Strollerderby : grown children

When, If Ever, Will You Expect Your Kids to Split the Bill?

Hannah Tennant-Moore — Thu, 19 Feb 2009 15:30:00 GMT

Now that we’re beyond the days when children had financial value as farm helpers, it’s generally accepted that parents have a responsibility to fully support their children until they are at least 18 (octo-mom notwithstanding). But what happens after children move out and join the workforce varies widely from family to family.

Barring the instance in which the son or daughter ends up being far more financially secure than his or her parents, there inevitably comes a point in every parent’s life when going out to dinner or a movie with your children raises the question, “Who will pay?” Parents’ responses to this question run the gamut from an absolute refusal to ever accept money from their kids to an absolute refusal to ever pay for their grown children.

My own parents are both on the generous end of the spectrum, picking up the tab for all of our leisure activities without a second thought. I’ve always appreciated this unquestioning generosity, not only because it means I get a free meal or movie (though that’s a pretty nice part of the deal), but because it creates a relaxed environment of good will whenever I spend time with my parents. I know that there will be no discussions about money, as there are when I go out with friends or other relatives. I simply trust my parents to choose activities within their means. Because I appreciate this arrangement so much, I plan (or hope!) to do the same for my kids, even after they are financially independent.

On the other hand, I have several friends who would never dream of letting their parents pick up the tab. Ever since they joined the working world, their parents have expected them to chip in, and they have been glad to do so, enjoying both the sense of independence from and generosity toward their parents that this arrangement affords them.

Interestingly, all of the people I know who split the bill with their parents are men. This may be simply a coincidence or it could indicate that there’s a gendered aspect to being comfortable with accepting money from one’s parents.

What financial arrangements do you have with your parents? Do you plan to ask your kids to split the bill once they are grown up?

Photo: Monica Buck/Shine

Is One Dollar a Week a Reasonable Allowance?

Grown Kids Try Forcing Dad To Divorce Second Wife In Court

Brett Singer — Tue, 18 Nov 2008 18:00:00 GMT

The death of a parent can be tough on the kids. So can second marriages. But usually when we talk about things being "tough on the kids", those kids are, you know. Kids.

This case in Dallas, Texas is a little bit different.

The dad, Claude Thomas, kept his marriage to Susana Martinez Ramirez a secret for a while. Like a couple of years. Why did he do that? Maybe because he thought his children would be concerned about the difference in their ages: Thomas is now 87, Ramirez is 45.

But hey, if he's happy, what's the problem? As usual, it comes down to money. According to Thomas' children from his first marriage (there are no children from the second marriage mentioned, and they would be too young to sue if there were), "their father's estate was valued at as much as $1.5 million. It's now estimated at $165,000, according to court documents."

It's possible that the elder Mr. Thomas is not "capable of making his own decisions." The article says that he, "early signs of dementia, but he appears to know what's happening around him. He's said in court that he wants no guardian – he's happy with his wife and her spending habits. And he has disputed testimony that portrays his wife as a villain."

The details are soap opera worthy. Ms. Ramirez "pushed the tea cart" at a local restaurant, and became close with Claude Thomas and his now-deceased first wife, Geneva Thomas. Some are claiming that the first Mrs. Thomas asked Ms. Ramirez to take her place when she died; the children say that's not true. To make matters even more complicated, Thomas works with his kids at a family business he started.

I'm conflicted about this one. Whose money is it, anyway? If the old man wants to let his young wife spend it all, do his children have the right to stop him? Is an inheritance a right? If Thomas is found to be mentally incapacitated, that's different, at least legally (I think). If not, I think the new wife can do whatever she wants to. The family business part makes this legally more complex (again – I think). But the main issue of inheritance and what happens to it when there's a second marriage is something we can expect to see more of, according to Terry Hammond, executive director of the National Guardianship Association. "It's a case indicative of where we are as a society…accumulated financial wealth is a target. And the exploitation and love, or the appearance of love, is one of the first ways to an elderly person's heart." I'm sure that's true. But is it always the case? Is this particular situation Harold and Maude, Woody Allen and Soon Yi (I know, ew, but I don't think she's after his money), Michael Douglas and Catherine Zeta-Jones? Or is it Anna Nicole Smith and James Howard Marshall II, Paul McCartney and Heather Mills?

Source: Dallas Morning News

Image: funatiq

Do You Take Your Baby Bar Hopping?

Smokers No Longer Allowed Foster Children

Incredibly Good Homemade Halloween Costumes

About Ann Nixon Cooper

109 Year Old Daughter Of Slave Votes For Obama

The Candy That Time Forgot

The Obamas Are a Great First Family

Woman Swings Crowbar At Trick Or Treaters

A Dispatch from the Other Side

Amy Kuras — Thu, 30 Oct 2008 16:32:00 GMT

When you’re right in the thick of this parenting small kids thing, it’s easy to think it will never end, that you’ll always be busy, stressed, wiping noses and butts and rarely having a moment when someone doesn’t need you right this second.

But really, this slice of life is very small in the grand scheme of things. For some reason Halloween is triggering that for me, remembering how last year I was beginning to get very obviously pregnant and my daughter was enthusiastically embracing Halloween for the first time. Looking at my sweet pudgy baby son who fits so snugly into the crook of my arm, I realize it seems like just a few months ago his sister, who’s now so tall I can hardly carry her, spent most of her days carted around like this too. And I know sooner than I like to think, they’ll be doing God knows what at grownup Halloween parties and hopefully will remember to call me on Sundays.

This column from the Boston Globe really brought it home for me – in it, a mother of grown kids tells how the friends she made when she was raising her children have stuck together through the years. It started with a dinner to console and commiserate with each other the year the kids left for college, and is still going strong now, 13 years later. Some of those grown children join them now, as do grandchildren.

It reminded me that someday this will all be over – and that someday is coming much sooner than I think.