Strollerderby : heterosexual

Mrs. And Mrs. DeGeneres, and a male perspective on the name game

Brett Singer — Thu, 03 Jul 2008 15:00:00 GMT

You won't have Portia De Rossi to kick around anymore – well, you will (although why you would want to kick her, I have no idea), but she'll have a new name. According to the Daily News, Portia will take DeGeneres' last name when they officially tie the knot. (I guess that clears up any question about who the "man" in that relationship is, right?)

I do wonder how a gay couple makes this decision. Ellen definitely makes more money, and she is older. She also never wears dresses. OK, maybe in their case it wasn't that difficult. I'll be curious if other gay couples make name-changes as they (hopefully) continue to get legally hitched. (If this issue has come up for any readers, let us know in the comments.)

Interestingly, many women in heterosexual marriages don't change their names, at least judging from the reactions to Adrienne's recent post on the subject. Of course, some women did make the switch, for various reasons: "I didn't have any special attachment to my original name", "I didn't want to change my name, but my husband really wanted me to" are two of the comments.

The subject of names didn't come up when I got married, but it's clearly an issue. I know I wouldn't want to change my name, and I'm not sure how I would have felt about it if my wife had wanted to "keep her name" (a phrase I think sounds odd, although I admit that I don't have a better one – yet). I'm not a fan of the hyphen-name, mostly because usually it's only the mother who uses it; the husband and children use the man's name. If everyone in the family went hyphen, I think that would be different. One consideration that rarely gets discussed is what a woman has to do in order to change her name; if my wife's experience is any guide, it can be a lot of work.

So guys, if your wife-to-be doesn't want to "take your name" when she takes your hand in marriage, try this:

"Grrr! Ugg want you change name! Make Ugg feel manly! Now get Ugg dinner!"

Yeah, that'll work.

image: Daily News

Man dresses up as a woman to marry a man

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Man dresses up as a woman to marry a man

Brett Singer — Wed, 25 Jun 2008 13:00:00 GMT

So two people get married. A man and a woman. Or so the clerk thought.

Turns out "Justine" was really "Justin." Specifically Justin L. McCain, an 18-year-old who wanted to marry Antonio E. Blount, his 31-year-old boyfriend. One reason they were able to pull it off was because of a "design quirk" in the Virginia driver's licenses – the "M" or "F" in the "gender" area is obscured by the state seal. One wonders why no one seemed to notice that the name on the license was "Justin" rather than "Justine". Newport News Court clerk Rex Davis said that, "When things are rolling along and you don't have any reason to suspect that somebody is not being completely forthright with you, you might not take the time to check." Gee, and I thought New York City was a busy place. Davis issued the happy couple a marriage license, and then they went to Richmond to get hitched. Which they did.

The story makes it sound like the ruse might not have been discovered at all if McCain hadn't come back to Newport News to apply for a name change. Our busy clerk Rex Davis became suspicious when he saw the name, which was – get this -- Penelopsky Aaryonna Goldberry, which blogger Christian Hall points out is "pretty much the best name ever." I mean, where the hell do you come up with that one?

The marriage is illegal in the state of Virginia because, well, they're both dudes. Or rather, they're both "legally" dudes. The article quotes attorney Cole Thaler from the group Lambda Legal as saying that, "it's not deceptive for a transgender person who lives their life as a gender different from the gender they were assigned." In fact, "You could have a driver's license in New York state that says you're a male and have a birth certificate from New York City that says you're female," says Paisley Currah of the Transgender Law and Policy Institute.

According to the article, most states (the exceptions being Tennessee, Ohio and Idaho) "typically change one's gender on their birth certificate following gender reassignment surgery." What's not clear is whether or not Justin/Justine/Penelopsky has had surgery or not.

Now prosecutors have to decide whether or not to bring charges against the two lovebirds. Of course, if we would just LET GAY PEOPLE GET MARRIED THIS WOULD NOT BE AN ISSUE. Ahem.

And just for yucks, here's the video for Aerosmith's Dude (Looks Like A Lady).

image: worth1000.com

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And Now - The Gay Brain

Brett Singer — Tue, 17 Jun 2008 18:10:00 GMT

First it was the gay gene (and it wasn't Bugle Boy! Apologies to Bill Maher whom I stole that joke from.) Now the powers that be have decided that there is a gay brain. Scientists studied the sizes of the left and right brains of 90 people, and found that, "Gay men and heterosexual women had halves of a similar size, while the right side was bigger in lesbian women and heterosexual men." So gay men have brain halves like straight women, and gay women have brain halves like straight men. Got that? This will be on the test.

This isn't the first attempt to "prove" that gayness is born, not made. There was the gay gene (see above), and then the theory that what happens in the womb could affect male sexuality. According to the BBC, "this is the first time…that scientists have used brain scanners" to attempt to determine the cognitive differences between gay people and us breeders.

In theory, this is a good discovery, since it helps put to rest the idea espoused by certain lunatics that homosexuality can be "cured." But it could help the loonies' cause too, couldn't it? Imagine if someone proposes a test be given to children at birth, or in utero. Then what? I know that sounds extreme but some people are, well, extreme (like this lady – don't click this link unless you want to get angry.) There's a part of me that wonders if sexual orientation is something we need to find a reason for.

image: The Situationist, and then messed with by me. * = Homosexualis Gaygaygayus is a term I just made up, obviously.

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Feminists Do It Better

Kelly Mills — Tue, 16 Oct 2007 20:32:00 GMT

Now here's a study I like: Two researchers found that feminists and their partners reported greater levels of relationship satisfaction, and that feminism may improve the quality of hetero relationships. Including "sexual satisfaction," heh heh. The study aimed to examine the stereotype that feminism and romance are in conflict with each other. Oh yeah, and they also demonstrated that "unflattering feminist stereotypes, that tend to stigmatize feminists as unattractive and sexually unappealing, are unsupported." That's right baby, we are hot hot hot! Just don't, um, objectify us.

Now, could this information be used to good advantage? Sure! We just need women's magazines to run stories like "How To Get a Stable Relationship (And Improve the Sex) In Five Easy Steps." "Step one: Read a little Betty Friedan while you get your mani-pedi. Step two: Rail about the glass ceiling and the old boys' network while you play footsies with him during dinner." And so on. Pretty soon we'll have free day care for everyone who needs it and incomes that are equal to our male counterparts' and mommy blogs will be taken seriously and not just by companies selling laundry detergent and... Yeah, I'm dreamin'.