Strollerderby : frump

Fashion Designers Love Moms, Cuz Here's Shants

Kelly Mills — Thu, 18 Oct 2007 18:31:00 GMT

Everyone knows that the runway is the very best place for moms to draw their postpartum wardrobes. After all, so many of the clothes are created to make women look beautiful because the designers all "love women" and shit. So now we'd like you to meet your next must-have, via GlamChic. They are shants. Sheer pants. Very I Dream of Jeannie sexy, non? And look, while I actually love innovative fashion, my first thought was putting on a pair of these and then sitting down and whoops! We can all be Britney!

These are touted as signaling the end of leggings, and while I have my disagreements with leggings, I don't think these are quite the substitute I've been looking for. Shants do have a few requirements: no "pee pee panel" or everyone knows about what happens when you cough; the hawtest legs and booty surgery can buy; and the long shirt thing we moms have been working for years. I just hope shants come in the high-waisted mom-jeans model, so we can still look the part while being fashionable. And don't let your toddler step one foot near the diaphanous fabric, or snag-city, and it's curtains for the kid.

You Too Can Be Barbie's Mama: MILPH World Wants Your Body

Rachael Brownell (Redsy) — Fri, 10 Aug 2007 19:49:00 GMT

Yesterday this website was criticized for surrendering Mama to the frump. Today it's another site, but with the opposite problem. MILPH World encourages mamas to find their inner ~~porn stars~~ sex kittens and let loose with serious grown-up Barbie bikini posing. If you're a website or an organization that is encouraging mamas to look one way or the other (either by default or by intention) the bottom line is you just can't win.

MILPH (Mothers in LIfe Passion, and Health) World, is a whole world of post-feminist regression. You too can be sexy! After! Kids! And oh by the way, please be a size 2 and have nice perky implants. MILPH World is hosting an ongoing contest the winner of which wins a free makeover and beauty treatment Hollywood Style. I double-dog dare you to enter.

On the other hand, maybe I'm just jealous. You know how catty women can be.

Website Encourages Moms to Surrender to Frump (and Pee Pee Pants)

Rachael Brownell (Redsy) — Thu, 09 Aug 2007 20:02:00 GMT

The term "MILF" is thrown around with such zeal these days, one assumes that modern mommies spend all the live long day jetting from spa to plastic surgeon to personal trainer. Luckily, there are sites like this that remind us frump is not our enemy and should be embraced with a gentle maternal acceptance, along with incontinence and comfortable shoes.

As We Change sells jeans and other "shaping" clothing for the woman who is waving the white flag at vanity. These clothes yell "I give up!" and "I have no plans to be sexual this decade!" A prime example is the underwear pictured right, which not only tucks in your tummy, it also helps manage your incontinence with a useful pee pee panel.

The site does make some effort by selling bedroom enhancements, but they are dated and frowsy like the rest of the wares pushed here. Remember feminine deodorant spray? It's baaaaaaack.

So while MILF is overused and Mommy Looks Like a Sex Kitten is overdone, I'll take too much leather and tattoo artistry over huge mom jeans and FDS any day of the week.

Parent Fashion for Summer: No More Frump Jeans

Rachael Brownell (Redsy) — Thu, 17 May 2007 17:20:00 GMT

Assuming you're already wise enough to avoid the tempting but terrible vortex of 3/4 shorts with washed out denim and 9 inch zippers (aka: Mom Jeans), let's move on to the most important upcoming fashion challenge: Summer. Fashionable mama (& owner of Divas & Babes online boutique), Tonjia Cloverdale advises mamas to unleash their inner divas by avoiding the usual old t-shirts, sweatpants, ball cap routine.

But let's not leave out all those parachute/sweats wearing dads out there, shall we? I mean, what is with all the "George Michael ate Kentucky" big daddios schlumping around the grocery store waving the white flag and all but yelling out "I give up!! I am no longer an attractive man! I care nothing for my appearance!"

Why do you think the mean people made up South Beach? For every hardworking gorgeous MILF-y mama out there, there are 800 "I can wear anything I darn well like and still ask you for some lovin'" daddies out there. 'Nuf said.

Say it with me, men: "Just Say No to Frump!!"