Strollerderby : husband

Dads Don't Babysit

editors — Wed, 06 May 2009 14:17:00 GMT

Today on Babble:

Dads Don't Babysit

by Jeanne Sager

Taking care of our kid doesn't make him a saint--it makes him a parent.

Read it here.

Husband Loses Job, Wife Loses Respect For Him

Brett Singer — Sun, 22 Mar 2009 22:00:00 GMT

We all know how tough it is out there. The number of jobs is shrinking by the day, and layoffs are common. Many families still follow the traditional model where the husband is the breadwinner and the wife takes care of the children and housekeeping duties. Nothing wrong with that. But let's say dad loses his job. He didn't quit because he missed out on a promotion, nor was he fired for making photocopies of his butt. He was laid off. It happens. Mom should be supportive, right? Flexible. Do what needs to be done to keep the family together.

Well, yes. Of course. But in the case of this couple that was profiled on ABC's Good Morning America, wifey has lost respect for her fella. She's not attracted to him anymore. In fact, they are sleeping in separate beds.

The wife in question, Eleanor Hemmert, had this to say about her husband Rick: "It's the respect. I wish I could say something different, but I've lost so much respect for him. And I think the dynamics with a man and a woman is a woman has to respect her husband. And if she doesn't, that relationship just goes away."

In an illustration of what I meant when I questioned a passage from Kate Gosselin's book, Eleanor also said: "That's one of the basic things that little girls grow up thinking - that the man is going to put the roof over her head, he is going to support the family." And when it doesn't happen, you get angry. Expectations can be bad when the person is inflexible.

I'm not in their marriage, so I don't know what else is going on. But this couple chose to put themselves on TV, so I'm commenting. Anytime I hear a woman complain that her husband isn't doing the manly work that she expects her man to be doing, it really irks me. If a woman were told to stay home and get pregnant, and that her place was in the kitchen, preferably barefoot, would she like that? Or that it was perfectly reasonable to pay her less money than a man who does the same job? Granted, those things happen all the time. But they're wrong. So is this woman's attitude.

Of course, Husband Rick isn't helping matters. "I think it is in every man's DNA to be the breadwinner. It's very humbling for me. It changes the dynamic of our relationship immensely. There is a wedge that has appeared. I feel the anger. I feel the tension. This house is not as joyous as it should be."

See, that's a choice. It's not in any man's "DNA" that he has "to be the breadwinner." It's in his mind, and the mind of his wife. Sometimes things change. Is it unpleasant? Sure. Is it worth ruining your marriage for? No way.

I understand that it's probably very frustrating for any couple when the primary breadwinner loses their job. But it's not like Mr. Man decided to quit being a salesman in order to pursue his dream of being a rodeo clown. Wife Eleanor is also complaining that she has to work more hours now, and that Rick cooks dinner poorly. But is that really fair? If he's just sitting around the house all day with his feet up, I can see being annoyed about that. But that's different from being so furious about something that was outside of you and your husband's control that you can't even sleep in the same room anymore.

Their daughter Elizabeth is "picking up" the tension between mom and dad. While both husband and wife are angry at each other and feel "underappreciated", their daughter is "suffering silently," says ABC News. "If the kids sense that you are unhappy and you don't talk to them about it, they may incorrectly blame themselves," they say. Good advice. Maybe the Hemmerts will take it.

Source: ABC News

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Woman In Labor Calls Radio Station To Find Husband

Cole Gamble — Tue, 17 Feb 2009 17:00:00 GMT

In this age of communication advancement, (cell phones, texting, twittering, IM, Facebook pokes, etc) it’s so easy for people to reach you; you almost wish it wasn’t so easy. But communication is important, like say, when your wife goes into labor. That’s something you want to know, so thank heavens you have this massive communications super structure to keep you in touch.

Of course that all falls apart if you leave your phone at home.

In Portland, Oregon, A woman in labor couldn't get in touch with her husband because he left his cell phone at home. Stuck in a desperate situation, the woman got innovative and sought to reach her husband by what would be in today’s technologically advanced environment, the equivalent of sending smoke signals: she called local radio station 97.1 Charlie FM.

She told morning hosts Dr. Doug and Skippy that her husband listens to the show every day and didn't know of any other way to reach him.

"I am in labor with our first baby, and my husband has left his cell phone at home. I have no way to get a hold of him other than you guys. He faithfully listens to you every single morning. So hopefully he is listening right now. Dan, you need to get to the hospital. We are having our baby," the woman said.

So perhaps our sophisticated communication system can sometimes fail, but on the plus side, people apparently still listen to the radio.

And for the record, Dr. Doug is not a real doctor.

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Calculate the Odds You'll Get Divorced

Kelly Mills — Sun, 30 Nov 2008 19:03:00 GMT

As the resident divorcing parent-blogger, I see a story with "divorce in it and I get all interested. Add "calculator" to that and I'm reading further, because I love a little online gadget that tells you something good. So hey, are you wondering if your marriage is forever, or if it will end in divorce? The rate of divorce is dropping in the U.S., and within different demographics the chances are better or worse that you'll end up in Splitsville. In fact, you could have much better than the quoted 50-50 odds of success.

Only one way to find out: The Marriage Calculator. Its not quite as exciting as it sounds, because it gives you the rate of divorce among your education level, duration of marriage, and marital time period. I was hoping for something where you plugged in common grievances or something and got your odds of success, but I guess that's called a marriage counselor.

Anyhow, go here and see if people with your background are breaking up like crazy, or if their marriages are rock-solid. Then pretend that it means something for your own. At least you can see if you'll have a good dating pool of similar folks to choose from in five years, should your relatonship go under. Ahem.

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They Say: Dads Cheat, but Not for Sex

JeanneSager — Wed, 01 Oct 2008 16:03:00 GMT

Ladies, I've got good news . . . and bad news.

A combined AOL Health and Cookie Magazine poll says 32 percent of dads have cheated. Yes, that's the bad news. So what's the good news? It's not the sex. Researcher Gary Neuman, author of the new book The Truth About Cheating: Why Men Stray and What You Can Do To Prevent It, told Newsweek it's about an emotional disconnect. Explains it all, doesn't it? You have kids, and you disconnect . . . sound about right to me.

The fact that new parents aren't having a heck of a lot of sex isn't new news. I wrote about it myself for Babble a few months ago - and my husband got a good chuckle out of comments about the article over on AOL that pretty much gave him the green light to visit greener pastures. FYI: he's still here, but he appreciates your concern.

Remember, Neuman says, it ain't about sex. "The No. 1 reason was feeling underappreciated. It was a lack of thoughtful and kind gestures," he claims. He spent two years studying 200 guys - 100 who cheated, 100 who kept it in their pants. Almost half - 48 percent - said they won't cheat if they feel appreciated. Another 12 percent said they're going to cheat no matter what (how nice of them).

By comparison, Cookie and AOL chatted up 60,000 guys with at least one child - all online. And, yup, they all want sex. A quarter whined they're getting it as little as once a month, and 79 percent said they'd like it a whole lot more. But the number who would be willing to cheat, even if they could hide it from their wives, is still well above half at 69 percent. Which jives with what Neuman found - they might be unhappy about their sex lives, but they're keeping both their pants and emotions zipped up.

So what's the secret to keeping him at home? That's up to you - and him. If he's one of that 12 percent (see above), I say good riddance to bad rubbish. But if he's like most guys out there, he's going to get a handle on the fact that you just don't feel like it after a long day of velcroing shoes, mopping up milk and finding Blue's clues. So go ahead, tell him you don't feel like it - but at least tell him you're sorry.

Image: eHow

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For a good marriage, women need to stay home

Brett Singer — Wed, 20 Aug 2008 14:00:00 GMT

That's a slight exaggeration, but not by much. Jezebel has a clip from the Mike and Juliet Show where Dr. Scott Haltzman (author of The Secrets of Happily Married Men) offers up marriage advice. His notion that wives need to "make their husbands feel like superheroes" and "nurture their needs" is enthusiastically backed up by Ro' Black, a stay-at-home wife. Ro' says that, "her marriage works because her husband gets a home cooked meal every night." She also picks up his stinky socks after he works out. Dr. Janet Taylor, another expert, goes so far as to suggest that marriage is a partnership and that perhaps Haltzman is going a little too far (gee, ya think?). Dr. Scott disagrees – he wants a pat on the back for making coffee for his wife every morning, and also wants his woman to get off the damn phone when he gets home from work, because he feels like he just "conquered the world" and would like this feeling to be acknowledged. According to the good doctor, he used to come home and "sulk" (his word) when she didn't immediately drop what she was doing and give him her full attention; now she does what he wants and he's happy.

What century is this?

I have no problem with a married couple that prefers a more traditional marriage, one where the husband works and the wife takes primary responsibility for the kids and the house. In fact, most of the people I know have situations that are exactly like that. Mine isn't, which may be why I'm more sensitive to the sort of idiocy being espoused by Haltzman the Hunter and Ro' Black.

Or maybe I think that some men might actually be mature enough to handle coming home and finding the Missus on the phone. Some men might even be okay if their wife makes more money than he does. Some men might even – wait for it – cook dinner for the family. Or – oh no, don't go there – do a load of laundry. Some men don't even have jobs! Of course, those marriages are doomed to fail, but nobody's perfect, right?

I'm not a feminist; I'm not sure a man can be a feminist, frankly. But I do think that the notion that the only way to have a happy marriage is for the wife to keep the husband happy, and that the only way to keep said husband happy is to cater to his every whim, is borderline psychotic. But hey, you know, live and let live. Go to Jezebel to see the clip. Fair warning: it might make you mad.

source: Jezebel

image: millsaps.edu

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5 Ways to Train Your Husband

Rachael Brownell (Redsy) — Thu, 24 Jul 2008 16:01:00 GMT

Here puppy puppy, want a treat??!! Good boy!! Want a biscuit?

Amy Sutherland applied lessons learned from dog training to her husband and reports experiencing a happier marriage as a result.

Here are 5 ways to train even the most unruly husband:

1. Reward good behavior - As fun as it is to nitpick and nag, it is far more effective to praise progress.

2. Engineering incompatible behaviors - If you don't like your husband hovering while you surf the 'net or cook or clean your gun, set up another draw in the room (food, movies, etc.) to keep him away.

3. Flattery - Will apparently get you everywhere. "My you have a large and powerful gun, honey" always works for me.

4. Don't overpersonalize - Rather than reading into his lack of help with the kids or the laundry, Ms. Sutherland encourages a more broad understanding. By overreacting a thoughtless habit might become a form of retaliation.

5. Ignore bad behavior - Ths is a nearly impossible for most of us. The concept here is that by ignoring bad behavior it will go away. Tell that to my overflowing garbage can.

Ms. Sutherland's book, "What Shamu Taught Me About Life, Love and Marriage," releases this week. I can't help but wonder what backlash would have occurred had this book been about training wives to be obedient. Can you say "flak jacket"? On the other hand, "The Surrendered Wife" probably already thoroughly covered this ground.

Greatdad.com's Husband Of The Year awards

Brett Singer — Sat, 21 Jun 2008 18:00:00 GMT

No, it's not Kevin Federline, Charlie Sheen, or even that guy from the Black Crowes. These are just regular fellas who really, truly, go out of their way to make sure that their wives are comfortable. Check out these photos:

See? What a bunch of great dudes. (And by "great" I mean "Wow, if I did any of these things my wife would throw me in the river wearing cement shoes.")

See the full collection -- and find out who wins top honors -- here.

images/source: Greatdad.com

Strollerderby : husband

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