Strollerderby : it's a boy

Announce Your New Addition With Panties: Male Perspective

Brett Singer — Fri, 12 Dec 2008 02:00:00 GMT

Sometimes they make it too easy.

This product pitch came in via email with the subject line, "Now this is one way to break the news!!" Let's lapse into cheeseball marketing mode for a moment:

Hey gals! Are you looking for a creative way to tell your hubby that you've got a bun in the oven? Well have we got a product for you!

Moody Mamas has introduced a product that's certain to take the edge off of the news that he's no longer the most important person in the house! He likes ice cream, right? Well, our Strawberry Storkcake and Feelin' Illa Vanilla may LOOK like ice cream cartons – but they're not! They're empty! Except for a pair of super-sexy panties! That's right – PANTIES! Because nothing says "We're having a boy" like the words "It's a boy" emblazoned on your nether region!

OK, I’m back now. Sorry about that.

Here's a more straightforward description: a fake ice cream container. You get your choice of Strawberry Storkcake or Feelin' Illa Vanilla (get it? Because you'll be feeling ill soon). When your husband opens it up, he doesn’t see ice cream – he sees panties. Panties that say, "It's a boy" or "It's a girl." On the front and on the back. You know, in case he misses the subtlety of it all.

Come to think of it, the straightforward description isn't any better.

The pitch we received promises that "it will take him a minute to figure it out!" which is probably true if he is (a) really really dumb or (b) not that dumb but doesn't understand what the hell you're doing. They also suggest that moms-to-be could "get right to the point and model a pair for him..trust me- he'll be surprised!" I imagine he would be. Just not in a good way.

The packaging is about as funny as an "I'm not as think as you drunk I am" t-shirt. Here are the ingredients of the Feelin' Illa Vanilla: "Big Belly Bombshell, 25%; Hungry Hottie, 25%; Queen of Quease, 25%; Growing Goddess, 25%." Here's an image of the label:

I take it back. The t-shirt is funnier.

I imagine that a woman could even be a little offended by this. "Queen of quease"? (For a female perspective, check out Jeanne's post.) I have no problem with off-color or inappropriate humor, but this isn't funny. As for the sexy factor, it doesn't do it for me. I'm all for spicing up a marriage. But what's wrong with just, you know, telling your spouse? I suppose this is more "creative". Kinda.

If you want to order one of these products, click here. However, the Moody Mama web site doesn't seem to agree with the PR message we received. You can buy the It's A Boy Undie ("Low rise (under belly) modal maternity undie with soft lace trim, bow accents; diamond appliqué; sold unpackaged,") here. The Stork-Cake faux-ice cream container is here, but seems to include only a generic "mama undie." I tried to figure it out for you but my head started to hurt. Who came up with this idea?

But hey -- maybe I'm missing something. Is it "hot" to combine news of a birth with tacky undergarments? Am I missing the hilarity and genius of the entire endeavor?

Here are a few images to help you decide. I highly recommend enlarging them to full-size. Provided you can stand to look at them. The butt shots are particularly funny/scary/disturbing/tell me what word you would use.

Images: MoodyMamas

Indiana Planned Parenthood Sells Gift Certificates

Nine-Year-Old Lothario Gets Movie Deal

Babble Podcast for December 8, 2008

Make Your Own Religious Doll

GPS Lingerie Upsets Some, Entices Others

Rare Condition Makes Boy Look Like Werewolf

Babble's Ultimate Holiday Gift Guide

A Girl's Take: Announce Your New Edition With Panties

JeanneSager — Thu, 11 Dec 2008 23:46:00 GMT

So you already peed on the stick and waved the plastic piece soaked in urine under his nose. How do you top that kind of production when it comes time to tell him he's going to have a bouncing baby boy, or daddy's little girl for that matter?

How about a carton of It's a Boy Ice Cream? Cause you know the way to a man's heart is by handing him a fake carton of ice cream. That's right - a cardboard tub of nothing for him. Except a pair of granny panties (these are for pregnant women after all) that say "it's a girl" or "it's a boy."

Whatever happened to circling the little pee-pee on the sonogram?

According to an e-mail sent our way this week, that's just what moms will soon be able to do via online shopping at Moody Mamas and Nordstrom. "Inside each of these ice cream cartons is a pair of adorable panties," the release reads. "Trust me, it will take him a minute to figure it out!" To figure out what? That he's not getting any ice cream?

The undies don't seem to be available just yet - right now you can only buy Strawberry Stork-Cake and Feelin' Illa Vanilla with panties sporting "sexy mama" because, after all, nothing says sexy like an ass that's spreading to accomodate his new little muffin. The gender-specific undies come unpackaged at the moment. I know, I'm disappointed too.

Am I the only Mom out there who thinks this is not only ridiculous but a waste of a good pint container? When I was pregnant, I wanted my Phish Food - hold the pickles, but give it to me NOW! Besides, we weren't really the cutesy wootsy types - there was much jumping and "woohooing" when I found out I was pregnant, but no code words, no guessing games, no little pee stick wrapped in small box wrapped in slightly bigger box wrapped in . . . you get the picture. As a woman, I just can't see myself - or anyone I know - buying these.

Then again, maybe if the underwear were edible. . .

(For a male perspective on this product, click here.)

Image: MoodyMamas

When Your Kid's is the Puny Gift to the Teacher

Bart and Lisa Simpson Sex Ruled Child Porn

Booty Caller Texts When You're Ovulating

Nintendo Scrabble Game Drops the F-Bomb

Male Blogger: Laboring Mom Not a 'True Emergency'

Clay Aiken ain't no fruit

Brett Singer — Tue, 03 Jun 2008 20:00:00 GMT

Far be it from me to imply that Clay Aiken is anything less than muy macho. But, you know, there have been those nasty rumors, which led to threats of a lawsuit from his devoted fan base, who are known as the Claymates. (Really. They call themselves Claymates, and one of them tried to sue Clay over rumors that he was homosexual. Don't you feel normal now?) So perhaps -- and I'm not saying there's anything wrong with this, you know -- Clay's recent actions are fueled by a desire to "butch it up, Mary" as the saying goes.

First: he impregnates a woman. This is a clear sign of masculinity. I mean, try doing that if you're... you know, not manly. Well, it was artificial insemination, which means there was no actual physical contact. But hey, there's nothing wrong with that either. (Even if Aiken isn't the father, he could have been. Hey! Stop laughing!)

Second: when a ~~vulture~~ cameraperson from ~~the fiery pits of Hell~~ TMZ confronted him on the street, he pulled a Sean Penn and whacked the camera. In a very aggressive, manly way. Again, nothing wrong with that. (Video of the incident is below, or click here.)

One thing that I've always found interesting is what constitutes "manliness." Impregnating a woman means that your sperm is, you know, spermy. Strong swimmers, etc. But so what?

And punching someone, even if that someone is ~~being a dick~~ just doing their jobs, is more out of control than it is "macho." To be fair, Clay just kinda pushed the guy; more specifically, he pushed the camera. If he had ripped the dude's arms off and beaten him within an inch of his life, that would have been much more manly. (Not that we advocate such behavior. But it would definitely have been big news.)

So maybe it's possible that all of this "news" just happens to be coming out (no pun intended) around the time that Mr. Aiken has a new album out. Just a thought.

In closing, let me request that the phrase "Claby" (Clay + Baby) never, ever catch on. It's just... there is something wrong with that.

(TMZ.com screenshot)

other image: offoffBway.com

Breaking News: Clay may not be the father

All Aiken, All the Time

American Idol or American Psycho? Clay Aiken Gives Pap a SMACKDOWN!

Fans Show Support For Clay Aiken

Clay Aiken Involved in Pregnancy

Breaking News: Clay Aiken might not be the father

Brett Singer — Tue, 03 Jun 2008 13:30:00 GMT

Could the whole "Clay Aiken can impregnate a woman without even touching her" news be a big fat stinkin' lie? The Calgary Herald is reporting that "several people close to" babymama Jaymes Foster are denying claims (clayms? Nope, not going there) that Aiken is the daddy.

~~One Of The Signs Of The Apocalypse~~ TMZ first reported that Aiken had artificially inseminated Foster, the sister of record producer David Foster, going on to say that, "Clay is a lot more than sperm -- we're told he will have an active role in raising the child." The story was picked up by roughly 12 million media outlets. BUT one of the so-called sources is denying that he ever said Clay was the daddy-to-be, even asking People.com to retract their story. And B.J. Cook, David Foster's ex-wife and Jaymes Foster's ex-sister-in-law said, "Jaymes is definitely pregnant, that much is true...I can guarantee that it's not Clay Aiken's baby." (emphasis added.)

Of course, no one directly involved is talking to the press, including Clay, who is very busy punching cameras.

It must be pointed out that we have no knowledge of this incident, or alleged incident. Maybe Clay is on his way to fatherhood. Maybe not. Who the hell knows? Clearly this is the most important story of the decade. Well, other than the Sex and the City movie. (Election? What election?)

Aside #1: Foster went from "in her late 40's" to "50" in a matter of days -- I guess it is stressful being in the public eye. Here's a photo of the happy non-couple.

Aside #2: Even if this whole thing turns out to be bull, at least we'll always have the phrase "Clay is a lot more than sperm." Thank you ~~Satan~~ TMZ.

images: thehollywoodgossip.com, offoffBway.com

All Aiken, All the Time

Strollerderby : it's a boy

Announce Your New Addition With Panties: Male Perspective

A Girl's Take: Announce Your New Edition With Panties

Indiana Planned Parenthood Sells Gift Certificates

Nine-Year-Old Lothario Gets Movie Deal

Babble Podcast for December 8, 2008

Make Your Own Religious Doll

GPS Lingerie Upsets Some, Entices Others

Rare Condition Makes Boy Look Like Werewolf

Babble's Ultimate Holiday Gift Guide

A Girl's Take: Announce Your New Edition With Panties

Announce Your New Addition With Panties: Male Perspective

When Your Kid's is the Puny Gift to the Teacher

Bart and Lisa Simpson Sex Ruled Child Porn

Booty Caller Texts When You're Ovulating

Nintendo Scrabble Game Drops the F-Bomb

Male Blogger: Laboring Mom Not a 'True Emergency'

Clay Aiken ain't no fruit

Breaking News: Clay may not be the father

American Idol or American Psycho? Clay Aiken Gives Pap a SMACKDOWN!

Fans Show Support For Clay Aiken

Clay Aiken Involved in Pregnancy

Breaking News: Clay Aiken might not be the father

Related Posts:

American Idol or American Psycho? Clay Aiken Gives Pap a SMACKDOWN!

Fans Show Support For Clay Aiken

Clay Aiken Involved in Pregnancy

Immigrant Gay Folks Face New Challenges

Political Nanny: Rules, Schmules, Numbers, Schmumbers

Mom Fights Church on Behalf of Autistic Son

Autistic boy voted out of kindergarten by classmates