Strollerderby : mommy

When Mommy Becomes Mom

JeanneSager — Fri, 15 May 2009 15:04:00 GMT

I never thought I'd be that sappy kind of mother. You know the type. She buries her face in old onesies when she finds them at the bottom of the closet and doesn't come up coughing from the scent of mold growing on super-old spit-up stains.

OK, I'm NOT that kind of mother.

But I am the kind who hates being called "Mom." I prefer "Mommy," thank you very much.

I just realized it recently, when my three- (almost four-) year-old stopped, looked at me and said "Moooom" in a voice that sounded almost teenaged. No, I decided, Mom is not for me. At least not yet.

As long as she is still saying "Mommy," we are pre-pre-menstraul, pre-pull that skirt down so it covers SOMETHING and pre- Lady, you may have been on earth for several decades, but you know nothing about life.

My colleague Madeline laid out the Mom, Mommy, Mama, Mother and all their male alternatives discussion last week, but I realized there isn't just one in most families. If yours is anything like mine, you went through at least two names for your parents, maybe three or four.

I'm still on the first name, and I'd like it to last a good bit longer. Call it a little girl desperate to grow up and a mommy desperately trying to hold on to time.

Image: Amazon

Not Every Kid With a Mother Has a "Mommy"

Miriam Axel-Lute — Fri, 08 May 2009 19:00:00 GMT

A few weeks ago I was at Music Together with my daughter. We were singing a song where a typical verse went like this:

"Who's that tapping at the window? /Who's that knocking at the door?
Mommy's tapping at the window?/Daddy's knocking at the door."

(Makes you think of the toddlers who lock their parents out, doesn't it?)

After it was over, my daughter turned to me and said "That's song's silly."

"Why?" I asked, though I was pretty sure I knew what was coming.

"It doesn't have a Mama in it."

And indeed it didn't. Though most of the world thinks of "Mommy" and "Mama" as interchangable, for children like her who have both, they're not exactly. She's been told, and basically understands, that they are just "parent names" and that all mothers and fathers get to choose a specific ones like "mommy" or "mama," and that doesn't mean they have different roles as parents. Nonetheless, she likes them to be in balance—from early on she would assign various unnamed mothers in her books, human and animal, one or the other and stick to her designations firmly, and she's quite concerned to know which one the various parents-to-be in her life are going to pick.

Now clearly it's no revelation that kids from anything other than a one mother-one father family don't see their family structures reflected in stories, songs, school exercises, etc. very often, and they feel it.

But what struck me about this exchange was that the parent names angle provides a fairly easy way to be a lot more inclusive without interrupting things with extended awkward clauses like "except some kids instead have two moms or two dads . . ." Not that kids shouldn't be explicitly presented with the idea of family structure variety—they should—but in passing cases like this music class, it can get a little silly. In those cases, perhaps just adding more parent names to our patter could go a long way. Nothing PC and obsessive. Just mixing it up a little.

In fact, it has the extra benefit of being a little more comfy to those from a het two-parent family who have a mama or papa. I've heard from one grown woman who had a papa who says that she was fairly annoyed by the "daddy" hegemony. Meanwhile, for the kids for whom they are interchangable, it likely won't even register.

I mentioned the idea to the music teacher, who acknowledged that she'd had concerns about those mommy/daddy songs too. This session, she's been singing a different song that mentions parents by name, and she's given it four verses—Mommy, Mama, Daddy, and Papa. It doesn't cover everyone, certainly, but I think those are far and away the top choices, so they should cover a lot of ground. It was simple and non disruptive and my daughter doesn't think that song is "silly."

What do you think? Would your kids notice? Would they care?

Photo CC license, YatesLaberge, via Flickr.

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Are You Mom, Mommy or Mother?

Madeline Holler — Tue, 05 May 2009 13:28:00 GMT

Long story, but I was reading an email from Ann Coulter the other day. In it, she was mourning the death of her mom, whom she referred to as "Mother." She also brought up her dad, or as she put it, "Father." Of course I thought, "Sure, that sounds about right." This hate-mongering, sexist xenophobe with obvious attachment issues had to have been raised in an emotionally cold home, one in which the parents were referred to in the distancing and overly formal monikers: Mother and Father.

Ahhh, but my colleagues here corrected me. More than one of us at Strollerderby calls the parentals "Mother" or "Father." There's also a prevalent Mother and Daddy combo, which, we all figured, comes from somewhere in the South.

So now I'm wondering what other people call their moms and dads. And what our kids call us.

In my white-bread Midwestern upbringing, most friends used "Mom" and "Dad," except those who spoke a language besides English at home -- and even some of them went with Mom and Dad anyway.

My own kids call me "Mom" or "Mommy" (or when they're getting all snuggly/manipulative "Mama") and their father "Daddy" (though lately the 8-year-old has been employing the oh, so mature version "Dad.")

What do you call your parents? What do your kids call you? Did you tell them what to call you or did it just happen? There's nothing sadder than a mother trying to get her kids to call their father "Papa," but they'll only use "Dad." Has it happened to you?

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Can We Talk About the Word "Panties"?

Photo: theodoresworld.com

Announce Your New Addition With Panties: Male Perspective

Brett Singer — Fri, 12 Dec 2008 02:00:00 GMT

Sometimes they make it too easy.

This product pitch came in via email with the subject line, "Now this is one way to break the news!!" Let's lapse into cheeseball marketing mode for a moment:

Hey gals! Are you looking for a creative way to tell your hubby that you've got a bun in the oven? Well have we got a product for you!

Moody Mamas has introduced a product that's certain to take the edge off of the news that he's no longer the most important person in the house! He likes ice cream, right? Well, our Strawberry Storkcake and Feelin' Illa Vanilla may LOOK like ice cream cartons – but they're not! They're empty! Except for a pair of super-sexy panties! That's right – PANTIES! Because nothing says "We're having a boy" like the words "It's a boy" emblazoned on your nether region!

OK, I’m back now. Sorry about that.

Here's a more straightforward description: a fake ice cream container. You get your choice of Strawberry Storkcake or Feelin' Illa Vanilla (get it? Because you'll be feeling ill soon). When your husband opens it up, he doesn’t see ice cream – he sees panties. Panties that say, "It's a boy" or "It's a girl." On the front and on the back. You know, in case he misses the subtlety of it all.

Come to think of it, the straightforward description isn't any better.

The pitch we received promises that "it will take him a minute to figure it out!" which is probably true if he is (a) really really dumb or (b) not that dumb but doesn't understand what the hell you're doing. They also suggest that moms-to-be could "get right to the point and model a pair for him..trust me- he'll be surprised!" I imagine he would be. Just not in a good way.

The packaging is about as funny as an "I'm not as think as you drunk I am" t-shirt. Here are the ingredients of the Feelin' Illa Vanilla: "Big Belly Bombshell, 25%; Hungry Hottie, 25%; Queen of Quease, 25%; Growing Goddess, 25%." Here's an image of the label:

I take it back. The t-shirt is funnier.

I imagine that a woman could even be a little offended by this. "Queen of quease"? (For a female perspective, check out Jeanne's post.) I have no problem with off-color or inappropriate humor, but this isn't funny. As for the sexy factor, it doesn't do it for me. I'm all for spicing up a marriage. But what's wrong with just, you know, telling your spouse? I suppose this is more "creative". Kinda.

If you want to order one of these products, click here. However, the Moody Mama web site doesn't seem to agree with the PR message we received. You can buy the It's A Boy Undie ("Low rise (under belly) modal maternity undie with soft lace trim, bow accents; diamond appliqué; sold unpackaged,") here. The Stork-Cake faux-ice cream container is here, but seems to include only a generic "mama undie." I tried to figure it out for you but my head started to hurt. Who came up with this idea?

But hey -- maybe I'm missing something. Is it "hot" to combine news of a birth with tacky undergarments? Am I missing the hilarity and genius of the entire endeavor?

Here are a few images to help you decide. I highly recommend enlarging them to full-size. Provided you can stand to look at them. The butt shots are particularly funny/scary/disturbing/tell me what word you would use.

Images: MoodyMamas

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People spending less on Mother's Day this year

Brett Singer — Wed, 07 May 2008 19:30:00 GMT

It's not that much less, actually – a poll by the National Retail Federation (whose slogan should be "SHOP! NOW!", just cuz that would be funny) found that people will spend 51 cents less this year than they did last year. That doesn't sound too bad.

What is slightly surprising is how much they spend, and how it breaks down by age. The overall average, says the survey, is $138.63; the number was $139.14 in 2007. But, according to Newsday, "if your child is in the 18- to 24-year-old age group…they'll be the big spenders, averaging $170.71 for their Mother's Day gift, up from $137.73 -- fourth out of five age groups -- in 2007." One 22 year old is quoted as saying that he's spending less this year because of his pending college graduation. The article doesn't say whether or not his parents were footing the bill for school, but I'm going to guess that perhaps this fact could skew the data a bit. When mom and dad are paying off the credit card, hey, go nuts. Once it's your money? Uh-uh. (I acknowledge that this is a huge assumption that may not be true, so if I'm wrong, tell me in the comments.)

In my case, my gift-giving budget has increased with my income level, but at the same time, it's not about how much you spend. I learned that the hard way one year when I thought it would be okay to wait until Monday to give mom her present. I was pretty young at the time (maybe 10 or 11) and I had made something at school that wasn't ready yet. When I told mom on Sunday that I would give her the gift tomorrow, it became clear very quickly that this was not a good solution. I immediately went out and picked up something small – flowers, candy, a card – and brought it home. Problem solved, lesson learned. Don't mess with mom.

So, keeping in mind that it really is the thought that counts, does $135+ sound right to everyone? Too much? Not enough? How much are you planning to spend?

image: 123greetings.com

What is mommy worth?

Brett Singer — Wed, 07 May 2008 13:35:00 GMT

This story pops up every now and then. The question is: how much would mom get paid if her job were in the private sector?

The Daily News reports on a study from MomConnection that has come up with a number for moms in New York. And… drum roll please…

$70,000 a year.

They came up with this amount using data from the web site salaryexpert.com.

As for what the women surveyed think they should get if they were to receive a yearly salary, "34% said $100,000, 31% said $50,000, 27% said $75,000 and 8% said $25,000." Man, I'd like to meet the women who said $25,000. Cheap date.

I say "women" because this survey was specifically about stay at home moms. I'm not crying discrimination or anything like that but it still surprises me how often articles like this read as if they were written in the 1950's.

Here's the best part (a quote from someone at MomConnection):

These are Generation Y moms in their 20s and early 30s who made a considered choice to become mothers…They are less likely to feel annoyed or to be whiny."

Oh! I see. As opposed to the whiny wimmen of Generation X, the Baby Boomers, and everyone who came before. Weren't they annoying? All that, "Wah! I want respect! I want equal pay! I'm whiny!" They didn't make a choice to become mothers. They were forced into it, right? (Grrr…)

So – I ask you, the readers. How would you respond? What do you think the salary for a mother should be? Or is what a mother does, to paraphrase the MasterCard ads, priceless?

image: The Daily News

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People spending less on Mother's Day this year

What is mommy worth?