When, If Ever, Will You Expect Your Kids to Split the Bill?

Hannah Tennant-Moore — Thu, 19 Feb 2009 15:30:00 GMT

Now that we’re beyond the days when children had financial value as farm helpers, it’s generally accepted that parents have a responsibility to fully support their children until they are at least 18 (octo-mom notwithstanding). But what happens after children move out and join the workforce varies widely from family to family.

Barring the instance in which the son or daughter ends up being far more financially secure than his or her parents, there inevitably comes a point in every parent’s life when going out to dinner or a movie with your children raises the question, “Who will pay?” Parents’ responses to this question run the gamut from an absolute refusal to ever accept money from their kids to an absolute refusal to ever pay for their grown children.

My own parents are both on the generous end of the spectrum, picking up the tab for all of our leisure activities without a second thought. I’ve always appreciated this unquestioning generosity, not only because it means I get a free meal or movie (though that’s a pretty nice part of the deal), but because it creates a relaxed environment of good will whenever I spend time with my parents. I know that there will be no discussions about money, as there are when I go out with friends or other relatives. I simply trust my parents to choose activities within their means. Because I appreciate this arrangement so much, I plan (or hope!) to do the same for my kids, even after they are financially independent.

On the other hand, I have several friends who would never dream of letting their parents pick up the tab. Ever since they joined the working world, their parents have expected them to chip in, and they have been glad to do so, enjoying both the sense of independence from and generosity toward their parents that this arrangement affords them.

Interestingly, all of the people I know who split the bill with their parents are men. This may be simply a coincidence or it could indicate that there’s a gendered aspect to being comfortable with accepting money from one’s parents.

What financial arrangements do you have with your parents? Do you plan to ask your kids to split the bill once they are grown up?

Photo: Monica Buck/Shine

Is One Dollar a Week a Reasonable Allowance?

Explaining Financial Troubles to the Kids

Hannah Tennant-Moore — Mon, 13 Oct 2008 14:57:00 GMT

With disappearing 401(k) savings, exorbitant gas prices, and piling up medical bills, many families are being forced to make serious changes in their spending patterns. This can be a shock for teens and preteens who grew up in the 90s, during affluent times in which the prevailing wisdom in the U.S. extolled making your kids happy. Average teen allowances nationwide are upwards of $100 a month, and many high schoolers have credit cards.

But last week, a survey found that teen spending had dropped by 27 percent. Considering that much of this spending money comes from allowances or gifts, we can be pretty sure the kids are not being thrifty out of choice.

As parents struggle to explain the crisis to teens freaked out by dire newspaper headlines and cutbacks in family expenditures, parents may see their kids as spoiled or bratty, while teens may see their parents as unreasonable or over-anxious. One mother interviewed by the New York Times started showing her confused and upset teenagers the monthly bills. Another father threatened to charge his kids’ friends rent for sleeping over.

Some families have found the crisis to be a good opportunity to become close with their children in new ways. Asking your kids to brainstorm about ways to cut back on family spending makes them feel valued and useful, and helps prepare them to find their own way in less than optimum economic times. Some parents have stopped hiring lawn cutters and housecleaners, choosing instead to pay their kids (far less) for the same services.

How have other parents changed your families’ spending patterns? Have you talked to your kids about the changes?

Photo: New York Times

Strollerderby : going out to eat

When, If Ever, Will You Expect Your Kids to Split the Bill?

Explaining Financial Troubles to the Kids