Strollerderby : george carlin

Crush of the Week: Mister Conductor, Shining Time Station

editors — Mon, 13 Apr 2009 14:00:00 GMT

Whoever plays the uniformed, whistle-blowing magic train conductor in the Thomas series, and we're talking Ringo, George Carlin or (in The Great Discovery movie) young Alec Baldwin, is hot. Maybe it's the uniform, maybe it's the authority. Maybe it’s that the Conductor stands out as particularly alive because of the slightly terrifying wide-eyed animatronic trains.

And for that, he is our Crush of the Week --Ada Calhoun

Photo: Areavoices.com

George Carlin dies

Brett Singer — Mon, 23 Jun 2008 16:05:00 GMT

Comedy just got a little less funny.

Also, Thomas the Tank Engine needs a new narrator.

George Carlin passed away on Sunday at the age of 71. According to Bloomberg News, the cause was heart failure.

Carlin had, in my opinion, one of the weirder careers in the entertainment business. His most famous routine (video below) is the Seven Dirty Words. I'm not going to bother naming them; watch the video, but not when your kids are around. He continued to make incredible use of language throughout his career, especially with regard to what was considered acceptable speech and what was "offensive." "You can prick your finger, but don't finger your prick." Or "Pete Rose has two balls on him."

And he also did children's television. Yes, that's George Carlin's voice on old Thomas The Tank Engine videos. I remember popping one into the VCR and doing a double-take when I realized that the gravelly voiced narrator was indeed also the man who raged against tomatoes ("I don't eat bicycle tires – why should I eat little pink ones?"), baseball ("you go HOME") and one of my favorites, "Become a Schmuck" ("Don't be a schmuck – be a schmuck!") Other kiddie credits include Mr. Conductor on "Shining Time Station" (a "Thomas" spin-off -- maybe he had a thing for trains?), and voice work in "Cars" and "Tarzan 2." His other film appearances were equally incongruous, including "Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure", "Scary Movie 3" and "Jersey Girl."

Several years ago I went to a taping of Carlin's television show in Los Angeles. The show only lasted one season, probably because it wasn't very good. It's very tough to take a comic as brilliant as he is and turn him into a sitcom star, especially when the material is not even close to what you are allowed to do on prime time. (Look at Chris Rock's show, "Everybody Hates Chris" – he had to go back to his childhood to make it work.) It was fun to watch them tape the show, although I would have preferred to see Carlin do some stand-up.

Hopefully future generations will dig a little bit deeper than the Seven Dirty Words. That's what he'll be remembered for, and that's one hell of a legacy. But he also spoke his mind despite having unpopular opinions at times, which is something that we always need more of. And his material wasn't all R-rated; the above lines are all clean, and there are more, such as "Where does the dentist go when he leaves the room?" Funny, funny stuff. There's a scroll of Carlin lines on his website.

We won't be able to hear what his thoughts on the 2008 election, but at least we have video. Here are a collection of classic Carlin clips that are COMPLETELY NOT SAFE FOR WORK OR KIDS. Unless, you know, you want Junior to go to school and ask his teachers what "tits" means. Up to you.

UPDATE: there's a YouTube channel/chat room/something or other that seems to have a continuous stream of Carlin videos. Kinda cool. Check it out here.

RIP, George. You will be missed.

Why Kids Curse

Cole Gamble — Sat, 29 Mar 2008 14:32:00 GMT

The other day my 1-year-old called me a douche bag. I could be mistaken; he may have been just asking for a cookie. Even though we like to pretend Dalton can say seven or so words, all the “words” are indecipherable and they all kind of sound like “douche bag.”

According to NPR, your kids curse because of—and here comes the big reveal—you. Yep, big “duh” factor. You might say, “nay, my good man, my young master and young miss acquired no such articles of offense from I. It twas from those scurvy-riddled urchins with which my successors associate.” Well, I'm sorry to tell you, as you nervously finger your cravat, they might learn bad words from the kids at school, but your kids taught just as much as they were schooled. They're getting the @#*!s and &%$*!s from you, unless your kid has a nightly date with Cinemax After Dark while you're asleep in bed.

I don't think parents should stop swearing. Personally, I am afraid of anyone who doesn't swear. Not only is swearing a much needed pressure-release button, but to have a passion for swearing is to foster an unconditional love for the language we speak, warts and all. There is a poetry and endless invention to swearing especially when the speaker creates those delectable hybrids by combining expletives together in whimsical, almost Seussian arrangements. Words among my favorites are: (I know the sponsors are watching so, forgive me, but I'll clean this up) “male genitalia/head” and “sexual congress/face” or really exotic smash-ups like “excrement/sexual congress/sexual congress with fecal matter/nose.”

If you are a little more curious about the etymology of the swear, there's a fine article over at howstuffworks.com. There I found out dirty words generally fall into two categories: deistic (related to religion) or visceral (related to the body and it's function). On second thought, maybe you don't want to research your favorite swears. A great swear is like a great joke, it kind of kills it when you have to explain it.

No, I don't think children should be invited to the entire buffet of hard R swear words. That should be another one of those consolation prizes for getting older, like getting a driver's license, drinking alcohol and earning the right to neglect to vote. One day, many years from now, I hope one of my children will come to me and say, “Listen dad, I don't give a shit.” And I will put a hand on their shoulder and tell them “congratulations, my child, you are now grown.”