Strollerderby : hitting

Toddlers Whose Parents Hit Have More Trouble Sleeping

Hannah Tennant-Moore — Tue, 07 Apr 2009 17:30:00 GMT

I’m hoping it won’t surprise you to learn that a three-year study of 4,600 toddlers has concluded that children whose parents hit or yell at them are more likely to have trouble sleeping. It doesn't take an expert to realize that a quick slap and a screamed threat are not exactly relaxing.

What is surprising is that the Australian pediatrician who led the study is arguing that there is no way to know whether aggressive parenting causes sleeping problems, or if toddlers who are cranky and overtired cause their parents to be more hostile."It's always a cause-and-effect argument and you can't really conclude from this which occurs first," said Dr. Harriet Hiscock.

Call me naïve, but I kinda thought it was common knowledge that, “He made me do it!” is not a justifiable excuse for violence—particularly when the “he” is a toddler. Furthermore, the study—which examined sleeping habits when children were one-year-old, and then again two years later—found that “mothers' parenting style was not a big factor in sleep problems at the age of one, but became an issue by the second study.”

Hmmm, I wonder if the inability to fall asleep that these kids developed over time had anything to do with living with the constant stress of parents who frequently lose their tempers….

Photo: Hank van Stuivenberg/Sydney Morning Herald

Another Country Bans Spanking

Judge to Mom: Spank Your Kid or Pay Up

JeanneSager — Sat, 04 Apr 2009 17:22:00 GMT

A judge who ordered parents to paddle their children with a wooden board in an open courtroom or face hefty fines has been warned his mode of punishment is not acceptable by a Texas judicial conduct panel.

Well Gawd bless those Texans for some common sense.

Judge Gustavo Garza has told parents of truant children they would have to pay as much as $500 if they didn't take a board, labeled "board of education" and spank their kids. One dad is suing, saying he reluctantly paddled his stepdaughter, only to have Garza tell him he hadn't hit her hard enough.

Since when does a judge get to advocate violence to prove a point? Because even the pro-spanking crowd has to admit that telling a parent to hit their child with a paddle - and to hit "harder" is something intended to inflict pain.

As Hannah pointed out recently, in all fifty states, it is legal for parents to hit, spank, paddle, or whip their children. Legal, but not required. Just like I can't be compelled to raise my child a Catholic or a Jew or force her to eat meat or not, I can't be forced to use spanking as my form of discipline.

One lawyer likened Garza's courtroom to something out the Jerry Springer Show, and I'd tend to agree. The idea of the law sneaking into parents' homes makes me uncomfortable, and I admit a slight hesitancy in supporting the concept of an anti-spanking law - because I've worried how far-reaching it can go. But when the opposite is in affect, when a judge forces a parent to hit their child, using the force of the law, we're right up there with the countries that practice torture.

What happened to Amendment 8 of the Constitution? You know, the one that says judges shall not call for "cruel or unusual punishments" for criminals? Maybe it's time to take Judge Garza over our knee and show him what it's liked to be punished for abusing his power.

Source/Image: MomLogic

They Say: Smoking While Pregnant Makes Kids Aggressive

Brett Singer — Fri, 09 Jan 2009 15:00:00 GMT

I thought it was generally acknowledged that it was a bad idea for women to smoke while pregnant. A new study provides another reason: the kids could end up aggressive. The likelihood of aggressive behavior increases if the family makes less than $40,000 per year. This is according to a study conducted by Canadian doctors that was published in the academic journal Development and Psychopathology.

To clarify, "aggressive behavior" – or "behaviour", as they call it, since some people have to spell things differently – is that which the mothers characterized "as quick to hit, bite, kick, fight and bully others." (I guess spitting is OK. Throwing things, perhaps?) The children studied were between 18 months and three and a half years of age.

"Mothers-to-be whose lives have been marked by anti-social behaviour have a 67 percent chance to have a physically aggressive child if they smoke 10 cigarettes a day while pregnant, compared with 16 percent for those who are non-smokers or who smoke fewer than 10 cigarettes a day. Smoking also seems to be an aggravating factor, although less pronounced, in mothers whose anti-social behaviour is negligible or zero."

Other factors contributing to aggressiveness in preschool kids, sayeth the study: "mothers who are younger than 21, who smoke and who coerce their children to behave." Also, "children from families who earned less than $40,000 per year were at an increased risk for aggressive behaviour." Which I guess means that families earning less than $40,000 are more likely to have aggressive children whether mom puffs or not. But the aggressiveness INCREASED in those families if mom smoked, and DECREASED if she didn't.

Are you bored yet?

Here's my issue with studies like this. We know smoking while pregnant is a bad idea. (Like playing piano in a marching band, as they say on The Animaniacs.) So what exactly is the point of this study? What did we find out, that families with less money and a mother with a nicotine addiction are more likely to have children who exhibit "aggressive behaviour", as defined by a certain specific "behaviours"? So what? How about a study that looks at methods that might help those kids deal with their aggression?

Reading this study makes me feel very aggressive. I need to go bite something. But since my mother doesn't smoke, I'll just bite into a sandwich.

Source: Science Daily

Image: Church Times

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Dad Jailed for Head-Butting Tot

JeanneSager — Thu, 01 Jan 2009 15:01:00 GMT

A Michigan dad is in jail for allegedly head-butting his two-year-old daughter; and I can see a long line of parents kicking themselves for trying the same trick.

Think about it. The little girl had climbed on his lap, and her head hit his. So he used his head to butt her forehead. She had some swelling, but nothing that required hospitalization. It hardly sounds like a case of major child abuse.

The details of the case are limited, so I can't say honestly say whether or not Dwayne Rowe blew his top and deserves to be jailed. I'm certainly not saying that violence is the best way to go, and someone who saw this happen apparently thought this was bad enough to call the cops.

So let's take this out of the Rowe home and into yours. Your two-year-old climbs up on your lap, she slams her head into yours because she thinks it's funny. What do you do?

At that age, a lot of kids like to headbutt. My daughter used to sit on my lap and throw herself backward - hitting my forehead, my chest, my glasses . . . whatever was in the way. I had to start holding my hand out, just behind her head, essentially keeping her head in place so she couldn't use it as a battering ram. That's probably the best (non-violent) way of getting kids to stop this - they start to get angry because they realize they can't freely move their heads. It's not fun for anyone - but they need to learn that hurting someone else isn't funny.

I didn't head-butt her, but I've seen parents try it. It's akin to the "bite the biting child" trick. Does the shock value of the act - teaching a child that their actions really hurt - make this OK? Or is head-butting just another way a parent crosses the line?

Image: BBC

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Hitting the Bottle: We've Got Your Alibi

Son stabs father over haircut

Brett Singer — Fri, 08 Aug 2008 01:30:00 GMT

This is a weird one.

Shawn O'Hara, a 15-year-old high schooler in Deltona, Florida, did not want to get a haircut. But his father said he had to.

So the kid did what any teen would do in this situation. He threw a bag of seashells at his dad, and then stabbed him in the hand with 10-inch sword.

Shawn said that he was afraid his dad, William O'Hara, was going to hit him, and he wasn't upset that his father was hurt "because he gave him more than one warning to stay away," according to the News Journal (quoting a police report).

There has to be more to this story, right? Stabbed in the hand over a haircut? Really? Seems extreme but I guess stranger things have happened. The son has been charged with "aggravated battery causing bodily harm/disability" and is in a juvenile detention center. The father is hurt but not, as far as I know, severely.

Source: news-journalonline.com

Image: thecollectorsedge.com

Read more:

Is it ever OK to hit your kids? (maybe if they stab you. MAYBE.)

5 things that would make parents' lives easier

5 ways to get revenge on your kids

Man locks daughters in cage while he works

Savage stands by his stupid words

When playgrounds attack, the sequel

Woman goes to jail for adopting children to get money

Is it ever OK to hit your kids?

Brett Singer — Thu, 07 Aug 2008 21:25:00 GMT

Hannah's terrific post about whether or not to step in when you see someone hitting their kids reminded me of a post I'd wanted to write for awhile now.

Over in the Babble forums, a thread titled Smacking my 2 year-old is up to 155 replies. As someone who was slapped once by my mother (I think it was more traumatic for her than it was for me) and was only spanked by someone else's mom (the less said about that, the better), hitting kids is something that isn't really on my mind. Now, I'd be lying if I said I didn't understand the urge, especially when it's your first child and the stress level is much higher (that was my experience, anyway). But I always resisted, not because I wasn't angry enough, but because I felt it was wrong.

Beyond my personal feelings about smackage, I had, perhaps naively, thought that corporal punishment had gone the way of the dodo. To be fair to the person who started the thread, it doesn't sound like s/he was beating the kid. It was more of a "snap out of it" type of slap – interrupting a massive crying jag. It also worked, and, as parents, we all know how tempting it is to try something again if it actually MAKES THEM STOP SCREAMING.

So what was the upshot of the discussion? Most of the users who replied felt that hitting children was wrong no matter what. Some took issue with the "holier-than-thou" attitude that they saw in certain comments, such as, "The only thing more insulting than being smacked in the face is being spat on. I'm shocked, quite frankly."

In the same vein, some wrote that since the person asking for advice was "not writing this so that I could be criticized, but for advice" that meant that no one should pass judgment. Unfortunately, this is even more naïve than me thinking that people don't hit their kids. As anyone who spends time "interacting" with any website knows very well, once you put yourself out there you open yourself up to criticism as well as whatever it is you've specifically asked for, especially when the topic is as nuclear as this one.

So – let's go nuclear, shall we?

Is it ever OK to hit your child? If not, is there hitting that is acceptable, or is it all bad?

image: middlezonemusings

Oy vey, Miley showed her tuchas again

5 things that would make parents' lives easier

5 ways to get revenge on your kids (NOT hitting them!)

What about his taste in women?

20 Disturbing Baby Products

S&M Barbie

Man locks daughters in cage while he works

Savage stands by his stupid words

When playgrounds attack, the sequel

Woman goes to jail for adopting children to get money

Good game, good game - OW!

Brett Singer — Thu, 29 May 2008 18:00:00 GMT

In this video from MSNBC, a little leaguer gets sucker punched by someone on the other team during the end of game festivities. It's pretty screwed up, although I could have done without the extreme close ups of the resulting fat lip.

This is one of those times when I think you pull your kid aside and tell them its OK to hit back. It was a total sneak attack though, which makes it tougher to respond in kind. Who knows what provoked the punch but it kind of doesn't matter.

At the end of the video they say that the "authorities" are investigating the incident as a possible assault. Does one punch constitute assault? I didn't think it did but I guess I'm wrong. Is that the best way to handle a fight between two kids, even a really crappy one-sided fight like this?

Here's the video. You decide -- assault, bad behavior, or both?

(UPDATE: If the video does not appear below, click here and it should play. Stupid web video players, grumble grumble.)

How to Discipline Your Child -- Finally, Some Answers!

Madeline Holler — Sat, 12 Apr 2008 19:13:00 GMT

When your kids misbehave, are you a ranter or a reasoner?

Genetically, I'm a ranter who, until now, has fought hard to become the calm reasoner. I've tried (unsuccessfully) to recreate myself into the kind of mom who, in the heat of a child's blatant disregard for the sanctity of a peaceful home and/or the delicate nature of my own sensitive nerves, could quietly make "I" statements, talk about feeeeeelings and sensibly redirect the defiant child into more acceptable actions or self-expression. You know, so my kid could make better judgments, make better choices, change her own behavior without so much damn intervention (and talking and feeling and discussion -- or ranting).

But guess what? Not only are ranters barking up the wrong tree, reasoners aren't getting anywhere either. At least that's what one child behavior expert, Alan E. Kazdin, says. He's summarized his reasoning and strategies over on Slate. I'm going to give it a try. But here's the strategy in a nutshell:

1. Screaming and/or hitting your kids doesn't change behaviors. And it gets them to scream and/or hit when they face conflict with other kids.

2. Reasoning with you child about bad behavior doesn't change that behavior. Though it does give them practice in talking about their feelings with you, meaning they might come to you as they get older with stickier problems they need help on. So, reasoning isn't bad. It just won't change bad behavior.

3. Focusing on bad behavior doesn't change bad behavior.

4. Focusing on GOOD behavior changes BAD behavior.

5. Tell your child how you'd like them to behave in a given situation (fight with sister, upset when Mom says "no") and then practice it in a pretend situation. Praise and reward with love and hugs. Perhaps even reward with small trinkets.

He says it can take two weeks to a month to change a behavior, but that you won't (and shouldn't) be rewarding it forever.

Think you'll give it a try? I'm going to. Jeez, which behavior should I start with?

Photo: Yourparentingsolutions.com

Tired Toddlers Might Drive Moms to Yell --or Vice Versa

Amy Kuras — Mon, 31 Mar 2008 23:39:00 GMT

Which came first, the exhausted parent or the screechy parenting style that can accompany that level of tired?

That's the question raised by an Australian study that found mothers who yell or hit their kids are more likely to have toddlers with sleep difficulties.

Pediatrician Harriet Hiscock studied 4600 families and found that children were twice as likely to have sleep problems that persisted though the toddler years if their mothers had a hostile parenting style characterized by yelling and smacking than a more warm demeanor.

Children with chronic health problems were also much more likely to have sleep issues.

Let's be honest here though – does anyone parent optimally when they are exhausted? I know for me, combining my three-year-old's (age-appropriate) defiance and stubbornness with the fact her newborn brother has me up three to four times a night means Crabby Mommy makes an appearance more often than I would like, and the same was true when it was her keeping me up frequently as a teething, clingy toddler.

I've managed not to smack, but yelling? Happens more often than I'd like, no matter how warm and loving I am the rest of the time.

I think if anything the two feed on each other – parents who are typically more hostile may have kids who are nervous and unsettled and thus sleep worse, while even the sweetest parent may come unhinged if their little darling has them up several times a night. And those sleepless toddlers are no picnic either.

"It's always a cause-and-effect argument and you can't really conclude from this which one occurs first," Dr Hiscock said.

Spanking Leads to Sex Problems

Madeline Holler — Fri, 29 Feb 2008 13:06:00 GMT

A new study claims that children who were spanked may be at a higher risk for sexual problems later in life. Initial findings of the study suggest in addition to being spanked, kids who were slapped or hit, had objects thrown at them are at a greater risk for being coercive with a sexual partner or engage in masochism (or get aroused by spanking).

Yikes! Generations of parents flogging themselves from shame after reading this report.

The good news is, there's not a one-to-one causation. Also, most kids who were spanked escape long-term harm. It's worth bearing in mind that these findings are yet unpublished (and, therefore, unreviewed) and the study was conducted by a guy who has made his name by denouncing spanking and other violence in the home (though the 81-year-old admits he spanked his own kids when they were young).

Another spanking researcher said while these findings are the first to link spanking and sexual problems, the connection may well come down to how the child processes the spanking (or hitting or object throwing).

From USAToday.com

"They may internalize that to mean that in loving relationships sometimes there's pain or physical aggression," she says. Another possible lesson is that "whoever is stronger and has more power can overpower the other person and use physical aggression to control the other person's behavior."

Still, makes you wonder how Strollerderby contributor and Babble essayist Cole is taking this news.

Irate Italian Parents Beat Up Principal Over Bad Grades

Karen Murphy — Mon, 05 Mar 2007 12:07:00 GMT

So...maybe it's something of a free-for-all in Italy's education system? First teachers go postal, now it's parents. A family of a middle-school student, including the father and the gradnfather of the student, beat up the school's principal in protest of recent low grades and a ban imposed on cell phones. Yeah, those are a good reasons to send a guy to the hospital with contusions, isn't? Principal Ugo Castorina has been running the school for 22 years; you think he's jonesing for early retirement about now?

Spanking: A Right, Not a Privilege

Rachael Brownell (Redsy) — Mon, 26 Feb 2007 18:54:00 GMT

Parents rights activists are weighing in on spanking. The language of rights is a sign of the times. We are an entitled, grasping, self-centered bunch, us parent types. And those interested in protecting the parental right to spank are no different than the rest of the lot. Well, they're a bit more asinine. The "Right to Spank" just doesn't have the same cache as other defended rights (say the right to vote, or speak freely), especially when one reads further into the matter.

Apparently, even though the proposed ban on spanking has faced serious challenges and the language has now been changed to read that it specifically bans the use of a stick, a rod, a switch, or a belt, groups such as Campaign for Children and Families still views it as an attack on parental rights.

I understand that there may be a continuum of acceptable discipline. But switches and belts? Has it really gotten that bad? If it has, a book on parenting would be far more useful than a big wide wooden spoon.