Strollerderby : fear

Parenting Without Fear

editors — Tue, 02 Jun 2009 16:00:00 GMT

Today on Babble:

"Parenting Without Fear"

by Lenore Skenazy.

Our kids are safer than ever. So why are we still afraid?

Read it here.

Police Called on 10-Year-Old Riding Train Alone

Miriam Axel-Lute — Mon, 29 Dec 2008 17:00:00 GMT

The nervous nellies strike again. This time a 10-year-old boy was riding on the Long Island Railroad to see his friend last Friday. His friend's family was going to pick him up at the station. He'd done the ride dozens of times before. LIRR has no policy about what age is too young to ride alone, but his mom had talked to them before his first ride, and they said 10 sounded fine.

But not to one hovering conductor, who not only called the police, but wouldn't talk to the boy's mother when he called her after being harassed. Mr. conductor then held up the train at the station the boy was traveling to and wouldn't let him leave with his friends' parents until the police came and basically told the guy he was overreacting and should chill.

The scary thing is, these days, one could just as easily believe the police taking the conductor's side and charging the parents with negligence or some such nonsense. I've heard of some very scary official reactions to children who were well-trained in safety precautions doing exactly what they were supposed to do with the full knowledge, but not immediate presence, of their parents.

This particular story was posted over at Free Range Kids, a site devoted to reclaiming kids' rights to move about freely in the world. Lenore Skenazy, the columnist who founded it, writes that at the same time as she was being depicted as a devil in the media for writing about the freedom she gave her son, individuals kept coming up to her and recounting what they'd been able to do as a kid and how much they'd valued it.

It's true for me: I walked alone to the bus stop starting at 6 or 7, school itself at 9, and wandered my block and then my neighborhood freely from around then too. And the world actually hasn't gotten anymore dangerous since then, at least not in any of the ways people cite when they say this is a bad idea. (Of course even when I was a teenager and my mother told me to take a bus to the mall, the people around her reacted as if she'd asked me to go panhandle outside a strip club. But sadly, that was probably at least as much to do with the class difference of who takes short-distance buses vs trains in NJ as with stranger paranoia.)

What about you? Are you more worried about what might happen to your kids (or you) if they are given their freedom, or if they aren't?

Photo by Spring Dew.

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The Case Against Stricter Sex Offender Laws

Miriam Axel-Lute — Mon, 22 Dec 2008 16:08:00 GMT

In a passionate post, author Judith Levine takes on Vermont's proposed stiffening of sex offender laws. It's a very hard thing to be against, but Levine makes a strong case. Basically, she makes three points:

Evidence is lacking that any of these measures, which have been tried elsewhere, will do much good. It's not like we're starting with weak laws against this stuff.
The measures will cost a lot at a time where there isn't a lot of money to go around.
There is a very clear correlation with poverty and increased physical and sexual abuse, so the money would be better directed to anti-child-poverty programs that are currently being cut (and which these measures will cause to be cut further).

She writes: "The laws will accomplish only one sure thing: They will shield the Democratic legislature from charges that it is soft on pervs, at least until the next gruesome crime."

But can we the non-poor contain our fear and our lust for revenge enough to demand that our governments do what would actually protect the largest number of kids?

Photo by Oslo in the Summertime.

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I Dream of Baby: Analyzing Nightmares About Your Kid

editors — Thu, 20 Nov 2008 18:17:00 GMT

When I was pregnant, I dreamed I was carrying around my newborn and he was so charming. He already talked in complete sentences and cracked jokes, and was totally impressed by everything I showed him. "Strawberry banana juice?!" he remarked at the deli. "Both? Together? Wow." And it turned out that totally was his personality: curious and fun.

So maybe I take too seriously all the dreams of disaster and despair that have followed: being locked out of the house with him inside, forgetting I was a parent and going on vacation with him home alone — assorted worst-parent-ever mishaps. This post on CafeMom's new DailyBuzz site made me feel better.

Turns out these dreams about horrible stuff happening to kids isn't just Brooke Shields territory - it's super common to dream about babies being "left in cars, kidnapped, in plane crashes, left in stores." The CafeMom writer says:

Last night I had a dream that my baby drowned . . . I checked out what drowning symbolized and it said, "To see someone drowning in your dream represents a loss in your own identity. You are unable to differentiate who you are any more." I beg to differ. I know exactly who I am: I'm my baby's mother!

Indeed, being a parent guarantees periodic freak-outs about your child's well-being, both in your conscious and subconscious minds. What kind of dreams, good or terrifying, have you had about your kid?

Photo source: CafeMom's Daily Buzz.

RNC Mailer Could Give Your Kids Nightmares

Hannah Tennant-Moore — Thu, 23 Oct 2008 23:00:00 GMT

I don’t know whether to laugh or cry. The RNC has mailed a flyer to homes in Virginia and Missouri that unabashedly aims to link Barack Obama with terrorism in the minds of voters. On the front is the word “TERRORISTS” above a picture of a plane about to crash into a room filled with people (imagine your kids finding that horrifying image in the mailbox). Inside is a photo of an angry-looking Obama and the words, “NOT WHO YOU THINK HE IS.”

The small print of the flyer at least mentions a statement that Obama actually made—if you’ve turned on the TV at all in the past few weeks, you probably know which one: when he said that he would be willing to sit down and talk with hostile foreign leaders.

Funny that Reagan, whom McCain loves to call a “hero,” aggressively pursued talks with governments hostile to the United States, including the Kremlin and the Palestinian Liberation Organization. Not to mention that agreeing to sit down and talk with world leaders is hardly agreeing to sit down and talk with terrorists like Osama bin Laden, whom Obama has repeatedly vowed to hunt down.

There is so much that is dishonest, despicable, and desperate about this mailer that I could go on and on. But the point is that, after eight years of fear mongering and divisiveness, the American people have had enough of hate-based politics.

Barry Goldwater’s granddaughter, one of numerous high-profile Republicans voting for Obama, put it best herself: "The Republican brand has been tarnished in a shameless effort to gain votes and appeal to the lowest emotion, fear....The McCain/Palin plan is to appear diverse and inclusive, using women and minorities to push an agenda that makes us all financially vulnerable, fearful, and less safe."

New York Times Anthrax Update

Brett Singer — Wed, 22 Oct 2008 17:33:00 GMT

We have a source inside the building. Here are a couple of quotes of what it's like inside.

"They just sealed off the lobby... nobody but emergency workers in or
out of the bldg...Counted four hazmat-style trucks down stairs."

"For people that really need to leave, they're telling us to take the
freight elevator to the basement, then exit through one of the garage
doors."

I think I'd be one of those people that "really needed to leave" but who knows. This isn't one of those situations that calls for heroism in my opinion.

The original post is below:

One of the weird aftershocks of 9/11 was when anthrax-tainted letters started showing up across the country. The New York Times got a few of them, which led to the company microwaving all of their mail as a precaution. After awhile, the fear subsided and things went back to (sort of) normal.

This morning, Times employees received the following email warning them of a suspicious package:

From: NYTIMES MAIL
Date: Oct 22, 2008 12:24 PM
Subject: Note from Dennis Stern re the Building
To: NY TIMES NOTES

Folks,

At about 11:30 a.m. today an employee on the 13th floor of our headquarters building in New York opened an envelope addressed to The New York Times. A white granular substance was in the envelope. The New York City police were called and are now on site investigating. The 41st Street side of the lobby is closed but people are able to get in and out of the building. We will keep you updated on any developments.

Gawker reports that, "The cops are there and the lobby is closed." A source in the building says that the NYPD Hazmat trucks are arriving as I type this.

Without making light of the situation, I will say that using postal mail to create terror can't possibly be as effective as it was 6 or 7 years ago since there's just less paper mail that gets used. That said, I know I still get a ton of it every day, so maybe I'm wrong.

Scary stuff. Hopefully everyone is OK, and I hope it's a false alarm.

Source: Gawker

Image

Remember Baby Jessica? An Indian Boy's Struggle Makes a Mom Cry

JeanneSager — Fri, 10 Oct 2008 21:22:00 GMT

I remember my mother holding me tight while workers were down a well in Texas trying to rescue Baby Jessica. It was 1987, and my mother had not just me but my infant brother at home while every mom in the country held her breath for the 18-month-old Jessica McClure. I was a typical kid who wanted to get back to reading my book. I didn't know about a baby in a well, and I didn't care.

Two decades later, this morning I was the mother hugging tight a struggling kid while workers are down a 150-foot borewell in India digging to rescue a 2-year-old. What is it about being a parent that makes us that much more attuned to a family in crisis?

Before getting pregnant, I would never have wished real ill toward a child. But I wouldn't have sat with one tab open on my computer screen, watching for news of a child literally half a world away. I would have read the story, shrugged, moved on. I might have let pass a comment to my husband or coworkers about how sad it was. But that's it. I felt empathy. I am, after all, human. But nothing like this. Last week, writing a story for the local newspaper about a child suffering from neuroblastoma with a complication that has taken away the almost-2-year-old's ability to walk, and the family's struggle to make ends meet, I wept over my keyboard. When I pulled it together, I pulled my daughter onto my lap and stuck my nose in her hair to drink in the baby shampoo, and I nearly lost it again. I'm not pregnant. I'm not hormonal. But I read the story of 2-year-old Sonu, who is still stuck, 60 feet down the bore well near his home in Agra, India, and I clenched my fists to keep from crying.

Is this all part and parcel of being a parent? Do you find yourself clenching your fists until you find out another person's child is going to be OK?

Image: The Times of India

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Top 8 Disturbing Action Figures Marketed to Boys

Rachael Brownell (Redsy) — Mon, 21 Jul 2008 15:26:00 GMT

Thanks to Bratz, Strutz and the like, little girls are encouraged to grow up too fast. But the following action figures indicate that toy manufacturers are making equally disturbing inroads into the psyches of little boys. These action figures (because boys don't play with dolls) appear to have sprung from the dystopian imagination of some Dark Overlord of Toymaking.

Here are 8 disturbing action figures marketed to boys:

1. Snoop Dogg Doll - The rapper's likeness is now a children's action figure so your kids can pretend they've been arrested too.

2. Hellboy Action Figure - For a few dollars more, you can buy your kid Hellboy. Imagine the fun you'll have!!

3. Demon of Darkness Horse - Because Hellboy needs a friend.

4. Insane Clown Posse Violent Action Figure - This is the toy's real name.

5. Evil Clown - Stitches is from a line of toys called "Dark Circus." Want some peanuts, little boy?

6. Resident Evil - This thing is going to give me nightmares for a week!

7. Krypt Kiddies - For parents who love the Chuckie movies.

8. Demon Kidz - From the website: DemonKidz are sure to get your heart purring with fantastical emotion.

So ok, the last two aren't technically being marketed to boys. Still, it is clear from this list (or a quick perusal of Amazon or any toy store) that boys are encouraged to be violent just as girls are encouraged to be sexy. If we want our kids to be kids, maybe Waldorf is truly onto something.

[Photo Credit: Marcus Martensen]

Helping Kids Recover from Doctorphobia

Amy Kuras — Wed, 26 Dec 2007 16:02:00 GMT

A year ago at this time, we were experiencing one of those things no family ever wants to -- a post-bedtime visit to urgent care with our then two-year-old. She'd gotten sick out of nowhere a few days before Christmas, spiking a high fever that didn’t respond to ibuprofen. Luckily, our local hospital has a pediatric after-hours urgent care staffed with lovely, kind doctors and nurses.

And it was still awful. My girl was still in that two-year-old mode of doctor nervousness, and this Did Not Help. They had to take urine with a catheter and blood from the teensy veins in her spindly little arms and hold her down to do so. I was so upset I had to leave the room so as not to freak out my bellowing child any further. The next day, we had to take her back to her regular doctor for follow up and she started weeping piteously the moment we turned into the parking lot – a theme that continued the rest of the year.

So I thought this article in helping a child get over their fear of the doctor was interesting.

Most of it leans more toward the crunchy than the practical, to wit: "Use the power of intention: The intention you carry has a powerful effect. Children naturally sense and respond to a loving intention." But the more we tried to be upbeat, the better things went.

Other things that worked: letting her play with a doctor kit, and watching videos about the doctor (there's one on the Sesame Street site site about Elmo visiting the doctor which she loved). By her three-year appointment, she did great and could be bribed with stickers and everything. I think it's more a function of her maturity than anything we did, but it's good to know doctorphobia doesn't last forever if you're the one clutching the screaming kid.

Image: Don Coker, McClatchy Tribune

Are Sex and Marriage Compatible?

Kelly Mills — Sun, 04 Nov 2007 17:02:00 GMT

I generally get irritated by sex and marriage advice, cuz it usually follows the same old lines: Make time for each other. Go on dates. Be open about your desires. Get sexy underwear/dress like a cowgirl/make him give you a (bleugh) sensual massage. Blah blah to the blah. I'm sure these are all fine suggestions (minus the massage) but not exactly revolutionary. And I thought this interview with couples therapist Esther Perel would be more of the same, and there is a bit of that, but she also said one or two things that stood right out.

My favorite? "On some level we trade passion for security, that's trading one illusion for another. It's a matter of degree. We can't live in constant fear, but we can't live without any. The fear of loss is essential to love." Wowsa. You mean we should worry about our partner leaving? Perel says it shouldn't be an obsession, but she's clear that your spouse shouldn't be your best friend, because "Friendship has no tension --- that's the whole point. In desire, there must be some small amount of tension. And that tension comes with the unknown, the unpredictable." You know, I like that.

We seem to think safety and comfort are the goals of a good marriage, but I'm on board with Perel to a certain extent. While it's great to be accepted by your partner, utter confidence they aren't going anywhere isn't sexy or realistic. I've got enough friends. I think what I want in my marriage is something a little different, and something significantly hotter.

Greenhouse: Are Environmental Fears for Our Children Overblown?

Rachael Brownell (Redsy) — Sun, 01 Jul 2007 21:25:00 GMT

Families today are inundated with bad environmental news. Climate change, super-bugs, explosive growth of autism, and tainted food supplies hover around our subconscious making us jumpy, nervous, and helicopter-y. As more and more people become professors of Internet research, misinformation is easily promulgated and theories are pushed as facts.

Clearly, some of these concerns are valid. When even organic foods such as Pirate's Booty are recalled, how can we keep from collapsing on the floor in a pile of environmental angst?

According to an article in the journal Pediatrics, the leading risks to infants, children and adolescents are totally preventable and not related to environmental factors at all.

Here are the top hazards to young children today and tips for reducing risk of injury:

Sudden Infant Death Syndrome -- By placing sleeping infants on their backs and keeping their home smoke-free, the risk of SIDs is vastly reduced.
Falls -- Infants and toddlers can suffer head injuries by falling down stairs, off of beds, or out of strollers.
Car accidents -- Proper installation of car seats and booster seats can prevent serious injury.
Vehicle Back Over Accidents -- Take great care when backing up the car. Make sure all children are out of the driveway and that you have visual contact with them.
Burns -- Infants can suffer burns from kitchen equipment or hot items pulled off the table, as well as hot water in a tub and uncovered radiators. Toddlers should never have access to matches, cigarette lighters or other fire hazards.
Poisoning -- As soon as children can crawl, they are at risk of poisoning from medications, household chemicals, pesticides and rodent killers. Store any dangerous materials behind cupboards with childproof locks.

By taking basic safety precautions we can do far more to protect our children, than we achieve by buying organic food, taking them to Gymboree, or making them watch Baby Einstein videos. Worrying is easier, but far less effective to insure our children's safety.