Strollerderby : humor

5 Crazy Kid Pics

SunnyChanel — Wed, 20 May 2009 18:00:00 GMT

Nothing tickles me more than a funny kid picture. I get a kick out of them even more than cute animal photos, portraits of Brad Pitt or pics of me on a good hair day. The website Acid Cow has collected 38 “Funny Children” photos for our amusement. Here are five of my personal favorites.

(Above) Bye Bye Johnny!

Street thugs, they just get younger and younger.

She's so really for her first frat party.

It's only fun until someone loses their head.

Snacktime!

Check out the rest of the photos Acid Cow put together here.

ALSO Check out :

Extremely Bad Parenting – With Photos!

10 Great Books For (Traumatizing) Children

Cole Gamble — Tue, 19 May 2009 17:00:00 GMT

Great finds from Cracked.com

I Wish Daddy Didn’t Drink So Much

Wanna know why daddy's always asleep sunday afternoon, a high life tipping out of his limp hand and pouring onto the floor? Or how about when daddy gets all worked up and strats yelling at ghosts. Children's books are a great way to help kids cope with real problems, but if daddy really is a raging alcoholic, you need more than a book, kid.

The House That Crack Built

Don't sell drugs, kids, or one day you'll live in a beautfiul mansion.

Hiroshima No Pika

Once upon a time we dropped an atomic bomb on Japan and no matter how many of their cars we buy they're still a little peeved about it. As Cracked writer Michael Swaim puts it,

And yes, this book for kindergartners is about that. According to the author, the book is based on a true account of a woman leading her child out of the A-Bomb’s blast radius while carrying her wounded husband on her back. According to the picture on the cover, it’s about women running topless through a sea of blood.

More throughly depressing children's entertainment here.

More Good Stuff:

Eating Your Baby's Placenta

Dumb Kiddy Product Makeovers

Disturbing Baby-Swinging PSA

Children's Books You Will Never Read

Brett Singer — Wed, 13 May 2009 16:52:00 GMT

Why not? Because they're all fake and have offensive titles.

In honor of Children's Book Week (which Amy told us about), here is a list of "Children's Books That Didn't Make It" from Jokes.com, a site that compiles jokes and comedy videos from assorted funny people.

Accidents Happen: The Story of YOU - This one amuses me because so many people seem to have no problem asking expectant and new parents if their little peanut was planned. I've known people who have no problem acknowledging that a second, third, or in Nadya Suleman's case, ninth, pregnancy was unintentional. (Actually, Nadya's was intentional. But that's not the point.) But they offer this information if they feel like doing so. I can't imagine asking a question like that. Other folks, though, seem to have no such hang ups. (See also: Oops! You're Getting a Brother.)

Some Kittens Can Fly - I'm more of a dog person. (Note: please don't let your children throw your cats.)

You Can Paint Anywhere! - my first child drew on the walls once and never did it again. My second is far more destructive. I wonder if such things are genetic.

Fun Four-Letter Words to Know and Share - Does anyone else remember the Truly Tasteless Jokes series? They were stunningly offensive (" How did Helen Keller's parents punish her when she was bad?"), but I had them and so did all of my friends. I didn't grow up attending Klan rallies either. I went to socialist summer camps and attended "no nukes" rallies. Somehow these slipped through the cracks. I wonder if kids are still reading these books, since they are still on sale. I doubt it, but who knows. (Some examples of what appeared in the books are here; be warned, most of the jokes are very very offensive.)

Source: Jokes.com and Jokes.com

Image: sxc

Celebrate Children's Book Week

Poll - Portia and Ellen Most Trusted Moms

When Toddlers Attack The Neighbors

Toddler Jail Break

Japanese Potty Training Video

10 Year Old Author Alec Greven Is Back

Extremely Bad Parenting – With Photos!

SunnyChanel — Mon, 11 May 2009 23:30:00 GMT

Would you like to feel a little bit better about your parenting skills? Do you want to be reminded that even though you didn’t give in to the request for just one more story at bedtime, that second scoop of ice cream or letting your kid watch yet another episode of Spongebob, that you ain’t that bad of a guardian? This list of photographic samples of extreme bad parenting examples culled form the mines of the site “Why The F*** Do You Have A Kid?” will make you feel a whole lot better…or worse.

Toddlers in cages, stuffed into a microwave, watching a stripper and bathing with a giant snake are just a sampling of the outrageous photographs they have on their site. Some are silly, others are sickening but many are just totally depressing. It just shows that the website “Why the F*** Do You Have a Kid” is very aptly named.

Were you amused or appalled by the photos…or both? Click here to check out more.

SNL Mother's Day Skits

Brett Singer — Mon, 11 May 2009 23:00:00 GMT

If you thought the infamous "D*ck In A Box" would be hard to beat (no pun intended), check out this "Digital Short" from Saturday Night Live this week.

Here is... Mother Lover.

Susan Sarandon and Patricia Clarkson do a fine job as the moms who, as the song says, get a "mother's night" to go with their Mother's Day.

Less funny, but not entirely without laughs, is the Mom Translator.

I guess this is for mothers who are less hip than mine. But come on. Who doesn't know who Keanu Reaves is? They should have gone with more lame celebrities that are barely famous, like Lauren Conrad. (Although I think SNL needs to do a sketch called "Breakdance Mountain.")

Image: YouTube

Hey Look! Mom Is On The Net!

OctoMom's Kid - Bite Mark And Black Eye

Classic Mother Songs For Mother's Day

FEMA Coloring Book Features 9/11 Image

Baby Snuggie

Brett Singer — Sat, 04 Apr 2009 03:00:00 GMT

Sweet Christmas.

You are probably familiar with the Snuggie. It's a blanket with sleeves. It sort of looks like a robe. Here's the ad if you have no idea what I'm talking about.

The Snuggie has been featured in The New York Times, more than once. It was recently embraced by conservatives such as Joe the Plumber and Tucker Carlson. (The sad thing is I don't know which one of those guys has a better career at the moment. But I digress.)

So what's an entrepreneur to do? Well, in the words of the great Homer Simpson, take an existing product and put a clock in it. Or, in the case of the Baby Snuggie, a second head.

OK, now let's be specific. This product is actually called the Peekaru, from a company called TogetherBe. And I think it came out before the Snuggie. Can't tell.

Also -- don't care. Because when I look at that photo, all I can think of is the alien fetus thing from 'Total Recall'. Kuato. Remember him? (I'm not posting a photo for fear of offending any delicate sensibilities. If you want to see Kuato, and see how right I am, click here. But don't say I didn't warn you.)

One more thing from TogetherBe's website. If you click on "Learn more about the Peekaru™ today!" you get this page.

Opening for baby! Or Kuato. Whatever works.

Would anyone buy this? I mean, it's only 80 dollars. OK, OK, $79.95. Plus tax. And shipping. And possibly YOUR IMMORTAL SOUL...

Source: MomLogic

Jimmy Kimmel And The Octomom

Baby Einstein Wants You To Feel Good About TV

Surrogate Agency Disappears With Potential Parents Cash

Open Letter To The Woman Who Pushed Me While I Was Picking Up My Kid

TV Is Neither Good Nor Bad For Babies (unless they see infomercials, then it's very, very harmful.)

Musical SpongeBob Rectal Thermometer. Fun for Your Kid’s Butt?

Cole Gamble — Wed, 25 Mar 2009 04:30:00 GMT

Children do not like having rods shoved up their bumholes—especially when they are sick. For that matter, no human likes having rods shoved up their butts. So what’s a caring parent to do? Buy one of those convenient ear thermometers? Hell no! What you do is make the rectal temperature taking process more fun with your child’s most beloved cartoon character.

And so we come to the Musical SpongeBob Rectal Thermometer.

My mind has exploded. I really don’t know where to begin. I guess I’ll start with, is it truly fun to have SpongeBob up in there? How does SpongeBob feel about it? Who at Nickelodeon okayed this product?

And then we have the music. I must say the thought of SpongeBob singing jauntily deep into my bum is one of the creepiest things I’ve ever confronted.

Somebody please buy this product and write up a review. I 100% guarantee to post it.

My Wife Says: 10 Reasons to Get Plastic Surgery after the Baby

10 Things They Don’t Tell You about Parenting

The 12 Do’s and Don’ts of Throwing Your Kid’s Birthday Party

Things You Should Never Say at a Chuck E Cheese Birthday Party

Stroller As Gun Rack

Brett Singer — Wed, 18 Mar 2009 21:00:00 GMT

I'm not a hunter, so I'd never heard of a "shooting cart" before. At first glance, my reaction to this was similar to that of Internet entrepreneur Jason Calcanis, who seems amazed by its very existence. Or one of his commenters, who says, "ha, ha...you know you're a redneck when...."

Looking more closely, though, it seems that this is not an uncommon item. From another commenter: "I actually know several people that have these. They are used for 3 gun competitions because it is very hard to safely carry 3 guns around a shooting range. They are built from the ground up as a shooting cart. This is not a stroller it just looks like one." Greg at DaddyTypes also points out that this is a normal looking item – if you hunt.

Despite the fact that it's not really a stroller, I do think it would be fun if our favorite soldier mom who gave birth in her barracks used this to transport her budle of joy. I mean, come on. We all need a good chuckle these days.

Initial commie-pinko-liberal reaction aside ("OMG HOW CAN YOU PUT A BABY IN THAT THING THATS SO WRONG LOL"), I have to admit that as my younger son rapidly outgrows his stroller, I'd been wondering what to do with it. Maybe I can start hunting, or just look like I am. Rolling this down Second Avenue would definitely get me attention in Manhattan.

Source: Jason Calcanis via DaddyTypes

Morning News - Cheney, Duct Tape, Outer Space

UPDATE - Austrian Incest Dad Pleads Guilty To Some Charges

OctoMom Video Blog at RadarOnline

When Kids Toys are Dirty - And We're Not Talking Mud

JeanneSager — Tue, 17 Mar 2009 16:28:00 GMT

Why do they call it being childish when you figure out how to make your kid's toys say naughty words? You don't REALLY want a child doing it.

OK, so it's immature. But Ms. Stick up Your You Know What, it's kind of hilarious. Right? Right?

If you can ignore the hyper-annoying Billy Mays-style excitement of the guy from Jeepers Media ( just tune out whenever he's talking), his toy test of the Fisher Price baby grand piano has fodder for plenty of adult fun. Press the keys in the proper order, and they play out the basic musical notes - Do, Re, Mi, Fa, So . . . and so on. Play them in fast succession in the wrong order and Fa, Me sounds rather like . . . something you did to END UP WITH a bunch of kids' toys lying around your house.

He can't be the only one out there doing this. I clearly remember a Christmas gift exchange for two-year-olds where the fathers delighted in the alphabet toy, because pressing "S" followed quickly by "X" spit out a sound rather like . . . another word for what you do to end up with a bunch of kids' toys lying around your house.

Some parents get indignant with the toymakers over these kinds of things, but frankly, grown men will act like little boys. And grown women will act like little girls. We're going to have our own fun with our kids toys. And if we can't, please, please, send us back some pre-pregnancy senses of humor, stat.

What have you discovered playing with our kids' toys?

Image: Hollywood Diecast

Jimmy Kimmel And The Octomom

Brett Singer — Sun, 15 Mar 2009 22:00:00 GMT

Now that I'm a parent I find that I don't have time to watch late night TV, but Jimmy Kimmel seems to have gotten pretty funny while I was busy with my brood. Luckily I can catch it all in dribs and drabs online. (Note: these are only sort of safe for work/the eyes and ears of your kids, so proceed with some caution.)

Like the rest of us, Kimmel has been taking pot shots at Nadya Suleman, aka the Octomom. Unlike the rest of us, he has a staff of writers and video people. (None of these are examples of tremendously complex comedy but it probably helped to have, you know, help.)

This video is really all about the wax lips that Jimmy puts on (and eventually eats) when he "plays" Nadya Suleman on his late night talk show. So it's a cheap gag, but still kind of funny.

It is a little gross when Jimmy/Nadya pulls out a Mason jar of embryos and sits on them. But again, it's kind of funny in a Beavis/Butthead sort of way. I'm also not sure whether he's talking about Nadya or Dr. Phil when he says he wouldn't "give money to that lunatic."

Jimmy also has video of the birth:

The babies are flyin'. Look out!

And Jimmy looked at the video of Nadya and her mom:

That little edit at the end didn't happen. It's kind of like the scene in 'True Lies', where Ah-nuld imagines punching out the car salesman who was lusting after his wife. Wish fulfillment. Something tells me Nadya's mom wouldn't mind having a DVD of that clip to watch when things get tough.

Image: DailyTube

OctoMom Says Denis Beaudoin is Not OctoDad

Power Ranger Toys For Babies And Adults

Wolverine Blow Up Toy

OctoMom's Second Publicist Quits

OctoMom Video Blog at RadarOnline

New Rick Springfield CD For Kids

AUDIO - OctoMom 911 Calls Released

RENT Too Risqué For Some Schools

Will Ferrell's Landlord Retires From Comedy

Are You a Good Candidate for Hospital Birth?

Miriam Axel-Lute — Wed, 11 Mar 2009 18:30:00 GMT

It's always nice—and often informative—to try a little role reversal to reveal unstated assumptions. So I have to admit I'm tickled by the concept of Gloria Lemay's post "Are You a Good Candidate for Hospital Birth?", a checklist that includes items such as:

Must not be scared of needles.
Must not be claustrophobic or uncomfortable in confined spaces.
Must be able to go for long periods of time without eating or drinking.
Must be happy to share a bathroom with others.
Must enjoy sleeping on a mattress covered with plastic.
Must accept the possibility of contracting antibiotic-resistant infections.

Any given one won't apply to every hospital birth, it's true. (If I were writing it, I would have adapted things a bit, such as saying "Must accept a high likelihood that your written birth plan will be ignored" rather than "Must accept your written birth plan will be ignored," for example.) But that's really no different that the way many people phrase things like when asking you if you really want an out-of-hospital birth.

So while I wouldn't use it as is in a childbirth education class, I'm happy to see a little offense as the best defense, especially when doctors are pushing back on attempts to expand midwife care.

Hat-tip: Citizens for Midwifery. Photo by la_cola_de_mi_perro.

More by this author:

The Most Awesomely Epic High School English Paper of All Time

Cole Gamble — Fri, 06 Mar 2009 17:30:00 GMT

This is the most awesome thing I've seen all week. Imagine you are a student who really hates your English teacher. And let's say you had to write an essay about a famous poet but didn't give a damn. Your essay might go like this:

"I chose Walt Whitman for my biography report because Mr. Farlow said if I wasn't going to take this class seriously and pick a real poet I might as well not show up anymore.Walt Whitman was born in ancient China, is over 90 stories tall and travels the land with his blue ox, Emily Dickenson...

Here it is in it's original state:

I can't wait for this kid's next paper.

More fun:

Musical SpongeBob Rectal Thermometer. Fun for Your Kid’s Butt?

Octo-Mom Erupts! Video Showdown with Octo-Mom and Her Mother Over Babies

Elizabeth Hasselbeck Thinks Everything (Including Aerial Wolf Killing) is About Abortions (PLUS VIDEO)

Book of the Week: "Momoirs" Round-Up

editors — Fri, 27 Feb 2009 15:00:00 GMT

There are plenty of books out there that will instruct you on how to enjoy your pregnancy, have a “relaxing” labor, breastfeed with ease, and still be a fashionista throughout it all. These are not those books. The authors of our “momoir” picks dare to ask the tough questions: what if you hate being pregnant, can’t breastfeed to save your life, or never even planned on having a baby in the first place? In these pages, the road to motherhood may be rocky, but it is also filled with honesty, humor, and ultimately, much love. -- Lindsay Armstrong

BOOK: The Second Nine Months by Vicki Glembocki

Premise: Funny and honest (at times brutally), Vicki Glembocki is out to set the record straight on early motherhood. She wants to tell other women what no one ever told her: those first few months of motherhood are really, really hard.

'Bad Parent' Moment: “ ‘Sometimes, I just want to tell her to shut up.’ Rebecca lowers her head, as if waiting for me to pull the tube of Desitin out of my diaper bag and flog her with it… I stick out my arms, ready to hug her. ‘Sometimes I do! Sometimes I do tell her to shut up!’ I yell."

Funniest Moment: “I grab hold with my hands. I squeeze. Nothing. I squeeze again. Nothing. I wrap both hands around my right boob and squeeze, nothing. ‘ I am trying to milk myself,’ I think.”

Turning Point: “As soon as I unhook the strap on the white nursing tank, Blair curls her body around my chest. She shimmies in, like she can’t get close enough to me, like she’s trying to soak into my skin. She’s never done this before.”

BOOK: Rockabye by Rebecca Woolf [who blogs for Babble at "Straight from the Bottle"]

Premise: Rebecca Woolf’s heartfelt and often hilarious account of what happens when an irrepressible young city girl gets pregnant by accident and decides to keep that baby and marry the boyfriend.

Funniest Reaction to the News: “When I first confessed to my mother that I was pregnant, she sighed and said, ‘I’m just glad that it didn’t happen sooner.’ …It was her sweet way of calling me a slut.”

Best Reason Not to Be Pregnant in L.A.: ”Nothing makes a fat woman feel like more of a fat woman than walking backward uphill next to Jessica Alba.”

Turning Point: “ I am especially in awe of Archer’s cuticles, how they look like they could belong to a grown person even though he is only hours old, hours that separate him from his pre life…This is what it feels like to love somebody, I think.”

BOOK: Accidentally on Purpose by Mary Pols

Premise: Mary Pols had always planned on being a mom. She just didn’t plan on getting pregnant at age 39 after a one-night stand with a sweet, underachieving, and much younger man.

On Telling the Father: "There was no getting around how skimpy our relationship was…We’d spent exactly two nights together, a drunken one night stand and a booty call…I wasn’t sure Matt knew my last name (or cared to), and here I was, heading off…to break the news that I was having his baby."

'Bad Parent' Moment: "The fact that I’d possessed such an extravagant item (a $600 vacuum cleaner) was, I had to admit, similar to buying a $49 candle to remove the rat odor from the trailer I was living in because I didn’t have the savings to move into a new apartment."

Turning Point: "I fell in love with my son unconditionally, and only later did I begin to see pieces of myself in him. That reflection has made it so much easier to love myself."

BOOK: Mamarama by Evelyn McDonnell

Premise: A rollicking ‘momoir’ with a pop-culture twist: what happens when a bohemian, feminist, punk-loving music critic becomes a wife and mom of three.

The Heart of the Matter: "I remember a list that was passed out among us female rock critics… '10 reasons why a book is better than a baby.' I don’t remember the specific digs, but the point was clear: we should make something of our own lives first, before we started making other lives."

So True: "Whoever first said, 'It takes a village to raise a family,' was definitely not talking about the East Village."

On Modern Motherhood: "Mamarama isn’t about the perfect madness of trying to be an over-achieving super mom; rather, it’s about the idea that all moms are super. Just because we have kids doesn’t mean we give up our diva glamour as culture mavens. In fact, parenting adds to our worldliness."

BOOK: My Miserable, Lonely, Lesbian Pregnancy by Andrea Askowitz

Premise: Andrea Askotwitz takes an unflinching look at her life as a single lesbian mother-to-be in this humorous memoir of her 40 weeks and five days in hell.

On Conceiving as a Lesbian:"Before the insemination, I had to watch a mandatory video: 'Infertility: The New Solutions.' The video featured three heterosexual couples with various fertility problems….When the video was over I told the nurse I’d discovered my problem. 'What is it?' she asked. 'I’m a lesbian,' I said."

The Truth About Pregnancy: "No one says feeling miserable is a side effect. Everyone talks about pregnancy bliss and the prenatal glow This is the worst experience of my life. I’m anti-social, fat, and scared."

Why It Was All Worth It Anyway: "Maybe I didn’t ask Robin how she was feeling. I certainly didn’t ask Kate. With Tashi I have no choice. I have to consider her first. Tashi makes me better."

Woman In Labor Calls Radio Station To Find Husband

Cole Gamble — Tue, 17 Feb 2009 17:00:00 GMT

In this age of communication advancement, (cell phones, texting, twittering, IM, Facebook pokes, etc) it’s so easy for people to reach you; you almost wish it wasn’t so easy. But communication is important, like say, when your wife goes into labor. That’s something you want to know, so thank heavens you have this massive communications super structure to keep you in touch.

Of course that all falls apart if you leave your phone at home.

In Portland, Oregon, A woman in labor couldn't get in touch with her husband because he left his cell phone at home. Stuck in a desperate situation, the woman got innovative and sought to reach her husband by what would be in today’s technologically advanced environment, the equivalent of sending smoke signals: she called local radio station 97.1 Charlie FM.

She told morning hosts Dr. Doug and Skippy that her husband listens to the show every day and didn't know of any other way to reach him.

"I am in labor with our first baby, and my husband has left his cell phone at home. I have no way to get a hold of him other than you guys. He faithfully listens to you every single morning. So hopefully he is listening right now. Dan, you need to get to the hospital. We are having our baby," the woman said.

So perhaps our sophisticated communication system can sometimes fail, but on the plus side, people apparently still listen to the radio.

And for the record, Dr. Doug is not a real doctor.

More by this author:

5 Second-Grade Boys Found with Heroin

Did Salma Hayek’s Breastfeeding an African Child Mean the End of Man’s Inhumanity to Man?

Elizabeth Hasselbeck Thinks Everything (Including Aerial Wolf Killing) is About Abortions (PLUS VIDEO)

Should Cookie Magazine Get Killed?

10 (Dumb) Ways to Get Pregnant

6 Reasons My Toddler is a Total Buttwipe

10 (Dumb) Ways to Get Pregnant

Cole Gamble — Tue, 10 Feb 2009 15:00:00 GMT

I will get you pregnant.

Let me rephrase that.

There are some interesting claims out there on techniques to increase your chances of pregnancy. A lot of it is likely bull, but definitely interesting. Personally, I have only two techniques to increase pregnancy:

1) Have sex.

2) Repeat.

But some argue it’s more than that, such as:

1) "Missionary position. Studies suggest the missionary position allows for deepest penetration, thus releasing sperm closer to the opening of the cervix."

2) "Fertili ‘Tea’ with vitex." Yeah, right. “Tea.” What do you want to bet the secret ingredient “vitex” is just another word for vodka?

3) "Intercourse at least every other day." Oh, that’s the secret. And here we were doing it only once a year.

4) "Post coital position. Women should relax on their back after intercourse with their hips upward in the doctor recommended position for 15 minutes allowing sperm easier access through the cervix."

5) Involves some sort of a kilt. If it's for dudes, we're not wearing it, no way.

6) Yoga. Remember, yoga is magic. And who doesn’t want a limber baby?

7) "Avoid artificial sweeteners." But I want Splenda babies!

8) "Hot baths. Studies indicate they may paralyze or hinder sperm. Cool surroundings offer the highest sperm and motility count."

9) "Avoid scrotum pressure." I’m on board with that one.

10) "Cleaning products." I have to stop spraying my wife with Windex while we’re doin’ it.

Have you ever used any of these? Did it work?

Thanks to Nerve for finding these.

More by this Author:

14-Year-Old Pregnant Girl Arrested for Drunk Driving

5 Second-Grade Boys Found with Heroin

Woman In Labor Calls Radio Station To Find Husband

Did Salma Hayek’s Breastfeeding an African Child Mean the End of Man’s Inhumanity to Man?

Elizabeth Hasselbeck Thinks Everything (Including Aerial Wolf Killing) is About Abortions (PLUS VIDEO)

Should Cookie Magazine Get Killed?

6 Reasons My Toddler is a Total Buttwipe

4 Ways Birth and Breastfeeding Will Ruin Sex

Fictional Fighting With Five-Year Olds

Brett Singer — Fri, 30 Jan 2009 22:00:00 GMT

This dopey web quiz provides a few seconds of mirth with minimal effort.

The site, created by Matthew Inman for the dating service Mingle2, asks you a series of questions, such as, "Which best describes your sense of balance: 1) I'm not very balanced, I sometimes have trouble standing on one foot or staying upright on a snowboard or exercise ball…", "Do you have any experience fighting swarms, such as being chased by a bunch of pissed-off bees or playing starcraft against the Zerg?" and " Have you ever been trampled? (by a horse, at a rock concert, etc)"

The third page of the quiz is vaguely thought provoking. "How would you feel about the fact that you're fighting a bunch of kids?" "During the fight, would you feel morally comfortable picking up a child and using him/her as a weapon to throw at other children?" Presumably the number of kids required to take you down will increase if you answer "To hell with morality, I'd be too busy pile-driving, crane-kicking, and bare-knuckle bashing them all the way back to kintergarten [sic]" as opposed to "This is so wrong - these are children for pete's sake. I don't think I could fight them, even in self defense."

After you answer everything to the best of your ability, you are presented with a number. That number is How Many Five Year Olds Could Take You In A Fight. My number was 15:

By the way, don't feel like you have to join Mingle2 to get your result. It looks that way, but if you look at the smaller text just below the big "JOIN NOW" banner, you'll see that you can click there and just find out how strong/wimpy you are without actually re-entering the dating pool.

So what's your number?

Source: howmanyfiveyearoldscouldyoutakeinafight.com

Third Hand Smoke Can Harm Your Kids

Baby Bikini and Pregnant Man Top 2008 Weird News List

They Say -- Kids Who Skip Breakfast and Hate Mom Have Sex Sooner

Video: Old People Choir Singing Gangsta Hip Hop

Cole Gamble — Sat, 15 Nov 2008 18:30:00 GMT

As a parent, I’d like to think I’m reasonable cool. I can only hope as a grandparent I’ll be cool enough to sing OutKast, MC Hammer and Chamillionaire.Hopefully I'll be as cool as these octegenarians:

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10 WORST. BABY. PRODUCTS. EVER! (Part 1)

Will Smith Remakes The Karate Kid, Casts His Son in Lead

Horrifyingly Cute Animals

10 Things You May Not Know About Pregnancy (and might shock you)

Cute Overload: White Tiger Kitten and Monkey are Friends (PICS!)

Men with Baby Heads

The 26 Most Disturbing Kids Movies Ever

Lego Breakdancing

Brett Singer — Fri, 14 Nov 2008 17:00:00 GMT

And now, for your viewing pleasure - breakdancing Lego pieces.

Stop-motion Lego movies are numerous, but this one caught my fancy. Its pretty clever and well-done. For example, as a commenter on archive.org points out, each piece/person has their own style and moves. Also, it proves that not every silly time-wasting video is on YouTube.

The filmmaker did make a decision not to use a hip-hop tune, and the Lego folks look strangely like The Village People. But it is kid-approved: my 3-year-old watched this and immediately requested a second and third viewing.

If the embedded video won't play, click here.

Comedians From The Past Weigh In On The First Black President

Barack Obama Asked If Bill Clinton Was The First Black President

Guy Changes Name to Captain Fantastic

Is The Incredible Flying Baby Video Real?

Kidnapped Boy Saves Self, or Humor Gone Awry

Mike Adamick (Cry It Out!) — Mon, 10 Nov 2008 12:04:00 GMT

I'm usually a huge fan of The Onion -- one of those obnoxious chuckleheads who used to sit in his pod all day, snorting about the Area Man who held a news conference to announce his displeasure with Thursday -- but this story really missed its mark, and I have to say: I'm offended and completely unnerved by what I know is a fake news story.

The story has to do with 9-year-old kidnap victim Ethan Davis, who, while locked tightly away, imagines he has been rescued.

"Blocking out the sight and stench of his surroundings, the boy's imagination went on to report that Davis was led by authorities into the arms of his overjoyed parents—a complete fantasy the 9-year-old was somehow able to conjure up despite the fact that he was lying face down on a filthy concrete floor, his arms and legs restrained by rope."

I read and re-read the story and thought I had lost all sense of humor by not finding any in it. Maybe some childless freakshow thinks this is just a riot, or maybe I'm just getting cranky, but man, this story is really fucked up.

Am I alone?

[photo: The Onion]

They say: Obama Wins

Brett Singer — Wed, 05 Nov 2008 04:11:00 GMT

CNN, The New York Times, and even Fox News have called the Presidential race for Barack Obama. (UPDATE: so has everyone else.)

Amazing to think that it's almost all over after so much campaigning.

Not much to say. I'm still going to watch the news for awhile; I'm like Yogi Berra – it ain't over 'til it's over, y'know? Then again, McCain just conceded. Wow. (Classy speech too, for what it's worth.)

UPDATE: I'm watching Barack's speech now. I can't imagine what must be going through his mind. Think about where he was in 2004. Wow. I know I should have something more articulate to say but "wow" is going to have to do. (It's late.)

My kids don't seem to care that much, which was actually sort of nice in a way. No matter who wins, they get up, go to school, eat lunch, run around, jump on my ribs – a typical day. Eventually I'll talk to them about this election, but not right now.

What about you – how do you feel?

image: me waiting to vote today

McCain's Mom's Morale Super Low

Other Stuff to Vote On Today – Same Sex Marriage, Chicken Cages

McCain Campaign Verbally Abuses an Innocent Child

Obama doesn't say I love you anymore

They say: John McCain is not a maverick

Babble Podcast for November 3, 2008

Republican Candidate Uses Porn-esque Robocall

Jon Stewart says: Ted Stevens is a Cheap Date

N-Word Flies at Palin Rally

Babble Podcast for October 27th, 2008

Babble Talk: The Candidates Health Plans

Joe the racist plumber?

They Say: Obese During Pregnancy? Hatch a Republican!

Sarah Palin Gets Pranked By Canadian Radio Hosts – Video

Which Candidate Has The Best Name?

They say: no one with a uterus should vote for McCain

They say: McCain not thrilled with Palin and she wants to run in 2012

Best political shirt ever - Everyone Poops

109 Year Old Daughter Of Slave Votes For Obama

Other Stuff to Vote On Today – Same Sex Marriage, Chicken Cages

Brett Singer — Tue, 04 Nov 2008 20:15:00 GMT

So the United States is picking a President today. But there are other candidates, and also many ballot measures in play today.

A quick round-up:

ARIZONA:
- Ban same-sex marriage.
- Require that any initiative involving spending or tax hikes be approved by majority of all registered voters, not just those casting ballots.

ARKANSAS:
- Create state lottery.
- Ban unmarried couples from adopting or being foster parents.

CALIFORNIA:
- Ban same-sex marriage.
- Authorize high-speed rail project.
- Require parental notification for a minor's abortion.
- Create 14-member commission to draw state legislative districts.
- Require all utilities to generate 20 percent of their power from renewable energy by 2010.
- Ban cramped metal cages for egg-laying hens.

I think I'm noticing a trend here.

Several states are voting on ballot measures to "ban same-sex marriage." Personally, I find this bizarre. Isn't it already banned? Are people that freaked out at the possibility of two men or two women marrying each other that they need to put it on double secret probation? (For the record, I think if gay people are crazy enough to want to be married, it's fine. Go for it.)

Looking at the article on MiamiHerald.com, it looks like the to-do of an insane person. Authorize slot machine gambling, check. Allow state's first casino, check. Ban abortion and dog racing, check. Ban cramped metal cages for egg-laying hens, check. (Those are all from different states, not the same one.) That's not to say that all of the measures are insane, it's just funny to think about them out of context. "Let's see, today...Prohibit mandatory union membership and mandatory union dues, authorize slot-machine gambling, and make English the official language of government proceedings. Got it." Busy day.

Sources: Miami Herald, MTV

Read more:

Obama doesn't say I love you anymore

They say: John McCain is not a maverick

Babble Podcast for November 3, 2008

Republican Candidate Uses Porn-esque Robocall

Jon Stewart says: Ted Stevens is a Cheap Date

N-Word Flies at Palin Rally

Babble Podcast for October 27th, 2008

Babble Talk: The Candidates Health Plans

Joe the racist plumber?

Sarah Palin Gets Pranked By Canadian Radio Hosts – Video

Which Candidate Has The Best Name?

They say: no one with a uterus should vote for McCain

They say: McCain not thrilled with Palin and she wants to run in 2012

Best political shirt ever - Everyone Poops

109 Year Old Daughter Of Slave Votes For Obama

Brett Singer — Tue, 04 Nov 2008 19:45:00 GMT

The line to vote for President and other stuff today might be kind of long. If you get cranky, here's an inspiring story to keep you a little bit sane.

From the Austin American Statesman:

Amanda Jones, 109, the daughter of a man born into slavery, has lived a life long enough to touch three centuries. And after voting consistently as a Democrat for 70 years, she has voted early for the country's first black presidential nominee.
…
Jones' father herded sheep as a slave until he was 12, according to the family, and once he was freed, he was a farmer who raised cows, hogs and turkeys on land he owned. Her mother was born right after the Emancipation Proclamation was signed, Joyce Jones said. The family owned more than 100 acres of land in Cedar Creek at one point, she said.
Amanda Jones' father urged her to exercise her right to vote, despite discriminatory practices at the polls and poll taxes meant to keep black and poor people from voting. Those practices were outlawed for federal elections with the 24th Amendment in 1964, but not for state and local races in Texas until 1966.

First of all, the fact that anyone lived to be 109 is cool. More importantly, though, is her story. I can't imagine what it must have felt like for Amanda to cast her vote in this Presidential election.

Source/Image: Statesman.com

Read more:

Other Stuff to Vote On Today – Same Sex Marriage, Chicken Cages

Obama doesn't say I love you anymore

They say: John McCain is not a maverick

Babble Podcast for November 3, 2008

Republican Candidate Uses Porn-esque Robocall

Jon Stewart says: Ted Stevens is a Cheap Date

N-Word Flies at Palin Rally

Babble Podcast for October 27th, 2008

Babble Talk: The Candidates Health Plans

Joe the racist plumber?

Sarah Palin Gets Pranked By Canadian Radio Hosts – Video

Which Candidate Has The Best Name?

They say: no one with a uterus should vote for McCain

They say: McCain not thrilled with Palin and she wants to run in 2012

Best political shirt ever - Everyone Poops

Who Wants to Dine on Homemade Baby?

Cole Gamble — Tue, 04 Nov 2008 17:00:00 GMT

Do you know that you can nosh on real baby? Oh sure, thanks to our friends in Japan. What the hell do I mean?

There you go. A Japanese translation fail of epic proportion. What, did you think they eat real live human baby? No way, sicko.

More By This Author:

Palin Chooses Name for Her Next Kid

Cute Overload: White Tiger Kitten and Monkey are Friends (PICS!)

Child Prodigies So Amazing They'll Make You Feel Bad About Yourself

The 26 Most Disturbing Kids Movies Ever

7 Classic Kid's TV Shows Clearly Conceived on (Bad) Acid

12 Pregnancy Myths

Why Monday Night Football Is Important To This Election

Brett Singer — Mon, 03 Nov 2008 22:00:00 GMT

You probably think that a football game has no bearing on tomorrow's election.

Silly voter!

First: both Barack Obama and John McCain will appear tonight on Monday Night Football. They will be interviewed by Chris Berman, a man whose idea of humor is referring to quarterback Jack Delhomme as "Daylight Come And You've Gotta Delhomme." (Get it? "Go home?" "Delhomme?" It's even funnier when he says it every single week.) According to media reports, "The interviews will give both candidates a last major chance to appeal to Americans during a coveted spot on prime-time television. Monday Night Football has averaged 12.2 million viewers this season." That's better than the typical halftime show, although I doubt Janet Jackson will show up and offer a wardrobe malfunction. And while I would personally love it if Obama quoted Chris Rock and said, "Redskins? That's racist! That's like having a team called the New York Ni**ers," I'm guessing he won't say that. But maybe McCain will? Nah. Wouldn't be prudent, you know?

Second: if the Redskins win the game, the incumbent party – the Republicans, in case you've forgotten – wins the election. This has been true since 1948, except for once. In 2004, the 'Skins lost and George W. Bush won. Obviously this isn't a lock. Still, this is one of those weird little things that make you believe in a higher power that has a sense of humor.

The predictions I've seen generally favor the Steelers tonight, but it should be close. So if you want to start obsessing a day early, you can stay up late tonight and watch the game.

Also of interest: Obama was on Monday Night Football back in 2006 to announce… that he was a Chicago Bears fan. Here's the video.

Sources: WSJ, CBC (also image), Sporting News

Obama doesn't say I love you anymore

They say: no one with a uterus should vote for McCain

Jon Stewart says: Ted Stevens is a Cheap Date

N-Word Flies at Palin Rally

Babble Talk: The Candidates Health Plans

Which Candidate Has The Best Name?

How much is Sarah Palin worth?

They say: McCain not thrilled with Palin and she wants to run in 2012

Palin Speaks Out On Special Needs Trusts

Will Ferrell Returns to SNL

UPDATE: Jon Stewart says "F*** All Y'All"

Japanese Spiderman Video

Brett Singer — Mon, 03 Nov 2008 20:00:00 GMT

Spiderman – you know, superhero, sticks to walls, spins webs any size, etc. – is popular around the world. But sometimes the character is changed slightly for local markets. Here is – Japanese Spiderman.

Yes, we all have election on the brain. This video is so dopey that it will absolutely take your mind off of everything for about a minute. And that makes it worth watching.

If you REALLY want to zone out, here's a full episode -- 24 minutes long. I haven't watched it. But if you need this sort of thing, here you go. Perhaps it arrived just in time.