Strollerderby : magic

Should You Take A Risk on Orgasmic Birth? (Orgasmic Birth Video included)

Cole Gamble — Thu, 22 Jan 2009 18:00:00 GMT

The other night I caught a 20/20 (yes people still watch 20/20) on Orgasmic birth. Having read Babble, you’re probably aware of orgasmic birth. If not, here it is: orgasmic birth is pretty much what it sounds like, having orgasms during the birth process. You know, instead of pain. Just you and your partner, making out in a kiddy pool in your living room until you climax the kid right on out. Sounds fantastic, sign me up. Makes sense, the female parts the baby passes through are the same that got stimulated to make the baby in the first place. One problem though: how do you turn a process that causes the worst pain ever for 99.999999999999999% of the female population into the most sensual and pleasant?

Fairy Dust and Unicorn Wishes?

Well no, but the expert on the segment said the key to having an orgasmic birth is to completely reimagine your concept of pain. You see, apparently if we expect pain, as is the case with women when they think about birth, then pain is what you’ll get. However, if you tell yourself it won’t be painful (and stay away from that scary, unsexy hospital) your excruciating pain will magically transform into that one crazy night you spent with that Australian dude in a hot tub gobbling Quaaludes.

Here’s the problem I foresee. You’re down with orgasmic birth. You want the whole package and look forward to getting your groove on come baby time. You do the Scientology thing and erase all negativity you associate with birthing. You fill the kiddy pool, light some candles, break out the John Tesh CD and get on your hands and knees waiting for the pleasure to begin.

And then something does begin. A horrible, mind-splittingly agony. It’s like the defensive core for the Pittsburg Steelers is chopping their way out of you with machetes. Now if this, in your experience, is how orgasms normally go, congratulations. Otherwise, you’re probably screaming “FUCK! Fuckity, fuckity, fuck, fuck, fuck, motherfucker, super fuck, double dutch shit fucking fuck” (I’m paraphrasing). All your meditation and good intentions failed you and now you are stuck with a horrifyingly unorgasmic birth.

This is the risk you take when you try venturing down OB road. Maybe that’s not a problem. Maybe you planned natural birth anyhow. If not, you’re probably feeling pretty damn cheated and want to take the face of every one of those smirking woman in those orgasmic birth videos and smash them into a searing cast iron skillet for tricking you into believing that shoving a thanksgiving turkey out your fun hole could be sexy.

So, considering all this, does orgasmic birth still entice you? Are you willing to take the risk that you will not become “clear” enough to transform the pain?

Catch the pro OB facts at www.orgasmicbirth.com

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I Dare You to Find a Cuter Kid Video

Hannah Tennant-Moore — Thu, 13 Nov 2008 00:03:00 GMT

The eight painstaking years I spent studying French just paid off. I don’t know who this girl is or where she came off, but I am pretty sure that she will one day inherit the earth.

Just in case you temporarily forgot that little kids speaking French is the best part of life, I share this video with you of a master storyteller with the most zurbert-able cheeks you’ve ever seen. She spins an impressive tale involving Tigger, poverty, a clawed mammoth, a suicidal hippopotamus, and allergies to magic. Truly, this is not to be missed.

Photo: gledwood2.blogspot.com

Once upon a time... from Capucha on Vimeo.

Pretty Horsey Trading Cards For Boys (Yeah Right, For Girls, Natch)

Kelly Mills — Tue, 13 Nov 2007 13:33:00 GMT

Some of the folks behind the extra-popular Magic: The Gathering and Pokemon cards are hoping to lure girls with Bella Sara cards. Instead of featuring monsters and bizarre little creatures, these cards have pictures of horses. Gawd, always the girls and the horses. I've read that the prepubescent girl obsession with horses has links to, um, psycho-sexual development (don't even get me started on the unicorns with one big horn.) Anyhow the cards have girl power sayings on them like, "Use your love to bring peace to the world." Maybe they could also do one that says, "Your thing with horses is totally normal."

Because these cards are for girls, there's a little twist: theres no competitive element, unlike Pokemon and Magic. Because, as designer Gitte Odder Braendgaard says, "Girls like something beautiful, something nice to look at." Well, great, we don't want girls getting all competitive and stuff. So let's just review the card gender differences. Cards for boys: active, competitive, cards assigned strengths and powers. Cards for girls: pretty, passive, non-competitive. Yep, I just love when they make special toys for girls. Hey, math is hard! Shopping is fun! Get your mean old boy cards away from me!

Muggle Magic: "Survival Spells for Parents and Other Caregivers"

Alisyn — Thu, 26 Jul 2007 08:11:00 GMT

Whether or not there are witches and wizards living among us, the fact remains that we could all use a little more magic in our everyday lives. Especially those of us who often find ourselves at the mercy of small children, wishing that we had just one more hand, one more hour in the day, one magic spell to silence the whining/get them to take a bath/help them learn to love sharing.

Which is why I, for one, was ecstatic when Mombian published the heretofore unpublished charms and spells of an unknown witch or wizard in King's Cross Station, collectively called Parent Hex: Survival Spells for Parents and Other Caregivers. Finally - parenting is as easy as the flick of a wand! Uh... anyone know where I can get a wand?

Spells and charms include:

Cocodissimulatio Charm: Causes any food to taste like chocolate.
Mucosus Recessum Charm: Causes nasal excretions to withdraw into a person’s nose.
Fabulam Repetopeto Charm: Causes a book to read itself out loud over and over. Skillful wizards can make it inaudible to themselves.
Vestitus Prudens Spell: Makes the victim appear to be wearing long pants and a sweater, although the person is unaware of the change.
Altitudo Monitio Charm: Causes flashing lights and a loud hooting sound to occur whenever the victim is near a dropoff like a staircase or cliff.
Dormitus Spell: Makes the victim fall asleep. An advanced spell, mastered by only a few.

[Via Mombian and ParentHacks]