Strollerderby : mom jeans

Best of FameCrawler: Week of February 6th

Whit Honea — Fri, 06 Feb 2009 21:00:00 GMT

Mark Wahlberg Plans a G-Rated Wedding

Mom Jeans - A Poll

Britney Threatens to Cancel Tour

Baby Bump Photo: Halle Berry Pregnant Again?

Nadya Suleman - Octuplet Mom Won't Receive Freebies

Christian Bale Shows Alec Baldwin What Angry Dads Really Sound Like

Alessanda Ambrosio Shares Her Motherhood Routine

TLC's Kate Gosselin Talks Octuplets Mom

A Baby For Demi and Ashton!

Sex and the City Star Welcomes Baby

Mother of Octuplets Mom Nadya Suleman Speaks Out

Stop Worrying About Mom Jeans and Start Showing Off Your Shoes

Jessica Ashley (Sassafrass) — Tue, 06 Nov 2007 14:27:00 GMT

Enough with the mom jeans already. Let's obsess about something really important. Like the presidential candidates, co-sleeping, toxic toys, a thousand ways for your family to go green. Or better yet, shoes. That's right. It's no longer acceptable to obsess solely over giant ass pockets (or individually, giant asses or giant pockets) and those zippers that go allllllll the way up. Now you have full and free permission to make your shoes the star of the show, at least for this month. If you love shoes like (ahem) some of us or you have some kind of unspeakable foot fetish you've struggled to contain during Mommy & Me Yoga, well, you must check out Susan Wagner's brilliant shoestravaganza.

Let me back a bit to explain why before what: In the bloggy world, we get all amped up about NaBloPoMo, a challenge to post every single day for the month of November. And while this keeps us amped up with our post-inspiration notebooks tucked into those giant ass pockets for thirty seemingly endless days, it is also a great way to sharpen our skills, write about (more) minutae and bore each other in the name of our art (or meager jobs or impossible dreams of publishing a novel and being Oprah's new BFF who is actually fun to road trip and dish about Stedman with...damn you, Gail). Susan, in her playdatey, coquettish, snarky cheerleader way, has rallied many, many readers to participate in her own much-stylier version, called NaBloShoeMo.

It's not too late! All you have to do, Susan says (and you must obey her if you've ever lusted after the darling suede and cork wedgies paired with the wrap-around A-line skirt in a vintage fabric that the co-op president wears to every summer picnic event), is post a picture of the shoes you wear everyday this month (or as you can, no need to be an A student in the shoe department). It is easy and acceptable to upload photos of any and all shoes you're sporting -- the sassy ones, the uncomfortable pair, the ones with a price tag that exceeded your car payment one month, he grungiest, the stinkiest, the most well-worn, even the MOMMIEST (you totally know what I mean, stop looking at the screen quizically). Trust this mama, once you click on the Flickr pool, you will be consumed by every pair from clicky-clicky heels to clogs. And I guarantee you will completely forget about how long the zipper on your jeans is.

[photo credit: Susan Wagner/BlogHer]

Fashion Designers Love Moms, Cuz Here's Shants

Kelly Mills — Thu, 18 Oct 2007 18:31:00 GMT

Everyone knows that the runway is the very best place for moms to draw their postpartum wardrobes. After all, so many of the clothes are created to make women look beautiful because the designers all "love women" and shit. So now we'd like you to meet your next must-have, via GlamChic. They are shants. Sheer pants. Very I Dream of Jeannie sexy, non? And look, while I actually love innovative fashion, my first thought was putting on a pair of these and then sitting down and whoops! We can all be Britney!

These are touted as signaling the end of leggings, and while I have my disagreements with leggings, I don't think these are quite the substitute I've been looking for. Shants do have a few requirements: no "pee pee panel" or everyone knows about what happens when you cough; the hawtest legs and booty surgery can buy; and the long shirt thing we moms have been working for years. I just hope shants come in the high-waisted mom-jeans model, so we can still look the part while being fashionable. And don't let your toddler step one foot near the diaphanous fabric, or snag-city, and it's curtains for the kid.

In Yer Face Latex Leggings: It's the Mom Jeans of Tights

Kelly Mills — Mon, 08 Oct 2007 20:01:00 GMT

So now that we've added to your postpartum wardrobe with the bikini jeans and the latex leggings, it's time for the backlash. The anti-leggings. The undergarment equivalent of mom jeans. Ladies, welcome to the Hourglass Toners. Also known as giant body-shaping tights. You may not be able to get away with them in your low-slung hipster pants, the ones that show just a hint of ass crack, but that's life. And supposedly these and a padded push-up bra are the non-surgical mom job, just as long as you don't mind keeping your clothes on AT ALL TIMES.

So if these make your hot bod look better, how do they qualify as mom jeans? First, they stop somewhere just under your boobs, oh-so reminiscent of that lovely maternity underwear some of us swore we'd never put on but totally did when we got scared our regular unders would travel south without our consent. Second, the celebs are jumping on these, just like Mischa did with the high-waisted pants. And third, while the article claims you don't want folks to know you have them on because they do so much for your figure, I'd guess prancing around in the bedroom in your shaper tights doesn't make you feel super sexy. Add a pee-pee panel and you are ready to go.

Goodbye Mom Jeans. Helllloooo, Latex Leggings.

Jessica Ashley (Sassafrass) — Wed, 03 Oct 2007 21:02:00 GMT

We've covered the mom jean and the anti-mom jean at length here at Strollerderby. In fact, we've zipped that topic all the way up and over, if you know what I mean. But what we haven't covered quite as thoroughly is the attire that allows you to proudly show off your cellulite, stretch marks and any post-partum lumps and bumps and jelly jiggles you'd normally just tuck under a nice tunic or conservative high-waisted trouser. What we haven't given you, the people, enough of now comes in lovely latex and is available to roll up and squeeze into...just as soon as you've powdered your legs and Vaselined your hoo hoo.

Why would a mother wear latex leggings? Sure, it could be because she is "brave" or "fashion forward." It could also be because she idolizes the Olsen twins or hippie-chic stylings of Mischa Barton. It could be because she's trying to convince playgroup that her husband's way more Marilyn Manson than Paul Giamatti or that she's way closer on the schema to Victoria Beckham than Kirstie Alley, more Catwoman than Crocs wearer. Perhaps to convey that she herself has a slightly dangerous edge when not doling out hummus sandwiches, far more than those (gasp) Capri Sun artificial juice boxes could ever attest to. Maybe it's to allude to an envy-stirring rocker goth household rather than a Wiggles-fanatic family.

Or it could just be that she got a gift certificate to Shop Intuition that covered more than the leather fingertip gloves. Whatever the reason, I dare you, mamas. I dare you to shimmy into these babies and wear them out and about with your kids. I promise not to laugh, just give you a little Zen bow, and then pull my entranced kid away from your shiny, shiny thighs.

Mom Jeans, Mom Genes: You Either Have Them or You Don’t

Madeline Holler — Wed, 26 Sep 2007 13:24:00 GMT

Don't let the latest genetic research get your mom jeans in a knot: you might not have a natural drive to be a mom.

Apparently, some women’s desire to procreate is as genetically programmed as their green eyes or deeply carved dimples. I guess the rest of the moms are just faking it.

A genetic predisposition is the best researchers could come up with for the fact that many women in wealthy nations are choosing not to leave their legacies in the form of little packets of their genetic information, also known as children. Instead, these modern women want their legacy to be in the form of career, fame and fortune (narcissistic hussies!).

But don’t worry. Those women lacking a “mom gene” won’t be around for long. Since women in developed countries are now in control of their fertility, those who don’t care to become mothers, or don’t care to have many children, will breed themselves – actually, not breed themselves – into extinction.

Who will be left? The offspring of “mom gene” positive women. They will pass that baby-hungry way of theirs along to the next generation, who will pass it along to the next, and so on. Never giving less to motherhood than career, they'll raise the best darn kids ever.

What about those lacking the gene? Well, they’ll just sit around bitching about family-friendly airline pre-boarding policies, and how Judy’s taking another afternoon off to go watch a soccer game.

The researchers go further and posit that the population declines of developed countries could be stopped and possibly reversed. Fill up places like Canada, Italy, Japan and Germany with mom-gene carriers and you’ve got nursery schools outnumbering bars!

If there is such a mom gene, I think I might have it. My husband does not (hey, wait, what about the dads?). So I leave the mom-gene-negative cleansing to two my girls. But truly, I fear a world filled with nothing but devoted PTA presidents who, left unchecked, would have no one to guilt-trip, hold nightly meetings and bring back the mom jean on large scale.

10 Reasons Not To Have Kids: Is That All You Got?

Kelly Mills — Sun, 12 Aug 2007 16:30:00 GMT

Why should you not have kids? Let me count the ways... Well, Dirty Writer came up with 10, stuff like "They Are an Economic Drain" and "Once they are Born you are Pretty much Stuck with them". Mmm hmm. Go ahead and read them; just wake me up when you are done.

Back? Okay, those of us with kids can probably give you a whole lotta better reasons to put the lock and chain on the uterus or the sperm tool, depending on your situation. Rachael rattled off: "bad for sex life, stinky, bossy, fluffy, they take away everyone's attention from YOU" in about 30 seconds. She also had one of my top reasons in there, "bad for the hoo hoo" which I'll underline by saying, think to yourself: do I like my vagina? Because it will never, ever forgive you. Unless you go c-section, and that's its own can of worms.

I'd add to the list: deflated boobies, having to talk to strangers who admire your baby, lugging a giant diaper bag around for years, your poor vagina, mom jeans, kids can cramp your dating style, you won't be able to watch or stay awake in a movie for decades, stories of serial killers and nature shows will devastate you in a new way, your poor vagina, they like to make you look the fool in public, you never get to hoard your sick leave or vacation again, your poor vagina, you'll plumb the depths of your own sleep-deprivation-induced rage, say bye bye to a restaurant meal that doesn't involve crayons, MILPHs, and of course, your poor, poor vagina.

Any we missed? I bet we could add another bajillion or so.

Website Encourages Moms to Surrender to Frump (and Pee Pee Pants)

Rachael Brownell (Redsy) — Thu, 09 Aug 2007 20:02:00 GMT

The term "MILF" is thrown around with such zeal these days, one assumes that modern mommies spend all the live long day jetting from spa to plastic surgeon to personal trainer. Luckily, there are sites like this that remind us frump is not our enemy and should be embraced with a gentle maternal acceptance, along with incontinence and comfortable shoes.

As We Change sells jeans and other "shaping" clothing for the woman who is waving the white flag at vanity. These clothes yell "I give up!" and "I have no plans to be sexual this decade!" A prime example is the underwear pictured right, which not only tucks in your tummy, it also helps manage your incontinence with a useful pee pee panel.

The site does make some effort by selling bedroom enhancements, but they are dated and frowsy like the rest of the wares pushed here. Remember feminine deodorant spray? It's baaaaaaack.

So while MILF is overused and Mommy Looks Like a Sex Kitten is overdone, I'll take too much leather and tattoo artistry over huge mom jeans and FDS any day of the week.

Parent Fashion for Summer: No More Frump Jeans

Rachael Brownell (Redsy) — Thu, 17 May 2007 17:20:00 GMT

Assuming you're already wise enough to avoid the tempting but terrible vortex of 3/4 shorts with washed out denim and 9 inch zippers (aka: Mom Jeans), let's move on to the most important upcoming fashion challenge: Summer. Fashionable mama (& owner of Divas & Babes online boutique), Tonjia Cloverdale advises mamas to unleash their inner divas by avoiding the usual old t-shirts, sweatpants, ball cap routine.

But let's not leave out all those parachute/sweats wearing dads out there, shall we? I mean, what is with all the "George Michael ate Kentucky" big daddios schlumping around the grocery store waving the white flag and all but yelling out "I give up!! I am no longer an attractive man! I care nothing for my appearance!"

Why do you think the mean people made up South Beach? For every hardworking gorgeous MILF-y mama out there, there are 800 "I can wear anything I darn well like and still ask you for some lovin'" daddies out there. 'Nuf said.

Say it with me, men: "Just Say No to Frump!!"

Mom Jeans: Because Friends Don't Let Friends Wear Bad Pants

Rachael Brownell (Redsy) — Thu, 17 May 2007 14:10:00 GMT

Remember when Saturday Night Live was funny? I was in my 20s and life was good.. and this Mom Jeans spoof was nothing more than a twinkle in a Friday night drinkfest's eye. But let's not just pick on moms. Look around and take note of the proliferation of Dad Jeans. You know the ones. They involve tight belt buckles, and waists as high as Aunt Mildred's muumuu. Say it with me: "Mom and Dad Jeans are bad for the human spirit."