Strollerderby : go!

Walkie-Talkie Teaches 3-Year-Old About Drugs and Sex

Jen Chaney — Sat, 09 Aug 2008 15:33:00 GMT

Deborah Pancaro's three-year-old son recently heard some weird stuff on his toy walkie-talkie. First he heard some guys saying "10-4." Then he picked up some chatter about marijuana and plans to visit a strip club.

“They said we should go smoke some weed, and were talking about being in a strip bar, some really explicit things,” Pancaro told the Associated Press.

Turns out the Diego walkie-talkie the West Virginia mom bought at Wal-Mart was intercepting -- you guessed it -- truckers talking via CB radio. (Either that, or it was picking up dialogue from "Pineapple Express.") Pancaro sent a letter to Fisher-Price, manufacturer of the product, asking them to either recall it or fix the toy so it won't be so sensitive to interference. A spokeswoman for Fisher-Price says the company has tried to call Pancaro twice to no avail. Meanwhile, the Wal-Mart Web site says the walkie-talkie has been discontinued. No word on whether the boy has developed a sudden interesting in visiting a place called The Bada Bing.

Neither Diego nor his cousin, Dora the Explorer, had any comment on the matter. When approached by a reporter, Baby Jaguar said he didn't have time to talk because he was really busy trying to score some weed.

(Kidding! Kidding!)

10 Worst Toys of 2007!

Karen Murphy — Fri, 16 Nov 2007 15:33:00 GMT

Oh yes, the year isn't complete until this list comes out. Compiled by World Against Toys Causing Harm, Inc. (W.A.T.C.H), which should totally have been on Get Smart, the annual Ten Worst Toys is a list of the toys (also known as the What the Fuck Were They Thinking? Awards) that have the most potential to cause childhood injuries or even death to children. Ready for the list?

1. Go, Diego, Go! Animal Rescue Boat. Covered with lead. Don't lick it.

2. Sticky Stones. Magnetic "stones": how many ways can these be wrong? They're a choking hazard and they're magnets which cause all sorts of problems (like death) if swallowed. Avoid.

3. Jack Sparrow's Spinning Dagger. Hard plastic dagger straps to a kid's wrist and spins. You're gonna poke your eye out, kid.

4. Dora the Explorer Lamp. Problem is, kids are instructed to unplug it when not in use. Otherwise? It's a fire, shock, and burn hazard. Yeah, somebody was thinking there, eh?

5. Lil "Giddy Up" Horse Sassy Pet Saks. Also wins Worst Name Award. But the tag on the horse states it's for newborns while the tag on the carrier says it's for toddlers 18 months and older. Huh? Plus, the wooden bead on it is chokable as are the long fibers of the fur. Bleh.

6. Spider Man 3 New Goblin Sword. The sword part extends swiftly from the handle when a button is pushed. Kind of like an automatic umbrella, and I don't see those being complained about (yet they're not sold expressly for kids, those umbrellas). You're gonna poke your eye out, kid.

7. Hip Hoppa. It's a foot board attached atop a ball. Clearly, a fair amount of falling will be involved. Don't hit your head on the hard pavement, 'kay?

8. B'loonies Party Pack. Put a gob of molten chemical waste on the end of a tube and blow: instant balloons! Sort of. I have owned these, and they're kind of lame. Apparently, that toxic chemical waste can also be aspirated if the kid forgets which way to blow. Oh, and it's, uh, flammable. Not to mention emits toxic fumes.

9. My Little Baby Born. Aww, cute baby doll comes with a pacifier that's detachable and you KNOW your kid is going to put it in their own mouth = choking hazard.

10. Rubber Band Shooter. You're gonna shoot your eye out, kid.

Toddler Survives 12 Days in Amazon; Will Endure Diego Comparisons Forever

Alisyn — Fri, 05 Oct 2007 14:29:00 GMT

Either this kid is extremely lucky, or extremely smart. That, or he's seen so many episodes of Go, Diego, Go! that he knew instinctively how to bore the wild animals that would otherwise prey on his small body to death.

Either way, this little 3-year-old is something of a miracle after surviving 12 days alone in the Brazilian rain forest. That's no small feat, even for experienced wild man-types... but for a preschooler? It's simply unfathomable. Most kids couldn't survive going to the bathroom alone at that age, for pete's sake.

Lost when he veered off course on a walk with his father, the little guy stayed alive by eating wild plants until he was found by a search party of rescue workers, family members and friends. After being treated for dehydration and rashes, he is resting comfortably with Sao Paolo, laughing at what a total wimp that other kid who hangs in the rain forest is.

12 days, bitch! Put that in your rescue pack and smoke it.