Strollerderby : grandfather

Father's Day Book Pick: Buy Grandpa Time

JeanneSager — Mon, 25 May 2009 15:33:00 GMT

I've always been a fan of kids books for adults on holidays - especially grandparents who can very well buy themselves everything they've ever wanted . . . except time with the grandkids.

Just in time for Father's Day, Kristy Dempsey's Me With You offers grandpas plenty of time to cuddle on the couch with their favorite little munchkin.

A grandcub finds she's comfy just being herself with grandpa bear leading the way, in a story that's filled with gorgeous illustrations and the types of things grandfathers and grandkids do best (picking flowers, playing baseball, you name it . . .). Celebrating the special relationship between grandpas and grandkids, Me With You solves the bigger question - is there anything I can get him for Father's Day that he'll actually use?

How about time with his grandkids?

It's time they'll be looking back on when they paw through his shelves in twenty years so you can read it to their kids.

Though it's technically the tale of a girl cub, the story doesn't have a clear gender and some of the pictures are gender-neutral, which allows the book to find a wider audience. The simple rhymes put this at the earlier end of the four-to-eight age group recommended by publisher Penguin, but kids who enjoy snuggling up to grandpa will overlook the story and just enjoy the ride.

Check out the "video trailer" for the book and get it from Amazon!

Image: Amazon

Twenty-Year-Old Kidnapping Solved

Kate Tuttle — Thu, 05 Feb 2009 16:59:00 GMT

A California judge will decide today whether Marvin Maple, now known as John Bunting, will be sent back to Tennessee to face kidnapping charges for taking two of his grandchildren from their parents back in 1989. Maple and his late wife had been caring for two of their daughter Debbie's kids while her husband was pursuing a divinity degree out of state. They had sought custody of the children -- at the time, ages seven and eight -- alleging abuse by the parents. When a court found no evidence of abuse, the grandparents took the children and fled, moving to California and renaming the children (formerly Bobby and Christie) Jonathan and Jennifer Bunting.

Now in their twenties, Jennifer and Jonathan Bunting have not spoken to the press about their situation, but it's expected they will meet with their parents and two additional siblings at some point. It's not yet clear what kind of brainwashing Maple carried out when he removed the children from their parents, but it seems likely there was some.

The case, which had languished in the Rutherford County Sheriff's Office Cold Case Unit, was broken thanks to someone's affection for old, corny television shows. Late in December, a tipster who was watching an old episode of Unsolved Mysteries that mentioned the missing Baskin kids and reported seeing them in the San Diego area in around 2000. Detective Sgt. Dan Goodwin in Tennessee contacted newspapers in the San Diego area and asked them to run stories soliciting sightings and encouraging the public to contact Tennessee authorities. Eventually this led to a email from San Jose, where a neighbor of Maple's had seen the coverage and wanted to right a long-past wrong.

Back when the Baskin children were taken from their parents, there was a national hysteria over abuse, with dozens of false abuse charges -- many involving allegations of Satanic rituals -- clogging the courts. In addition, there was a growing movement of grandparents' rights, in which children were often used as a pawn in power struggles between two generations of adults with different ideas about how kids should be raised. Seen in this context, it's not that surprising that the Baskin case happened -- but it's a wonderful surprise that it was solved. It may take years and tons of counseling to help this family heal from what happened to it, but that process can now begin.

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Are These Grandparents Angry Over Gay Adoption?

JeanneSager — Thu, 29 Jan 2009 17:26:00 GMT

A set of grandparents - ages forty-six and fifty-nine - have been told they're too old to adopt their addict daughter's two kids. Outrageous, I know.

But as heartbreaking as the tale of grandparents torn from their grandchildren seems, the story of their plight in the Daily Mail is almost as bad.

Instead of breaking down the bizarre notion that forty-six is somehow too old to parent, the tabloid tells a tale of grandparents done wrong by a system that would allow a gay couple to adopt these people's grandkids.

Who cares?

To me, the real meat of the story are the strange rules for potential adoptive parents in the UK. Shannon reported recently on the 'derby about a couple denied adoption because the father-to-be was extremely overweight; prompting the question of whether the UK is more concerned with the potential of a parent's death than their ability to actually parent.

In this case, the little girl and little boy are five and four; their mother is a twenty-six-year-old heroin addict who has been ruled an unfit parent. The grandparents have been trying for two years to become the childrens' legal parents, stopping only recently when legal bills became too much to handle. They said they were told if they didn't agree to the adoption with the gay couple, they would likely never see the children again.

Evidence has shown that keeping children with relatives is often the best option; making adoption outside of the family the next best (not bad, necessarily, just not as good). So why not let the kids stay with their grandparents in Edinburgh?

The (admittedly biased) Daily Mail piece says this is all about age. Life expectancy for women in Scotland is seventy-nine. It's seventy-four for men. The grandfather is the elder - at fifty-nine. If he lives as long as the average Scottish man, he's still got fifteen years left on this earth - enough time to follow the youngest grandchild to the age of maturity. Grandma is the younger, she's got as good a chance as any woman to live another thirty-three years on this planet; she could see them not only graduate but get married and have kids.

They have health issues - Grandpa with angina, Grandma with diabetes. But those aren't being blamed for the decision to keep the kids from their grandparents; and, depending on the severity, would seem the more pressing issues.

Then there's the gay adoption issue. The article makes a big deal to point out that the grandparents are homophobic, but Grandpa talks about how awful it is that the kids won't have a mother figure and Grandma makes a point to say that the little girl is "wary of men." Ironic - because they're pushing for a heterosexual couple to adopt the kids, which, last time I checked, would include a man!

The article also makes reference to research that has supposedly shown children fare better with a mother AND a a father - research that has been contradicted by other research saying children of gay couples fare just as well - which brings us back to the crux of UK adoption policies. Are they pushing for two parents? Gay adoption is legal in the UK (fortunately), but are they being chosen not because they can best care for the kids but because there's two of them?

Image: Daily Mail

Desperately Seeking . . . Grandparents

JeanneSager — Sat, 17 Jan 2009 16:39:00 GMT

There's no question kids who have them love their grandparents - they spoil them rotten. But if your parents are gone, or might as well be, would you be willing to use the term "grandparent" loosely?

What about letting a perfect stranger stand in, just so your kids can have a grandparent?

A growing number of parents are doing just that. They're setting up personal ads; only instead of "SBF seeks SM for long walks on the beach, non-smoking, non-freaks" they're advertising for older folks who have been aching for a youngster to play with.

Matthew Gray, deputy director of the Australian Institute of Family Studies, says it's largely distance and family breakdowns keeping kids and grandparents apart, but also playing a major role are the parents who have put off babymaking. The older first-time parents are, the older their own parents are - leaving grandchild-hungry parents waiting, and sometimes leaving first-time parents without their own Mom and Dad when they're finally ready to start having children.

But parents are no less interested in exposing their kids to another generation, and those who live far away from their own parents still need the extra hand that a grandparent who is nearby is often willing to offer. Hence the advertising.

"I've got two small children now and my father lives away from us and my partner's mother is not very involved," Debbie Fitzsimmons told Australia's Daily Telegraph. "I grew up with two sets of grandparents which I benefited from big time."

Other parents say the process is equally beneficial to the surrogate grandparents; after all, being with the young is said to keep you young. For older folks who don't have family nearby, simply having a young family around to check up on them can go far in helping them maintain mental acuity and a connection with the outside world. In turn, the kids learn the importance of community and caring for our geriatric population - besides the stories of days gone by and the candies palmed when Mom isn't looking.

Would you consider adopting a grandparent or letting one adopt you so your kids can have that experience?

Image: AwardPHP

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Grandpa Hires Hitman So He Can Visit Granddaughter

JeanneSager — Wed, 14 Jan 2009 21:45:00 GMT

How can you say no to a Grandpa who just wants to see his little granddaughter? When he's the type of guy who'd hire a hitman to rough you up for it, I'd say you have some pretty good grounds.

David Ward of Pacific, Missouri, has been accused of hiring a hitman to beat up his daughter, providing him with the woman's address and pictures so he could identify her in a crowd.

Ward told police he didn't want his daughter dead. He just wanted to see his granddaughter. Police say Ward was charged four years ago for assaulting the daughter - likely the reason she severed ties between child and Grandpa.

The details out on this story make it pretty clear Ward's daughter made the right move in cutting Dad out of the picture. But most of us have parents who drive us up the wall (and don't hire hitmen) - have you ever considered cutting them out of your child's life?

They're flesh and blood, but they're also not parents, so they don't have the rights that we do. Still, I watch my daughter running around with her grandparents, and she is absolutely idolized. Grandparents usually offer a different kind of love - because they don't have to do the discipline and clean-up later. Grandparents often do a better job with their grandkids than they did with their own kids too, either because they're older and more experienced or simply have the luxury of not worrying about the parenting aspect of it all.

Then again, grandparents spoil kids and send them home. They let them eat lollipops at nine p.m., and three nights later, our kids are throwing a tantrum because we say "no lollipops." They let our kids jump on the bed even though they would have tanned our (metaphorical) hides if we'd even glanced at the bed. They tell us how to parent, and they "tut, tut" when we don't follow up.

Sometimes, our parents aren't the best people for us to have around. Sometimes we just suck it up for our kids (so they can grow up, have kids, and we can be the pains in the ass later).

Image: DailyMail

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Hero Grandfather Saves Baby, Now In Critical Condition

Kate Tuttle — Thu, 04 Dec 2008 22:33:00 GMT

A retired Colorado firefighter made an instinctive move of self-sacrifice to save his newborn granddaughter last week; now he's battling back from a horrible array of injuries. Jim Lewin, a 29-year veteran of the Los Angeles County fire department, was walking with his family in Littleton, CO, last Friday night when an out-of-control truck came speeding toward them. As the truck approached, Lewin shoved the stroller holding his 12-day-old grandchild out of the way, seconds before being struck and dragged 75 feet by the truck.

Lewin's injuries include fractures to several ribs, wrist, nose, and other facial bones; a bruised lung; and a severed artery in his neck, which has caused several strokes. He's currently sedated and breathing with a ventilator, but the family reports that he has responded when he hears familiar voices.

I think we all wonder what kind of superhuman strength or courage we could muster when needed, and most of us hope we'd be able to do whatever was necessary to protect our children. Thankfully few of us will be faced with such a test, but Lewin was, and I can only hope he'll recover to enjoy more years with his family.

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How To Tell Your Kids that Mommy is a Love Child

Hannah Tennant-Moore — Tue, 01 Jul 2008 21:43:00 GMT

How do you explain to your children that they won’t be meeting Grandpa since Mommy is the love child that resulted from a few too many Jagermeister shots one Saturday night in college?

Slate’s Dear Prudence column recently tackled a (slightly more tasteful) variation of this question. “Dadless Mom” wrote in wondering how to respond to her five-year-old’s question, “Who’s your dad?” She was wary of giving her son more information than he could handle, but at the same time she wanted to avoid creating the same aura of secrecy that surrounded her own quandaries about her father when she was a little girl.

Prudence masterfully answered this question with a gentle, “What’s the big deal?” With the wisdom of distance--and of a marketable knack for offering good advice--Prudence suggested that the child’s query is probably not nearly as loaded as “Dadless Mom” seems to believe. He’s probably just curious, and requires only a quick, but truthful, response.

In other words, if you’re relaxed about the fatherhood question—and other sticky subjects—chances are, your kids will be, too.

Photo: canada.com

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