Strollerderby : hitting the bottle

Hitting the Bottle: How to Make Cheap Champagne Taste Good

KeriF — Thu, 12 Feb 2009 17:00:00 GMT

It happens every year. You head to the wine store to buy some bubbly for your honey, and find your self standing in front of the Champagne/sparkling wine with a look of sheer terror on your face. Is the $100 bottle really 10 times better than the $10 bottle? Will my husband/wife/mistress know the difference? How drunk can you even get on one bottle of bubbly?

The answer is not really, probably, and pretty drunk.

But don't buy that pricey bottle just yet…

Though the $100 bottle of Champagne will likely be quite delicious (though perhaps not 10 times as delicious as the economy stuff), you can make due with a cheaper bottle. Heck, you can make do with five low-cost bottles and still save money. Just doctor the cheap stuff to make it taste a whole lot better.

You've heard of Mimosas (Champagne and OJ) and probably Bellinis (peach nectar) and Kir Royales (crème de cassis), but there are in fact hundreds of different cocktails you can make with Champagne. Wine Intro has a list sorted by mixer here.

It would be a shame to use a very fine bottle of Champagne in any of these drinks, but the cheap stuff lends itself perfectly to mixing. And when the bubbly goes on steep discount February 15, you can stock up by the case and have cocktails the whole year round.

Photo: Eating Well

Hitting the Bottle: Mojitos

KeriF — Sat, 07 Feb 2009 17:11:00 GMT

The last time I had an actual cocktail at an actual bar was, well, I don't remember, so it must have been a long time ago. But I haven't given up on cocktails just because I can't really stay up past 9:30pm any more (what can I say, I have an 8-month-old who likes to wake up with the roosters).

Making cocktails at home is a far better investment anyway, because at a hip bar a Mojito will cost you $12, while the same money can get you a whole bottle of rum and limes and mint (and a whole lot more sloshed).

This is a recipe for the basic Mojito, but you can mix it up with flavored rums (I like raspberry mojitos; just muddle a few raspberries with the mint) or seltzers.

To muddle the mint mixture, use a large spoon (a wooden spoon works well) in an aggressive up-and-down motion. Muddling creates friction to dissolve the sugar and bruise the mint, which is required to release the fragrant oils.

Mojitos

Yield: 4 regular cocktails or 1 big gulp

2 cups loosely packed mint leaves

Juice of 2 medium limes (about 1/4 cup)

1/2 cup sugar

9 ounces white rum

2 cups soda water

In a small pitcher combine the mint, lime juice, sugar, and about 1 cup ice cubes. Using a wooden spoon, “muddle” the mixture about 3 minutes, until the mint is bruised and aromatic and the sugar is completely melted. Add the rum and soda water and serve immediately over ice.

Photo: Leather District Gourmet

Hitting the Bottle: Sunday Bloody Sunday

KeriF — Sun, 01 Feb 2009 14:10:00 GMT

Remember back in the day, before you had kids, when Sunday mornings meant long leisurely breakfasts at the local café, sipping Bloody Marys and reading the New York Times in its entirety? Or was that just a movie I saw once?

Well, your Sundays may no longer be your own, but that doesn't mean you can't sneak a Bloody Mary now and again. You can make a batch of the mix without vodka and sip it throughout the day. Cut back on the horseradish and Tabasco and your kids might even like it. Just tell them it's Vampire blood.

Bloody Mary Mix

Yield: About 1/2 gallon

2 quarts tomato juice or V-8-style vegetable juice

1 1/2 teaspoons Tabasco

1/2 teaspoon salt

pinch black pepper

1 tablespoon horseradish

1 tablespoon lemon juice

1/2 teaspoon Worcestershire

1/4 teaspoon cumin

Combine all ingredients in a pitcher and mix thoroughly. Serve alone or with vodka and garnish with celery or lime wedges.

Hitting the Bottle: We've Got Your Alibi

JeanneSager — Tue, 30 Dec 2008 19:26:00 GMT

I've already hunkered down in the house for Christmas, so why not New Year's?

Instead of making your way through the phone chain, trying to find a sitter who hasn't already made her own plans for ringing in the new year (not to mention plunking down the small fortune on said sitter's fee and your bar tab), might I suggest hitting the bottle at home this holiday?

To ensure a good return on your investment, we offer up the recipe for the best home renditions of Auld Lang Syne (with some help from our friends at Stolichnaya).

The sweet, smooth pick that will make for a year full of old acquaintances and new friends:

Stoli Accomplice

Muddle three strawberries
1 oz simple sugar (dissolve ¾ sugar in ½ cup water over low heat)
2 oz Stolichnaya vodka
½ oz fresh lemon juice
Shake ingredients and strain into sugar-rimmed martini glass
Top with champagne

And since you and your new friend will need some help covering after you spill something sticky all over his new Christmas toys . . .

Stoli Alibi

1 oz ginger simple syrup (make ahead - peel 2 inches of fresh ginger, simmer with ¾ sugar and ½ cup water for 5 minutes to infuse flavor. Remove ginger)
2 oz Stolichnaya vodka
Squeeze of a fresh lime
Top with splash of club soda
Serve over ice

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Hitting the Bottle: Chill Out

Mike Adamick (Cry It Out!) — Fri, 16 May 2008 19:02:00 GMT

And I'm only partly talking about the weather-induced tantrums. Mostly I'm just talking about the weather. It. is. hot. Wipe-warmer-from-hell hot. But, thankfully, it is also Friday, so that can only mean one thing.

Hitting the Bottle.

In this edition, we have the Chill Out, a cooling blend of elixirs that will put a salve on any tantrums, because after you have a few Chill Outs, you probably won't hear them. Sadly, it's a little more complicated to make, but the results are well worth it.

Dissolve: 2 cups sugar in 7 cups water on the stove, set aside.

Soak: 4 tea bags in cup additional cups boiling water for desired strength.

Mix: In a large bowl, combine sugar water, tea, 1 12-ounce can frozen OJ, 1 12-ounce can frozen lemonade and god god almighty, 2 cups gin.

Freeze overnight and, when you're ready, top off the slushy with your favorite carbonated beverage. (Plain club soda woks great.)

Then show the kids what a tiki torch looks like, sit back and master the secret of the age-old parental dictum: "Hey, kids, chill out."

Hitting the Bottle: Preschool Dropout

Mike Adamick (Cry It Out!) — Fri, 25 Apr 2008 20:36:00 GMT

So what do you do when your kid doesn't get in to any preschools? When her fate is all but sealed and you just know one day she'll either be out on the street or forced to attend a really seedy school, like Stanford?

You thank your lucky stars its Friday and you mix up a Hitting the Bottle classic: The Preschool Dropout.

Pour ...

Two parts gin

1/2 part Cointreau.

Add ice and stir gently.

Hitting the Bottle: "Kids Say the Weirdest Things"

Mike Adamick (Cry It Out!) — Fri, 21 Mar 2008 22:46:00 GMT

My daughter and I happened upon a giant sidewalk art sculpture in the shape of a spider, and when I asked her what its name was, she matter-of-factly replied, "Jesus."

I could understand if, in the week leading up to Easter, we actually spoke about Easter. But instead, most of our conversations have been about bunnies and hidden eggs. I'm chalking this one up to grandma's influence and chilling out with something a little more innocent this week: The "Kids Say the Weirdest Things."

Take:

1 Bottle Reeds extra strength ginger ale

1 squeeze of lime

1 splash of club soda for more pop.

And 1 decorative Peep for the rim of your glass.

Voila, that's pretty weird. Weird, but delicious.

Hitting the Bottle: "Family Time"

Mike Adamick (Cry It Out!) — Fri, 14 Mar 2008 20:02:00 GMT

I love whenever a politician resigns out of the blue for seemingly no reason whatsoever -- other than the ubiquitous "I want to spend more time with my family" excuse -- because you know there's a 22-year-old emperor's club hooker with an awesome MySpace page just lurking around the corner.

So in tribute to a certain New York governor who shall remain nameless, this week's Hitting the Bottle is dedicated to the age-old, innocent yearning to simply be closer to one's kin. The "Family Time."

You'll need:

2 ounces of your family's favorite apple juice

1 ounce of Jack

1 short glass

Some ice, and voila -- that's some quality time.

Hitting the Bottle: "Something to Cry About"

Mike Adamick (Cry It Out!) — Fri, 29 Feb 2008 22:03:00 GMT

At just shy of 23-months, my daughter has decided that the Terrible Twos can't wait, and so pretty much every moment of the day, good or bad, is cause for an enormous crying jag.

"Want some milk?"

Waaaa!

"Want to take a nap?"

Waaaa!

"Want to ride a carousel with ponies dipped in sweet honey and rainbows?"

Waaaa!

On the way home from a long car trip, I ignored the latest round of crying and said to my wife, "I can totally see why my dad would say something like, 'I'll give you something to cry about.' It all makes sense now. There's just nothing wrong and yet ... tears. All. the. time."

It's enough to make me fall off the wagon and enjoy one of these: Babble's own "Something to Cry About."

All you need is ....

A. Large glass

B. Lots of rum.

C. Lots of Coke.

D. Lots of Ice.

And finally, E. a cheap babysitter. Because after a few of these, you won't hear the crying anymore.

Hitting the Bottle: The Candy Heartini

makeitadouble — Fri, 08 Feb 2008 21:06:00 GMT

Valentine’s Day was the one chance I got as a child to safely express my unrequited love for my secret crushes in 8 letters or less through the confectionary text messaging of my time, the Candy Heart. Through an innocent and seemingly innocuous note scratched into the surface of this heart-shaped courier I could tell Stephanie Fillipello that I thought she was “Hot Stuff” or reveal to April Micare that she was my “True Love” or errantly insinuate that I thought Paul Denunzio was a “Cutie Pie”. (I just like you as a friend Paul.)

A box of chocolates simply lacked that abridged conversational feature and plus on a paper boy’s salary I’d have had to select a single lucky lady to be the recipient of my adolescent amorous advances. Flowers are overtly affectionate and anaphylactically inappropriate when given to someone with an acute floral allergy, while Valentine’s Day Cards embellished with a pithy message from Batman and Robin like, “Want to see my Bat Cave?” not only got me suspended for 3 days but got me an invite from Paul Denunzio to the Valentine’s Day Roller Skating Party. (Rachael Klimchak had already asked me so I turned him down)

No, it was the reliable Candy Heart that I time and time again chose to be the chalky messenger of my love and with Valentine’s Day less than a week away I have put together a recipe for an adult version of the classic Candy Heart called the Candy Heartini.

The Candy Heartini

• 1 oz Vodka
• 1 oz Blue Curacao Liqueur
• 1 oz Watermelon Pucker Schnapps
• 1 oz Apple Pucker Schnapps
• 20 Candy Hearts
• Wedge of Lemon

First, grind the candy hearts in a coffee bean grinder until they are a fine dust. Then pour the candy heart dust onto a plate, rim a martini glass with the lemon wedge then coat the rim of the glass with the powder.

Next, in a mixing glass filled with ice combine the Vodka, Blue Curacao, and Schnapps. Shake vigorously for 15-20 seconds and strain into the martini glass being careful not to rinse the powder from the rim. Finally, sprinkle a pinch of the candy heart powder onto the surface.

The one stipulation though is that if you decide to make a Candy Heartini you are in essence agreeing that “UR A 10” and that you will “Be Mine”. (Not you Paul)

Hitting the Bottle: Write Your Name in the Snow

makeitadouble — Fri, 01 Feb 2008 22:10:00 GMT

In a recent survey of the people writing this post the question was posed, “As a child, which of the following was your favorite wintertime activity?” A) Making Snow Angels B) Making Snowmen C) Making Snowmen make-out with Snow Angels D) Sleigh Riding E) Snowball fights F) Building a Snow Fort G) Overcharging Neighbors to shovel their Driveways H) Other.

As I stare out the window here in Upstate NY and watch the first couple flakes of an imminent snowstorm drift lazily from the sky I’m overcome with the reverie of childhood and the memories of my favorite wintertime activity. H) Other – Writing my Name in the Snow.

Sure one of the first things we teach our children about the perils of winter besides that sneaking onto a private golf course to go sledding is completely acceptable as long as you don’t get caught is that they should never eat the yellow snow. Consumption of the golden flakes I agree should be forbidden, but what child or immature adult can resist the urge to leave their mark on the unblemished surface of a recent snowfall for others to see and know that “Mark” was there or “Mike” had come this way before them or that “Jeren” had not had enough hot chocolate and couldn’t finish the M and Y of his name?

Now admittedly leaving your John Hancock in the snow is almost exclusively a male right, privilege and obligation, but I did know a girl in the 4th grade who through a maneuver that was part Crab Walk part Chicken Dance could write her initials in the snow; granted her name was Ingrid Irving but her effort was commendable and since she wore glasses it earned her the nickname “6 Eyes”.

So in honor of my favorite childhood winter activity, the approaching storm that will create a canvas for a steady stream of signatures, 6 Eyes Irving and my 5 year old son who has yet to claim a piece of frozen tundra as his own I have for you today a drink that will warm up your insides and give you the resources necessary to write out the Preamble to the U.S. Constitution if you were so inspired.

Write Your Name in the Snow

1 oz Vodka
2 oz Peppermint Schnapps
1 can Mountain Dew
Ice cubes

Mixing instructions:

Let the Vodka and Schnapps chill in a snow bank. Put ice cubes in large glass, pour in Mountain Dew and then the rest of ingredients. Stir, drink, and starting writing.

Need practice before you get started?

Hitting the Bottle: Party In Your Stomach

makeitadouble — Fri, 25 Jan 2008 21:00:00 GMT

When it comes to drinking there are countless rules, truisms, not-so-truisms, axioms, clichés, words of wisdom, words to live by, words of advice and clever little rhymes that will help you avoid public humiliation, social faux pahs, projectile vomiting, incapacitating hangovers and strange bedfellows in the light of day. (Come on Moms and Dads, we've all woken up next to someone who looks like Beaker from the Muppets thinking, "All I remember is a Bunsen Burner, drinking shots from a Petri Dish and some weird little bald guy without eyes in a lab coat.)

A few of the standard rules that we all should be reminded of are: Never, ever tell a bartender he made your drink too strong. Buying someone a drink is ten times better than a handshake. Beer makes you mellow, champagne makes you giddy, wine makes you dramatic, tequila makes you felonious. (and in my case Jack Daniels makes you recreate scenes from Fight Club with your friends)

Then of course there are the more poetic caveats often recited early in the evening as lyrical reminders of the effect alcohol can have on us if not followed faithfully and iambically. Verses such as, "Liquor then Beer, never Fear. Beer then Liquor, never Sicker." and then there is the one I read on a t-shirt on the boardwalk in Atlantic City when I was 13 that may or may not apply here, "Liquor up front, Poker in the Rear."

Since I'm not qualified in anyway to distill or dispense drinking advice (not since I lost that privilege when I drenched my cat during college with a gusher of puke that had that unique vomit scent of curry, battery acid, sour milk and gym socks. I've since given up drinking shots out of my cross-trainers) I'm going to leave that up to visiting adjunct professor and comedian Jim Breuer.

I know I usually fill this space with a recipe for a tasty concoction with a clever name, but this counsel was too astute not to pass along to you with the hopes that someday you can pass it along to your children before they leave for college. Plus, it was sent to me by my Mom who along with a great sense of humor still worries about me because I'm her little boy. Her little boy that is still the SUNY Cortland 32oz Yellow Cup Freshman Beer Chugging Champion with a staggering time of :11 seconds.

Professor Breuer, the class is yours.

Hitting The Bottle: S.H.U.T.U.P.

makeitadouble — Fri, 18 Jan 2008 21:30:00 GMT

Our oldest son suffers from BRS (or what is more commonly called Broken Record Syndrome). If we were better parents we would have caught it sooner; all the early indicators were there, but we missed them. The constant uttering of the same statement, the continuous repetition of same phrase, the reiterating of the same question ad nauseum until I developed a facial tic in my right eye that made me wink uncontrollably (I wasn’t flirting with you Mrs. Esposito, please stop calling the house); all the signs pointed to BRS.

Did you know that whereas every single child in the history of the world has suffered from BRS, most parents can't identify a single symptom? This is why I developed a catchy acronym that will help parents to get their kids to S.H.U.T.U.P. Recognizing when your child has BRS and getting them to S.H.U.T.U.P. can significantly increase the chances of you, the child's parents, retaining your sanity. Learning to recognize BRS is important and easy, just say S.H.U.T.U.P.

If your child displays one, some or all of the symptoms he or she may be suffering from BRS.

Says the same word/statement/phrase/question over and over again
Has been saying the same word/statement/phrase/question over and over again
Utters the same word/statement/phrase/question over and over again
Tendency to say the same word/statement/phrase/question over and over again
Uses the same word/statement/phrase/question over and over again
Pretty much just says the same damn word/statement/phrase/question over and over again

By using S.H.U.T.U.P. you can catch BRS early when treatment is still an option and your facial tics have yet to make you the neighborhood coquette. (Is a male coquette a broquette?) BRS is no laughing matter; it’s a drinking matter which leads me to the treatment.

There is none. BRS has no known cure, which is why in addition to developing a catchy acronym that will help parents to get their kids to S.H.U.T.U.P. I developed a drink called the S.H.U.T.U.P. for when your child asks “Why?” for the 1,027th time that day.

S.H.U.T.U.P

Besides infinite patience here’s what you’ll need:

1 oz. Crown Royal
1 oz. Jägermeister
.5 oz Bacardi 151 proof rum
.5 oz Everclear
2 splashes Grenadine

Pour the Jägermeister into a rocks glass. In a separate glass mix the Crown Royal, Everclear, and the Bacardi 151 then layer on top of the Jägermeister. Splash the Grenadine on top then S.H.U.T.U.P.

(Photocredit:www.80stees.com)

Hitting The Bottle: Baby Aspirin

makeitadouble — Fri, 11 Jan 2008 21:30:00 GMT

When I was a kid I would go to practically any length to get my grubby little hands on candy, anything I could fashion into candy, anything that looked like candy or anything that tasted like candy. During the late 70’s when money was tight and candy was scarce my brother and I had to be resourceful when it came to getting our daily sugar fix. This ingenuity manifested itself in many practices from licking an index finger and sticking it into the sugar bowl, eating handfuls of rainbow sprinkles (or Rainbow Jimmies for you New Englanders) and our favorite pastime was filling a coffee cup with powdered Swiss Miss then adding a splash of hot water to create a chocolaty paste that was then eaten by the spoonful.

However, some days we felt especially adventurous and turned our attention to the medicine cabinet to ride the saccharin snake. Our experimentation ran the gamut from Chloraseptic Sore Throat Lozenges to Flintstones Vitamins, but our favorite curative candy was the pink chalky sweetness of Baby Aspirin. (Yes Mom, I used to eat Baby Aspirin like it was candy. And Dad, I used to steal change from that water jug in the bedroom. Sorry.)

Even though I’m all growns up and can afford the occasional bag of Sour Patch Kids, I still get that occasional wistful craving for a handful of St. Joseph’s chewables. Rather than grind up a few 81 mg tablets to sprinkle in my coffee, I’ve resorted to a concoction that not only tastes like liquid Baby Aspirin but gives you the same burning sensation in your stomach as the real thing (Again…Yes Mom, I used to eat Baby Aspirin like it was candy)

Baby Aspirin

In mixer filled with ice add:

•   1 part Orange Juice
•   1 part Sweet and Sour mix
•   1 part Triple Sec
•   1 part Raspberry Schnapps

Shake vigorously for 15-20 seconds then strain into shot glasses.

Dad, because of the change jar thing the first round is on me. After that we can call it even?

(Photocredit:www.badscience.net)

Hitting The Bottle: The Brave Nip-Bull

makeitadouble — Fri, 04 Jan 2008 21:30:00 GMT

When our boys were breastfeeding, my wife used a pump to keep up with their voracious appetites and to stockpile in case of natural disaster (i.e. Her booby juice suddenly and inexplicably drying up like a luscious succulent c-cup melon left poolside for too long in the mid-day sun…..huh? Where am I?) Our freezer was packed with hundreds of Nipsicles; gallons of mothers milk frozen in suspended animation waiting to be thawed for use in a bottle or oatmeal.

Anyone who’s ever prepared a bottle for a baby knows this but for those who do not, whenever you defrost one of the bags for a bottle and heat up the contents you have to test the temperature to make sure it’s not too hot or too cold, but just right. This can be done by sprinkling a few drops of milk on the inside of your wrist or the back of your hand, which was my method. Now you’ve got breast milk on you hand, what do you do? WHAT DO YOU DO?

Some people (not me) lick it off, while others (me) wipe it quickly on their pant leg. In fact, I never once savored the oestrogenical droplets, where conversely my wife would test the milk by taking a swig from the bottle. I simply lacked the pluck to get up enough nerve to taste the secretions from my wife’s mammary glands.

Since I wasn’t brave enough to take it straight as a shooter I invented a tasty concoction with the breast milk as a minor ingredient. It’s a variation of a drink called the Brave Bull. Mine is called the Brave Nip-Bull:

The Brave Nip-Bull

In an Old Fashion Glass filled with ice mix:

•    2 oz of Tequila (Cuervo will do)
•    1 oz of Kahlua
•    .5 oz of breast milk

Swirl the glass gently to lightly mix the ingredients, take a deep breath and take a sip. I keep getting to the last step and simply can’t follow-through. If anyone mixes one of these up, drop me a line to let me know how it tastes.

Hitting the Bottle: "It's All Relative"

Mike Adamick (Cry It Out!) — Fri, 28 Dec 2007 20:03:00 GMT

I hesitate to offer this recipe not just because I have finally forsaken alcohol, but because my relatives often read this blog. Still, considering that after a few days in a cramped apartment they were probably as tired of me as I was of them, they're probably in need of a stiff weekender, too.

So sit back and bask in a once-again empty house and enjoy the kind of drink that hits you like a perfect -- some would say too perfect, kind of nauseating, really -- autumnal breeze in the dead of winter: the "It's All Relative."

You'll need:

A sandbox bucket from your kid's toy bin.

One bottle of gin

One half bottle of vermouth

One full jar of plump olives

Dump all contents into bucket. Lift bucket over your head. Enjoy the fact that it may be an entire year before so many people stay over for so, so long.

Happy New Year's!

Hitting The Bottle: The 3T Onesie

makeitadouble — Fri, 14 Dec 2007 21:00:00 GMT

Last year at this time I was *ahem* between jobs and I had to go back into bartending just to pay the bills. When you’re 23, hot and single, bartending is a great lifestyle; like Cocktail only without the Scientology. However, when you’re 35, hot and married with 2 kids bartending is just another shitty job that pulls you away from my family sometimes until 3:00 or 4:00 in the morning.

The bar I was working was a 70 year old jazz club that was being run into the ground by an incompetent owner, but still had a few dozen regulars that kept the place afloat. On slow nights, which was every night, I’d take recommendations from the stool jockeys and use my free reign of the inventory to concoct mixed drinks from the most discordant ingredients I could find behind the bar.

One particularly dead night when I had too much free time to pine away about my sons I embraced a moment of consonance and pulled down from the shelf the first three liquors I found that began with the letter T and thus was born the 3T Onesie. It’s a bitter coffee shooter with a vanilla after-taste that snaps you in the crotch, keeps you warm and fits just right.

The 3T Onesie

Fill a cocktail shaker with ice and add:

4 count (1.5 oz) of Tia Maria (or any Coffee Liqueur)
4 count (1.5 oz) of Tequila (preferably Jose Cuervo 1800)
4 count (1.5 oz) of Tuaca (or any Italian Vanilla Citrus Brandy although I don't know of anything that tastes like Tuaca)

Shake vigorously for 15-20 seconds and strain into shot glasses. These measurements will yield 3 shots but be warned, too many of these and you’ll need to change your diaper.

(photo credit: www.etsy.com)

Hitting the Bottle: "The Lunchbox"

Matt Wood — Fri, 07 Dec 2007 22:43:00 GMT

It's Friday evening, your spouse just got home from work and holy crap you need a drink. But the liquor cabinet is almost dry and there's a foot of snow on the ground. You don't want to go to the store in a blizzard just to buy booze, so what do you do? You improvise! You fixed that broken strap on the diaper bag with a safety pin; you slapped that leaky diaper back together with duct tape, didn't you? Don't tell me you can't get creative with the sauce too.

I learned how to make this drink in college under similar circumstances. My friends and I had taken a road trip to a formal dance. We had plenty of beer and our dates brought some amaretto, but we forgot the mixer. So in the grand tradition of bored, desperate college students, we experimented with a concoction someone had heard secondhand from their uncle: The Lunchbox:

Mix equal parts beer and orange juice. Any size glass will do, but given the task at hand, a Big Gulp from a 7-11 is the most fitting.
Pour in one shot of amaretto for every 12 ounces of beer/orange juice. Example: if you used a full beer and matched it with juice, you'd use two shots of amaretto.

That's it. I know it sounds disgusting, but it's really quite good, a nice stiff drink that you can nurse for a while without the gasoline kick of something with vodka, whiskey, or gin. Some people like to dunk the shots of amaretto and chug it, but we'll pretend we're more sophisticated than that.

Hitting the Bottle: Separation Anxiety

Mike Adamick (Cry It Out!) — Fri, 16 Nov 2007 22:55:00 GMT

There I was in the gym this morning, saddled on some electrical gazelle and tuned into the mini-TV in front of me -- a mini-TV that was playing the "Gilmore Girls" (the episode when Rory kisses Dean for the first time!) -- and all I could think about was my daughter I had dropped off in the gym's day care, all alone with a stack of toys and strangers to watch over her. And then I remembered I had an entire hour to do whatever the hell I wanted, and so I forgot about her and turned up the volume on the TV.

It was the perfect morning.

Then about ten minutes later, a daycare worker came to find me. "She won't stop crying," the woman said. "She keeps screaming "daddy! daddy!""

It was payback, some kind of kiddie karma for being so damned happy about such a little break. This separation anxiety is hard on us both.

Thankfully, there's a drink that can help -- me, at least. The Separation Anxiety -- the perfect Friday night cure to all your toddler's demanding neediness.

Take:

Half pint hard apple cider in a pint glass.

Slowly pour Guinness over a spoon into glass, so the liquids remain separated.

Drink as quickly as possible. Repeat.

Hitting the Bottle: Use Your Words!

Mike Adamick (Cry It Out!) — Fri, 09 Nov 2007 22:59:00 GMT

What do you do after a long week when your child suddenly abandons language skills and demands attention with grunts and points and generalized alien-like speaking skills? You turn to Papa. The Papa.

This Hitting the Bottle special is adopted from one of Hemingway's favorites -- the Wild Daquiri. And it seems fitting after a week of politely asking a little one to "use her words, please" to partake in a drink concocted by a guy who could hold his own. With words, I mean.

So here you go -- the "Use Your Words" recipe (the Hemingway original can be found here, and note that this ungodly amount of alcohol is meant for only one person, because despite that cherubic face on your right, Papa later grew up to hold his own in other arenas, as well).

Three ounces rum

Juice of 2 limes

Juice of 1/2 grapefruit

Six Aqua Dots (kidding!)

Half ounce of cherry brandy.

Add rum, juice and brandy to blender of ice. Begin to lose your own ability to use words.

Hitting the Bottle: The I Wanna Be a Firefighter

Madeline Holler — Fri, 26 Oct 2007 20:15:00 GMT

In honor of the men and women who have managed to beat back the fires, rescue homes and many lives during the raging infernos that burned down here in Southern California this week – and also in honor of an impending evening of out-of-control children dressed up like rescue workers (or sluts) in less than a week – we bring you this fire hot and blazing spicy drink: The I Wanna Be a Firefighter.

1/2 ounce each of spiced rum, Jack Daniel's, Jim Beam and cinnamon Schnapps. Pour over ice in a highball glass, top off with Dr. Pepper, and remember (1) it could have been a lot worse and (2) Halloween will soon be over. (Platitudes, I know. Here, have another sip.)

(Thanks to Drinknation.com for the recipe.)

Hitting the Bottle: The Flu Shot

Madeline Holler — Fri, 12 Oct 2007 19:25:00 GMT

Remember getting ripped on bright green blocks of Jell-O spiked with Midori liqueur at really great college parties? I don’t, and it has nothing to do with blacking out. I just never went for novelty booze and trendy drinks (or edible beverages or whatever), because they were usually too sweet, too expensive, or too much fuss. I’ve always been a cheap, lazy drunk.

But I love a good revival (not the Baptist kind) and it looks like Jell-O shots are making a comeback, this time dressed up as haute breuvage or, I suppose, haute cuisine since technically you're eating them. I don't know if it's because I'm around kids and kid food and kid crazy all day, but suddenly I feel like bastardizing store-brand gelatin and making some fun!

The remakes call for stacks of gelatin sheets, a shot of too-much-time and a half-jigger of pretension. But you don't have any of that. You can't even coordinate a round of flu shots for the family, which if you're gonna get one, you better get on that now -- or, fine, next week. Never enough time. So we're giving you the simplified, old-fashioned version of the Jell-O shot. This one also happens to be perfect for the fall. It's a snackable fall apple pie that wiggles even when you’re sober, which you won't be after a serving or two.

The recipe:

Break out two boxes of Apple Jell-O. Prepare one according to the directions.

Serve kids the first batch smothered with Reddi-Wip and two pieces of caramel on the side. Brush their teeth and put’em to bed.

Mix the contents of the second box with one cup of boiling water and one cup DeKuyper Buttershots. Stir until powder dissolves. Pour into a pie plate. Chill until firm.

Cut in pie slices and serve with a squirt of Reddi-Wip.

Now there's a shot that'll keep you feeling good.

Hitting the Bottle: The Cry Baby

Rachael Brownell (Redsy) — Fri, 05 Oct 2007 21:32:00 GMT

Ok just because I've given up alcohol, doesn't mean you people should. It's Friday afternoon, and (almost) time to relax. Nothing better than a pitcher of Sangria-like refreshment to start the weekend off right.

So raise your glasses and toast to the weekend: Hopefully now with less laundry, more nice dinners, and fewer tears...

The Cry Baby

By the pitcher:
Mix 3 oz. (9cl) Monin Red Sangria Mix
8 oz. (24cl) orange juice
750 ml bottle of dry red wine
shot of vermouth
Add fruit and ice and serve.

What makes this a "Cry Baby" and not just Sangria? The extra dash of liquor, baby! Drink this whole pitcher, and watch mama cry...

Hitting the Bottle: The Terrible Two

Mike Adamick (Cry It Out!) — Fri, 28 Sep 2007 19:56:00 GMT

Any parent will tell you the term Terrible Twos is a misnomer. For most kids, it starts at 18 months -- the screaming, the tantrums, the testing the boundaries and trips to the tattoo parlor and tongue piercer.

"Why did we even teach her sign language," my wife said about our nearly 18-month-old daughter the other night, "If she's just going to grunt and point for everything anyway?"

Miracle workers we are not.

The Terrible Twos are finally upon us -- and to celebrate, here is the perfect drink: The Terrible Two.

Take ...

2 ounces tequila

2 ounces Southern Comfort

1 leak-proof sippy cup.

Add lime. Add ice. Shake.

Call the sitter, because with this unholy alliance of pain and misery, you're going to need a little break.

Thank. God.

Hitting the Bottle: Dad's Night Out

Mike Adamick (Cry It Out!) — Fri, 14 Sep 2007 21:01:00 GMT

A friend and I went out for drinks a week or so ago, and because this was dad's night out, I was pretty disappointed to find my delicious sounding drink arrive in a brunch-style wine glass and topped with juice and egg white foam.

This was not manly. I needed manly. I needed something strong, straight and, what's the word? Ginormous.

My friend had the right idea. He ordered something so simple and easy that, though it didn't require any crazy mixing or special preparations, was still the best drink of the night.

Ready?

Scotch. Straight. Pierre would have been proud.

My friend didn't add any ice, though I thought it needed a cube to cut the 20-year-old smoke and peaty bite. But you get the idea. If you're planning a dad's night out, this Hitting the Bottle is the simplest -- and quite possibly the best -- yet.

You need:

Bottle of good scotch.

Glass.

Ice.

Pour, savor -- enjoy your night out.