Strollerderby : men and women

10 Signs that Parenting is More Equal than it Used to be

Rachael Brownell (Redsy) — Wed, 09 Jul 2008 22:56:00 GMT

While it is debatable whether truly equal parenting is common or just an impossible dream, there are signs that indicate the era of "Father Knows Best" or even "Mr. Mom" -- Look! That Man is Holding a Vacuum!!" are long gone. And good riddance!

Here are 10 common signs that co-parenting is on the upswing:

1. Diaper changing tables in the men's room - Because even Daddy changes diapers now, even though grandpa likely still won't.

2. Paternity leave - These days fathers are expected to take more than just a week or two off work when baby arrives. When patched onto the end of maternity leave, paternity leave is invaluable to most families.

3. Daddy takes a sick day - Fathers who in previous generations would rely on their wives to take sick days when the kids were ill, now use some of their time to take care of Billy's cold.

4. Doctors, dentists, and parent-teacher conferences - No longer solely the domain of mamas, it is wonderfully heartening to see so many Dads taking the lead in these previously mom-only domains.

5. Stay at home, daddy - If it's good enough for Brad Pitt, it's good enough for Mike Adamick and Gavin Rossdale (even though he might eschew daddydom for the tour). Primary caregiving isn't just for mommies anymore. And thankfully, we don't need any movies with Michael Keaton to prove to us how inept men are at domestic things.

6. Dad writes - Ever since Anne Sexton and Sylvia Plath penned poems about mothering, the literary description of parenting has previously been mostly left to women. Thankfully that is now no longer the case. From beautifully written blogs like Sweet Juniper to funny writings at Dadcentric, the unique literary expression of fatherhood will never be ignored again.

7. Baby packs - Even 10 years ago, it was less common to see daddies hauling the little babies in the packs and slings and Bjorns. The most beautiful site is when Daddy carries new baby in the Bjorn, holds the hand of the toddler, while balancing a cell phone and carrying a bag of groceries. Welcome to my world!

8. Man bags - Many of them are "geared toward men" because they are made of ugly camouflage, but as long as none of us have to carry nylon diaper bags covered in teddy bears and baby bottles, it's all good.

9. Daddy ain't heavy - Daddy used to be the threat to insure good behavior. Most parents I know share the role of good cop/bad cop with the kids, so neither parent has to be consdered the heavy.

10. Dad is the new Mom - More and more women are the primary breadwinner and are happy to leave primary caretaking to the men. Even when Daddy doesn't stay home full-time, more men are taking the childrearing reins.

Men Only. Women, Please Do Not Click On This Post.

makeitadouble — Mon, 21 Jan 2008 13:30:00 GMT

Gentlemen first let me thank each of you for attending this emergency meeting; I know it was short notice and that you were either busy watching the football game with one hand shoved down the front of your pants and the other holding a beer, randomly lifting heavy objects or retrieving them from high places, cleaning your shotgun, napping on the couch or just doing your best to avoid spending any quality time with your wife and kids. Joe, Steve, am I right?

Before we get to the reason I’ve convened this conclave …sorry Mitch… asked y’all to come over…I’d like to address the status of Greg who as many of you know was placed on a 6 month probation for remembering his wife’s birthday back in November and for also helping with the dishes without being asked. Last night while watching The Notebook with his wife Greg not only teared-up but he then failed to pretend like he had something in his eye. As of today Greg has been suspended indefinitely and will not be eligible for re-instatement until 2010.

Now to get to the matter at hand, I’ve recently been made aware of a blog posting by Cathy (AKA – Arkie Mama) that has been printed out and is currently being distributed throughout the room. It was brought to my attention by a Him-pathizer inside the Sisterhood and… I know we still have to vote on the official use of the word Him-pathizer. Rick, just take one and pass the pile along. What Jeff? Yes, it’s a lot of words but I’ll be paraphrasing most of it so just follow along the best you can.

You’ll see the title of the post is, “Pshaw! Those silly, blushing menfolk” I take great umbrage…sorry Mitch…I’m disgusted with the way we are portrayed in the title. Men, need I remind you that “blushing” rather than internalizing whatever embarrassment you may feel in a situation is strictly forbidden. Quote: Today, a friend of mine told some co-workers about my blog. Male co-workers. Who, upon pulling up this here blog and reading my previous post, reportedly turned scarlet and said, "Oh, I can't read this." Mike verify the blushing of these “Male co-workers” and if it turns out to be true confiscate their GodFather DVD’s Part 1 and 2, they can keep part 3, and cancel their subscription to Maxim Magazine. And let me just add that even though it’s not a universally accepted “rule” I classify drinking a blush wine as an equally egregious offense…sorry Mitch…equally as wrong.

Though the mere suggestion that men blush would have alone warranted this meeting, Arkie Mama tips the hand of the sisterhood by revealing five very disturbing things about women that I’m certain many of you here did not know and even more certainly things that none of us will ever understand. 1) Women have periods 2) Women have PMS 3) Women have sex when they’re not PMSing 4) They openly discuss these topics amongst each other and 5) There’s a possibility that women, our wives included, may be talking about us to each other as well.

Quote: Boys, boys, boys: It's time you learn. Women talk about everything -- and yes, sometimes you are part of the discussion.

Settle down, settle down. Somebody get Frank a beer he looks pale. Alright did any of you know that women talked about everything including us? I didn’t think so, but it turns out it is liberating for women to know they can look to other woman in a coffee shop, a book club and even on a blog for comfort and commiseration. It also turns out they confess their vulnerabilities and even share ribald jokes which I think means they’re making fun of our hair loss.

Quote: Sometimes, we stumble across a blog whose aching, raw honesty humbles and touches us. We continue reading following our sisters as their stories unfold, thinking of them, reaching out to them.

As you know gentlemen, as men we are incapable of aching unless it’s our backs after a pick-up game of basketball or of displaying anything raw unless it’s a T-bone Steak that has been marinating all day in Jack Daniels BBQ sauce and is about to go on the grill. Furthermore, if I discover that any of you are thinking about each other outside of arranging Fantasy Football trades I will personally petition for your immediate removal from this association.

Quote: The ability to be open and honest with other women is empowering. Too bad you menfolk are so afraid of it.

I see that look in your eye Chris, don’t even think about it. It’s not that we’re afraid of it because as you know we’re not afraid of anything, it’s that men are inept when it comes openness and honesty and though we covered it last month I will again read the list of the acceptable topics of conversation and the venues in which we can partake in them…sorry Mitch… where we can talk and what we can talk about. First the Whats 1) Sports 2) Sex 3) Your Asshole Boss 4) Home Improvement 5) Food and Alcoholic Beverages. Now the Wheres: 1) Sports Bars 2) Taverns 3) Pubs 4) Lodges 5) Lounges 6) Golf Courses 7) Watering Holes 8) Bistros 9) Microbrews 10) Softball Field.

You’ll see Jerry that I didn’t mention your kid’s Spelling Bee while you’re standing at the Urinal, O.K?

Alright, to recap we’ve discovered that women openly discuss everything with each other including us and this is not only liberating and empowering but something we as men know nothing about because we’re afraid. Did I miss anything? Yes Mitch, we also learned that they won’t have sex with us if they’re PMSing.

Thank you all again for attending on such short notice. Please remember on your way out to your cars that a handshake is the only acceptable gesture of friendship. Hugs and chest bumps are reserved exclusively for sporting events and weddings.

Joe, Steve, I’m looking at you.

(photocredit:www.amystevensonline.com)

Man Gets Vasectomy, Tells Us About It

Kelly Mills — Sun, 20 Jan 2008 18:37:00 GMT

In Slate there was an essay on one guy's vasectomy. I could probably summarize it with, "Having a vasectomy is an awkward and scary experience." I get that. I mean, who wants one of their most beloved parts operated on? And the essayist, Michael Lewis, states he had the snip snip for his wife, who had already dealt with three pregnancies, labors, and deliveries, plus "changed most of the diapers, gotten up most of the mornings, and, on top of it all, given me the leisure to write many articles complaining about the inconveniences of fatherhood." Nice lady.

So dude, I want you to know that I totally sympathize with your discomfort at having your balls shaved by a nurse and your squeamishness over the cutting of the man-parts. But there is this tiny little voice in my head saying, "Uh, at least it wasn't childbirth." I don't want to get into some one-upping thing, but dealing with nine months of discomfort culminating in an event that often involves serious pain, some lasting body trauma, and involuntarily crapping in front of your doctor is no picnic. And I missed why the author thinks he's a "traitor to his sex." Huh? Shooting blanks doesn't translate to letting the boys down, any more than giving birth makes us ladies true women. But whatever, just be grateful you didn't have someone telling you just to breathe and try not to push yet.

Laydees Rule Reproduction

Kelly Mills — Wed, 21 Nov 2007 13:01:00 GMT

You know how there's those horrible t-shirts for expectant dads expressing pride in having fast sperm and so on? It turns out that women's plumbing might actually make the final call in the mating game. Researchers are looking at female reproductive systems, and finding some things that they say explain female promiscuity in some species. The findings could also have implications in IVF and cloning and so on. They looked at the oviducts of pigs (we are kinda like pigs) and found that a series of changes occur when the presence of sperm is detected. Basically the oviductal environment changes to store sperm and get it to the egg safely. That's right: Females call the shots. Mmm hmm.

And how does this apply to tramping around? Well, there may be some selection of optimal sperm that goes on as well. If the presence of different sperm is detected, the top quality stuff might be chosen over the lower grade versions. Bottom line is that the female reproductive system has been relatively ignored in the competition side of procreation, and of course it probably plays a bigger role than was suspected before.

Oh, and IVF? Check this from the lead author: "The female reproductive tract is a very highly organized and regulated system," Fazeli explained. "With IVF, the embryo can develop into an adult, but the question remains: 'Are we doing the fine-tuning right'? We are not sure if what we are doing, based on differences between in-vitro and in-vivo fertilization, is creating health problems for these babies." I think the lesson is clear. It never pays to ignore the lady parts. Ever.

Moms offered cookies, Dads offered Porn. How the sexes differ when dealing with a crisis.

TrueConfessions — Fri, 16 Nov 2007 23:46:00 GMT

My husband had a freakish accident with a coffee cup yesterday leaving him with a very nasty and VERY DEEP gash on his wrist. Of course, as Murphy's law would have it, I wasn't home -- this was the one morning in the past month that I'd dragged myself out of bed and made it to a 6 am yoga class. Hell, everyone was sleeping and my plan was to be back by 7:15 to dress, feed and cart my brood of kids to school. But noooooo....I came home to a cacophony of hysterical voices - each trying to give me THE account of the coffee cup incident which had left Dad (husband Tom) with a homemade tourniquet and A LOT of blood all over the kitchen floor. A few phone calls and 12 hours later my husband emerged from a very successful surgery (outpatient..but still some serious surgery to repair a severed tendon) and an outpouring of sympathetic calls and emails from family, friends and colleagues.

The women I spoke to offered help of all kinds -- food, carpooling, babysitting. The men, on the other hand (pardon the pun...) offered other things - porn "Hey, have you seen, "Saving Ryan's Privates" and wondered about functionality - the biggest question being, can you "use" your hand - and I don't think they meant "use" it in reference to writing thank you notes or controlling a stearing wheel. It shouldn't surprise me that with men, most talk is simply a countdown to sex. I read True Dad Confessions everyday and see this ...everyday. But the sharp contrast between offers of casseroles to genuine concern about Tom upsetting his "personal pleasure" routine was, well, surprising. We're not prudes over here, but hey, the guy just had surgery -- give him (and me) a few days off!

Ovulation Goggles: Women View Men's Faces Differently At Different Times of the Month

Kelly Mills — Thu, 15 Nov 2007 23:33:00 GMT

Hey, now here's a study that makes sense: Researchers found that women viewed men's faces differently depending on where they were in their menstrual cycles. Around ovulation, women had more brain activity in the areas associated with reward, and less in the areas connected with inhibition and cognitive control. In other words, everyone looks do-able when you are ovulating. Well, that might be an overstatement, but I think it explains many of my mid-cycle crushes, later replaced by the thought, "Uh, what was that all about?"

Researchers find more significance to this than just an explanation for the oft-used phrase "Ooooh baby, you know I could drop an egg at any minute so get me while I'm hot." Since inhibitions are down and reward-processing is more sensitive around ovulation, this could mean "women may be more likely to engage in risky sexual behavior or could be vulnerable to drug or alcohol abuse at this time." And is it possible that all these things could be intertwined? The drinking and drug use and risky sex with guys who just happen to be lookin' mighty fine at the time? Hmmm. Just be careful not to let your ovulation do the thinking for you.

Men Bemoan Barren Wombs More Than Women

Madeline Holler — Mon, 29 Oct 2007 15:33:00 GMT

We’ve seen the biological clock movies, read the baby lust articles, debated the family friendly vs. child-free café and one thing is usually true: all eyes are focused on the women. So someone needs to alert Lifetime network to the results of a new long-term study on who is bothered more by an empty crib (and perhaps consider launching a man-station that exploits the emotions of guys who had it all, except the one thing they ever really wanted).

The survey shows that while the percent of childless women continues to climb – we’re at 20 percent of 40-year-old women have no children -- childlessness actually bugs men more than it does women. Also, the higher her education, the less the whole never-gonna-be-a-mom thing bugs her. Education, race, socio-economic status didn't appear to have influence the attitudes of the men.

I haven’t read the study, published in the November issue of the Journal of Marriage and Family, but the article about these results succumbs to an annoying weakness in mainstream discussion of science, which is experts being asked to comment on why these results may be true based on little more than guessing.

Still, a summary of what they guessed:

The author of the study said the reason more women are reporting being fine with the decision not to become mothers is the result of changing attitudes – there’s no longer the feeling that having babies is what you do.

Another professor of psychiatry, commenting on the counterintuitive results which showed men more bothered than women, said women know the overall cost of raising children, and the real challenge and near impossibility of “having it all.”

A psychologist agreed, and added that men may be bothered more by childlessness because they have been taught “growing up and having a child is what you do.”

Those are the “experts’” guesses, but you’re the real pros. Why do you think educated women are less bothered about not having children and why are men, overall, are more bugged? Did you grudgingly become a mom or have to beg and plead to become a dad?

More importantly, who should star in the Lifetime/Mantime network drama about the guy who can no longer ignore his biological clock?

Married Ladies: Speak Up Or Die Young

Kelly Mills — Mon, 24 Sep 2007 12:34:00 GMT

The next time your husband gives you a hard time for complaining or fighting, tell him: "I'm saving my life, jerk. Gawd, you are so selfish!" A study of married couples found that women who stay silent during marital tiffs are more likely to die from heart disease and other badness than women who let it all hang out. Interestingly, men had the same life expectancy whether or not they spoke up. Yep, science is telling us that husbands should keep their yaps shut while the ladies rail. I knew it.

While they say marriage is good for the health and life expectancy of folks, it turns out that a crappy marriage might kill you quicker, and not just in the slow, painful death of your soul. A few studies have found that bad marriages may increase the risks of heart attacks and can make healing take longer. One researcher even says the pronouns used--"we" versus "I"--can indicate the course of a partner's heart disease, especially for women. "For women with heart disease, repeatedly using the words 'I' or 'me,' he said, 'is like the kiss of death.'" Right now we are thinking we'd better start being nicer to our husband--oh, but not in a keep-it-all-in kinda way.

Here's another one: "When asked what they fought over, men said sex, and women cited money, children and chores. Men were more likely than women to report their marriages were happy and that their spouses loved them." Who is right? Well, the short answer I give my partner is "I'm always right. Always." I believe that is the recipe for marital happiness. Now if I could just get the hubs on board...