Strollerderby : gross

Eating Your Baby's Placenta

Cole Gamble — Thu, 28 May 2009 17:00:00 GMT

Placentophagia is term for eating of the placenta, and you know if there's a name for it, it's a real deal. Animals, of course, do it al the time. Anyone whose cat had kitten can attest. Humans also engage in the pratice all over the world because it's said to stem postpartum depression and help to contract the uterus after the birth. Chrissy Schilling over at Momlogic details her own placenta feast with twin sister Kathy. From her post:

"The placenta is such an amazing organ in all its done for my baby that it didn't seem right to simply throw it away. My thought was "being the only organ that the human body makes that naturally exits the body, why not take advantage of it?"

Chrissy and Kathy got more than just one meal out of the six pound placenta. They served it over noodles and made sandwiches.

Chrissy even found the experience cathartic:

"By taking it in again, it was symbolic for me as a way to truly say "good-bye" to my 9-month pregnancy and "hello" to an exciting (albeit challenging) new chapter in my life.

See? Delicious, nutricious and life affirming. It's good to eat stuff that comes out of your body. Except poop. So, can I fix you up a nice egg and placenta scramble?

Photo: Kathy Schilling

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Giant Gummy Bear On A Stick

Brett Singer — Mon, 18 May 2009 18:00:00 GMT

Babble's Food Week has passed but I couldn't resist this one.

It is indeed a "Giant Gummy Bear ... on a Stick. Nearly 90 times larger than a standard gummy bear." 88 times larger, to be precise. Which means that each Giant Gummy Bear is the same as 88 regular gummy bears. Which is a lot of candy. Available in blue, green, orange or red.

Now I love candy. But looking at this photo makes me a little sick to my stomach. That's an enormous pile of corn syrup and carnuba wax. (The folks at Vat 19 posted this information after people requested it. Because you need to know if the giant Gummy Bear on a Stick is healthy or not.) I think this might even make my kids gag, although I'm not sure. One of them is currently eating Ring Pops, which are pretty vile. But they aren't anywhere near this large.

Luckily the company seems to have a sense of humor about their gummy endeavors. Here's a video promoting the product:

Would you eat this? Or let your kids eat it?

Source: Vat 19

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Skip The Cereal, Buy The Marshmallows

Brett Singer — Mon, 27 Apr 2009 13:45:00 GMT

When I was younger I had a strange dream. I had a job as an idea man at a cereal company. My big idea was to put raisins in everything. Raisin Corn Flakes. Raisin Rice Krispies. Raisin Froot Loops. Everyone at the company loved it. I was a big success.

That never happened, of course. Part of the reason is that anyone can put raisins into their cereal whenever they want to. But what about the marshmallows? Not real marshmallows, those don't hold up as well under a barrage of milk. I mean "marshmallows", the kind found in Lucky Charms. (Mmmm... Lucky Charms... OK, I'm back.) What if you want to put them on your oat bran?

Well -- if I may slip into announcer mode for a moment here -- now you can! Thanks to CerealMarshmallows.com!

Here is what the sellers of this product have to say about it (punctuation and capitalization errors left intact):

"Cereal Marshmallows are great tasting Marshmallows Comparable to the leading cereal with marshmallows, But this is 100% Marshmallows only, Give your cereal a great taste and when add them to regular oat bran or wheat bran cereal, They make it taste great and it's a great way to get kids (or adults) to enjoy eating healthier cereal."

It's a little bit like The Sneaky Chef, except that you are putting sweetness onto healthy food instead of the other way around.

My main reservation isn't the idea of putting a sugary substance onto something healthy. I put brown sugar on my oatmeal almost every morning. It's the fact that there are no ingredidents listed on the website. And that you order via PayPal. The possibility exists that some lunatic is simply buying Lucky Charms and pulling the marshmallows out of the box, throwing them in a bag and selling them to you. Which would be gross.

Other than that, you know. Great idea. Sure.

Would you buy these for your kids? Or, you know, for yourself?

Source: Buzzfeed

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Hot Dogs With Spaghetti Inside - What's NOT For Dinner

Brett Singer — Thu, 23 Apr 2009 20:30:00 GMT

So, like, ew.

BoingBoing links to a page on LiveJournal (I can't tell you the site name because it appears to be in Russian or another language that I don't recognize) that shows a new way to cook hot dogs.

You stick dry spaghetti in them and then cook.

The result looks like something that might be served at a Nathan's on the Island of Dr. Moreau.

BoingBoing quotes "DrO" as saying that stuffing the dogs with noodles creates "amusing culinary constructs that kids seem to love."

I think this would gross my kids out. They aren't big frankfurter fans to begin with, and I don't think making the weenies look like they have worms inside would increase their appeal.

Do you think your kids would eat this?

Source: LiveJournal via BoingBoing

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Everyone Poops: The Movie?

JeanneSager — Thu, 09 Apr 2009 13:29:00 GMT

I know I'm not the only parent out there who salivated over the pictures and trailers for Where the Wild Things Are. But is Spike Jonze already at work on a new children's book to movie adaptation?

A potty training classic no less: Taro Gomi's Everyone Poops. Is America ready for elephants making big poops and mice making tiny poops on-screen?

Blessedly, no. Not even our "the grosser the better" culture will be doling out $10 a ticket for a two-hour look at Everyone Poops. But the picture book that has convinced a generation of toddlers that they need to get the poop out gets a hilarious send-up in a new spoof of the Where the Wild Things trailer.

Not since Trainspotting have I taken a look at a toilet in such detail.

Don't tell me that whining mom at the beginning doesn't ring some bells. Aren't you glad this is a fake?

Image: Amazon

Does Your Family Follow the Five Second Rule?

JeanneSager — Wed, 25 Feb 2009 21:22:00 GMT

I am not that parent. The one who starts shrieking when her daughter picks a piece of banana off the floor and shoves it in her mouth.

We are firmly in the five second rule camp, helped along by Amy's recent reassurance that a little dirt never hurt anyone.

Oh hush. While you're screwing up your nose in disgust, I've got news for you - I'm not alone. A survey performed by Kelton Research for Oreck (folks I'm not embarrassed to admit I'm not too familiar with) showed sixty percent of Americans eat right off the floor, following the three-second rule. I would have put that number a lot higher myself.

Maybe it was their terminology - really, have you ever heard of the three-second rule? Me neither. A 2003 survey by a University of Illinois grad student granted an extra two seconds of leeway, and rustled up ten percent more grubby Americans for a whopping seventy percent of us eating off the floor. Yum!

Of course Oreck threw this little thing together to sell more vacuums; the way they see it, if we're going to eat off the floor anyway, it might as well be clean. And did they mention their handy dandy new germ-killing product? This isn't a review - I haven't tested the thing (see above), so I can't tell you how clean it makes your floors.

I can tell you their scary numbers don't really change anything. Bacteria schmacteria. I'm hard-pressed to see how letting my daughter pick her cereal up off the floor and eat it is any worse than her drinking her own bath water (ewww, I know, we're working on that one). I find it even harder to believe that any parent out there is able to watch their kids SO carefully that they NEVER eat anything off of the floor. So go check out their ick factor if you're interested. Or would you prefer to stay in my camp for the next five seconds or so?

Image: OnNetworks

VIDEO: I Kissed a Pig (And I Liked It)

Brett Singer — Sun, 18 Jan 2009 19:00:00 GMT

This kid really likes that pig. That's some kiss.

I feel a song coming on…

I kissed a pig / And I liked it! / Tasted just like / a B L T
I kissed a pig / And I liked it! / Hope my friends don't / make fun of me…

UPDATE:

Actually, here's the song, along with a video:

I think it's gonna be a big, big hit.

The follow-up shows what might happen if they grow up, get married, and have children of their own.

I think that’s still illegal in most states, however. But now that a Democrat will be President, it'll be Sodom and Gomorrah before we know it. So perhaps there is hope for the happy couple.

On a semi-serious note, this is kind of gross but I think all kids do it. Not quite to this extent, however. I can't imagine either of my children getting to first base with a barnyard animal, even when they were babies. Then again, we're Jewish, and while we're not Kosher, we do tend to avoid pork. Then again, a little bacon never hurt anyone…

Source: Buzzfeed

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What Won't Men Do With a Diaper?

JeanneSager — Wed, 15 Oct 2008 16:31:00 GMT

I'm beginning to wonder if some men just have a diaper fetish.

First it was the guy stealing dirty diapers off porches in upstate New York. Now a Ukranian boxing champ is extolling the use of his son's wet diapers to reduce swelling in his fists.

"Baby wee is good because it's pure, doesn't contain toxins and doesn't smell," Vitali Klitschko told a German newspaper this week. "The nappies hold the liquid and the swelling stays down."

Apparently he's had one knock too many on the noggin.

Let me poke a little at his bubble. I'll do it carefully; I don't need to be "wee'd" on. See, babies are little humans. In other words, he's wrapping his hands in human waste. Doesn't sound quite as nice as baby wee, but what the hey.

Oh, and about those toxins. Apparently he doesn't keep up with the 'Derby. Because Amy gave us the lowdown months ago on all the toxic nasties that have been popping up in baby piss tests of late - think that unpronouncable hot parenting word, phthalates. Considering he got the idea from his Grandma, I guess we can excuse that part. Granny wasn't worrying about phthalates or BPA when she plopped her kids in their lead-painted crib.

Remind me not to shake hands with any boxers from the Ukraine.

Image: DiaperReview

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The unhealthiest food ever

Brett Singer — Thu, 02 Oct 2008 21:30:00 GMT

Are you ready to be nauseous?

This item – canned pork brains in milk gravy – has a whopping 3500mg of cholesterol. That's 1170% of the U.S. recommended daily allowance. OVER ONE THOUSAND PERCENT.

For comparisons sake, let's look at some other cholesterol-laden foodstuffs:

McDonald's Breakfast Items

Sausage Burrito and orange juice: 130 mg, or 43% of the U.S.R.D.A.
Egg McMuffin and orange juice: 260 mg, or 87% of the U.S.R.D.A. (that damn orange juice! It'll getcha every time.)

The poster who put the pork brains label up on digg calls it "Instant Heart Attack." I got chest pains just reading it.

Source: Digg

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Nasty Surprise in McDonalds Burger

Brett Singer — Tue, 02 Sep 2008 14:00:00 GMT

Call it a Not So Happy Meal. Or a Crappy Meal. Or… oh, whatever.

A woman went to the McDonald's drive-thru and ordered a bunch of Happy Meals for her kids. When one of them bit into her cheeseburger, she got a little surprise:

In this picture, you can see the two pieces against a white piece of paper. The little yellowish spot toward the top is the cheese that was on it when my daughter pulled it out of her mouth (yak, yak). This was in her cheeseburger! She could have choked. She could have broke her braces on this. If it had been one of my younger kids, they could have easily choked. How the heck does something like this get ON the cheeseburger? I don't even know what this is. It is smooth on one side and rough on the other.

I haven't eaten at McDonald's since reading "Fast Food Nation." While I agree that the politics of beef and the way that fast food companies do business are often despicable, the most nauseating passages in the book describe how the food is handled. Obviously, something that shouldn't be there could get into any food that you didn't make yourself; I know someone who found a spider in a container of applesauce and received 10 cases of the stuff from the manufacturer. But Mickey D's food is pretty vile, so its probably better to just avoid it altogether (although the fries are really tasty; those I miss a little bit.) As one commenter on the site says, "There are many good reasons to keep away from McDonalds; this is just one of them." So: stay away for the health reasons; stay FAR away for the little "surprises" in your burger.

Image/Source: stepfamilysanctuary.com

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Yucky The Snowman

Brett Singer — Tue, 04 Mar 2008 20:30:00 GMT

This article might make you think twice the next time your kids stick out their tounges to catch snowflakes. According to a study released in the journal Science, the main thing that causes snow to stick together and be, like, snowy, is... bacteria.

One scientist says that sometimes over 85 percent of the "ice nuclei" in snow is bacteria, usually Pseudomonas syringae (say that ten times fast), which can "cause disease in several types of plants including tomatoes and beans."

It doesn't sound like there's any immediate danger. Mostly it's just kind of, you know, gross. But if you consider that most kids eat dirt, sand, and things from the floor that skirt the 5-second rule by several minutes, odds are they'll be fine. (In case you were wondering, this does not qualify as medical advice.) Still, I think I'm glad winter's almost over.

image: Snowman Clipart, and my very own kindergarten-level drawing skills

Come Again? Orgasmic Childbirth?

Kelly Mills — Tue, 01 Jan 2008 16:23:00 GMT

It would be criminal not to report on this one: Jezebel had this bit on women who have orgasms during childbirth. Yes, that would be an orgasm during childbirth.

Yep.

Now, I've had a few days to absorb this one so my reaction has been tempered by time. Why, I was even able to click on the link and read the stories, something I could not make myself do for like, four days. And now that I've mellowed a little, I'll say I understand the connection between pain and sex (though in my experience, childbirth pain was a completely different kind of praying-for-death pain) and I would not want anyone to feel ashamed of a surprise O, so that's what I've got on the positive side.

But that does NOT mean I want to hear the details of the birthing orgasm, because I'd actually like to have sex again, thanks. No more of this: "A woman in California was giving birth at home in a portable birth tub and feeling very sexy and loving with her partner. Each time she had a contraction she would cry out, 'Oh, baby, I love it. More...more!' Her windows were open because it was July, and soon a crowd gathered outside her home. When the baby was born amidst shouts of 'Yes!!! Yes!!! Oh, my God, yes!!!' her neighbors gave her a great round of applause. They only realized that it was a birth after they heard the cries of a baby."

Yeah, that was one of the tame ones. And there's a couple more reasons I don't wanna hear about it. The stories skeeved me out in a big way. I do not ever want to know about anyone's oiled vagina sexy baby coming. Bleugh. And because while birth might have been goody-goody sweaty Goddess primal power for a few of you, I'd rather be waterboarded than do childbirth again. The fact that some people orgasm is maybe proof the universe hates me so much, because, um, not me, AT ALL. Should I ever make the mistake of allowing myself to get into that mess for a second time, I'll have them hook me up to a non-stop epidural at the first Braxton-Hicks. Oh, and if you made a spectrum of how childbirth felt, my experience would be over here, 'bearable' would be somewhere near Mars, and 'orgasmic' would be in a galaxy so far away Captain Kirk hasn't even dreamed about the hot alien chicks who live there yet.

"Honey, on the day you were born, I had the most amazing orgasm." "Could you please shoot me now, mom?"

No thank you. If you O'd, you've got company. Great. But no more TMI.

Cell Phones Are Dirty! Ew!

Karen Murphy — Tue, 03 Jul 2007 19:55:00 GMT

OMG! Cell phones, you know, those things we give our kids to play with whenever they demand them (at least in my house...my three-year-old routinely dials up all sorts of people and then holds imaginary conversations with them)? They're...dirty! Ew! Yep, completely germ-ridden!

Apparently wiping it off on the leg of my jeans isn't doing much to disinfect my phone. (What?? Doesn't everyone do that?)

But yeah, apparently your phone may be rife with Candida albicans, or maybe the bacteria that causes...acne. So, ew. Wipe it down a bit before you give it to your baby to suck on. And maybe after, too. Whatever.

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