Strollerderby : hip parenting

WWED? What Would Erma (Bombeck) Do?

Rachael Brownell (Redsy) — Mon, 26 Feb 2007 16:35:00 GMT

I'd like to imagine what Erma Bombeck would have said about the hipster parenting brouhaha. For the uninitiated, Erma Bombeck is the matriarch ruler of the mother-humor genre. Long before women who took to blogs were accused of being Handmaidens of Narcissus, there was Erma. She wrote from the late 40s until her death in the mid-90s. Her prize humor was clever without being angry, revolutionary but not self-consciously so. She was the heroine of the stay-at-homes and we sure could use her levity and wry wit these days.

While some of her jokes about football-watching husbands (are they still allowed to do that?) seem dated, her quips about having "fun" banging her head against the top bunk ring true, though today's mama would more likely joke about needing a morning vat of wine than self-flagellating with furniture.

So what do you think of hip parenting, Erma? I can just hear her laugh out loud and say "the only hip parenting I know about is midnight ice cream cake extravaganzas followed by stretchy polyester pants straining over hips wider than my husband's car."

The Parenting Conversation: Why Time Magazine Piece on "Hip Parents" Gets It Wrong

thezeroboss — Sun, 11 Feb 2007 12:09:00 GMT

I know that my fellow Derby-ers have already run roughshod over Time magazine's hit piece on Babble and so-called "hip parenting". Goddess knows that the damn "hip parenting" and "grup" memes perpetuated by monolithic media are wearing thin on my soul. I guess I'm too much of a narcissist to let the story go by without chipping in my own two cents.

Near the middle of his piece, author James Poniewozik states: "The Howl of this movement is Neal Pollack's new memoir Alternadad." That comment is so fallacious as to border on dishonesty. Is Poniewozik unaware that Pollack's book sparked something of a mini-riot among Babble's readers and editorial staff? Or is he aware of it, but fears that pointing it up will spoil his narrative about the hipper-than-thou parent?

In branding his piece "Too Cool for Pre-school," Poniewozik wants his readers to believe that all "hip parents" are cut from the same cloth. And that's the problem with that absurd label. Few of us are trying to be "hip." What we are is "offbeat". Nontraditional. Postmodern. We are urban parents. We are crunchy granola parents, attachment parenting parents, environmentalist parents. We are rock 'n roll parents. We are stay at home or work at home parents. We are gay, lesbian, bi and transgendered parents. We are nothing more or less than parents who, in some fashion, defy the traditional image of uptight cardigan-wearing Donna Reed clones who are perpetually alienated from modern culture.

And you wanna know something? We all - gasp! - like to talk to each other.

We enjoy sharing our experiences online. Why? Simple: because big media properties like Poniewozik's employer have ignored us for years. With the explosion of the Internet and the blogosphere, we found a way to bypass the sugary sweetness and commercial plasticity of crap publications like Parents magazine, and directly connect with one another. For the first time, we were part of the parenting conversation; we had an outlet; we were no longer marginalized.

Does that make parental blogging "about us," and not about our kids? Of course. But all narrative writing is about the author, and his or her unique window on the world. The same can be said about the work of David Sedaris. Or Augusten Burroughs. (And I would hope that the irony of Poniewozik writing an opinion piece dissing on other people's narcissism is not lost on him.)

Poniewozik is right on one score: some of the worst writing and blogging in this genre is so much navel-gazing. I've decried that trend myself. But therein lies the value of community. We all keep one another in check. The best parenting bloggers don't simply tell stories about their kids: like this recent posting by Dooce, they tell stories that serve as flash-points for conversation. And damn, do we conversate. We bicker; we debate; we call each other on our bullshit. We do more - much more - than marvel at the precious miracle of our little Boopsie's first steps. We debate hot-topic issues like cervical cancer vaccines for teens, whether vaccinations cause autism, sex education, the grief of parents with stillborn children, and the merits and demerits of the family bed. We share tips on how to save money, spend more time together, and be better parents in general.

Pollack's book was a noticeable flash-point in our recent history. But such debates happen on Babble and around the blogosphere every week, if not every day. And that's what gets lost in one-dimensional, buzzword-heavy pieces like the Time article. Offbeat parenting on the Internet isn't a monologue, as Poniewozik depicts it. It's a conversation - a conversation that bequeaths upon us an embarrassment of riches. Move over, Dr. Spock: we have more information about good parenting at our fingertips than our own parents ever hoped to possess.

Why so many in the mainstream news media are so het up about that is beyond me. Then again, people react in bizarre ways when you threaten their monopoly on dialogue.

"Hipster" - A Dirty Word Now and Then. But Why?

Alisyn — Sat, 10 Feb 2007 23:34:00 GMT

"Hipster."

It’s a dirty word. Especially when used to describe a parent. In fact, to some, the word “hipster” is synonymous with the word “douche bag.”

Originally, the term was coined in the 1940s, and used to refer to the jazz music subculture and those who identified with it. In the 1950s, its definition grew to include the Beat generation. In the 1960’s, “hipster” morphed into “hippie” and all that that encompassed. And in the 1990s, it morphed back to “hipster”, and was used to describe those whose interests were devoted to vintage fashion, and independent music and film.

Lately, “hipster” is being used in conjunction with “parent” - frequently. It’s being used to ridicule and dismiss those of us who have the gall to think that we have the right to maintain our disinterest in pop culture, and engage our sense of humor and independence, while raising our children.

And we are supposed to be offended by this.

Babble and Strollerderby, and those of us who are proud to be a part of it, have been garnering our fair share of (negative) press lately, for being a hipster parenting hangout. For being a place where parents can come to read about, and discuss topics that, before our generation, were considered taboo: sex after babies, how hard marriage and parenting really are, how kids can wreak havoc on your life, and how to maintain a happy self while being at the beck and call of a tiny person with huge needs. We’ve come under fire for passing our love of indie rock and art films down to our kids. We’ve been dissed for dressing our kids in black, and ourselves in Converse. We’ve been slammed for being foul-mouthed “grups”.

Again – this is supposed to offend us.

Throughout its existence in our common lexicon, the word “hipster” has been used in reference to the forward thinking, non-mainstream, counterculture of society: those whose beliefs are less traditional, and more enlightened; those who are less inclined to let popular culture dictate who, and what, they are supposed to be; those who refuse to succumb to a life that is thoughtless and thoroughly average. Its meaning, and usage, is no different today. It’s still a word that is supposed to be an insult - used with disdain and contempt by those who think that what is good enough for them, should be good enough for all of us - but is actually, quite the opposite. The original hipsters, those who brought the American counterculture into the mainstream, were people like Miles Davis, Andy Warhol, Martin Luther King, Jr., Angela Davis, Gloria Steinem and The Beatles.

Our heroes.

Our supposed counterparts - those “traditionalists” who believe that becoming a parent (especially a mother) means putting the kids’ needs before our own at any cost, and submitting to a life of self-sacrifice and media-sanctioned consumerism – seem to think that those of us who were called “freaks” for going to punk shows and tattoo parlors in our early years, will somehow take it to heart when they call us “grups," “douche bags” and "hipsters" now. They believe that by defining us as the opposite of them, they have proved their success.

What they don’t understand is that the more they try to exclude us – and our rock-concert-going, funky-baby-naming, “ironic” t-shirt-wearing ways – the more we thrive. The more they isolate and insult us, and our sensibilities, or preferences, or whatever you want to call them, the more secure in them we become. They didn't like us then, and they don't like us now, and honestly? We don't give a shit. Because "different" does not mean "bad", and labels do not make a person. We know that. Why don't they?

I have a blog, kids and a sense of self that goes beyond my status as a wife and mother, so, by its current connotation, that makes me a hipster parent. I choose to take that as a compliment. Because those of us who don’t conform to what previous generations deemed acceptable, normal and “right,” are the ones paving the way for the next generation to be able to stand up and say “no – I’m going to walk my own path.” That generation is our children – my children. Equipping them with the confidence and self-awareness that they'll need to stand up to those who say that they way they choose to live their lives - as teens, young adults and, eventually, parents - is wrong, is what I'm trying to do.

So you can insult me all you want - call me names, stereotype me, place value judgments on me, my life, and my kids. But I'll always be a proud "hipster." Does that offend you?

Good.