Strollerderby : lindsay lohan

Morning News - Watchmen, Wiper Fluid and the World Wide Web

Brett Singer — Tue, 17 Mar 2009 13:30:00 GMT

Tuesday, Tuesday, Tuesday! (You need to hear that in the voice of a 1980's era Monster Truck radio ad announcer. That reference either makes sense or it doesn't. Apologies if it doesn't.)

Quick comment: I have to say that when I said I would fill in for Madeline for a few days, the last thing I thought I would be writing about was former President George W. Bush. Not that I mind, but it seems strange. I had an item about him yesterday, and there's one today. I'm not looking for them, believe me.

And now -- the news!

Update from Nerdy Movie Land (which, surprisingly, is not located at my house): 'Watchmen' dropped to second place, losing the top spot to 'Race to Witch Mountain.' Proving... nothing, really. Personally, I want 'Watchmen' to do well so that studio executives keep greenlighting superhero movies. So far it's made about $85 million, which is pretty good for two weeks. Unfortunately, there are reports that many people are walking out of the film before it's over, which doesn't really help with that whole word of mouth thing.

The guy who pretty much invented the World Wide Web – Tim Berners-Lee, not Al Gore – once got scammed online when buying a Christmas present. He's also warning people against "website snooping" and talking about keeping your personal data safe. Good idea, Tim, but if even you got scammed, what hope is there for the rest of us?

Campbell's Soup is not planning to cut their prices. Got that? How is this a headline? Seems that the company feels that prices are low enough, and sales are growing anyway. Hence, no price lowering. I repeat -- why tell anyone this? I prefer the organic stuff, myself, and my kids wouldn't eat soup if they were starving, so it doesn't affect me. But if I did eat Campbell's Soup, hearing this might make me NOT buy it. Just saying.

President Barack Obama wants to block bonus payments to AIG execs, and NY State Attorney General Andrew Cuomo wants to know who is getting the money. This is not going to end anytime soon, methinks.

In other financial news, former White House spokeswoman Dana Perino says that her former boss deserves some of the credit for a recent bounce in the stock market. I didn't realize that being a Presidential flack was a lifetime position.

Lindsay Lohan will NOT, repeat NOT, be arrested. C'mon, you know that makes you happy. Her arrest warrant was recalled and she "enroll in a new alcohol education program." TMZ reports that she had a "personality conflict" with the program she was in before. What does that mean, that she wanted to drink while she was there?

The kids who drank the wiper fluid are OK, which is good. I'm still not clear on why this stuff tastes good. Wouldn't that flavoring have to be an additive of some kind? And if it is, why include it? Is it possible that wiper fluid just tastes sweet naturally? That would be, as my son might say, weird.

And finally, Shannon tells us about a new dinosaur, more specifically "a new species of pliosaur." The photo (above) is just flat out cool. Apparently this particular pliosaur was "more powerful than T Rex, with a head twice its size, a set of 12-inch teeth, and a weight of about 45 tons." Yowsa. Show this one to your kids, unless you think it'll give them nightmares. Heck, it might give me nightmares. Look at those teeth...

That's all for today - more tomorrow...

Photo: Guardian

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Lindsay Lohan Wants to Adopt, At Least She Won't be Passing on the Genes

JeanneSager — Mon, 06 Oct 2008 01:02:00 GMT

It's a surname that could serve just as easily as a verb for screwing up your kids. Come on, who wants to pull a Lohan on their kids? Apparently, Li-Lo herself.

Fresh off a fight with her father (yes, another one) over whether she really is a lesbian (Lindsay says DJ Samantha Ronson's THE one, Daddy Michael says she's gross), Lohan told Marie Claire she's ready to adopt a child. Whether she'll pursue a domestic adoption or go overseas is still up in the air, but the 22-year-old says she's happy and ready to put her rehab-littered past behind her. No word on whether her lady love is up for motherhood; Lohan talked about their relationship but did not discuss whether they would be adopting together.

I'm willing to give anyone who can truly take care of a child a shot at parenthood, but I'd just hope this isn't another Lohan publicity stunt. After all, adoptions by Angelina and Brad, Nicole Kidman and even Sharon Stone have earned plenty of headlines. Lindsay tells Marie Claire that her screwed up childhood should make her a better parent. In other words - she knows what NOT to do as a parent. In an excerpt from the Marie Claire article, she refers to her teen years as "unpredictable."

"It was kind of just like whether [my dad] was gonna be there, what he would be like," she said. "We didn’t know what to expect from him, which was difficult. I knew so much at the age of 12 – I’d seen so much. So it’s surprising to me that I got into certain things that I got into, because I knew not to."

Which makes you wonder - if she didn't learn from the past the first (three) time(s) around, who's to say she'll make up for it as a mom? Let's just hope the stabilizing influence of a happy relationship will make the difference. And maybe we should be celebrating the fact that she won't be throwing more Lohan genes out there?

Source: Marie Claire

Image: Marie Claire

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Best of FameCrawler: Week of September 26th

Whit Honea — Fri, 26 Sep 2008 20:00:00 GMT

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Lindsay Lohan Labor Pains

Brett Singer — Thu, 04 Sep 2008 15:45:00 GMT

What??? She's pregnant?

Nah. It's just a movie. "Labor Pains," also starring Cheryl Hines and Chris Parnell (the other guy from the "Lazy Sunday" video), is due out in 2009.

The plot is not groundbreaking but could be amusing: basically, a woman lies about a pregnancy in order to not get fired. Then she has to keep up the ruse for nine months. (This isn't a spoiler since, as in seemingly all modern movies, they show the whole damn thing in the trailer.) Lohan has at least one good line: explaining how she got the idea, she says, "I saw it on 'Law & Order'."

The trailer is getting much sought-after "buzz" after popping up on YouTube. Here it is:

Not everyone loves it, however. Colin Boyd (who?) writes that "the news of this trailer's existence on YouTube…was a bit like somebody was coming back to life. But I gotta tell ya, I don't think that someone is Lindsay Lohan, or more specifically, her flatlining career. Labor Pains just does not look that special."

Boyd seems to be right on about that; the standard characters are right there, and this isn't going to be "Norma Rae." In better hands, the "lying about being pregnant" thing could be a fairly controversial idea for a film. You can't fire a woman who is pregnant, not without risking a major lawsuit. But what if the person has been doing a crappy job? But this doesn't seem like a movie that's going to take too many chances. Not sure why that's important; if it's even vaguely amusing it'll be better than a lot of what shows up at the multiplex.

It's easy to forget, what with her blog, tabloid nonsense and psycho parents, that Lindsay is capable of giving a good performance onscreen. (See "Mean Girls," which is surprisingly good.) Of course, it's easy to forget that because she lives her life in the news.

I admit I have very low standards for a Lohan vehicle but, based on the trailer, I think the movie could be OK. What do you think?

Image: getthebigpicture.net

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Denise Richards Reality Show Canceled

Brett Singer — Wed, 27 Aug 2008 13:00:00 GMT

It's official – you won't have Denise Richards to kick around anymore.

The E! channel has canceled the unwatchable "It's Complicated," which followed Richards as she tried raising her kids and a lot of pets… or something like that. I watched the first episode and found it mostly dull, but also somewhat depressing, since she had her young children on camera all the freakin' time. Remember that it was her ex-husband Charlie Sheen who wanted to keep the kids off of the show, but Denise took him to court and won. It's an old joke now, but when Charlie Sheen is the good parent, something is very, very wrong.

The reason for the cancellation isn't very complicated at all: nobody was watching. Page Six quotes "a source" who said, "The numbers started out pretty good - just over 1.5 million tuned in for the premiere episode…But the audience has dropped off." In other words, people would have been interested, but she just wasn't that interesting.

It's worth remembering that Denise Richards had a career as an actress for awhile. Granted, it was largely based on her looks, but she was considered one of the hotter young starlets around (think Megan Fox). Things were already on the decline career-wise when she married Sheen, so it would be easy to say that she is a victim of Hollywood ageism. But I have a feeling that some of the behavior she displayed on her reality show – the Post cites one "her confrontation with an editor for a magazine over how she [was] portrayed in the tabloid press" as a "low-light" for the series – was also her behavior in real life. That's just a guess, of course. Oh well. At least her kids won't have their lives on display anymore. Maybe she can do "Dancing with the Stars."

Source: NYPost

Image: LATimes.com

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Best of FameCrawler: Week of August 22nd

Whit Honea — Fri, 22 Aug 2008 20:00:00 GMT

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Best of FameCrawler: Week of July 18th

Whit Honea — Fri, 18 Jul 2008 20:00:00 GMT

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Lindsay Lohan's (Fake) Baby Bump

Jen Chaney — Mon, 16 Jun 2008 14:33:00 GMT

Lindsay Lohan is pregnant ... with a prosthetic belly!

The actress was photographed in L.A. last week sporting what appeared to be a baby bump. Turns out she was just shooting a movie in which she plays a woman pretending to be pregnant

Let me get this straight: Lohan was pretending to be pregnant in order to play a woman pretending she's pregnant? Ladies and gentlemen, that's acting.

Rumors about being with child would be a change of pace for Lohan, who recently has spent more time dealing with gossip about her alleged lesbian relationship with DJ Samantha Ronson. My theory about all of that? Lohan is really heterosexual, but traded places with a gay woman in a "Freaky Friday"-style mix-up. My back-up theory? Three words: gay identical twin.

Photo: JFX/Retna Pictures Via Daily Mail

Denise Richards still trying to prove she's insane

Brett Singer — Fri, 13 Jun 2008 17:00:00 GMT

It's Friday the 13th, which must be why I'm drawn to stories about weird, evil people today.

Denise Richards isn't in the same league and Josef Fritzl or Charles Manson, but she does seem to be trying to prove to the world that she's out of her gourd. Showbiz Spy reports that the former Mrs. Charlie Sheen is, "pleading with the star to stop publicly bashing her now he has re-married…'He loves to trash me in the press and discredit me and has tried to sabotage my show. I hope that now that he's married, he can move forward and be civil.'"

Now, we're not excusing Charlie Sheen, who has his own issues, to put it mildly. Back in May he claimed that Denise emailed him asking for a sperm donation. Denise's reply was, shall we say, something less than "civil": "I don't want Charlie's prostitute-tranny-infested sperm." Nice.

She also accused Chuck of exploiting, "our entire situation." Um, you have a reality show on E! that features your kids. Pot? Kettle? Neither one of them is winning parent of the year, but I think when you put your toddler-age children on a reality show you kind of lose the right to accuse your former husband for "exploiting the situation".

I have a wacky, wacky idea for Denise and Charlie. Yes, you hate each other. Yes, it's an ugly divorce. But you have kids. Stop talking to the media for awhile. SHUT-UP.

image: Page Six

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Tracy Ullman does Dina Lohan

Brett Singer — Mon, 02 Jun 2008 18:30:00 GMT

Does an IMPRESSION of Dina Lohan. Get your minds out of the gutter, people.

"OK, when Lindsay's heart stopped at Bungalow 8, that was my fault." Funny, nasty, not safe for work.

Make sure to stay with this video until the end where Tracy/Dina turns to a fellow mom and says, "Don't patronize me Lynn... at least my daughter never shaved her head."

Found at LA Times blogs, clip is from Tracy Ullman's State of the Union on Showtime

Live blogging two crappy parenting shows

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Live blogging two crappy parenting shows

Brett Singer — Tue, 27 May 2008 02:03:00 GMT

I'm going to make an attempt to tap out some opinions about what I'm going to call "the crappy parenting hour" on E! - Denise Richards: It's Complicated and Living Lohan. The opinions aren't going to be a problem, sitting through the shows might be.

Refresh this page for updates.

9:54PM: Caught a few minutes of Keeping up with the Kardashians, which featured the Kards going to New Orleans to take a poor family out to dinner and then bring Reggie Bush in to sign a football. Then the family goes back to their FEMA trailer. Heartwarming. And what the hell happened to Bruce Jenner? He looks like he bathes in Botox. It's kind of sad.

10:02PM: OK, Denise is going to the DMV to get her license changed back to her maiden name, and is busting the clerks' chops in a very staged way. Wow. Stunning.

10:03PM: We open with Denise explaining that she knows what we're thinking - that she's the "Bond" girl, the girl from the tabloids, blah blah - but "look past all of that and my life is all about family." Her father lives with her, along with about 12 dogs and a couple of pigs.

Richards is either stupid, insane, or both. The idea that doing this show is good for her career in any way is ludicrous, although I don't know what she was doing before this ("Bond girl" was awhile ago.)

10:17PM: You know what? The main complaint from a television perspective is that this just isn't very interesting or entertaining. She's looking for a "boyfriend" for her pet pig, who is in heat. This search coincides with her own attempts at dating. I guess that's what passes for storytelling on reality television.

Everytime her two daughters pop up onscreen I get a creepy feeling. It's one thing to want to do a reality show yourself. Putting your own young children on a show like this is just disturbing.

Denise informs us that she's "just a girl from Illinois who lives on a f**kin' farm" (lots of "F" word, bleeped of course.) Then her Tanning Specialist comes over to spray her bronze in the privacy of her own home. Kinda makes the claim that she's doing this show because she needs the money a little tough to believe (not to mention the $52k/month in child support, and possibly a piece of ex-hubby Charlie Sheen's hit TV show.)

10:30PM: On to the Lohan show.

"There's nothing more important than family to me. Next question!" I hate her already.

Dina is another plastic surgery disaster. Do these people not realize that they look worse after going under the knife?

10:39PM: "They better not start on Ali like this." That refers to the tabloids and how they cover Lindsay. Now, if you want to reduce the amount of attention paid to your children, is putting them on a reality show the best way to do that?

Talking to her daughter about choosing songs for her second record (she's 14): "or anyone else that I manage." Dina. Who the hell else are you managing other than your daughters?

Some music producer shows up at her house to play some tracks. They make it look like he just pops by after IM'ing Dina, which doesn't even kind of sound true. Five minutes later he's babysitting the son, Cody. Or maybe he's dating Lindsay. So he's a liar! He's playing them for suckers! Gosh, it's all unfolding before our eyes, in real time. OMG!!!! It's so REAL!

Dina definitely takes pains to try to show that she's a "regular" mom, opening the show with a typical brother-sister fight, or something. Messy house, Long Island, and so on.

The editing is so quick that it's giving me a headache.

10:49PM: "There's gotta be boundaries with these people." I agree, Dina. I'm going to call Child Protective Services, that cool with you? Oh wait, you meant other people. Got it.

10:52PM: I sort of like Gramma. She's got one of those deep New York voices, sounds like she smokes three packs an hour.

10:56PM: Now Ali and Jeremy are arguing about his supposedly dating Lindsay, but Lindsay doesn't even know who he is, but we never see Lindsay, because mom banned her from the show, and... I don't know, I can't really follow what they're talking about.

If Dina says "I'm a single mom" one more time I'm going to get on the LIRR to North Merrick and slap her silly. Wait! There, she said it again. OK, I lied. I'm not going out there.

11:03PM: After watching these two shows I actually feel drained. In order to make these shows seem like something is happening, they use reallyquickcutsandedits. Maybe I'm old but it makes my head hurt.

I'm vaguely curious to see if either of these shows gets any ratings. They've both been hyped as if they were something that people were desperately clamoring for, which really seems unlikely. Did anyone really give a crap about Denise Richards? Do we want to see her "set the record straight"? At best, we wanted to see her making out with Neve Campbell in a pool, or playing a nuclear scientist in a bikini while seducing James Bond. When she isn't doing those things, is she interesting?

Of the two shows, "Lohan" is definitely more palatable; in this context, that means less offensive. Mostly that's because she doesn't have really young children like Denise does. Cody's young but not 3 years old young. That's something, right?

It's actually not as easy to make fun of these shows as I thought it would be. Obviously this because of the parent factor. I don't mean to be self-righteous but I really do feel strange watching those little Richards children. Do they have any idea what's going on? Is there any good that can come from them being on a show like this? It's bad enough that they have to live with the fact that video of their mom yapping about their father and other men she slept with will be around forever ("What can I say, I like hot guys with big d**cks!"). Do they need to be onscreen as well?

All right, enough moralizing.

Well, maybe a little bit more:

The "single mother" line shows up in both shows. It's fairly obnoxious, frankly. Neither one of these women fits the bill as a "single mom." Yes, both are divorced. Dina's ex is apparently nuts, but Charlie Sheen is looking more normal by the day, and that's really saying something. (Well, except for that whole "I hope you get cancer and die" thing. That's not so much on the normal side.) I don't think you can play the "single mom" card when your morning ritual is scanning the tabloids for naked pictures of your kids with your personal assistant.

Feh. I'm tired. Maybe I'll add more tomorrow. Bottom line: neither show is really worth watching. So I've saved you some time.

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photo: NYPost

Dina Lohan bans Lindsay from reality show; other kids, no problem

Brett Singer — Wed, 21 May 2008 14:01:00 GMT

Dina Lohan is so not winning mom of the year.

The mom/manager has decreed that her daughter Lindsay should not appear on her new E! reality show because it would be bad for her career. The excessive drinking though, that's just fine.

14 year-old Ali Lohan, who appears on "Living Lohan" with her 11-year-old brother Cody, says that she hopes the show will " convince the world her mother isn't a 'crazy freak'."

Well, watch this clip and you tell me what you think.

In it, Dina, while threatening web site operators with legal action if they don't remove photographs of her children, says, "They don't realize - Ali and Cody go to school every day... there's got to be boundaries for these people." Now maybe I'm the crazy one, but maybe putting your kids on television isn't the best way for them to have normal school experiences. Just a thought.

image: latimes.com

The Best of FameCrawler: Week of Feb. 22

Whit Honea — Fri, 22 Feb 2008 21:20:00 GMT

A Mom's Folksy, Heartfelt Letter To Lindsay Lohan

Kelly Mills — Fri, 28 Dec 2007 15:31:00 GMT

Oh, Lindsay, Lindsay. I know as a mom I'm supposed to have a nice store of down-home wisdom for you, I'm supposed to lament the influence you have on our growing girls. But hon--this is a mom letter, so I have to call you hon, right?--I just have one little resolution for you for the new year. See, I know you've been all coked out and drunk-bunny, and frankly, lots of us did crazy, unwise, wretched things in our youth. While you have the great fortune to have money and all that, you also have the misfortune to be very much in the public eye. But because I think unlike your hard-partying waste-of-skin contemporaries like Paris, you actually have some (acting, not musical) talent going for you, I'd like you to do just one thing differently for 2008.

Stop sleeping with these guys who run to the press and yippity yap about what it was like to screw you. Did your mom not tell you this? It's right up there with hand washing and closing the fridge door and tilting your head down for photos to avoid the double chin look. I'm tired of reading about your sexploits, it makes me feel bad for you, and guys who will do that are not worth the spit you waste on a good night smooch.

Look, maybe your dad is a dick, and what with the substances, you probably aren't making the wisest choices. But could you just pause for one little moment before you stumble into some loser's apartment and ask yourself this question: "Do I think this guy will tell the media what we are about to do?" If the answer is even maybe, walk out. Call me an idealistic dreamer, but I believe even a wealthy, messed up, celebrity trainwreck can find one guy who won't barf his Lindsay-sex story to the tabloids. So could you just work on that? Because we've all slept with dawgs in our youth, and when you look back as an older, wiser Lindsay, believe me, you won't want some of those chump-holes memorialized in People.

And get some sleep, darling, cuz you look exhausted.

Will Lindsay Lohan Get Her Playboy Bunny Ears? And If She Does, Will She Be Banished From Your House?

Jessica Ashley (Sassafrass) — Thu, 18 Oct 2007 12:02:00 GMT

If we' were going to cast the movie Worst Role Models of All Time for Our Daughters, then by all means, we'd get Li-Lo's name at the top of the credits. But then, it seems we would be scooped by the biopic of Hugh Hefner's life by Brett Ratner. It seems there's some buzz, perhaps scooted along by Ratner himself in strange showbiz vernacular not meant to be understood by we mere movie-goers and trickle-down celeb goss bloggers, that Lindsay Lohan may play one of the pic's Playboy Bunnies. Hillary Duff and Mylie Cyrus, upon reading that, are probably out toasting double cosmos to being boosted another notch on the Tweenager Popularity Scale right now. Virgin cosmos. I am sure they only toast mocktails. Right after they say grace. But anyway, back to Linds...

Ratner does qualify that she'd make a perf bunny "if she's sober." If the pattern continues to play out (and honestly, I hope it does not), then it could be a long old time before the singer/actress/diva/"post-refresh sesh" star wiggles into the notorious satin suit and fluffy tail. That is, if she's really being considered. Clearly, just saying her name in connection with the movie gets the talk started (and yes, I'm aware that I'm a big enabler).

Supposing that Lindsay is getting healthy and is actually cast as a bunny, will you finally throw The Parent Trap and Mean Girls out of your family movie collection? Or are they already long gone?

[via: Cinematical]

Barack Obama and his Anti-Hilton Offspring

Rachael Brownell (Redsy) — Tue, 02 Oct 2007 23:20:00 GMT

Over at Famecrawer, they're rightly celebrating the very antithesis of the Spears, Hilton, Lohan celeb nightmare trifecta: Barack and Michelle Obama's beautiful but very well-grounded girls...

It seems little Malia disapproves when the family needs to stay at a Hilton Hotel.. representing as it does the likes of a Ms. Porn Pants Paris Hilton herself.

Best of FameCrawler: Hollywood Harlots Edition

Rachael Brownell (Redsy) — Fri, 14 Sep 2007 15:59:00 GMT

Posted by karenrani

Whoops, I mean starlets, not harlots. Nicole, Lindsay, Britney and Parasite aren't safe from this upcoming project by the same executive producer behind the new Anna Nicole Movie, Joe Nasser.

When pressed about the legalities of this venture, he told the LA Times:

"As long as we stick to the truth, we're in good shape." He said the movie will be about "real people" and based on "the public record."

So basically Nasser is retelling all the crap we've been reading for years on Perez Hilton.com. The cameras will be rolling in October and the film is yet to be cast.

Vodkarella's predictions? Dakota Fanning as Lindsay. *shudder.*

Jamie Lee Curtis Opens a Can of Whoop A** On Modern Parenting

Kelly Mills — Wed, 13 Jun 2007 16:38:00 GMT

I adore Jamie Lee Curtis. She's smart and great and I thought she was the best thing in A Fish Called Wanda and I want her and Christopher Guest to come and hang out with me and be snuggly. (By the way, we here at Babble take turns stalking her and going through her garbage.) She's also a mom with opinions and a HuffPo pulpit, and the whole Paris Hilton debacle has made her reflect on how we parent as a culture. She points the finger at parents of the generation who wanted to be friends wth the kids, and claims that in all this, we may have neglected to teach children right from wrong. As a result, we've got "omnipotent children running amok or sitting amok as they watch TV and play electronic games and shop on eBay." But she's not self-righteous: she points the finger at herself as well.

I am deluded that my attempts at being liked and loved by my children and friends with them -- all at the same time -- were going to result in "well raised children." We were the generation that would take the job of raising our children and turn it into... PARENTING. We were the generation who applauded every move they made. Every step they took. "Good climbing, Brandon" was our hue and cry. We were raised by people who didn't "understand" us and now we don't "understand" why our children are so messed up.

Now, she may be right, and the encouraging, lovey "you are so great, honey!" blather in the absence of any real lessons in ethics hasn't really done the children any favors. Personally, I think it is too soon to tell how this generation will turn out. But I do think you can't exactly use the behavior of Hilton, Spears, and Lohan as representative of anything generational. The moms in those cases are a real special breed, and there's always been misbehaving, spoiled celeb kids with a sense of entitlement, probably for as long as we've had social inequity. It is quite possible that Jodie Foster is the only child star to have ever escaped relatively unscathed, and if you shake any rich family tree going back a bajillion years you'll find brats who have yet to suffer a consequence.

Still love Jamie Lee though.

Note to Stage Parents: When Your Star Child Is Effed Up, Just Forcefully Push the Other Kid Out in the Spotlight

Jessica Ashley (Sassafrass) — Tue, 12 Jun 2007 22:36:00 GMT

Although I have no intention of signing my kid up for some out-freaking-rageously priced headshots and an agent in an attempt to potty train him on the set of commercial for some high fructose food, I do take quite an interest in the parents of celebrities passed out...I mean, smiling...for the cameras.

I am very interested that the parents of stars like Lindsay Lohan, Britney Spears, Jessica Simpson, Nick Carter always have their roots done and rarely are photographed carrying a big ass bag full of contracts, tabloids and their kid's crap. I don't know exactly what's involved in being your super-famous child's manager or whatever those stage parents do, but I do spy a trend in how they handle it when their gazillion-dollar earning offspring (see above list) hit a rut, a bad patch, maybe even a tree with their car: They start pimpin' the next child in line.

And really, it's brilliant. Parents dreaming of raising up the Next Big Thing to hit TeenPeople, consider having more children and take note of how PR (as in Parental Relations) is handled for the for the stars: Britney's a bald, bad mama? Ohhhh, looky! Isn't Jamie Lynn purty in her party romper?

Forget the bad-mouthed, abusive big brother! His little bro's a big tatooed softy!

Lindsay's on the sauce again? Hey, check it out -- the celebrity gene runs in the family and I spawned them all!

The first-born's a bawling, clausterphobic, unmake-upped incarcerated mess? But look at her supportive and silky-skinned sister!

Never mind the divorced one with the God-awful acting "career", check out her little sis instead! She's perky and unscathed by sex, alcohol and Paris Hilton!

L.A. Mom Proves Money's No Object When You've Got a Young Daughter & An Appointment at "Sunset Tan"

Alisyn — Tue, 12 Jun 2007 14:10:00 GMT

Before you watch this, ask yourself: how much would you pay for a quick, healthy-looking, pseudo-sun-kissed tan from L.A.'s most successful tanning salon?

Now take that number and multiply it by a thousand... You're still nowhere near what the nut you're about to roll your eyes at recently paid to have her unwilling, grade school-aged daughter (what is she, 8? 9?) spray-tanned for her class picture. E!'sl new reality show, Sunset Tan, caught the twosome on tape, and honestly, it made me feel a little sick. When they spray painted her little neck, I had to turn away. When the mother told the airbrush operator to "pay special attention to her cheekbones!!" I had to turn it off.

It's not just the thought of paying $1300 (that's one thousand, three hundred dollars) to have a child spray-painted the color of a human Orange Julius that has me reeling - I can't even deal with the fact that a grown woman allowed - no, encouraged! - her own daughter to emulate the looks of a coked-out, tore-up mess like LiLo. It's enough to boggle the mind... it's... it's so... L.A.

"You want to look like Lindsay Lohan, don't you?...."

Oh, the horror. The horror. Jump here to see it for yourself.