Strollerderby : grandchildren

Mom Gets OK to Collect Dead Son's Sperm

JeanneSager — Thu, 09 Apr 2009 15:28:00 GMT

Somewhere in Texas a grandmother-to-be needs to get a grip.

Marissa Evans told a judge she wanted the rights to collect her dead twenty-one-year-old's sperm to make a grandchild because "I want him to live on. I want to keep a piece of him." The worst part? The judge said, yeah, OK, sounds good to me.

What is wrong with this picture? Oh boy, where do we begin? Maybe with the fact that Nikolas Evans is dead. Or with the fact that he was twenty-one when he died. Or how about the fact that this was his mother we're talking about?

Because a guy's random statements that he wanted to have children one day . . . and taking his sperm from his cold, dead body (I'm not being callous here, the judge got involved because they had to guarantee the sperm was gathered before his body cooled to less than 39.2 degree) are on opposite ends of the spectrum. Marissa Evans said her son really wanted to kids one day. He even had names picked out - Hunter, Van and Tod.

It's sad that this man did not get to live out his dreams, sadder still that a life was lost at twenty-one. But let's face it, children are not put on this earth for a parent's sake. We as parents create kids because we want to give them life, provide for them, help make them into productive members of society. It's supposed to be an unselfish act; living for someone else. Unfortunately, we all know too many parents who look to their kids to do for them instead of the other way around.

And that's just what Marissa Evans is expecting of an as-yet-unborn child. She wants them to replace her son, to give her a link to something she very sadly lost. Can you imagine the burden put on that tiny person's shoulders? An adult is pinning hopes and dreams on a child, who has no control over how similar or dissimilar they'll be to their dead parent.

She's not the first - a couple in New York just recently lost the fight to use their dead son's sperm to impregnate a surrogate, because they wanted to do the exact same thing. That fight was lost at the surrogacy stage, and hopefully this one will be too - or, better yet, when Marissa Evans moves past the denial stage of the grieving process, she'll realize she cannot bring her son back.

What do you think Babble readers? Would you be shooting lightning bolts downward if someone got hold of your sperm or eggs and wanted to make babies after your death?

Image: CyprusIVF

Do Your Kids Go to Camp Grandma As Much as You Did?

JeanneSager — Mon, 13 Oct 2008 18:05:00 GMT

The day my daughter gets married, I won't be losing a daughter. I'll be gaining a title. Mother-in-law. It makes me shudder.

With my daughter banned from dating until she's at least 47 (less of a chance of her getting knocked up on the first date that way), it's not something I think about often. I'm not quite that narcissistic (I said not quite). Still, reading the story in Britain's The Telegraph over the weekend pronouncing mothers-in-law are no longer a joke, I felt betwixt and between about my very distant future.

The wife's mother, they say, is no longer stuck at home and thus in your face, telling you how her dear little Snookums likes his eggs and wants his pants pressed. Good to know - as I don't press pants and my breakfast-making skills are more of the "grab whole wheat frozen pancakes from freezer, pop in toaster oven, slap on plate with slab of butter" variety.

Because it's out of London (with a host of mother-in-law jokes I haven't heard stateside, better brush up), most of the statistics quoted in the piece are Britain-specific. But I'd imagine they'd translate rather closely to life on this side of the pond - they point to women getting married later, more women working, all social phenomena we're seeing in America. Of note? Mothers-in-law are spending less time with the grandchildren because of the changes.

It's meant to show they're butting in less, which this daughter-in-law supports, but it made me a little sad. If, by some miracle, my husband lets his little girl out on unchaperoned at say, 36, and we end up grandparents, will the fast pace of today's life have jumped to such hyperspeed that we never get to see the little munchkins? While I grew up in the same town as one set of grandparents, the town where the second set had a second house, my daughter has one set of grandparents living four states away. My own parents ask to see her frequently, but factor in my job, my husband's and the jobs of both of my parents, and there are weeks that go by without the schedules jiving just right for a meet-up.

If that's the kind of future for the new mother-in-law, I'd rather have the jokes.

Image: CopyBlogger

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92-Year-Old Helps Deliver Great-Great-Granddaughter

Hannah Tennant-Moore — Sun, 24 Aug 2008 18:20:00 GMT

When Elizabeth Deneal had her first child in 1936, it was the hottest July on record and there was no air conditioning. She was required to lie flat on her back for eight days after the delivery, using a bed pan. Family members were prohibited from attending the birth. And she had no idea she was going to have twins until the first one had been delivered.

Deneal, a 92-year-old Illinois woman, got a chance to witness firsthand how delivery room proceedings have changed when her great-granddaughter invited her to assist at her birth. Even though Deneal has two great-great-grandchildren, five step-great-great-grandchildren, about 20 great-grandchildren, 14 grandchildren, and five children—whew!—this was the first time she had witnessed a birth.

Although she was amazed at the modern equipment like fetal monitors and labor balls, most of her wonder was age-old. Speaking of her great-great-granddaughter, Deneal said, “They [the doctors] took her over to where they cleaned up and I stood right there and I thought, ‘How precious she is, right there, and just minutes ago she was inside her mama.’”

Personally, I'm still reeling from this woman's list of progeny.

Photo: Rick Danzl/The News-Gazette

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Granny Manual: 8 Things Grandma Needs to Know About Babies

Madeline Holler — Tue, 03 Jun 2008 18:01:00 GMT

I remember my first visit as a mother to the in-law's family compound. I was the only breastfeeder for generations and generations and not at all sure how that would pan out among a crowd that thinks the more time a baby is away from Mama the better. Our newborn napped on a bed; they only knew from bassinets and playpens. We didn't use pacifiers. We were careless about socks. I wasn't the first of my husband's siblings to bring them a grandchild. But I was the first one to be doing everything right. (Settle down, that's a joke.)

During that visit, it was finally my baby's great-grandmother's turn to change a diaper -- such a demand, I should have drafted a sign-up sheet -- and I overheard my mother-in-law stage-whispering, "No powder! They're not using powder!"

"But rashes! What about rashes," the elder wanted to know. Silence. I knew they were exchanging raised eyebrows, shrugged shoulders, and deep, deep doubt about the wisdom of unpowdered babies.

Powder isn't such a bad thing, but what I'm trying to illustrate is that things change. I'm sure you've gone a round or two with the prior generation, perhaps even with your own mother, about what you do differently as a parent. Poor grandma (and super poor grandpa! He's actually expected to participate this time!). What they need is a manual of things they should know about babies.

Let's whip one up for them. Feel free to add your own, but I'll start with these eight:

1. Breastmilk has it all, so don't refer to formula (or rice cereal, or strained peas) as "real food."

2. Two-week-olds who don't eat solids aren't starving.

3. Picking up a crying child won't spoil it. Rather, there's a good chance it'll shut him/her up (everybody's real goal, right?)

4. No, the baby won't fall out of the sling.

5. We know you didn't always use expensive, fancy, confusing restraint systems when we were babies, but cars back then were made out of steel, had lots of upholstery and, well, I'm the Mom. Sorry.

6. She'll be fine without a hat/sweater/blanket/stiff and outdated leather corrective shoes!

7. Not everything is related to tummy aches and gas.

8. I know you raised three kids without killing any of them, but let's not push your luck with mine.

Your turn.

Photo: Theyreourchildren.com

Homemade Roller Coaster!

Madeline Holler — Sun, 03 Feb 2008 22:39:00 GMT

We should all have access to one of these -- a homemade roller coaster.

An auto mechanic, with, I'm guessing tons of property insurance, built a roller coaster in his backyard! He used scrap metal and his welding skills and figured the rest out as he went.

Guess what. It works! And no one has suffered injury or death while riding it. Oh, and he let's his grandkid ride on it (every parent's nightmare of a grandfather, every child's dream of a grandpa.)

Watch the video. There's even a 360-degree loop.

Photo and Video: Fooey USA

Grandpa Donates Sperm to Daughter-in-Law

Madeline Holler — Sat, 06 Oct 2007 19:42:00 GMT

God, those meddling grandparents. First they nag about grandchildren. Then they bear them. Now they want to father them (and I’m not talking about coaching Little League).

An English fertility clinic recently agreed to allow a 72-year-old man to donate sperm to his son and daughter-in-law to help her conceive. He’ll single-handedly, so to speak, bring about the next generation and also confirm his son’s worst insecurities that he doesn’t measure up to the old man.

No English laws preclude this intergenerational help, but doctors at the clinic said they debated this unusual request, counseled all parties involved and concluded it would be fine. The father-to-be had no brothers to turn to when he found out his swimmers were bad, so the couple went to dad to keep the family DNA all in the family. If any children come out of this, they’ll be the father’s half-sibling and grandad’s biological child.

I say take what you can get. My one hope is that the sperm isn’t being delivered the old-fashioned way, but I could just be thinking about my father-in-law when I say that.

Are There Cool Names for Grandparents?

Karen Murphy — Tue, 28 Aug 2007 11:34:00 GMT

Mine was the formal family. My grandparents were known as "Grandmother and Grandfather." Bleh. That's a mouthful when you're a kid. But we didn't see them often and it was only awkward once every few years. My kids call their grandparents "Grandma and Grandpa." Original! It took my parents awhile to get used to their new names; my dad especially failed to respond on more than one occasion when someone addressed him as "Grandpa."

But I hear kids all over addressing their grandparents by all sorts of other names: Grammie, Pop-Pop, Nana, Meemaw, Paw Paw...

Ugh.

There has to be something better. But between the natural speech impediments of children who can't wrap their lips around long words, let alone (sometimes) short ones like "spoon", and the inherent inertia regarding the naming of the people closest to us (not everyone wants to be a "Glamma"), there just aren't that many decent nicknames for grandparents.

I was hoping this message board about names for grandparents would provide something interesting, to no avail. It's full of Grammies and Grandpas and Nanas and Papas. This entreaty to submit cool grandparent names is what got me to thinking about the whole thing to begin with: I kind of like "Chief".

C'mon, I know you Strollerderby readers are up on these sorts of things. Surely tons of you have kids who have developed interesting monikers for your parents. My dad would go for his grandkids calling him by first name. in Me, I'm thinking about using my first name too, maybe, when the time comes. Or maybe "Mrs. Murphy." What, too formal?

Bob Dylan Scares Children

Sarah, Goon Squad Sarah — Thu, 03 May 2007 22:01:00 GMT

It's alright, Ma. He's only singing.

In one of the funniest articles I've read in a long time (and that says a lot, since I work with the Strollerderby people) I saw that Bob Dylan was creeping out the kids at his grandchildren's school just by treating them to a show - for free.

Now, I have seen Bob Dylan live. I know the tickets were far from cheap. I don't remember exactly what we paid, but I'm thinking it was close to $100 a pop. it was an amazing show, I was star-struck and the guitar work was phenomenal. That being said - I guess it was a little alarming.

I kind of don't blame the kids for telling their parents about the weird guy that played scary songs on his guitar. Maybe they can get him to come back for Halloween.

Grandparents: Love 'Em or Not, They're Part of Your (and Your Children's) Life

Karen Murphy — Wed, 21 Mar 2007 19:57:00 GMT

Today is my mom's birthday (hi mom!). She's in her 70's now, which plants her firmly into Grandma territory, not that she sees her grandchildren much because we live on opposite coasts. Sure, there are annual-or-so visits, but it's not the same. I never had close extended family while growing up either, so this doesn't seem all that strange to me, but I know that my children would like to see more of their grandma and to get to know her. I have friends who have almost the opposite problem, having parents or in-laws who live in their neighborhood or just across town, but for some reason I don't hear them complaining a lot. I think it's great for children to grow up knowing people of different generations.

We had that, for awhile. For several months last year while we were in Colorado, my dad was 20 minutes away. He came over every Saturday night and had dinner with us, staying into the wee hours. Once he played a game of chess with Nathaniel (if you knew my dad you would know what a huge thing that was), and he duly admired the children's drawings and various antics. It was great, and everyone looked forward to our Saturday nights (and even helped with the weekly cleaning beforehand!). I want more of that, but right now I can't have it.

What about you? Do your children have a close relationship with their grandparents? What's it like? Would you like any aspects to change (are they too close, for instance)?