At the ballpark. Her first game. You might be able to see a tiny bit of her head. I introduced her early to my passion -- baseball. And she gave me a glimpse of her own -- napping.

It was easy last season. She could nap in a sling or in my arms or with any friendly usher while I went for beer. But this season, it's a different story. Trying to hold her in my arms for extended periods of time is like trying to envision K-Fed as a full-time care taker -- it's next to impossible.

Sure, a lot of ballparks have kiddie areas and grassy picnic lands nowadays, but I don't want to go to a baseball game and end up at a run-of-the-mill playground for the whole thing -- even if that does make me feel selfish. I want to watch at least some of the game, while also balancing Emme's boundless desire to eat gum off the floor and sand out of the sandbox.

So how do you parents of toddlers and squirmers do it? One inning in your paid seats and one inning at the playground? Or do you just bring a mob of Cheerios and try to explain the intricacies of the infield-fly rule? Or do you just not go solo with your kid? Help! The first pitch is hours away ...

Siren Thong Song Thwarts Girls Development

Mike Adamick (Cry It Out!) — Tue, 20 Feb 2007 22:44:00 GMT

A few days after my daughter was born a friend called, "Just remember what Chris Rock said: Your job is to keep her off the pole." Great. Thanks. It wasn't enough to worry about breastfeeding problems; I also had to worry about my newborn's career choice and whether it would involve brass poles, dim lights and too revealing clothes -- or none at all.

Turns out my friend and Chris have a point. Today's girls grow up in a sexualized atmosphere that is stunting their development -- both intellectually and sexually. Though anyone who's ever seen a music video might say, "Duh?" -- it's still an eye opener to hear it from scientists. Sex pressure leads to depression, eating disorders, poor academic performance, shaving your head and generally acting like a moron.

From Bratz dolls to the Pussycat dolls, young girls are bombarded by the idea that only sex matters -- and it's messing with their minds. How I'm going to thwart this process in an age of Internets, big-screen TVs and dumb-ass movies is beyond me.

Will Babies Make Great Lovers?

Mike Adamick (Cry It Out!) — Wed, 14 Feb 2007 01:04:00 GMT

Babies who turn to their parents for comfort have better relationships down the road, while babies who show off that head-strong "independent" streak might be in for some relationship woes. This comes from a two-decade study of babies and their relationships with their parents.

"If you are more insecure when you are 1, you are more likely to experience more negative emotions in your relationship with your current partner when you are 21," said psychologist Jeffry Simpson.

Gasp. Whenever Emmeline gets hurt, I try not to rush in and "protect" her. "It's OK," I tell her. "You're doing just fine."

Maybe fine for now, but for how long, I wonder? While I'm not ready to walk her down the aisle just yet, I do want her to have healthy, positive relationships in her future. Is the best avenue for healthy independence simply not to let go?

My Hymen Belongs To Daddy

Patti — Mon, 12 Feb 2007 17:22:00 GMT

I guess my theme for the day is virginity. That and being squicked out. I don't really know what to say about the concept of purity balls, but this piece in Glamour pretty much sums it up: little girls get all dressed up with their daddies and go to a nice prom-like dance, where father and daughter sign pledges committing themselves to the preservation of her womanly flower.

(retch)

Some of these loving (CREEPY!) fathers even give their daughters jewelry, rings, even, to cement the deal. Yeah. It's a fully realized marketing campaign, complete with swag.

Is it me, or is making such a big deal about not-sex as unhealthy as making a big deal about sex? On one extreme, you have young women being influenced by media and peer groups to believe that their purpose is sexual. On the other extreme, you have young women being all but directly informed by their fathers that their most important resource is their virginity. I mean, when was the last time you heard about a father-daughter ball for girls who got an A in history or made the basketball team? Where are the mother-son purity balls?

Ivanka Trump: "I Love My Dad's Hair!"

Alisyn — Sat, 27 Jan 2007 19:49:00 GMT

Ivanka Trump, the 25-year-old daughter of The Donald and Ivana, is the one person in the world, it seems, who approves of her father's hairstyle - and is willing to defend it.

"Maybe I'm just used to it, but I love his hair!" she told People magazine. "I've heard all sorts of crazy things, but I can verify with complete conviction that it's not a hairpiece. It is what it is."

Aww, father-daughter love. So sweet!

Ivanka also told People she knows first hand that "if you don't work well with [Donald], you don't stay long," and that her career goal is - wait for it - "becoming a great real estate developer." So, she's a little bit biased towards that matted, strawberry-grey, Joan Rivers-esque hair pillow, as it turns out. But still.

Father-daughter quid pro quo. So sweet!