Strollerderby : gender stereotypes

Save Your Baby Girl From Humiliating Baldness!

Kate Tuttle — Mon, 16 Mar 2009 15:00:00 GMT

Do you have a bald baby girl? Do you cringe when anyone asks your baby's sex, or assumes she's a boy? No? Well, honestly, neither did I, when my daughter was small and (briefly) bald. But apparently some parents really worry about this stuff, or at least the makers of Baby Bangs! are hoping they do.

Baby Bangs! (the exclamation mark appears to be a necessary part of the name) are little wigs attached to stretchy headbands, so that parents of infant girls can pretend they have more hair than they do. According to the product's web site:

Our patent pending HAIR+band accessory combination allows baby girl's (with little or no hair at all) the opportunity to have a beautifully realistic HAIR style in a SNAP!! It's quick, easy and baby barely knows it's there. Each Baby Bangs! HAIR+band has been made using only the finest ribbons and fabrics, PLUS our Baby Bangs! come to you pre-customized & size appropriate, cut, styled and ready for immediate wear. The wispy hair strands have been arranged in the cutest most adorable elfish coiffure!

Created by a "hair replacement artist" and her daughter -- and using her infant granddaughter as guinea pi -- I mean, model -- Baby Bangs! are made of synthetic fibers attached to elastic headbands. Instructions on the site detail the procedure for properly pulling them onto your baby's head and arranging the little hairs for "the cutest most adorable elfish coiffure!" One hardly knows where to begin.

My kids had a hard time coping with being forced to wear hats -- you know, to protect them from the cold and the damaging UV rays, not to make them look more gender-stereotypical -- so it's hard for me to believe it would be all that easy to get your baby to go along with your need to control their hair quantity. Beyond that, is it really such a huge problem if someone mistakes your girl baby for a boy? Or is the real problem that our society is so strange about gender that anyone would think it's an insult? And who really thinks "long hair = girl, short hair = boy" anymore, anyway? That kind of thinking is not much in evidence where I live. It's hard to escape the feeling that Baby Bangs! come just at a time when their very raison d'etre is starting to feel a bit laughable. That said, as Saturday Night Live has shown, laughing at wacky baby products is always in style.

Photo courtesy of Baby Bangs (and yes, the little girl is adorable -- but she's even cuter without her wig!)

More by this author:

Move Over, Booties! Here Come Knitted Boobies

Think Your Baby's Car Seat Is Safe? Think Again

California Daycare Closed; Worker Was Mocking Kids' Genitals

"Angels in Waiting" Apparently Still Waiting

Girls' School, Boys' School: Does Single-Sex Education Work?

Kate Tuttle — Thu, 26 Feb 2009 16:32:00 GMT

In this case, it's girls' classroom, boys' classroom -- a public elementary school in the St. Louis area has been experimenting with single-sex education and so far both parents and pupils seem pleased. At the Carman Trails School boys and girls are offered the option of single-sex classrooms starting in the first grade -- the program, now two years old, extends to the third grade but it seems likely it will expand upward.

According to an article about the school, the girls' classroom is filled with the sound of singing, while the boys' room features lots of shouting, standing up, and running around. Parents of boys say they are glad their sons are no longer described as being unable to concentrate, now that they aren't bound to what some feel are unrealistic behavioral expectations. It's not mentioned whether parents of girls feel there's any advantage to how their daughters are being taught, but the usual point raised by advocates of single-sex education is that girls feel freer to express themselves in a classroom cleared of competitive male energy.

As the mother of a boy and a girl, I have mixed feelings about this. On the one hand, I gew up with two brothers and never felt that I was any less competitive or rambunctious than they were. On the other hand, I can see that at times each of my children might have benefited from at least some time spent in a single-sex environment. Certainly my daughter's summer camp, all girls, has been a perfect setting in which to learn leadership skills; my son is too young yet to know, but in a preschool classroom dominated by girls he is sometimes quickly blamed for any rough behavior, even if his female classmates are just as rough. As a feminist, I reject the essentialist point of view that says boys and girls are just born different, with distinct interests, temperaments, and physical and emotional needs. But I do see that girls and boys are socialized so differently, and have to each learn to exist in a world that expects different things from them, that this kind of classroom experience might make sense.

Single-sex education has long been a staple of Catholic and other private schools. These days it's reported that around 500 public schools are trying it out. What do you think? Would your son or daughter do better, learn more, reach his or her potential more easily, in a classroom filled with others of the same sex? Or does this kind of gender segregation harm kids, at the very least by reinforcing sexual stereotypes?

More By This Author:

California Daycare Closed; Worker Was Mocking Kids' Genitals

Bad Science: How The Autism Vaccine Scare Snowballed

Preteen Accused of Shooting Dad's Pregnant Girlfriend

North Dakota Passes Law Establishing "Personhood" at Conception

The Demise of the Fairy Tale

Hannah Tennant-Moore — Mon, 05 Jan 2009 20:30:00 GMT

Do you read traditional fairy tales to your kids? If so, you are in a dwindling group of parents. According to a survey of 3,000 British parents, Snow White and Hansel and Gretel are increasingly being replaced by happier modern favorites like Gruffalo and The Very Hungry Caterpillar. 25 percent of parents choose not to ever read fairy tales to their kids and 65 percent do not choose fairy tales for bedtime stories.

According to the parents who object to fairytales, Cinderella is not empowered enough. Rapunzel is “too dark.” Little Red Hiding is a bad role model for kids because she walks alone in the woods. And one-tenth of parents believe Snow White is offensive because of the un-PC term “dwarf.”

I can certainly understand the need to carefully introduce your kids to fairy tales—some of them are pretty scary, and I’ll be the first to admit that being rescued from a life of servitude by a handsome prince is no healthy goal for a young girl. But if you’re going to shield your child from Cinderella so as to avoid imparting gender stereotypes, you would have to shield her from nearly all pop culture. If Little Red Riding Hood is violent or scary, even commercials for the latest Superman movie are downright terrifying. And if Snow White wrongly teaches young women the value of being the “fairest in all the land,” Bratz dolls wrongly teach girls to be the most scantily clad in all the land.

This is not to say that we should just give up on fighting media that gives kids the wrong messages, but perhaps Jack and the Beanstalk is not the best battlefield.

Photo: The Daily Mail

Time for Post-Holiday Gendered Toy Balancing?

Miriam Axel-Lute — Tue, 30 Dec 2008 23:30:00 GMT

I never really understood people who wanted to go shopping right after the winter holidays, except maybe for the very thrifty stocking up on cheap wrapping paper for next year. But suddenly I find myself contemplating it.

I blame it on my fellow 'Derby blogger who wrote about recent research arguing that traditional "girl toys" discourage the development of problem solving skills useful in science and math: "The toys reported [by parents] as girls' favorites didn't teach anything specific, allowing, rather for imaginative play mostly related to childcare. Boys' reported favorite toys, on the other hand, encouraged action, learning of new things, use of reading and problem solving skills as well as imagination."

See, I keep thinking of that post now, because it's striking, after all the grandparents have weighed in with their prezzies, how heavy my two-and-a-half-year-old daughter's haul is on the tea sets and dolls. Now, I'm not complaining. It's not like anyone was on a mission to make her a little princess. The personalized map of her neighborhood made for her by her GIS-enabled uncle is awesome and all about the abstract thinking. The just-like-daddy's painters' jeans and the red leather jacket are anything but prissy. And she adores each instance of the dolls (some of which came from us) and tea sets and jewelry. I don't have a problem with anything she got (even the pretty sexist Richard Scarry classic What Do People Do All Day? because it's awesome in so many other ways and such a nostalgia trip for me). In fact, it's all pretty great.

But I'm nonetheless finding myself aware of the gaps, aware that intentionally or not, the balance of her new possessions is clearly on the "caring and nurturing" side over the "making things, using their hands and solving problems" side. This is leading me to fantasize about spending money I don't have on a tool set or TinkerToys or Montessori counting rods (or the Free to Be reissue).

I am, of course, probably overreacting and should just take a deep breath, let life return to normal, and keep my eyes on the garage sales. It's not like imaginative nuturing play will limit her ability to develop other skills. It's more that I'm concerned about her getting to the age of developing a gender identity, which isn't far off, and deciding that based on the evidence so far, these are girl toys and she should eschew the others. Any other parents of daughters feeling the same way? (Or, for that matter, parents of sons having the reciprocal problem?)

Photo by Doeth, via Flickr.

More by this author:

Related Posts:

Do Early Childhood Toy Preferences Encourage a Gender Gap in Education?

Do Early Childhood Toy Preferences Encourage a Gender Gap in Education?

Shannon LC Cate — Wed, 17 Dec 2008 22:00:00 GMT

As I reported in the Morning News: A new UK study finds that children's toys are more gendered now than ever before (so much for free to be you and me) and consequently, that girls--whose toys encourage little learning and more docility than boys'--are behind in math and science.

Furthermore, the study blames parents for this problem, suggesting parents push their children towards traditionally gendered toys. How did the study find this? It asked parents for their impressions of what were their children's favorite toys and parents of boys picked boy-toys and parents of girls picked girl-toys. Study author Becky Francis of Roehamptom University believes the parents' choices had more to do with what they thought their kids should like rather than what they really did like:

"The very clear message seems to be that boys should be making things, using their hands and solving problems, and girls should be caring and nurturing," she says. "It is likely that many of the boys in the study sleep with a teddy, but this was not noted by parents as a favourite toy."

Francis has a good point but I do wonder about the circularity of her reasoning, at least as presented in the Guardian. How does she know parents failed to report teddies? Maybe all the boys in the study slept with Thomas train cars.

But the study's look at the toys parents reported about was more convincing. Francis found that most of the toys reported as girls' favorites didn't teach anything specific, allowing, rather for imaginative play mostly related to childcare. Boys' reported favorite toys, on the other hand, encouraged action, learning of new things, use of reading and problem solving skills as well as imagination.

Okay, it's anecdote time. Bring 'em on. Tell me how your child has been raised completely gender-neutral by you, but is drawn to gendered toys anyway.

Here's my own n of 2:

My daughters (18 months and almost 4) aren't particularly drawn to girl-gendered toys. They are both girls and definitely have their fair share of dolls and stuffed animals. But they love reading books above all else (the older is quite an independent reader already), and can spend hours building and knocking down block towers and running motorcycles, cars and trains around my hardwood floors. I don't think either of them have figured out the pink/blue code yet and I attribute this to my limiting their exposure to television advertising, toy stores and herds of other children supervised by only one or two adults (ie: school). In fact, I asked my older daughter the other day whether she wanted t be a boy or a girl and she replied "I want to be me."

I know it will be harder and harder for her to do just that as she gets older and the pressure to conform gets stronger, but I for one, will always have her back.

10 Signs that Parenting is More Equal than it Used to be

Rachael Brownell (Redsy) — Wed, 09 Jul 2008 22:56:00 GMT

While it is debatable whether truly equal parenting is common or just an impossible dream, there are signs that indicate the era of "Father Knows Best" or even "Mr. Mom" -- Look! That Man is Holding a Vacuum!!" are long gone. And good riddance!

Here are 10 common signs that co-parenting is on the upswing:

1. Diaper changing tables in the men's room - Because even Daddy changes diapers now, even though grandpa likely still won't.

2. Paternity leave - These days fathers are expected to take more than just a week or two off work when baby arrives. When patched onto the end of maternity leave, paternity leave is invaluable to most families.

3. Daddy takes a sick day - Fathers who in previous generations would rely on their wives to take sick days when the kids were ill, now use some of their time to take care of Billy's cold.

4. Doctors, dentists, and parent-teacher conferences - No longer solely the domain of mamas, it is wonderfully heartening to see so many Dads taking the lead in these previously mom-only domains.

5. Stay at home, daddy - If it's good enough for Brad Pitt, it's good enough for Mike Adamick and Gavin Rossdale (even though he might eschew daddydom for the tour). Primary caregiving isn't just for mommies anymore. And thankfully, we don't need any movies with Michael Keaton to prove to us how inept men are at domestic things.

6. Dad writes - Ever since Anne Sexton and Sylvia Plath penned poems about mothering, the literary description of parenting has previously been mostly left to women. Thankfully that is now no longer the case. From beautifully written blogs like Sweet Juniper to funny writings at Dadcentric, the unique literary expression of fatherhood will never be ignored again.

7. Baby packs - Even 10 years ago, it was less common to see daddies hauling the little babies in the packs and slings and Bjorns. The most beautiful site is when Daddy carries new baby in the Bjorn, holds the hand of the toddler, while balancing a cell phone and carrying a bag of groceries. Welcome to my world!

8. Man bags - Many of them are "geared toward men" because they are made of ugly camouflage, but as long as none of us have to carry nylon diaper bags covered in teddy bears and baby bottles, it's all good.

9. Daddy ain't heavy - Daddy used to be the threat to insure good behavior. Most parents I know share the role of good cop/bad cop with the kids, so neither parent has to be consdered the heavy.

10. Dad is the new Mom - More and more women are the primary breadwinner and are happy to leave primary caretaking to the men. Even when Daddy doesn't stay home full-time, more men are taking the childrearing reins.

Dream or Nightmare? Moms Leave Town for a Week, Dads Cry

Karen Murphy — Mon, 21 Jan 2008 18:38:00 GMT

Hey! Want to see some appalling gender sterotypes perpetuated on the small screen? I mean, that is why you watch TV, isn't it? After all, mocking the highly over-dramatized choices people appear to be making on "reality" TV is sooo satisfying , don't you think?

So mix a townful of blundering, unwitting Mr. Moms, left behind when their women go off and alternately lament their choice to leave and party on for a week, and you have a stunning rendition of gender stereotyping in action.

I would so watch this train wreck, except my TV doesn't pick up the CBC. Too bad, too, because "The Week the Women Went" sounds like a huge hit.

But seriously, what does this say about us: "I don't do nothing around the house; she does it all," laments a woeful left-behind man, apparently incapable of excavating his left nostril wothout his woman's assistance. Do we really want to be portrayed that way? I thought we were getting over the whole "wow, and he even changes a diaper!" thing.

Apparently not.

Nor are we getting over the "My only life is my kids!" thing, if you can believe the moms who left their clearly-brain-damaged men in charge of the unlucky children for A.Whole.Week. Women worried that "the men in their lives were either too harsh, too short-tempered, too clueless or too unorganized to nurture them for a week." Hey, a tip here: if you're that worried, either educate them, put up with the shortcomings, or get the hell out.

Oh, and another stereotype perpetuated: women left alone together will develop catfights.

Like I said, a train wreck but I would watch it (not to mention to volunteer for that week away), if only to, like you, see something almost-but-not-quite too close to home.

Photo: www.dancemom.org

Hey, Pixar: Can We Get a Girl Star in an Animated Movie?

Jessica Ashley (Sassafrass) — Mon, 02 Jul 2007 22:27:00 GMT

In another life, I taught Women Studies at a university and one of my areas of research was women in the media. I taught classes and workshops on gender stereotypes embedded in advertisements, movies and children's books. Some misogynistic representations of women were subtle, some were violent and overt, but none were as controversial as Disney.

There were very few topics that students were as resistant to thinking about or analyzing as classic Disney, or any other children's movie or book for that matter. Homophobia discussions? No problem. Lectures on the history of abortion rights? Not to worry. Disagree with the little mouse about the many ways in which women were killed, neglected, saved only by good looks and a powerful man, whittled away from celluloid strength and power? Oooh, too taboo.

Liz Kelly has stumbled upon her own kid flick controversy over at Celebritology, only this one's about about Pixar. Sparked by seeing Ratatouille, she says loud and clear that there aren't any female leads in their movies -- not just not enough, not any. I love it that she not only raises up Pixar for their gutsiness, originality and for creating characters - both female and male -- that are strong and engaging and independent-minded, but that she also compares their movies to the Disney classics that are a disappointment for parents wanting their kids to see strong girls and boys take the lead on-screen. She admits she can't wait for her son to see the Pixar movies she loves but says she also hopes that when that time comes, Pixar's busy promoting a movie featuring a girl.

The not-so-surprising thing is that the reader comments are equally as loud as Liz Kelly's assertion, and not all of them are cheering her on. In fact, the comments hit so close to home for me that I almost took attendance and handed out grades for analytical inquiry. Even though lots of these readers roll their eyes and throw flames, I think it is really right on for her to admit her love for Pixar but to also ask them to do what they do even better. No matter how Bambi or Nemo loving you are, how can you argue with that?

Here's Your Hussy, Honey: Dolls That Make Us Cringe

Rachael Brownell (Redsy) — Thu, 03 May 2007 17:26:00 GMT

Move over Barbie, and Bratz teen dolls! Make way for Bratz Babyz! Dorothy at BlogHer says it like it is, describing the disturbing thing about these dolls that they scarily resemble many toddler girls.

But now with makeup! And short dresses!

The challenge of raising daughters in this culture is the disappearance of girlhood, the sexualization of women and girls, and the message that the only thing about them that matters is their looks. Ugh.

So when my daughters tell me they're fat, or bad at math, or think boys are stronger, I want to kick something (maybe a weak boy). And they don't watch television and they don't play with Barbies or Bratz or Baby Hooker Junior. But like all the other worried mommies out there, I'm confident this won't prevent them from having the usual preoccupations.

At minimum, I can keep these horrid dolls out of their toy box.

Gender Stereotypes: One Family's Fight Against The Binary System

Alisyn — Wed, 11 Apr 2007 14:36:00 GMT

Reading this post the other day really struck a chord with me. I am the mother of a uber-femme, sparkly, Princess-loving little girl who practically poops pink. She was born that way. She has always preferred "mothering" her baby dolls to playing in the sandbox (this is a girl who will make a "bed" for her "baby" out of a dumptruck).

But I am always trying to balance the scales: I encourage (but don't force) her to try new ways of playing; we read gender neutral books with her, along with "Fancy Nancy;" and my husband and I take the kids along when we hang out with our queer friends, some of whom are women who identify as men, some of whom are men who identify as women. We discuss the fact discuss the fact that whatever a person wants to be, whether "boy," "girl" or something in-between, is their choice. We are not trying to change who our daughter is - or confuse her, though that happens - we're just trying to open her up to the fact that she can choose who she wants to be. And so can everyone else.

We're talking the talk... but over at HipMama yesterday, I read an article about a family who is walking the walk...

In "Sometimes Daddies Do Get Pregnant," Lucy Silva Marrero writes about her life with her partner ( a female who identifies as a male), their preschool-aged son, and their hopes for having another child soon. But here's where it gets complicated: only one of the two of them can physically bear a child - and it's the one who identifies as a man. Writes Lucy: "Unless we end up with an extra $20K or so to reattach my fallopian tubes and suck out some eggs with a needle, that is. My partner, however, has attached fallopian tubes and a working uterus. He might say that is an unfortunate misjudgment on Mother Nature's part, but he's doing his best to make do with it for now. And since his plumbing is up and running and mine is not, the only practical choice for birthing children of our own is for me to take a turkey baster and a Ziplock full of spermies and knock him up... Of course, in the interest of comedy, I've reduced a very serious and thoughtful decision into something simple and comedic. The reality is that my female-bodied butch partner who goes by male pronouns will face the constant invalidation of his gender even more so than he does now."

Lucy and her family are fighting the binary gender system everyday—by challenging the definitions of "boy" and "girl," and by educating their son to do the same. Having a transgendered parent, their boy is being raised with with the awareness that "genitalia does not determine gender," a powerful and liberating idea.

Life for a little one doesn't have to be all pink, or all blue - and I think it's really important to discuss that with kids, in this age of Bratz, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, and gender-segregated toy stores. I find it incredibly inspiring to read about families who defy this kind of stereotyping.

To read more of Lucy Silva Marrero's funny and touching essay, "Sometimes Daddies Do Get Pregnant (How I Do Queer Parenting)," go here.

Gender Stereotypes: Let the Brainwashing Begin!

Sarah, Goon Squad Sarah — Tue, 10 Apr 2007 21:16:00 GMT

The media is trying to turn our daughters into pink, glittery, slutty, materialistic consumers. This comes as absolutely no surprise to me or Lisa Simpson. They are also turning our sons into violent young men.

Here is a perfect example. Last week we were on a road trip and I took my twins to McDonalds. I got each child a happy meal. Claudia's toy was a little Glinda the Good Witch fairy princess looking doll and Ian got a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle. I could stop typing right now and I would have made my point.

Bratz dolls aside, (I swear to God I would rather have my children watch season one of "Deadwood" and say the CS bomb at preschool in front of their teacher who is married to a preacher and all the other two year olds than think that Bratz are reasonable role models.) the "media" (not me, but the rest of the media) is marketing girl power as sexy and pretty = a strong woman.

Check out Packaging Girlhood. It is a blog by the two women who wrote the book Packaging Girlhood: Rescuing Our Daughters from Marketers’ Schemes, Sharon Lamb and Lyn Mikel Brown. You will see even more evidence.

Don't even get me started on how upsetting trying to explain what a mutant ninja is to a two year old.

Colbert Report Uncovers Growing Menace: SAHDS

Mike Adamick (Cry It Out!) — Tue, 06 Mar 2007 02:19:00 GMT

There's a problem in America -- a "horrible, unsolvable problem," according to the Colbert Report. I have to admit when I saw the news story, I was shocked, shocked! to see this is happening in modern-day America. It says something about our country, about who we are as a people. And it's not good.

According to the show, it seems dads are, gasp, staying home to raise their children! While their wives return to work! I have never been more repulsed in all my life. I share your outrage, Stephen Colbert -- this is "part of a dangerous movement that is threatening the American way of life." And it's about time we do something about it.

Find out more about the horrible outrage at the At Home Dad Newsletter -- where a video of Colbert's investigative report is online for all to see. There's also an interview with Eamon Stookesberry, the at-home dad who very bravely stood up for all to see just how big this problem is, this "spectre of SAHDS."

Please join me in writing to the Colbert Report to express your outrage and adamant desire that one day we'll be able to stamp out this insidious trend.

Matchbox Cars for Girls: Stupid Idea or Brilliant Marketing Ploy?

Karen Murphy — Tue, 27 Feb 2007 18:19:00 GMT

Growing up, I loved playing with Matchbox cars. The problem was, I didn't have any. But my brother did; he had lots of them. I loved how the tiny doors could open and close on some models. Would I have played with Matchbox cars made just for girls? Hmm. I think part of the appeal was the gender-neutral qualities of the cars, because they were, well, cars. And cars were for everyone. Right?

Wrong, if you're Mattel and you're betting that the new Polly Wheels cars - each comes with its own tiny Polly Pocket driver - will be a big hit with the girls. Designed with the girly-girl in mind, they'll come in sparkly pinks and purples and soon will even be (gag) scented to coordinate with the colors. Even worse, there are plans for a Race to the Mall game which is said to combine the race-track appeal of Hot Wheels with, well, the mall.

What do you think: does Mattel have a winner on their hands? Would you buy this for your daughter?

Ballerina Boys and Gunfighter Girls: Stereotypes that Help

Rachael Brownell (Redsy) — Mon, 08 Jan 2007 22:00:00 GMT

The Imperfect Parent is a site that provides an outlet for parents who are, well, imperfect and not always perfectly cool. Jessica and Prescott Carlson, the editors in chief, run a tight ship. The writing is good (and yes, I'm biased) and the topics vary from MILF-wear, to discipline, to public education, to Jessica's recent post about what to do when your son wants to be a princess.

Her son Graham, who is delayed, has recently fixated on dressing up like a princess. When she told him 'no', he asked why, to which she responded "Because that is for girls and ...you. Are. A. Boy."

Leaving aside the pervasive belief now common among lefties that gender stereotyping is damaging, children spend much of their fourth and fifth years (and beyond) sussing out what it means to be a girl or a boy. And children who strongly identify with their gender and its stereotypes are merely beginning to fill in what will hopefully become a more in-depth and multi-dimensional tapestry of self-awareness.

Huddled together in our politically correct living rooms, my girlfriends and I often reluctantly admit that sons tend to hit (gross motor) and girls tend to talk and weep (verbal, emotional). Whenever people hear I have all daughters, they almost always ominously warn about the "weepy teen years" and make jokes about Daddy with a shotgun warding off the advancing hormonal admiring hordes.

At one time, these warnings would have made me cringe with superior knowingness. Now, I listen, take notes, and pay heed.

Ultimately, gender is much more than a trick of frame and brain and genitals. Whether our politics like it or not, our kids and their gender preferences are often simpler than we wish they were (girl talks, boy hits).

In Jessica's case, she feels that Graham's gender confusion would not be supported by letting him romp in princess-wear. And I heartily agree.