Would You Keep the Death of a Pet from Your Child?

KeriF — Wed, 21 Jan 2009 17:34:00 GMT

Last year for Hanukkah, my then 6-year-old niece received two parakeets from her nanny, Marina. Who, incidentally, had neglected to mention the live animal gift to my sister. After some behind the scenes negotiating, it was agreed that the birds would live in the nanny's apartment and my niece, Erika, could visit Blueberry and Lemon whenever she liked.

This worked out fine for 6 months or so, until the birds, in rapid succession, died.

Marina couldn't bring herself to tell Erika. She told Erika the birds were at the vet and would be home soon. This went on for well over a week. Marina wanted to secretly replace the birds with doppelgangers. My sister got increasingly frustrated, and finally told Marina if she didn't tell Erika my sister would tell her herself. Which is what ended up happening. Erika was distraught.

I don't blame Marina for being so hesitant to break Erika's heart. No one wants to deliberately make a child cry, which is what you're basically doing when you tell him or her that a pet has died.

But it's a lesson that has to be learned. Hopefully, the closest most kids will come to death is through a pet rather than a relative.

My kids are still a bit young for this; at 3 and 4 they've experienced plenty of death through the waters of their fish tank. But rather than cry, they argue over who gets to flush the little guy down the toilet.

Christy Oglesby writes of the death of her son's beloved guinea pig on CNN. Her concern wasn't with how much grief her son would feel, it was with when he would feel that grief: during three important tests at school. She was able to keep the pet's death a secret through some very careful manipulation (unexplained power outage in the boy's room, unexpected tv-watching at night), and when she did tell her third-grade son two days after the fact, he thanked her for holding off on the news.

I've written before of how much I hate lying to my kids, but I'm not sure where this fits in. Isn't omission of fact just as much of a lie as omission of truth? Our kids need to learn of life and death, but when? Erika still cries over the untimely death of Marina's dog, Chavi, last summer, while my 4-year-old son Declan simply speaks of it matter-of-factly. Neither of them batted an eye when their great-great-Uncle Bob died around the same time.

Perhaps it's just what's familiar to the kids, who and what they see every day that hold the closest place in their hearts.

Have you had to break the news of a pet or loved one to your kids? How did you handle it? How did they?

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Gay Guinea Pigs Wed in New Children's Book

Erin White — Thu, 22 May 2008 21:01:00 GMT

Well it's been a week since gay marriage became legal in California, and since it might become illegal again in a few short months, wedding bells are going to start ringing 24/7 in the Golden State come June 16. My guess is that many of you (even those who aren't personal friends of Ellen and Portia) will be attending a hitching or two this summer and might be looking for a way to talk about the event with your kids.

Have I got a book for you.

Uncle Bobby's Wedding tells the story of a gay guinea pig couple and their little guinea pig niece, Chloe. The beauty of the tale is that it isn't about gay marriage. It is about the way Chloe feels about her favorite uncle getting married. She doesn't give a flying celery stalk about the fact that Bobby's bethrothed is a boy, she's just worried about how the marriage is going to affect her. This is a sweetly illustrated, well-written book that tells an actual story involving gay characters. What a concept.

So here's my question: If the only gay people you know are the ones who live on planet Showtime but your kid looooves any and all things that pertain to weddings in particular and fanciness in general, would you buy this book for him or her? Do tell.

Strollerderby : guinea pigs

Would You Keep the Death of a Pet from Your Child?

Gay Guinea Pigs Wed in New Children's Book