Strollerderby : morning news

Morning News - It's All Bill Clinton's Fault

Brett Singer — Wed, 03 Jun 2009 13:00:00 GMT

One current theme I've heard leaking out of the GOP Hive Mind lately is the idea that the Obama Administration needs to stop blaming the Bush Administration for, well, anything. For example: "I think people will be blaming George Bush until they die. We are almost halfway through the 1st year of Obama’s Presidency and they are still blaming the last administration for EVERYTHING. I think the blaming needs to stop and people need to start taking responsibility for their destinies."

Here's a little item from Business Week about the failures of the auto industry: "The Clinton Administration, as many before it, simply could not figure out how to force the Japanese to open their auto market, so in 1995 after a bout of highly publicized negotiations, it declared victory, even in the obvious face of failure. And the Clinton Administration was also unable to address the absence of a national health-care system. These two failures were huge, seen in retrospect."

So. Let's review. The Obama Administration and/or all Democrats need to stop blaming the Bush Administration because, you know, c'mon. It's been MONTHS since Obama took office. But blaming the Clinton Administration, which has been out of office for NINE YEARS, makes perfect sense. Yes, these articles are from two different sources. But the idea that nothing a former President did has any effect on our current situation is just silly. Thus endeth the opinion portion of Morning News.

Malls are in trouble, and therefore stocks in mall companies may not be a good buy right now, according to the Motley Fool (me, I know nothing about finance). To me, the problem with malls was always the excessive amount of useless stores. "I Can't Believe They Put A Clock In It!" That sort of thing. These are not stores that will survive in weak economic times. OK, that's opinion as well.

Funny item from Buzzfeed -- Ferris Bueller's best friend's house is up for sale. The house, located at 370 Beech Street in Highland Park, Illinois, can be yours for a mere $2,300,000. Four bedrooms, four baths, and the coolest garage ever to appear in a classic 1980's film. ("When Cameron was in Egypt land... Let my Cameron go...")

Dopey iPhone app of the day -- ShakeIt, which attempts to simulate the shaking that people used to do with Polaroids. As a commenter on Wired puts it: "That seems silly. Got any apps to add pops and hisses to my MP3 files?"

And also from Wired, news of a new Wii accessory that will monitor your heart rate while you get your Wii on. The Wii Vitality Sensor attaches to your WiiMote and will do more than just tell you your BPMs, according to Nintendo. “It intends to have you see the information relating to the inner world of your body, achieve greater relaxation." Or it could tell my son that he's waaay too into the game he's playing and needs to take a little break.

Morning News - GOP Calls Sotomayor Racist

Do You Leave Your Kids Alone in the Car?

13 Year Old Alfie Definitely Not A Dad

Katie Roiphe Doesn't Like You Or Your Kids

Dad Charges Daughter With Grand Theft Auto

Morning News - GOP Calls Sotomayor Racist

Brett Singer — Tue, 02 Jun 2009 13:00:00 GMT

The Republican/Conservative Hive Mind Coalition has decided how to attack Supreme Court nominee Judge Sonia Sotomayor. What is it? Drum roll, please... She's a racist! This comment from Rush Limbaugh is... well, you decide: "Limbaugh called the president 'the greatest living example of a reverse racist,' and said that he has picked another for the Supreme Court vacancy of retiring Justice David Souter. Limbaugh later equated Sotomayor to former Ku Klux Klan leader David Duke." David Duke? Huh? The comment Limbaugh, Newt Gingrich and Hive Mind members are clinging to is one that Sotomayor made at a Duke Law School symposium in 2001: "a wise Latina woman would more often than not reach a better conclusion than a white male who hasn't lived that life."

I haven't read much about Judge Sotomayor, but I think the GOP Hive Mind is grasping at straws by clinging to one quote that she made. How difficult would it be to review cases that were before her while she served as a judge, and to talk about those? I've said plenty of things that I wouldn't want thrown back at me if I were up for an important post. (Supreme Court seems unlikely since I don't have a law degree, but maybe I could be the head of the Department of Video Games and Comic Books.) Also, as a white man who grew up in the Bronx and worked for two years at a job where there were many Latina women, I can honestly say that a great many of them reached better conclusions than I did. So there.

Speaking of the GOP, Mitt Romney seems to think he's still running for President. He's mad at President Obama for the way he's handling our foreign policy. (Grrr... Mitt is angry... Grrrr...) I love how it's OK for people to criticize the President when said President is a Democrat. Remember how we were all supposed to support President Bush because we were a nation at war? That attacking the Commander-in-Chief of the United States could be damaging to troop morale, and make us look bad in the eyes of foreign leaders? I guess that doesn't matter anymore.

One more political item -- Dick Cheney (aside: if my name were "Richard" I wouldn't use "Dick" as my nickname) admitted that there was "no link" between Saddam Hussein and the September 11th attacks. But he still thinks we did the right thing by marching into Iraq. He, too, took issue with President Obama's policies. I'm not 100% positive about this, but didn't various Bush administration officials and the Republican/Conservative Hive Mind spend a lot of time and energy telling the public that Saddam Hussein was, in fact, involved in the September 11th attacks? If so, what is Cheney saying now -- sorry, my bad?

On to less important matters. Susan Boyle checked into the hospital after losing "Britain's Got Talent." She is said to be "suffering from exhaustion," which I think officially makes her a real celebrity, since I have never heard of anyone other than a celebrity checking into a hospital because they were tired. (I know, that's reductionist, and an over-simplification, and probably other words that basically mean the same thing as those two. Bear with me, I'm exhausted.) The funny thing about Susan Boyle? She didn't "lose." She came in second. She was a complete unknown and now she's famous enough to check into a hospital for exhaustion without being laughed at. She will certainly have some sort of career in the entertainment business if she wants to. How is that "losing"? A year from now, let's see who has had a better career -- Susan Boyle or the dance troupe Diversity. My money's on Boyle.

OK, one more serious thing: a federal judge has ruled that "Guantanamo evidence must be made public." This is "the unclassified evidence that it says justifies the continued imprisonment of more than 100 Guantanamo Bay prisoners." So, you know. So there.

Here's a headline you don't like to see: "Federal Reserve puzzled by yield curve steepening." It's one thing if I'm puzzled by financial matters facing our nation. But the Federal Reserve? They shouldn't be puzzled. They should know stuff. Lots of stuff.

Finally, something silly and utterly unimportant. Kathy Griffin says that Eminem walking out of the MTV Movie Awards was "a stunt." What happened? Sasha Baron Cohen, aka Bruno, stuck his heinie in the rapper's face.

Here's what happened:

And here's what Kathy Griffin thinks of it:

See? Now you know everything you need to know to start your day. Enjoy!

Image: Latina.com

Dad Charges Daughter With Grand Theft Auto

Morning News - Mike Tyson's Daughter Injured

13 Year Old Alfie Definitely Not A Dad

Morning News - Susan Boyle Comes in Second

Brett Singer — Mon, 01 Jun 2009 13:00:00 GMT

So you know that Susan Boyle person? Scottish woman, has a really big singing voice, knocked people's socks off on "Britain's Got Talent", which is sort of like "American Idol" but with weirder acts, like a guy who dances like Michael Jackson while dressed as Darth Vader? (No, really. That's true.) Anyway, everyone thought Susan would win contest. (My money was on Darth Jackson. Which is why I don't gamble.) But she came in second. First place went to a dance troupe called "Diversity." Maybe in England hip-hop dancing is still hip. Or people just got bored with Susan Boyle. Or maybe it was something else. Anyway, she lost, but like Clay Aiken before her, I bet we'll hear from her at some point. Sometimes second place isn't so bad. (Ask Ruben Studdard. Although he does have a new album out, so maybe he'll stage a comeback. Wow, I think I don't care about this topic. Moving on.)

Well, I'm not moving on quite yet. Apparently Susan Boyle needed a team of psychistrists to get ready for the big TV finale. I have to admit that if her story is true -- never performed anywhere but her church, shot to worldwide fame in a matter of hours, on a TV show watched by millions -- then I can't blame her for being nervous. And maybe I'm wrong but to me, it's impressive that she got as far as she did. Not because she isn't talented. But she was completely unknown a few weeks ago. Now she's very very "known." Sounds like a victory to me.

Now on to science news. Everybody has a cell phone these days, and your plants want in on the fun. Yes. That's right. Your plants. The Discovery Channel has a story about a chip that would allow plants to "call" for water when they were, like, thirsty. "The farmer would just need their regular cell phone service, and the plant would send a text message when it needed water." Neat. Although I'm not sure why you can't just water the things on some sort of regular basis. Then again, I've never owned a plant that didn't die within a month. So maybe I'm not the right person to ask about this.

This headline form the Wall Street Journal is both completely sensational, but also accurate. Here you go: Lawmakers Bill Taxpayers For TVs, Cameras, Lexus. It's accurate. I hate reading stuff like this. Some of the item, like a digital camera, I can see as being needed for a lawmakers' job. But a Lexus? Times are tough, drive a crummier car.

Republicans, Let's Play Grown-Up
Sticking with the Journal, one of their columnists says that the GOP should "play grown-up" with regard to Sonia Sotomayor's nomination to the Supreme Court. Political commentator Ellis Henican says that if Republicans keep attacking Sotomayer, "they might well achieve a rare double fiasco for the Once-Grand Party - pursuing a doomed campaign against a highly qualified Supreme Court nominee and guaranteeing that Latinos will vote Democratic for the next 30 years." I guess we'll have to see how this one plays out.

Cuba's gonna talk to us! Wow!

A group of scientists in Houston, Texas are working on a cancer vaccine. I will now make the understatement of the year -- hey, that'd be cool.

Finally, "Up" ruled the box office this weekend by taking in almost $70 million. "Night at the Museum: Battle of the Smithsonian" came in second place, and has already broken the $100 million mark. "Star Trek" broke $200 million. There were some other movies in the top ten that I don't care much about. A few words about "Up" and their box office total: the number is somewhat artificially inflated because of the $3 per ticket surcharge for 3D (or "RealD" as they call it these days). Not every theater is showing "Up" in 3D, but a lot are, and that makes the total dollar figure larger. It also means that in Manhattan it costs $55 to take two adults and two kids to see the movie. Which, for the record, I thought was really good. But I could do without the extra cost.

Image: Wikipedia

Kansas Abortion Doctor Killed at Church

California School District Approves So-Called Gay Curriculum

Adopted Brother Was Living Across The Street

Morning News: Smart Kids Rule

Amy Kuras — Fri, 29 May 2009 13:00:00 GMT

•   All hail the smart kids! And one of them, Kavya Shivashankar, of Olathe, Kansas, won the National Spelling Bee last night. She spelled “Laodicean” (and no, I don’t know what it means) to bring home a ginormous trophy and $40,000 in cash and prizes.

•   In other competition news, turns out that nice Adam Lambert, the guy who came in second on American Idol, is gay? Who could have guessed? Well, judge Kara DioGuardi, for one, who outs him in an interview on “The View” airing today.

•   Remember how nine years ago the melding of Time Warner and AOL was supposed to be some harbinger of the triumph of new media over old? Well, new media did pretty much win, but AOL is just a footnote in the explosion of the Internet. And now that storied marriage is being undone, with Time Warner spinning off AOL.

•   Here’s another juxtaposition of old and new — the longest serving Republican on the Senate Judiciary Committee, Orrin Hatch, said yesterday that barring any serious issues yet to be uncovered, Sonia Santomayor is likely to be confirmed as Supreme Court justice.

•   According to the latest census bureau estimates, multiracial people – people who check off more than one race on the census form – comprise the fastest growing demographic group in the United States. Many factors play in, including an increase in interracial marriages, but probably the biggest is just a growing acceptance of such relationships. Here’s a quote from Kayci Baldwin, a 17-year-old girl who runs a national club for interracial kids among other things: "I went to my high school prom last week with my date who is Ecuadoran-Nigerian, a friend who is Chinese-white and another friend who is part Dominican," she said. "While we are a group that was previously ignored in many ways, we now have an opportunity to fully identify and express ourselves."

That is always good news.

Morning News - California Supreme Court Upholds Prop 8

Brett Singer — Wed, 27 May 2009 13:00:00 GMT

In a move that surprised many, the California State Supreme Court upheld Proposition on Tuesday. BUT they let existing marriages stand. Which seems odd to me. How can you have it both ways? I think it's beacuse the ruling doesn't mean the court believes that Prop. 8 is correct, at least as far as I can tell. "The 6-1 decision upholding Prop. 8 was issued by the same court that declared a year ago that a state law defining marriage as the union of a man and a woman violated the right to choose one's spouse and discriminated on the basis of sexual orientation," says the San Francisco Chronicle. So the voters voted for it, and while it may be wrong, that's the law of the land. If I've got that wrong, I'm sure someone will let me know. (Be kind. I'm a New Yorker and we're very fragile.)

Now, the story that I know everyone was waiting for. An Alaskan man won the 2009 World Beard and Moustache Championships. This happened on Saturday, but the news only just made it to CNN. That's because it is VERY VERY IMPORTANT news. Alaska Governor Sarah Palin had no comment.

In the tech sector, Palm continues to botch the launch of the Palm Pre. Wired reports on a leaked document that actually includes the phrase "We Can’t Afford to Sell the Pre to the Wrong Customers." Even if there's a logic behind that statement, it's terrible PR. Add that to the fact that it appears that there won't be many Pres to be had when the phone is available for sale on June 6th, and Palm may have done Blackberry a huge favor.

President Obama nominated Sonia Sotomayor to the Supreme Court yesterday. She would be the first Hispanic woman to serve as a Supreme. Here's a sentence from Yahoo! News: "The White House tableau itself was history: A black president and his white vice president, Joe Biden, striding onto a stage in the ornate East Room with the nominee who grew up in a New York housing project where her parents had moved from Puerto Rico." Which is great, but I guess we should also know what her views on various issues are. Republicans will likely be fighting her appointment, but some say that Sotomayor isn't a great target for attack.

In entertainment news (and I use the words "entertainment" and "news" loosely here) a lot of TV critics served up some hate for the season premiere of "Jon & Kate Plus 8". Somewhat amusingly, said critics seem to have suddenly noticed that it's hypocritical to compain about paparazzi when you put your offspring on television for money. Guess what people? Putting her kids on TV wasn't any more wrong before all of the hoo-ha about her marriage to Jon became massive tabloid fodder. Also hatin' on Kate is her sister-in-law Julie, who urged "viewers not to watch" the premiere. And so it goes.

Finally, loudmouthed Brit Lily Allen says that Susan Boyle isn't all that. Allen tweeted: "I thought her timing was off on Britains Got Talent on Sunday - no control, and I don't think she has an amazing voice. She can sing, but it's not about talent with her, is it?" Zzzzzz... Oh! Sorry. Just nodded off there for a moment. I'm back. (You can see Susan Boyle's performance for yourself here, if you are so inclined. You can see Lily Allen on her MySpace page. If you really want to.)

Image: CNN

Morning News - Palm Pre Launch Date Announced

13 Year Old Alfie Definitely Not A Dad

Playdate: Does Your Sitter 'Love' Your Kids?

Top Cause of Death for Pregnant Women is Murder

UPDATE: Dad Who Forced Son To Get Tattoo is Arrested

Rich or Rehab: Whatever Happened to the Gummi Bear Girl?

10 Year Old Author Alec Greven Is Back

12 Year Old Knocks Em Dead On Britain's Got Talent

Morning News - Mike Tyson's Daughter Injured

Brett Singer — Tue, 26 May 2009 00:37:00 GMT

This is a strange and sad story. Mike Tyson's daughter was found hanging by a treadmill cord. She is now in critical condition at St. Joe's hospital in Phoenix. According to reports, it was a "tragic accident"; the 4-year-old became tangled in the cord while playing. Tyson was not home at the time but has rushed back to join his family at the hospital, according to Fox Phoenix.

Wondering where the Guantanamo detainees will go if they get released? How about Italy? Italian Prime Minister Silvio Berlusconi (who has accused of picking his nose and eating it) said that "his country will consider accepting an unspecified number of detainees from the U.S. military detention facility at Guantanamo Bay, Cuba." Hey, I bet the food there is better.

I'm no business expect, but when I read that Microsoft is planning to name their new search engine Bing, my initial reaction was to say "wow. That's a horrible idea." We'll see if I'm right. The company that brought the world Windows ME and Microsoft Bob is planning to spend up to $100 million dollars advertising their new search thingy. Bing, huh? Oookay.

I thought this was already confirmed, but I guess not -- Mel Gibson's new girlfriend, Oksana Grigorieva, is pregnant. Look at that photo. Mel is looking really old. But still, you can see what a younger woman sees in him (money). I mean, seriously (money). What woman wouldn't want to date Mel (money)?

A chicago resident has died from swine flu, aka H1N1, or, as I call it, heinie. (Get it? H1N1? The 1's look like i's, sort of? And heinie is a funny word? Oh, never mind.) This isn't funny, of course. Just trying to add a little levity to the situation. This is the 12th person in the United States to die as a result of swine flu; the virus has killed 91 people worldwide. What I wonder is how many people die from other kinds of flu? That is, is swine flu worse or just getting more press? Regardless, I'm still stocking up on hand sanitizer for myself and the children.

And finally, I leave you with this: Congress and President Obama is still planning to "overhaul" the U.S. healthcare system, which basically sucks unless you have a good job. Even if you do, it can still suck. I freely admit that I don't know how to change it, but there are too many people walking around without health coverage and that can't be a good thing.

More tomorrow...

Image: Wikipedia

Dad Charges Daughter With Grand Theft Auto

Moms Taking Drugs to Stop Lactation

Did This Woman Commit Suicide Because She Couldn't Breastfeed?

Crocheted Doll Gives Birth

Women Switched at Birth Find Out 56 Years Later

Morning News - Talk Show Host Waterboarded

Brett Singer — Mon, 25 May 2009 13:00:00 GMT

Sean Hannity said he would do it but hasn't made good on that pledge. So Erich “Mancow” Muller stepped up and got the job done. Here's a video, which is not safe for work or anyone who feels that watching a wildly unpopular talk show host get waterboarded is an insult to their intelligence.

I've said this before, but it bears repeating. The great thing about Republicans these days is that they are so tolerant. Case in point: Colin Powell, who felt the need to go on CBS' "Face The Nation" and tell everyone that yes, he is still a Republican. This depiste the fact that Dick Cheney recent said "My take on it was Colin had already left the party. I didn't know he was still a Republican." And the lovely Mr. Rush Limbaugh, who says he would like the former Secretary of State to "close the loop and become a Democrat." An article from the AFP wonders if all of this "our way or the highway" stuff is going to be a turn off to anyone who might, gawd forbid, disagree with the Cheney/Limbaugh hive mind. Gee, ya think? On a personal note (shocking, I know) I would genuinely like to have a civil discussion with a person of the Republican persuasion so I can find out what the appeal is. Seriously. I know people who lean to the right politically and yet aren't braying maniacs like Limbaugh or "Mancow". So far I haven't worked up enough nerve to discuss politics with any of them. If someone wants to leave a comment about why they are a Republican, please do so. Understand that I'm not saying that all Republicans are kooks, just that the only ones that we hear from in the media seem to be on the kooky side.

Staying with politics for a moment, President Barack Obama is expected to announce his pick for the Supreme Court this week. I'm going to go out on a limb here and suggest that unless he chooses, say, Dick Cheney, most Republican politicians will not be pleased with his choice. But hey, ya never know. I've been wrong before. (Like the time I said, "Hairspray" as a musical? No one wants to see that. Or when I suggested that Warren Beatty and Dustin Hoffman make a little film called "Ishtar." Only one of those statements is true. Guess which one!)

Moving on to the world of entertainment, Susan Boyle moved on in the "Britain's Got Talent" contest. She sang "Memory" from "Cats." Daring choice. (Meow.) Here's a video, which is safe for work but not safe for those who find the music of Andrew Lloyd Webber to be only slightly more pleasurable than fingernails on a chalkboard:

Speaking on TV talent contests, Queen might have a job for "American Idol" runner-up Adam Lambert. They'd like him to do their laundry. Kidding! He would be the lead singer. Everyone said he (Adam) was just like Freddie Mercury, right?

In movie news, "Night at the Museum: Battle of the Smithsonian" beat out "Terminator Salvation" by about $10 million. When asked for a comment, Christian Bale said, "OHHH! GOOD FOR YOU!"

Last, but not least, today is Memorial Day. I couldn't find one story that I thought was "the one" to link to, so here's a bunch of them from Google News.

Women Switched at Birth Find Out 56 Years Later

More Babies Named After Sports Figure than President

13 Year Old Alfie Definitely Not A Dad

Morning News - Obama at the Upfronts

Brett Singer — Fri, 22 May 2009 13:00:00 GMT

One of the criticisms we hear a lot on Strollerderby is that no one here has a discouraging word for a Democrat, and certainly not the President. Of course, this isn't true. (See also: the so-called "liberal media", Fox News' claim of being "fair and balanced", and the idea that allowing gay people to get married will lead our country into a new dark age). For example, we went after John Edwards when he proved to be a complete and utter dirtbag. Personally, my feeling about politicians can be summed up in the title of a favorite children's book -- "Everyone Poops." They're all flawed. Maybe some more so than others. But in the end, they're politicians. (They also, as far as I know, all poop from time to time. Maybe not Dick Cheney. But I digress.)

Anyway, my point here is that I am now going to say something negative about President Obama. Namely, what the heck is he doing appearing in a video at the television industry upfronts? For the uninitiated, the upfronts are a big meeting when TV executives pitch their shows to potential advertisers. Barack Obama, the President of the United States, appeared in a promotional video for George Lopez's new talk show. George asks Barack for a cabinet post, and the President tells him he should do a talk show instead. “You need to change late night. That’s a change I can believe in."

Why? The bit was recorded during the campaign, before Obama was elected. They made two versions, one if he won and one if he lost. One could argue that stuff like this is a big part of the President's appeal. He seems relaxed, like he's enjoying life, and is at ease in any situation. On the other hand, isn't it sort of demeaning? Personally, I blame Bill Clinton. (Another Democrat! See?!?) Bill went on the Arsenio Hall Show and played his sax (see video here) whilst campaigning for the highest office in the land. From then on, Presidential candidates began to feel the need to behave like celebrities. By the way, I'm aware that this is a huge generalization, and that it's possible this sort of thing happened before Bill Clinton. Feel free to correct me if you like. Regardless of that, however, I think President Obama needs to pull back a bit from doing, well, bits like this. It's beneath him, and it gives his critics more fuel for their crazy bonfire.

Now, lest anyone think I've become a Republican in the last two days, let's talk about Dick Cheney. Is anyone else bothered by the fact that he's doing interviews and giving speeches criticizing current United States policies? One common Republican talking point is "can you imagine if a Democrat said that?" (For example, President Obama's Special Olympics joke.) Well, can you imagine if a Democrat had done what Cheney is doing? Especially a former Vice-President? Why is Cheney doing this? Maybe this is a precursor to a run for the White House in 2012. Sarah Palin, look out.

Moving on to other matters, Brandeis University has stopped making payments to retired employees. This includes former faculty. So if your server at McDonald's asks if you want fries with that in Latin, you know why.

"Terminator: Salvation" opens today in probably every city on Earth. To that, we steal a line from a tweet, and say "OHHH! GOOD FOR YOOOU!" (Read this if you don't know what I'm talking about.)

In sports news, a new Metro-North station will open near Yankee Stadium. It was on time and under budget, which in New York, is unheard of. This is good news, since now even lesser nobility will have a convenient way to get to the games. (Yes, we stole that one from The Onion. SORRY.)

Finally, a plug. Check out Babble Radio Live, today at 12:30PM EST. I'll be joined by Shannon LC Cate. If you can't listen live (what, you have to work or something?) you can check out the archived show later in the day.

That's all for now. Have a great (longer) weekend, everyone.

Image: Textually

Morning News: Idol, Terror, and Credit Cards

Amy Kuras — Thu, 21 May 2009 13:01:00 GMT

If you care about this, you already know, but Kris Allen was crowned the winner on “American Idol” last night. If you’re like me and like to look like you’re keeping up with the kids without actually having to subject yourself to American Idol, perhaps this helps.

In much more serious news, terror suspect Ahmen Ghalani will be sent to New York from Guantanamo Bay to face trial in the 1998 bombings of the US embassies in Kenya and Tanzania. President Obama is expected to announce the trial during an address today on Guantanamo and other security issues.

New York City Police and federal agents arrested four men who were plotting to bomb synagogues and other landmarks in the city. Police say there was little chance the men could have carried out the attacks, but still.

Also? California is coming apart, pretty much. It’s out of money and now looking at a constitutional convention.

Maybe they could put some cash on a credit card, because there are some new rules passed by Congress today that both keep credit card companies from hiking rates out of nowhere and let them spank you for paying your card off in full every month. And no more going after college kids to sign up for debt they will never be able to repay – those under 21 will have to prove they can pay back the money or that their parents will take on the debt if they can’t.

Morning News - Palm Pre Launch Date Announced

Brett Singer — Wed, 20 May 2009 13:00:00 GMT

This is important to a lot of people, although it isn't IMPORTANT in the way that, say, something important is important. Know what I mean? Anyway, the long awaited, much hyped, and often blogged about Palm Pre will be available for our greedy little fingers on... timpani, please... June 6. Of this year. What's a Palm Pre, you ask? A new cell phone that may or may not be better than the iPhone:

If you want the phone you'll have to sign up for Sprint, which could be a deal breaker for me. I had Sprint for home phone service in college, and they used to do the following: send a bill every two months, then charge late fees because I was a month late. This happened for a year until I finally switched to something else. (This was back before everyone had a cell phone, and land lines were more important. Thus endeth the history lesson.) I realize this was not, as they say, last Tuesday, but from what I've heard, Sprint's service is still only so-so. So... we'll see.

Now, on to really really REALLY important news -- "Ghostbusters 3" may start filming this Winter, according to Dan Aykroyd. According to the L.A. Times and Entertainment Weekly,"the franchise film is expected to feature a 'new generation' of ghostbusters." So its like the new "Star Trek." Well, more like the new "Get Smart." Which isn't nearly as cool, but I guess it's OK. My kids loved the first movie, as do I of course, but I doubt this new one will be any good. Money, though, it will make. You heard it here first. In a semi-related story, wrestler John Cena quoted the original film recently, saying "It's chaos, the sky will fall. Cats and dogs living together." Not an exact quote, but pretty close. That will likely be the only time you will ever see me talk about "pro" wrestling in Morning News. I promise.

Anyone else think that the state of California is just plain weird? Not to be a judgmental New Yorker, but it seems like there's always something wacky going on way out West. For example: "California voting on budget crisis measures," sayeth CNN. Again, not saying everything on the East Coast is peaches and cream. But we rarely have mudslides, and we don't have ballot propositions. Also, our governor has never played Mr. Freeze in a movie. "It's going to be a cold time on the old town tonight." Really, Arnold? Really?

Michael Steele, the head of the Republican National Committee, wants fellow GOPers to "attack" President Obama more often. Classy. Steele, who publicly apologized to Rush Limbaugh back in March, also said that "Obama's first several months [were] 'a reign of error'" and "that the Republican 'renaissance has begun.'" Not to be partisan, but how do you figure? Even a Republican friend of mine -- OK, it's my dentist -- said that we've got to give Obama more than a few months before we decide what kind of job he's doing. Seems reasonable to me. Of course, one person's "reasonable" is another person's "wimpy."

Speaking of President Obama, some people are not letting his spech at Notre Dame go without a fight, or at least a lot of fire and brimstone. Father Jonathan Morris is very upset at the President, and at Notre Dame for giving him an honorary degree. Because really, when you think about it, the biggest problem in the world today is the fact that our Democratically elected President believes that abortion, which is already legal, should stay legal. What a radical.

Remember Abduwali Abdukhadir Muse? Doesn't ring any bells? He was the kid -- they think he's a teenager, so I can call him a kid -- from Somalia who was caught and charged with piracy. PIRACY. Not downloading "Wolverine" piracy. Not fun Johnny Depp "argh, Mateys" piracy. ACTUAL piracy. On the high seas. Crazy. He's in New York now (I guess we do have some weird stuff here) and has been indicted on charges 10 counts, "including piracy and conspiracy to seize a ship by force and to take hostages," according to the New York Times. What must be going through his mind? Doesn't speak the language, probably only sort of knows what the heck is happening. Very odd.

Last but not least, a nice little NYC story. A newspaper seller was handed an envelope with $1000 cash in it. There was also a note that said, "From Chris and George." The paperman, Jerome Kabore (pictured above), has no idea who Chris and George are. He started wearing a sign that says "Thank you so much Chris and George," just in case whoever it is comes back. Read the whole story here, it's nice.

Morning News - Astronauts Watch Star Trek In Space

Homebirthing Advocate's Baby Dies During Homebirth

Mom Puts 9 Year Old Girl On Craigs List For Revenge

Boy Accidentally Shoots Self With Forgotten Gun

Morning News - Government Issues New Fuel Standards

Brett Singer — Tue, 19 May 2009 13:00:00 GMT

In an effort to reduce automobile emissions, the Obama administration is planning to issue "a new national standard for cars and light trucks that incorporates California’s tough auto-emission rules." The President will likely announce these new rules today (Tuesday). The New York Times says that "As a result, cars and light trucks sold in the United States will be roughly 30 percent cleaner and more fuel-efficient by 2016." No one will have any money to buy them, of course. Well, maybe by 2016 we will.

Mel Gibson's girlfriend (not to be confused with his wife) has posed in lingerie. The New York Post has photos. Oh, and get this -- she's pregnant! (A commenter at the Daily News' web site says "mazel tov!" which is, frankly, hilarious.) Ah, Mel. How's it going, you anti-semitic hypocrite? Oops, did I say that out loud?

Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu wants to get peace talks with the Palestinians back on track. BUT he won't endorse a Palestinian state. Bibi (that's Netanyahu's nickname, I didn't make it up) was at the White House to chat with President Obama.

You know what's great about religious people? They're so tolerant. Like Charlotte Allen, who wrote the following in the Los Angeles Times: "I can't stand atheists -- but it's not because they don't believe in God. It's because they're crashing bores." Why do I think that Charlotte would be the first to shout "discrimination" if anyone said something against Christians? Feh.

Apparently Angelina Jolie is all angry at Madonna for trying to adopt another Malawian child. Assuming this is true, I have a question for Ms. Jolie -- when did you become the queen of the world? “Angie sees what she and Brad Pitt do as being about saving a child, but she thinks Madonna does it for publicity," an "insider" told Us Weekly. I really do wonder if these "insiders" and "sources close to the star" actually exist. Can gossip magazines just make stuff up like that? Even if they can, isn't it unbelieveably tacky? I know, dumb question.

File this one under "for what it's worth": Next time bloggers get accused of sensationalist journalism, let us remember how the news of Mitchell Weiner's death was reported here on Babble. Allow me to quote myself: CNN reports that a "New York middle school assistant principal who was hospitalized with the H1N1 virus died Sunday. BUT he might not have died of swine flu. Compare that to the New York Post: yesterday's front page headline was "SWINE DEATH." But if you bothered to read the story, the second paragraph said "Complications besides the virus likely played a part in Mitchell Wiener's death." Even the usually sober Bloomberg News went with "New York Has First Swine Flu Death." They quoted a hospital spokesperson as saying that "Wiener had swine flu and no other pre-existing medical conditions that the hospital knows of." BUT then CNN reported the following: "An assistant principal who died after being hospitalized with the H1N1 virus did have an underlying condition, the New York City's health commissioner said Monday." So who is the more responsible reporter? That would be ME. The blogger with no resources other than my rapier wit and hands that are either typing or changing a stinky diaper. HA! Take that mainstream media!

Finally, Woody Allen won $5 million from American Apparel. The Woodster sued the clothier with the creepy ads because they used his image without first getting permission. I'm no fan of Allen's personal life, but in this case he was right and I'm glad he won. I still wish he hadn't, you know, married his own daughter. But we're none of us perfect, I suppose.

Image: Amazon

The Chubbiest Cheeks You Will Ever See

More Stuff Hip, Urban Parents Like

Australian Kiddie Show Star Appears In Laddie Mag

12 Year Old Knocks Em Dead On Britain's Got Talent

Did This Woman Commit Suicide Because She Couldn't Breastfeed?

Swine Flu - Maybe We Won't Close School

Morning News - Astronauts Watch Star Trek In Space

Brett Singer — Mon, 18 May 2009 02:01:00 GMT

You are either tired of hearing me talking about "Star Trek", or you can't get enough of it. It's like Kirk vs. Spock in "The Apple", a classic episode of the original series. Actually, it's not really like that very much at all, but saying that it was allowed me to get in another "Trek" mention. Sorry.

Anyway, even if you don't care about "Star Trek", you may still think that this is cool -- Real Live Astronauts are Watching ‘Star Trek’ in Outer Space - Right Now. Actually, it happened on Friday, but perhaps due to a singularity created by red matter, it's possible that the astroanuts are, in fact, watching the movie as you read this. Unlikely. But possible.

Moving on to a topic I don't really understand, how about some international economic news? The Motley Fool tells us Why China's Stimulus Plan Will Change the World. Um, OK. Remember when you thought putting 20 bucks a week into your savings account was a solid method of planning for the future?

Barack Obama spoke at Notre Dame, which was a big deal because he is pro-choice. MSNBC says that he called "for 'fair-minded' abortion debate." So they booed him. Not everybody, of course.

David Geffen may want to buy the New York Times. I hope someone does. The idea of the Times going under is something I have trouble with. It's not just the paper, it's the reporters behind it. Sure, they may have made mistakes. But it's a great institution that should live on. So if selling it to a massively successful music and movie mogul is the way to do that, I say "whoo-hoo."

Swine flu, or H1N1, is still here. CNN reports that a "New York middle school assistant principal who was hospitalized with the H1N1 virus died Sunday. BUT he might not have died of swine flu. They won't tell us. Fun. Keep sanitizing the children, and yourself.

David Wells, who has both pitched a perfect game and attacked someone at a diner while drunk (allegedly), says that any home runs that Alex Rodriguez -- aka "The Rod" -- hit while he was taking steroids shouldn't count. Wells was a great pitcher when he was sober (allegedly) but he's got a big mouth. I never liked The Rod, but Wells just rubs me the wrong way.

OK, getting back to movie news, "Angels & Demons" took the number one spot at the box office this week with $48 million, despite generally bad reviews and a complete lack of facial expressions from Tom Hanks. "Star Trek" was close behind ( like a Klingon Bird of Prey) with $43 million, and "Wolverine" dropped to third with only $14.8 million. I saw "Anvil! The Story of Anvil" this weekend, mostly beacuse it was playing nearby at a convenient time. It wasn't as good as it should have been. It's sort of a real-life "This Is Spinal Tap", except that when you watch actual 50-year-olds who never made it in the music business still trying to make it, it can get a little depressing. Also, the film itself was too long (even though it was only 90 minutes) and didn't dig deep enough to hold my interest. Oh well. At least I got to see a movie in a theater with my wife, which happens far too infrequently. And the sushi we had before the film was really good. So there's that.

More tomorrow...

Image: Wikipedia

The Chubbiest Cheeks You Will Ever See

UPDATE: Dad Who Forced Son To Get Tattoo is Arrested

Top Cause of Death for Pregnant Women is Murder

Mom Puts 9 Year Old Girl On Craigs List For Revenge

Morning News: Deals and Dealers

Amy Kuras — Fri, 15 May 2009 13:01:00 GMT

Chrysler dealers say goodbye! Daytime Emmy nominations for kid’s shows make me sigh! Michael Phelps is back in the drink! And Oprah thinks maybe James Frey doesn’t stink!

First story: Chrysler announced yesterday which of its 800 dealers across the country will close. Sounds like not such a huge deal, if you live in an urban area, but in some small towns, the dealership is one of the town’s major businesses and supports everything from the high school band to the local newspaper. A full list of dealerships to close is here.

Next: Daytime Emmy nominations were announced yesterday. Sesame Street was nominated, as was Johnny and the Sprites and Fetch! With Ruff Ruffman – and a few more baffling ones.

Next: Michael Phelps is competing again, after his three month suspension since photos of him with a bong showed up back in February. He’s swimming at Charlotte UltraSwim in North Carolina. It’s also his first competitive event since his triumph in Bejing this summer.

And finally, Oprah has apparently reached out to disgraced author James Frey, after she pretty much publicly spanked him on her show a few years ago. Ther’s been a friendly phone call and she even apologized to him.

Morning News - Sean Penn and Natalie Portman?

Brett Singer — Wed, 13 May 2009 13:00:00 GMT

There are certain movie stars that, for me, are frozen in time. Natalie Portman is one of them. I may one day get over it, but I have trouble thinking of her as a grown woman. So when I read that she and Sean Penn are "together", and that their relationship may be the reason that Sean split with his wife Robyn Wright Penn, my initial reaction was "ew." Then I thought, hey, maybe I'm being unfair. She's a grown woman. Then I saw that she was 27 and he's 48. I know. It happens. Then I read this quote from a "source" about the couple -- "She stimulates him in ways no other person has, mentally or professionally." Aaaaand I was back to "ew." Lesson learned -- go with your instincts.

A teenager who led a cyber-attack against Scientology websites last year is pleading guilty. Tom Cruise says that there vitamins he can take to stop misbehaving like that. (Tom Cruise didn't say that. At least not as far as I know.)

A new study, published in the journal Applied Animal Behavior Science, says that animals like to play and have fun. The author, Jonathan Balcombe, "believes scientists, conservationists and other animal rights activists should not overlook animal joy." I think I understand what he means, but all you have to do is see how happy a dog is when you come home to know that animals can get happy. I do wonder what makes a guy want to do a study so he can find out that "animals experience happiness for happiness' sake related to play, food, touch and sex." By that I mean that he watches animals have sex. I mean, OK. Whatever, dude.

The New York State Assembly passed legislation that would legalize same-sex marriage. Yay! But it won't happen unless the Senate votes for it as well, and it doesn't look good. Boo!

Speaking of gay marriage, Donald Trump allowed Carrie Prejean to continue to serve as Miss California. I actually watched her news conference live, and what's fascinating is how she lies, repeatedly, and no one calls her on it. I'm not only talking about the "everyone is out to get me" nonsense; if she had lost her California crown, it would have been because she broke the rules by posing for semi-nude photos and being a paid spokesperson for an anti-gay marriage group. Her entire routine is load of hooey. She talked about the media not letting her tell her story -- but she's been on Fox News yapping about this since the paegent began. She said that she had been damaged by this whole affair -- except that, in reality, she got a freakin' job because of it. "This should not happen in America." Oh please. Physically, she's very attractive. But wow. What a dummy. She can't even speak clearly when she's reading a prepared statement. Somewhere, Vanessa Williams is shaking her head.

And finally, because I can't go five minutes without talking about Star Trek (have you seen the new movie? What are you waiting for, people?), new Spock Zachary Quinto revealed that he had his fingers glued together because he couldn't do the Vulcan hand jive that Leonard Nimoy made famous. I will never look at him the same way again.

Live long... and prosper...

Image: Wikipedia

SNL Mother's Day Skits

10 Year Old Burned By Tanning Bed

Morning News - Farrah Fawcett Hopeful

Brett Singer — Tue, 12 May 2009 13:00:00 GMT

Before I say anything else, I should point out that I didn't really get hit by lightning yesterday. In case you were worried.

The Twitter feed Haiku Headlines isn't exactly news, but it is ABOUT the news, and is kind of clever so I thought I'd share it with you. Not every haiku on the feed is brilliant, but I like the idea. One of my first tweets was a haiku; this was a long time ago, and I predicted Twitter wouldn't succeed -- smart! There is now a "movement" of haiku on Twitter, with some actually calling them "Twaiku". Anyone else have trouble saying "tweeting" without grimacing?

Farrah Fawcett is very sick and it seems likely that she will soon no longer be with us. It's sad when anyone dies from cancer, of course. With her, it's not any more sad, but it does seem vaguely surreal since when I was young she was the best looking woman on the planet in a way that couldn't happen in today's more crowded media landscape. She told the L.A. Times back in August that she was hoping to recover and that she was less than pleased to see details of her illness leaked. "It seems that there are areas that should be off-limits," she said. Hard to disagree.

Reverend Run's son was arrested and charged with possession of marijuana. Jojo Simmons panicked, tried to escape the police, and "once his escape efforts failed, the MTV reality star got out of his car and tried to fight the officers." That's not good.

Look kids! An electric motorcycle! (I'm still waiting for a flying car.)

Rupert Murdoch's Wall Street Journal (I like to call him Darth Murdoch, or Rupert Vader) has a new survival plan. "A sophisticated micropayments service" for individual articles. The struggling daily newspaper ("struggling" pretty much describes every newspaper these days, doesn't it?) will also try to gain ground in the local news market online. Senator John Kerry "told the Financial Times it was conceivable that publishers could be given limited exemption from antitrust laws to discuss online models." Um, hang on. Does that mean even less competition? Oy.

And CNN tells us that "Fish, olive oil, nuts good for eyes too" according to studies published in the Archives of Ophthalmology. See, I eat olive oil and I still have glasses. Obviously this study is wrong. (Note: that statement is not only foolish, it has no basis in fact. But hey, why should I be any different from a certain major news channel?)

Happy Tuesday, everyone.

Image: Amazon

SNL Mother's Day Skits

Did This Woman Commit Suicide Because She Couldn't Breastfeed?

FEMA Coloring Book Features 9/11 Image

10 Year Old Author Alec Greven Is Back

Morning News - Saudis Can Slap Their Wives

Brett Singer — Mon, 11 May 2009 13:00:00 GMT

Let us begin with this sentence from CNN.com: "Husbands are allowed to slap their wives if they spend lavishly, a Saudi judge said recently during a seminar on domestic violence." The judge "also pointed out that women's indecent behavior and use of offensive words against their husbands were some of the reasons for domestic violence in the country," according to Arab News. Not that I agree, but I wasn't terribly surprised to read this, especially after the tale of the 8-year-old girl who had to try three times to get a divorce from a 47-year-old.

The Pope is in Israel. There's a joke there, but I don't know what it is. And if I did, I probably wouldn't make it anyway. Don't want to risk being struck by lightning or something.

Speaking of people who wear funny clothes (oops, sorry), the new Star Trek movie made over $75 million at the box office. Apparently this is the 11th "Trek" movie. Didn't realize that. I saw this latest installment (thanks to my wife who stayed with the children while I geeked it up at the movies) and thought it was great. Definitely things to complain about if you are so inclined, as in this hilarious video from The Onion News Network:

Trekkies Bash New Star Trek Film As 'Fun, Watchable'

But it was a lot of fun. Not sure how it plays for someone who is unfamiliar with the ways of Kirk, Spock, McCoy and the rest. Interestingly, the film made less than "X-Men Origins: Wolverine", despite the fact that Hugh Jackman's Wolvie movie was (a) leaked online a month early, and (b) received far worse reviews than "Star Trek", which almost every critic seemed to love. You probably shouldn't take your kids to see either one, however.

I'll just quote this headline: "Lance Armstrong says Sheryl Crow's biological clock doomed their romance." Then Lance went and got his next girlfriend pregnant. Nice.

Have you been following the story of the preacher who got caught romping with a woman? He's been called "Father Oprah"; his real name is Father Albert Cutié. Here's a 2006 article from BeliefNet that starts out with the now hilarious question "As a celibate Catholic priest, you've probably been asked this before. How can you give advice to married people and people who want to get married?" His answer? "You don't have to be mentally ill to be a good psychiatrist. I don't think you have to be someone who has a real problem in order to relate to people's problems." In other words, you don't need to be having sex to discuss sex with people. Except that he WAS having sex. OOPS! Maybe he's not a psychiatrist, but is mentally ill? The latest news is that Father Cutié (heh heh, his name is cutie) is "in love." He's also been removed from his church, and a rally in support of him turned "violent." A lot of religious folks think that preists should just be able to get married. I don't have a strong opinion about that, but I do think lying about being celibate is kind of a crappy thing to do. Isn't one of the Ten Commandments "don't lie"?

If you'll excuse me, I have to step outside. Hm. That's funny, the sun was out just a moment ago. Where did those clouds come form? AHHH!!!!!!

Images: Lightning - Guy-Sports.com, Star Trek - Amazon

Required Viewing for All Mothers

Classic Mother Songs For Mother's Day

Poll - Portia and Ellen Most Trusted Moms

Mother's Day Music: The Least You Can Do

Morning News: Stress, Spending, and Suspects

Amy Kuras — Fri, 08 May 2009 13:00:00 GMT

Good morning! So, remember how yesterday I told you those wildfires in California were not so bad? Yeah, that’s changed. Strong winds have strengthened the fire, which has now scorched 2700 acres, destroyed or damaged 75 homes, and injured 10 firefighters. About 12,000 people have been forced out their homes by the blaze.

Results of the “stress tests” conducted on the nation’s banks by the Obama administration found that nine of the biggest received a clean bill of health, but that the rest could need as much as $75 billion in capital to survive the recession.

Banks in trouble include Bank of America, GMAC (the finance arm of General Motors, which isn’t doing too well itself), Citigroup, and Wells Fargo. The New York Times story linked here has a staggering sentence: “Under regulators’ worst-case assumptions, the 19 banks might suffer $600 billion in losses through 2010, on top of the hundreds of billions that have already vaporized in this financial crisis. About 9 percent of all loans might sour — a figure that is even higher than it was during the Great Depression. One in five credit card loans could go unpaid, more than double the typical loss rate. Approximately one in 10 mortgages could sour.”

The Obama administration announced the finer points of its budget yesterday as well, and it includes a whopping one half of one percent in spending cuts. Spending on defense and housing would rise.

And finally, students (and their parents) at Wesleyan University in Connecticut are breathing a little easier now that police arrested Stephen P. Morgan at a convenience store, after he saw his picture in the paper and asked the clerk to call police. Morgan is suspected of stalking and killing student Johanna Justin-Jinich while she worked at a campus bookstore. He wore a disguise during the shooting and thus was bale to evade police, even though the stopped and questioned him after the shooting. The university kept students indoors for two days and even delivered box lunches to dorms while the manhunt for Morgan continued.

Morning News: Better Than Expected, And That's Outside New England

Amy Kuras — Thu, 07 May 2009 13:00:00 GMT

Is it just me, or does it seem like swine flu hysteria is settling down? While the news that the first US citizen death was of a pregnant woman is terribly sad, it appears (knocking wood now) that it’s not especially deadly for the young, healthy adults it’s been striking.

Of course, that might change this fall: most health experts believe the flu is likely to come back in the fall, perhaps in a more serious form. However, scientists have figured out the genotype of the virus and a vaccine is in the works. Whew.

Also in the “not as bad as originally feared” category is the wildfires in California and Arizona. Originally firefighters believed 400 acres in the Los Padres National Forest near Santa Barbara were burning; now it’s only 196 acres. However, 1,000 homes have been evacuated and 2,000 more are on evacuation advisory. In Arizona, a human-caused brushfire has burned through 1500 acres around the Coronado National Forest.

There’s good news all over New England as well: Maine governor John Baldacci signed gay marriage into law hours after the Legislature passed a bill allowing it, and New Hampshire’s state legislature passed a similar bill later yesterday as well. That leaves Rhode Island as the sole New England holdout, and there’s a gay marriage bill in their legislature although it isn’t expected to pass this year.

Best yet: The world’s oldest dog, a dacshund named Chanel, turned 21 yesterday. The average dog lives to be somewhere in the neighborhood of 15. She partied in Manhattan, and I bet that party was craazzzyyy. You know how those hounds are when they get their drink on.

Morning News - Dom DeLuise Dies

Brett Singer — Wed, 06 May 2009 13:00:00 GMT

Actor Dom DeLuise died on Monday. He was 75. DeLuise had kind of fallen off the radar in recent years, but I remember him from The Cannonball Run 1 and 2, as well as many Mel Brooks' classics. He also had a line of pasta sauces and other foods, cookbooks, and cooking videos. I didn't know this, but according to his web site, DeLuise wrote a few children's books. Here's a clip (NSFW) of Dom goofing around on one of his cooking CD-ROMs.

That Ben Bernake. Always bumming us out. Ben, aka Little Mary Sunshine, says that "another shock to the financial system would undercut the central bank’s forecast that the U.S. recession will give way this year to a slow recovery." Oh, blah blah blah. Where were you two years ago when we needed someone to tell us the bad times were coming? Huh? (It's possible that he was just as much of a bummer two years ago, I really don't know.)

By the time you read this, Amazon may have released a new, larger version of the Kindle -- the Kindle DX. Press conference Wednesday morning. Most folks seem to think that it will be a larger-than-it-used-to-be device (hence the DX, which generally doesn't indicate "smaller"), designed "with newspapers and magazines in mind." My prediction: it will cost more than I want it to.

$50 million for Missouri battery-makers! Someone will be happy about that. Battery-makers, mostly. Especially battery-makers in Missouri.

Miss California Carrie Prejean continues to make headlines, but not in the way she'd like to. She may have violated her contract with the Miss USA Pageant, and they might strip her of her title. One, she did a semi-nude photo shoot when she was 17, despite signing a contract that says she didn't. Also, after saying that she doesn't believe in gay marriage, she was hired by the National Organization for Marriage, described as "a group opposed to same-sex marriage." According to the Contra Costa Times, she wasn't supposed to do that. Her answer is to play martyr: "I am a Christian, and I am a model. Models pose for pictures, including lingerie and swimwear photos. On April 19, I chose to answer a question during the 2009 Miss USA pageant in an honest and personal manner that expressed my views of the long-established definition of marriage as being between a man and a woman. Yet my comments defending traditional marriage have led to intimidation tactics that seek to undermine my reputation and somehow silence me and my beliefs, as if opinion is only a one-way street." Um, hi. Carrie? The pictures are of you. Is it possible that they were "leaked" after you "expressed your opinion"? Yes. But does the contract that you signed say that you aren't supposed to have posed for photos where you aren't wearing clothes? Yes. It does. But are the photos of you? Yes. They are. Oops! Look at it this way, Carrie -- Vanessa Williams was stripped of her Miss America title, and she's had a very nice career. Maybe you can be a reporter for Fox News.

Microsoft is laying off 1,200 people. Wow. That sucks. (Sorry no trenchant analysis there.)

The St. Petersburg Times cheekily makes a list of swine flu related products and services: "Act now! Swine flu capitalism is a limited-time offer." T-shirts include the hilarious "I have flu-like symptoms, so oink off," "H1N1 negative. Get yourself tested," and "I went to Mexico and all I got was this lousy SWINE FLU!" Wow. What a riot. What's great is that the shirt will still be just as funny a year from now. By that I mean NOT FUNNY AT ALL.

Oh, and speaking of swine flu, some say that it's been around since September. That would be before Obama took office, in case anyone was wondering.

That's all for today -- please, be careful out there.

Image: Amazon

Morning News - Rush Angers His Own People

Possible Father of Malawian Orphan Opposes Madonna Adoption

Swine Flu - Maybe We Won't Close School

Mexican Sesame Street Addresses Swine Flu

OctoMom's Kid - Bite Mark And Black Eye

Swine Flu - Are You Worried About Your Kids?

Morning News - Pirates Make a Mistake

Brett Singer — Tue, 05 May 2009 13:00:00 GMT

They might be terror on the high seas, but that doesn't make them smart. A group of pirates mistook a French military ship for a commercial vessel and attacked. (The CNN story actually uses the word "oops.") The French Navy captured 11 of the scalywags. Despite the fact that these stories are in no way amusing, I'm finding it difficult not to make bad pirate jokes. Avast, me hearties! That sort of thing. I know it's wrong but I'm still getting used to the idea of modern-day pirates. I'll get there eventually.

Amazon may release a new Kindle with a larger screen. This could be good news for newspapers who seem to be losing more money every single day. As Jeanne points out, they could also be used for textbooks. Would you read on a screen if it were big enough? I think the barrier is price. The current Kindle is priced at $359, which is much less than it used to be, but still kind of expensive for mainstream use.

The S&P 500 "jumped", moving into positive territory for the year. Not to be an eternal pessimist, but it's only May. Don't get me wrong. I'll take whatever positive news I can get about the stock market. But I think I'll keep the champagne on ice for a few more months, you know what I mean?

Speaking of money, President Obama wants to collect more tax revenue from money that is being kept in offshore accounts. I've never understood how this is legal. Don't you have to pay taxes where you earn the money, not where you keep it? And if a company does business in another country, but they're based in the United States, shouldn't they pay U.S. taxes? As you can see, I don't know the answer to these questions. Maybe the flat tax is a good idea. Wait, forget I said that.

Oh, the virus formerly known as swine flu? We're not scared anymore. But it could come back with a vengeance. But don't panic. Just keep washing your hands. A lot. Got that?

Take that, Apple! The Blackberry Curve is outselling the iPhone. Maybe. But the people with iPhones are sooo much cooler. Just ask them. (No offense meant if you have an iPhone and like or even love it. It's just that Apple fanatics can be fairly annoying, as this NSFW page deftly illustrates - click to read it, but I warned you.)

Remember Mitt Romney? Ran for President? Supported gay marriage until he didn't? He, sadly, does not seem to have gone away. He also gave a little dig to Sarah Palin, at least according to the Boston Globe. When asked about Sarah Palin being on Time Magazine's list of "The World’s Most Influential People", Romney said, "I think there are a lot more influential Republicans than that would suggest. But was that the issue on the most beautiful people or the most influential people? I'm not sure. If it's the most beautiful, I understand. We're not real cute." Which I suppose was meant to imply that Palin is getting by on her looks. Or something. The Globe points out that Romney, despite saying that he doesn't think of himself as "cute", "was on People magazine's list of 50 beautiful Americans in 2002." This is why I don't like him. He seems not to care at all if what he's saying is true. As a commenter at Boston.com puts it: "Multiple choice Mitt, pull his string and he'll tell you just what you want to hear."

And finally, something that I know we've all been very concerned about lately. Janet Jackson's breast. The Supreme Court told an appeals court to reconsider their ruling on "Nipplegate", meaning that CBS may have to pay a $550,000 fine after all. Well, thank goodness. I thought those criminals were going to get off scot-free. We cannot expose our children to such filth! Especially not during the Super Bowl. They need more time to show ads for beer and Viagra.

Image: Amazon

Morning News - Rush Angers His Own People

Brett Singer — Mon, 04 May 2009 13:00:00 GMT

Rush Limbaugh angers a lot of people, but usually hunters are not in that group. But not anymore. The Washington Times reports that Rush has several groups of "sportsmen", specifically hunters (isn't "sportsmen" too generic a term?) all fired up because he's been working with the Humane Society. Why? Well, because gun owners hate puppies! OK, OK, I'm being silly. The real reason is because the Humane Society "is in fact an organization that opposes hunting, fishing, and trapping." So by hanging with them, Rush is now in the dog house with groups like Ducks Unlimited. (Better hope they're unlimited since you keep shooting at them! Get it? G'night, ladies and germs.)

We hear a lot about taxes. Ever wonder which companies pay the most -- or the least? Business Week has a surprising list. Some companies pay next to nothing. Yes -- almost NOTHING. Here's the list of those who pay the least, and the poor schnooks who pay the most.

Speaking of Republicans, Jeb Bush (remember him?) and of his fellow Republicans think that it's "time to leave Reagan behind." That would be interesting, since Reagan has kind of been the patron saint of all things Conservative and Republican since, like, forever. Or at least the last twenty or thirty years. Maybe the next guru of the past will be Nixon?

And speaking of Republicans and taxes, Jack Kemp died. I always thought Kemp got kind of a raw deal when he ran for Vice-President with Bob Dole. I guess it wasn't that bad, but that race was against Bill Clinton at the height of his popularity, and whoever ran on the Republican ticket was probably destined for failure. His legacy appears to be not as a Vice-Presidential loser but as an early champion of "supply-side" economics and Republican tax cuts. (I'm over-simplifying both for space and because I don't really understand economics. So if anyone wants to fill in the gaps, feel free to do so. You even have my permission to call me a dummy. It's OK. My kids do it all the time.) Kemp was 73 and died of cancer. Sad.

This isn't that new a story, but its pretty funny. Two people were caught, um, doing it, on the lawn in front of Windsor Castle. Yep -- that's the Queen's lawn. This sentence is as clasically British and Shakespeare: "Ignoring signs asking visitors to Please Keep Off The Grass, the man and woman, said to be in their early 30, selected a spot near the castle's Garter Tower and stripped off in full view of hotels, pubs and shops." Yes, because the real problem is that they were on the grass.

Oh, and let's not forget swine flu. Apparently there have been more cases reported, but it's not exactly Bubonic Plague. Yet. Here are some stats to scare ya into sanitizing your hands and those of your children. In the U.S. of A., 30 states are reporting swine flu cases. 19 countries. 800 people total, mostly in North America, with Colombia being the first in South America. (What an honor.) In Europe, Spain has the most cases, with 44. 30 people have been hospitalized. Yeah, it's a real party in the world these days.

If you'll excuse me, I have to go wash my hands. Again. See you tomorrow.

Image: s0rethumbs

Mexican Sesame Street Addresses Swine Flu

YouTube Helps Man Deliver Baby

OctoMom's Kid - Bite Mark And Black Eye

Consumer Reports Responds to Sling-Hate Outrage

Swine Flu - Are You Worried About Your Kids?

Morning News: Minivan Maker Goes Bankrupt

Amy Kuras — Fri, 01 May 2009 13:00:00 GMT

If you build a better mousetrap, the saying goes, the world will beat a path to your door. If you invent the minivan, though, you eventually end up in bankruptcy, apparently. Chrysler LLC, after narrowly avoiding bankruptcy in the last deep recession in 1980 and paying back the government loan that saved them three years later, filed for Chapter 11 yesterday.

Look, I’m from Detroit and thus incapable of driving a foreign car, and would only drive a Chrysler if even a Toyota were not available. They’re not so good, although Jeep retains a good reputation and the Chrysler 300 was a nice ride. But when you can invent the vehicle that has become shorthand for boring sexless parenting and still be on the brink of going out of business? Something’s messed up.

Thinking about following Chrysler into bankruptcy court? Forget about getting foreclosure relief that way, after a bill to let judges fix mortgages through bankruptcy proceedings failed in the Senate yesterday. Good news, though, is that the House passed a bill that would limit credit card companies’ ability to screw with you, basically. Under the bill, they couldn’t use double-cycle billing to squeeze more interest out of you and would have to give you notice before raising your rates or closing your accounts.

Still with me? You’re just waiting for the swine flu update, aren’t you? As of late yesterday the death toll in the US remained at one, but the confirmed cases rose to 109. One of those is a security aide to the president who accompained him on his recent trip to Mexico. Nearly 300 schools were closed across the United States. Although right now there’s no evidence you can get the disease from eating pork products, that’s no comfort to pork producers, who have seen their business drop. Nor is it to any friends of Olivia in Egypt, where the government is taking the drastic step of killing all the country’s pigs.

And then there’s good old Joe Biden, who felt it necessary to inform us he’s asked his family to stay out of confined spaces like airplanes and subways. Way to stay calm, Mr. Vice President.

Morning News: Some of It's Not Flu-Related

Amy Kuras — Thu, 30 Apr 2009 13:00:00 GMT

Good morning! Brett and I will be switching off Morning News for awhile.

So! A huge ice shelf is breaking up in Antarctica, the economy did even worse than expected in the first quarter of the year, and President Obama gave an important press conference marking his first 100 days in office.

But you don’t care, do you? You just want to know about swine flu.

Yeah, me too. The World Health Organization raised the threat level to 5 for the first time, well, ever, signaling that a pandemic is imminent. A little kid just shy of his second birthday was the first confirmed US death. Schools across the country are closing to stop the spread of the disease.

Screw the masks we’re all supposed to be thinking about; I want a paper bag I can breathe into when the panic begins to overwhelm, thanks.

Let me just repeat the important stuff, though: Wash your hands, wash your kid’s hands, don’t for the love of God go anywhere when you’re sick (or send your kid to school or playdates if they are), and see your doctor as quickly as you can if you do start to feel flulike symptoms. There are antivirals that help lessen the severity and duration of the illness: Tamiflu can be used for children ages one and up, and Relenza can be used for kids age five and up. The key is you’ve got to get them quickly, within 48 hours of the onset of symptoms. The FDA has approved ememrgency off-label uses of the drugs during the swine flu crisis.

Moving on to more cheery topics, the Wilkins Ice Shelf in Antarctica is breaking up and falling into the ocean. The shelf, in the western part of the Antarctic Peninsula, has remained stable for most of the last century, but lost two huge chunks on Friday and is due to lose a chunk bigger than Rhode Island soon. Researchers believe the cause likely is global warming, although they stress they are still working to prove that.

Also shrinking is the US economy, which contracted at a 6.1 percent annual rate in the first three months of the year. That’s worse than the 5 percent economists predicted. The first quarter 2009 drop in gross domestic product, which is the total US output of goods and services followed a 6.3 percent drop in the last quarter of 2008.

But the president gave a press conference. He’s reassured us that the government has this flu thing under control, that we’ve ended torture as an interrogation technique because we’re just better than that, and that the federal budget (which newly minted Dem Arlen Specter helped get passed) will help revive and restructure our economy. Here’s a transcript if you missed it.

I tried to find something for you guys that would not make you want to go back to bed and pull the covers over your head (seriously, I Googled “puppies”) but no luck so far. See ya in the hand-sanitzer aisle!

Morning News - Specter Switches Sides

Brett Singer — Wed, 29 Apr 2009 13:00:00 GMT

The big news yesterday was Arlen Specter making the switch from Republican to Democrat. The reason is partially about his Senate voting and political views, which often go against the Republican party line. Mostly, though, it's about the fact that he faces a tough Republican Primary fight because of that voting record, especially his recent support of President Obama's stimulus package. (Anyone else think that tbe phrase "stimulus package" sounds a little naughty? Like, if Jenna Jameson were to say it? Nevermind.) Democrats have pledged to support Specter as he runs for re-election, and the President will even fundraise with him if necessary. To me, this illustrates the problem with political parties. Why do we have them? I'm sure there's a reason, but I don't know what it is. Ross Perot may have been nuts, but a third party would be a good thing, wouldn't it? Anyway, with Specter's switch, this means that when/if Al Franken takes office, the Democrats would have 60 votes in the Senate, which is enough for a "filibuster-resistant majority" if they vote along party lines. Which brings me back to my point about parties being a bad thing. Even if you agree with the way things go on a party-line vote, it seems like the wrong way to go about doing things.

As for Al Franken, he's good enough, smart enough, and doggone it, the people of Minnesota voted for him. But Norm Coleman is still contesting the election. The case will be heard on June 1.

With swine flu running rampant, pig farmers are getting pinched. And by that I mean fewer people are buying pork. This in spite of the fact that, according to MSNBC, "the strain may not come entirely from pigs and cannot be spread by eating pork." Some piggy people want a new name for the disease other than "swine flu." Yeah. That'll happen. How about "the other influenza?" Nah, that sounds as dumb as "the other white meat" did.

Some good news and some bad news about the kiddie porn industry. A British watchdog group says that there are 10 percent fewer sites than before, but the images are "more violent." So... I don't know. I guess 10 percent fewer sites is nice.

OMG! American Idol! It's down to the final five! I, like, totally think Adam should win, don't you? OMG, yes!!! OK, that'll be enough of that.

Katherine Sebelius was confirmed as the head of the Department of Health and Human Services, despite Republicans who objected to the fact that a doctor who performed abortions had contributed to her campaign. See, I thought abortion was legal in this country. Lucky for her, there's not a major health crisis in this country. Oh wait! Swine flu. My bad. Have fun, Kath!

Let's end with a weird one: a Serbian union official "chopped off his finger and ate it in a protest over wages that in some cases have not been paid in years." Zoran Bulatovic said that "he did it to show how desperate he and other workers were." Dude. That is both impressive and really, really disgusting.

Image: MSNBC

Morning News: Susan Boyle's Dream Just Might Come True

Swine Flu - Are You Worried About Your Kids?

Morning News - Obama Loves Google

Brett Singer — Tue, 28 Apr 2009 13:00:00 GMT

Hello and welcome to Morning News! We're giving Madeline a break, so I'll be your Morning Newser for today. Let's get right to it, shall we?

President Obama wants good advice about science and technology and stuff. After that sentence, I think we all know that he isn't picking me to sit on that panel. He did, however, ch-ch-choose Eric Schmidt, the CEO of some little startup called Google. I think they might have a web site or something. Not sure.

In sports news, Michael "Dogs? What dogs?" Vick is releasing a revised bankruptcy plan today. A judge rejected the plan his lawyers presented, which had Mike asking to keep "multiple houses, multiple cars, and a Ms. Pacman video game" according to ProFootballTalk.com. Vick was a talented athlete but a complete moron. He blew through most of his money and then went to jail for dogfighting, thus losing his lucrative NFL contract. He may come back and play again, but I doubt he'll get the same paycheck that he had before. Trivia moment: Vick's contract is still the highest any NFL player has ever signed. He never got all of the money, of course, but it was still a record contract.

The United Auto Workers may own 55% of Chrysler when all the wheeling (no pun intended) and dealing is done. Does that make them management? Can you stil be "labor" if you own the company?

This swine flu thing gets worse and worse. MSNBC is reporting that some folks in Mexico who had the virus were turned away by doctors. Nice. "Country faces criticism for seemingly slow, confused response to outbreak," according to MSNBC.com. How hard is it to treat sick people? OK, we don't always do such a good job of that in this country. Well, better than Mexico. I hope.

Speaking of swine flu, SuperEco has a list of ways to protect yourself... naturally. (You need to say "naturally" in a breathy voice to get the full effect of that sentence.) Tips include natural hand sanitizers and my personal favorite, "Limit personal interaction." So stay inside and don't talk to anyone. Works for me.

I think this article from the New York Times implies that hobbits might be real. Well, not exactly, but people the size of hobbits.

Tired of having so many DVDs around the house? G.E. may have found a way to put 100 of them on one disc using holographic storage.

Finally, this odd item: "A jet normally used as Air Force One rattled windows and workers Monday morning. President Obama, who was not aboard, was reported to be furious." See, when you fly a plane over New York City and you get too close, we have bad memories. Apparently it was meant to be a "photo opportunity." Guys, a little advice: next time, just buy a postcard.

Image: Wikipedia

Swine Flu - Are You Worried About Your Kids?

7 Year Old Boy Forcibly Tattooed By Father

Fox News Hates Kids In Political Videos Except When They Don't