Strollerderby : friends

Hint: We Really Might Know Our Kids Better Than You

JeanneSager — Wed, 27 May 2009 20:04:00 GMT

The best part of the latest Non-Breeder column on Babble? The author realizes she was being a bit of a tool.

Not that all "non breeders" are bad people. Far from it. But the expectation that they know better than a parent does how to raise their kids runs high among the kid-free crowd.

And somehow, for all our protestations that we might know our kids a little better than they do, comes the insistence that, hey, you can bring your kid out to the bar at 11 p.m. . . . they'll just sleep in their carrier! Or, in the case of Rachel Odell Walker, the insistence that an eight-month-old belongs on a three mile hike (with a 2,000 foot vertical climb).

I won't rip Walker to shreds, because she does that to herself in her essay. She realized she was a bit of a jerk, and she apologized. It happens to the best of us.

Unfortunately, there are plenty of non-breeders who are still stuck in the first half of Walker's essay. They still think we're staying home with our kids because we're Debbie Downer. As Walker says, "I believed she could reverse her negativity and stop focusing focus on difficult things with a mixture of personal will, therapy, and endorphins."

In a way, you can't blame them. If you don't have kids, you don't think about the money it costs to hire a sitter. You don't have to.

If you don't have kids, you don't think about the aftermath of a night out on the town, of getting up at 5 a.m. with our three-year-old when you didn't crawl into bed until 2 a.m. because the child doesn't understand Mommy wants to sleep. You don't think about the conscious decision to abstain from alcohol because you're breastfeeding.

You don't think about the realities of trying to keep a small child occupied and quiet in a restaurant. Or the fact that that small child has a right to NOT be cooped up in a highchair just because Mommy and Daddy want a night out on the town.

It's why so many of us have lost touch with friends we held near and dear before the baby days. It's important that we as parents respect their lifestyles (don't nag on them for not having kids, for cripes sake, and don't expect them to love, love, love our kids every minute of every day), but it's just as important that they get us.

That they GET that sometimes, it's a lot easier for them to come to OUR houses because we don't have to pack the trunk full of a porta-crib, diaper bag, box of toys, etc. just to have a night out. That we aren't being petulant - just realistic. That kids aren't accessories.

The chief criticism I hear for parents from non-parents is that we change our lives too much after the baby comes along. Yes, we change our lives. But how can we not? Because we are now responsible for someone's entire life. Is there any other responsibility so big? For that matter, would you tell an airplane pilot he's being a big party pooper because he opts out on "the fun" the night before he's supposed to fly a plane full of people's lives?

I'm not asking my friends to make major sacrifices just because I have a kid. They can go out and do their own thing, have their own fun on their time. It's true, I had this child; not them. They don't even have to like my child. But if non-breeders value the person underneath the new parent veil, they will realize, if they want time with us, they need to meet us in the middle.

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Can Facebook Cut the Apron Strings?

JeanneSager — Thu, 19 Mar 2009 16:28:00 GMT

While we adults are caught up in catching up on our past on Facebook, there's a possibility our kids are going to miss out on one of the great joys of late teenagehood. Escaping.

An interesting piece by Peggy Orenstein in the New York Times this week ponders whether kids will be able "to get busy with the embarrassing, exciting, muddy, wonderful work of creating an adult identity" with four hundred of their old high school buddies watching over a T-1 line.

She's got a point. While I kept up with several of my high school friends when I left for college, it was mostly via e-mail and AOL's Instant Messenger, maybe the sporadic phone call. Although more technologically advanced than Orenstein (who admits she grew up in the "postage stamp" age of college communication), the advantages to all these forms of communication were clear - I could start . . . and stop . . . them at my will.

Facebook is non-stop action. Change your relationship status, and everyone knows . . . now (and trust me, those shockwaves can resonate - ask the cousin who accidentally erased her husband when she was trying to update her favorite books list.). As long as they're your "friend," anyone can and will see - and can and will comment.

Orenstein posits kids will remain tethered to home much longer via technological apron strings, tied to the kids they were forced to spend time with in high school and might otherwise naturally distance themselves from come college. Except, thanks to Facebook (and to be fair, Myspace), now they're tied . . . for good.

I think she might be crediting Facebook with a little more power than is warranted, however. Surveys have found that even users with a friends list in the thousands traditionally only interact with a solid core of "friends." I'd hazard a guess that's the same core today's kids will take to college with them - like the high school friends we kept contact with back in the day. She's also overestimating kids' fidelity. The teenagers I know "friend" and "un-friend" one another with the speed of an eyeroll, to an extent I doubt will change much in the early days of college.

The truth is that old saying, "you can never go home again," will never die. Because leaving your parents' house, even if your friends follow, changes you. Often for the good, sometimes for the bad. But kids grow up - even kids with a Facebook.

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Elephant Cares For Injured Dog

Hannah Tennant-Moore — Tue, 06 Jan 2009 23:45:00 GMT

It's only fair to warn you that if you watch this video, you are liable to have a cuteness conniption fit. And if you show it to your kids, they are likely to beg you for a trip to the Elephant Sanctuary in Tennessee.

That's where Tarra the elephant lives. Recently her best friend Bella suffered a debilitating spinal cord injury. Rather than roaming on the nearly 3,000-acre sanctuary, Tarra stood vigil for three full weeks outside the sanctuary office, where Bella was recuperating. This loyalty is not uncommon in elephants, who typically form lifelong friendships--except that Bella is not an elephant herself. She's a stray dog who lives on the sanctuary.

Perhaps thanks in large part to Tarra's support, Bella is now all healed and once again frolicking alongside her elephant friend and letting Tarra rub her belly with her giant foot.

Photo: CBS, via Jezebel

Kid and Kangaroo Best of Friends

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‘Cuz You’ve Got to Have Frieeeends...

editors — Mon, 17 Nov 2008 21:36:00 GMT

image from Natalie Dee.

One of the fun things about joining the parenting universe is making new friends who share your love for coffee and disdain for single people calling at 10:30pm to complain about their busy schedules. Oh, and the cute moments you can chat about, that anyone without kids just wouldn’t understand.

If you’re looking for more parent friends, come on over to the Babble Playground where you can share pictures and chat amongst yourselves. If you’ve got tons of friends and are already hanging on the Playground, ask the non-members over too! Either one of these actions will automatically enter you in to our November Refer-a-Friend contest where you can win $1,000 of spectacular DwellStudio merchandise. And you can always use more shopping cash for the holidays, or for your darn self! - April Peveteaux

Join us today.

Crafty: Make a Green Owl With "Oh My GAWD" Janice from Friends

JeanneSager — Mon, 03 Nov 2008 16:32:00 GMT

The time, the late nineties. The setting, a coffee shop with couches that were mysteriously always free at just the right time. The characters, "OHHH MY Gawwwwd, Chandler. My Bing-a-ling." Yes, that was the first reaction when I caught the first episode of a new kids crafting show starring one-time Friends star Maggie Wheeler. Fortunately, she has a way with a unicorn-shaped tube of glue.

My second thought? It's the playhouse, but where's PeeWee? Turns out the show, Magpie Time, is the brainchild of a group of creative Hollywood types that includes Ric Heitzman, three-time Emmy Award-winning production designer on PeeWee's Playhouse. OK, that 'splains it. But Janice? Turns out Maggie Wheeler (who has done her fair share of highly respectable gigs in Tinsel Town, even though that shriek still sends chills down my spine) is a mom of two and long-time crafter.

The clip, made available by Boing-Boing, shows she's got the stuff to spin turntables from cereal boxes and maybe make ratings gold from recycled garbage?

First up, a green take on making an owl:

Take one fast food restaurant or coffee shop cup tray, three paper coffee cup sleeves, cup stirrers and two cup lids.
Cut the bottom off two of the cup-wells in the tray (make sure they are two that are side by side). The cut-out pieces will be used later, so be careful to save at least one well.
Cut a slit up the side of each cup sleeve so it can be stretched out into a straight sheet of paper.
Spread two across the cut-out space in the cup tray and glue in place. If there is significant hangover, feel free to trim.
Cut a triangular shape from one of the cut-out cup wells and glue on top of the upper sleeve, positioned between the two remaining cup wells, to serve as a nose.
Cut two wing shapes from the remaining cup sleeve, and glue one to either side of the tray.
Glue a cup lid to each of the wells to serve as eyes.
At the opposite end of the tray, along the edge, you will need to find space for two clumps of stirrers sticks that will serve as the owl's feet. Three sticks, fanned out, are sufficient for one foot. The same can be done for the second.
Feel free to gussy her up with glitter, paint or whatever strikes your fancy. Whooooo are we to judge?

Need some more help? Watch ~~Janice~~ Magpie making fast work of night-time bird crafts. Because this is just a teaser for the show, beware she skips ahead, so be prepared to hit pause (and sometimes rewind the clip).

The Official Magpie Time sizzle reel from Magpie Time on Vimeo.

Image: Magpie

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Cute Overload: White Tiger Kitten and Monkey are Friends (PICS!)

Cole Gamble — Thu, 23 Oct 2008 15:00:00 GMT

Get ready to forget your economy woes and election fatigue, folks. You’re about to get a double-barreled shot of sweetness that will put you into immediate diabetic shock. Ladies and Gentlemen, I give you the White Tiger Kitten and Monkey Frolic:

You may now resume your anxiety.

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Prostitutes Stand to Gain from Crappy Economy

Hannah Tennant-Moore — Mon, 29 Sep 2008 20:30:00 GMT

Guess who stands stand to benefit from corporate men’s decreased salaries and hence decreased morale? That's right--the world's oldest professionals. It makes a lot of sense once you think about it.

According to Slate, high-end prostitutes see plummeting stocks as a windfall. These are women who, instead of standing on street corners, work for escort services, strip clubs, or run their own businesses. They often develop relationships with regular clients who see them as mistress, therapist, and friend wrapped in one convenient and costly bundle. (One night with a high-end hooker can cost thousands of dollars.)

Since some 40 percent of high-end sex work does not involve sex, it’s clear that these men are looking for an ego boost as much as anything else. One sex worker said of her increase in customers during the 2006 housing crunch, “They couldn't face their wives, who were bitching about the fact they lost income. Men want to be men. All I did was make them feel like they could go back out there with their head up.”

Personally, I don't see how paying someone 1,000 bucks to say nice things to you would be all that uplifting....

Photo: Slate

Baby Planners: Who Needs 'Em?

Hannah Tennant-Moore — Wed, 17 Sep 2008 20:58:00 GMT

During your pregnancy, would you have paid $250 to have someone walk you through Babies R’ Us, pointing out the must-have products? Or $500 to have someone plan your baby shower? How about $200 to have your home babyproofed?

These are just some of the services offered by baby coordinators, the latest advent in the commercialization of parenting. While I am all for easing the stress that can come with expecting a baby, I am definitely NOT for teaching mothers that having disposable income is the only way to do this. Shouldn’t friends or family be the ones helping parents-to-be make these important decisions? Or, perhaps more importantly, shouldn’t expectant parents learn to trust their own parenting instincts?

I worry that baby planning promises to be just one more trend that will make mothers feel not good enough—“You mean you didn’t hire a baby planner?!”

And in case the commercialization factor doesn’t bother you, perhaps the sexist element will: many baby planning companies also offer “daddy preparation.” Because those silly men don’t know a thing about babies!

Photo: The Boston Globe

Girl Talk May Fuel Anxiety

Hannah Tennant-Moore — Fri, 12 Sep 2008 20:30:00 GMT

Naturally you want your children to have strong friendships, people they can trust to help them navigate social and emotional concerns. But there may be such a thing as too much talking.

Psychologists call it “co-rumination:” the tendency to dwell on a personal problem with a friend, seeking empathy and validation of your feelings. Anyone who’s responsible for paying a teenage girl's phone bill is probably more than a little familiar with this type of conversation: do you think he likes me? Is so-and-so mad at me? Should I break up with him?

As this tendency has started to figure more heavily into female friendships with the advent of MySpace, Facebook, cell phones, and email—which mean that the majority of friendships can be based on chatting or gossip, rather than activities—researchers have started to wonder if it’s such a healthy way for friends to relate with one another.

Indeed, several studies of third, fifth, seventh, and ninth graders have shown that co-rumination can lead to increased anxiety and depression in girls, at least in the short term. Obsessing about a problem with a friend can make that problem seem bigger than it is—and worries can be contagious: if my best friend is so concerned about how many times a week her boyfriend calls her, maybe I should be, too.

Researchers found that emotional conversations did not affect boys negatively, perhaps because they occur less often or because the tone is different. Boys may be more likely to focus on solutions to problems instead of just venting them, which psychologists say is the most effective way to converse.

One way parents can help their daughters avoid this self-perpetuating cycle of anxiety, obsession and validation, and hence more anxiety is to encourage your children to come to you for advice, so they get the perspective of age at least some of the time. Any other tips for parents to help their daughters most effectively deal with emotional upsets?

Photo: New York Times

5 Best Playground Pick Up Lines

SunnyChanel — Wed, 20 Aug 2008 16:12:00 GMT

Most of us have put the singles scene behind us and have happily retired any and all pickup lines we may have once used such as gems like “Is that dress felt ? Would you like it to be.” or “Is there a mirror in your pants? Because I can see myself in them.”. Ahh, those were the days. But for those cherishing a monogamous or happily single lifestyle, the craft of the pick up is still alive and well in the days of parent hood.

When I first became a parent, I’d look around the playground trying to make eye contact with other caregivers out there. The bustling local park can be a eerily lonely place. Breaking the ice, just like at any mixer or crowded bar, is a challenge. Sometimes you just have to have a gimmick. Here’s a list of pick up lines to aid you in getting that date, that play date that is.

1. What’s Your Sign?

Then: Hey baby, what’s your sign?
Now: How old is your baby?

The “what’s your sign” line is one of the oldest, most mocked and most unoriginal of all pick up lines. But now instead of discussing what part of the year you were born, discuss what year your child was. This is one of the most common opening lines I’ve experienced as a mom. And the conversation never stops at just the age, especially when the kids are close in developmental stages.

2. Met Before?

Then: “Have we met before, oh right, you were in my dreams last night”
Now: “Have we met before, do you know the Smith family?"

In most parenting realms, the community is actually pretty small. With kids or babies around the same age, you can probably do the “Six Degrees of My Baby” game pretty easily. Mention a family you know that is already pretty social. If you don’t know a family in the community, just make one up!

3. The Compliment

Then: "Are you a parking ticket? 'Cause you've got fine written all over you."
Now: "Those are so cute, where did you get your kid’s shoes?"

Flattery gets you, well, everywhere. Compliment a parent on their children’s shoes, if it's applicable that is. Don’t use the shoe line if the kid’s wearing crocs, cos you can’t throw a rock without finding a pair of those. Maybe the child has on a sporty frock or a cute barrette? Pick a item of clothing or an accessory that is a wee bit different, then the conversation may be longer than a simple “we got it at Baby Gap”.

4. Ask for Directions

Then: Do you have a map? I'm getting lost in your eyes.
Now: Do you know where that that other playground is?

Most parents have an inner Map Quest in their DNA, so they know exactly where any and all playgrounds are in a five-mile radius. Then you can continue the discussion of the merits of the various play structures, micro-climates, and popularity of said park. And maybe you can make a play date to go there together.

5. Do you Have...?

Then: Do you have a BandAid? I just scraped my knee falling for you.
Now: Do you have a BandAid/Wipe/Diaper/sunscreen.

We’ve all been there, you’re at the park and you forgot a necessity for your little one. Use this forgetfulness to your advantage, ask a kind soul, and a possible new friend to help a fellow parent in need. If they don’t help you out, then you know they’re not the friend for you. Consider this part of the weeding out process.

Best of FameCrawler: Week of May 2nd

Whit Honea — Fri, 02 May 2008 20:00:00 GMT

Miley Cyrus Vanity Fair Photos: Annie Leibovitz Speaks

Oprah Reveals Scoop On Tom Cruise Interview

Jessica Alba- A Bra Would Only Slow Her Down

Lourdes Looks Like A Young Angelina Jolie?

Claudia Shiffer and Daughter Clementine

Melissa Joan Hart Has Her Pre-Baby Body Back

Kate Hudson Tops People's Most Beautiful People List

Mariah Carey and Nick Cannon Married...and Expecting?

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Want Smarter Kids? Get a Life.

Amy Kuras — Mon, 17 Mar 2008 22:58:00 GMT

Heading out to celebrate St. Paddy's Day, and maybe feeling just a trifle guilty about leaving your precious angels behind?
Well, you shouldn't, says a study by professors at the University of Sheffield. According to their research, kids whose parents had active social lives scored better on a standardized test than kids whose parents did not.

Professors Sarah Brown and Karl Taylor looked at the social lives of 3000 parents, examining their memberships in resident's associations, sports clubs, volunteer organizations or church groups, and most importantly how many friends they had. That data was compared with their children's scores on standardized literacy, numeracy, and verbal tests. Those children whose parents had many connections and active social lives scored between one and four percentage points higher.

What's interesting about this research was that it took parent's educational attainment and class – which are pretty reliable predictors of a kid's academic achievement -- into account and found social activity was important across the board.

Researchers know that kids with good social skills tend to do better in school, but no one's yet looked at the parents. “It could be that the social activities mean there is a network for discussing child development that benefits the children, or that it helps instill values such as a good work ethic,” Dr. Taylor told the Times of London. “It’s also possible that the children of parents who socialize a lot are more sociable themselves."

For a lot of us (okay, me) the social life can be the first thing to go when we get busy with and exhausted by work, kids and household responsibilities. If nothing else this study reminds us that not only are those playdates with friends the best thing for our own sanity and balance, they can be good for our kids as well.

If Your Spouse Bugs You Now, It's Gonna Get Worse, But Better

Kelly Mills — Wed, 06 Feb 2008 17:34:00 GMT

Not to worry you or anything, but a study shows that if you find your spouse irritating and demanding now, you are probably going to find him or her even more grating the longer you are together. While negative views of children and friends tend to decrease over time, spouses just get worse. It's probably the result of prolonged daily contact and accumulated resentments, as well as a comfort level that allows us to express ourselves, and apparently our self expression is really super aggravating to our partner. I guess if you catch yourself saying, "To the moon, Alice!" you aren't alone.

Is there a bright side? Researchers think that perhaps this negative view is just a typical part of a very close relationship that involves spending time together, day in, day out, year after year, until life stretches out in front of you in a never ending prison sentence... Ha ha. See, since the researchers found this was a comon pattern, the good news is that it's probably normal and you aren't alone. Wait, that's the silver lining? Yeesh.

Strollerderby Playdate: I've Got a New(sy) Guy

Kelly Mills — Fri, 16 Nov 2007 12:01:00 GMT

Last week "Just wondrin" asked how I find the folks I playdate with: Do I surf them or are they friends or what? Well, I can report I have very few friends, so I find these dates the old-fashioned way. You know, trolloping all over the web, draping myself on other people's blogrolls, searching for profanity, and hoping to meet that elusive soulmate. Usually I look for love ~~in all the wrong places, sorry, just can't resist a musical interlude~~ on the down-home blogs with the cheap templates and the blurry kid photos and the funny, funny parents. This week my new obsession has a glossy blog, but he also has a great take on parent-y things.

Today I'm stalking I, Breeder. How come? He's hilarious, and he 'hi-ya' chops the stupidity of the day. He turns a phrase in a kickass way that makes me forget the dearth of f-bombs (usually a requirement in my playdates) and he confirmed my theory that all straight dads (including Mike and my own better half) have a slightly porno crush on Laurie Berkner. So I'm inviting him to a playdate and hoping we will get the chance to mock stuff and wax smarty-pants and that I'll be able to throw out enough tech phrases to keep from sounding like a total ass, though the odds of that are never good. Hi Breeder! S'up, baby?

My Kids Have No Friends and it's All My Fault

Karen Murphy — Wed, 06 Jun 2007 19:05:00 GMT

It's true. Outside of school, my kids have no friends. Growing up, even though I attended a school miles from my home, I was painfully shy and fiercely private, but I still had a couple of across-the-street friends to play Monopoly with and go roller-skating with. My own kids? Not so much. Not at all, in fact: they play with each other and that's about it beyond occasional playdates with school buds. Apparently this is a trend, and as friendless as they may be, my kids are not alone.

According to a study that, uh, studied these things, kids today on average don't hang out alone with friends until they're about fourteen, despite the fact that their parents did so at ten. Which means that most of us have fears that the world isn't the rainbow-filled bubble it seemed to be when we were little. Helicopter parents? Maybe. Buying into media-fueled panics about missing children? Perhaps. But parental fears and the resulting lack of freedom for the kids, added to the rise of solitary activities like video and computer games, has resulted in the fact that one in five teenagers has no best friend.

So what to do? I don't have an answer for that one. I would love for my eleven-year old and seven-year old to have nearby friends to hang with, but I'm picky and scared. It's hard to let go of the apron strings. Not to mention the fact that my kids lack the social skills to find their own friends, even though there are apparently kids right in our little neighborhood.

What about your kids? Do they have friends? What age do you think is appropriate for your kids to be off alone with friends? Do you manage their friendships? Are we raising a generation of solitary kids?