Strollerderby : my little pony

Babble Talk: Worst Toy Makeovers

Jen Chaney — Wed, 20 Aug 2008 13:28:00 GMT

I've gotten a bit negligent in my RetroFitted posts. So I was happy to see Jeanne Sager pick up the slack with this fun Babble List on the Top 20 Worst Toy Makeovers. She mentions a lot of prime offenders. But here are the five that stick most uncomfortably in my toy-lovin' craw.

The Monopoly Makeovers: Sure, I have a version of this classic game that's based on the university I attended. (William & Mary-opoly, I have played you exactly 1.5 times.) Who doesn't? But all these other varieties, including the "American Idol" edition -- I'm with Jeanne, Simon Cowell and buying property on Boardwalk do not mix -- only serve to dilute the brand.

Etch-a-Sketch: This is very simple. Etch-A-Sketch should be red, rectangular and allow its knob spinners to draw nothing but black lines. No color imagery. No elaborate Dora the Explorer decorations. If I want a fancy pants Etch--A-Sketch, I'll buy the original and BeDazzle it, okay?

Lincoln Logs: Build a house with the new version of this nostalgic favorite and you can bet the Big Bad Wolf could blow it down with just a huff, let alone a puff. These logs don't look rustic, they look like they came from a poor man's Pottery Barn.

Holly Hobbie: As Rachael pointed out not too long ago, Holly is supposed to be a Calico-wearing pioneer girl. Holly Hobbie 2008, who is technically some sort of younger relative of the original, is a generic looking preteen who apparently borrowed Fred "Rerun" Berry's hat.

My Little Pony: Rachael and Jeanne also both cited the Struts -- which honestly resemble My Little Ponies in S&M gear -- as appalling toy remakes. And again, I agree. Yes, the updated toys are horses. But they're horses who look like little hos.

5 reasons it's a good thing I had boys

Brett Singer — Sun, 17 Aug 2008 17:05:00 GMT

I was going to say, "I'm glad I have boys" but that didn't sound quite right. That is, I would love girl-children just as much as I love my guys. But there are a few ways that having boys has made my life – mine, specifically – a little bit easier.

1. No pink ponies: It doesn't seem like having a Y chromosome should automatically mean that one is interested in superheroes, videogames, and action figures inspired by superheroes and videogames. But experience says otherwise. While there are definitely girls who love trucks and boys who follow the Frasier and Niles Crane path – a love of opera, Broadway and snappy clothing – my guys are way into Spider-Man, Batman, Superman, Pokémon, Wii, Playstation 2, and so on. If I had to learn whatever there is to know about My Little Pony, I think my brain would crawl out of my ear.

2. Miley-free zone: Thus far Things 1 and 2 have shown zero interest in Billy Ray Cyrus' little ~~meal ticket~~ girl, which means I can continue to go through life knowing almost nothing about her. Maybe this will change when they get older, but hopefully by then Miley Ray Hannah Montana Stewart Cyrus will have either pulled a Britney Spears and had a meltdown, grown up and started singing jazz standards, or retired to spend her days sitting on a giant pile of cash gazing longingly at Nick Jonas. OK, I guess I sort of know something about her, but that's just from trying to keep up with pop culture. I have nothing against Miley or the Jonases, but not having to listen to their music or attend their concerts is something I will never, ever complain about.

3. No batting of eyelashes: My wife has pointed out many times that if we had had girls, odds are I would be putty in their hands. I wish I could say I disagree but I think she's probably right. Little girls are so cute, and seeing them cry is much more painful than seeing boys cry. I know that's stupid, sexist, and stupid (did I say that one already?). But I've seen, more than once, little girls who lead their dads around by the nose. It's probably best if we never find out whether or not I would join their ranks.

4. Less irrational over-protectiveness: Again, I am fully aware that this is unfair, stupid and sexist. But if I had girl-children, I would be very tempted not to let them leave the house until they were 30. I guess going to school would be OK, as long as they dressed like those Mormon sect people.

5. No High School Musical: When this monstrosity first started airing on the Disney Channel and the CD went to number one, I tried to watch it out of curiosity. I made it through about 15 minutes before I realized that it would probably be more fun to chew glass. The songs are lame, the characters are dull, the story is… Feh. Anyway, the boys seem immune to whatever charms that thing has, and for that, I am grateful.

image: Amazon.com

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Top 5 Worst Sweet-to-Sexy Toy Makeovers

Rachael Brownell (Redsy) — Thu, 26 Jun 2008 18:31:00 GMT

As if thong-wearing Bratz weren't already securing the kiddie toy sexual revolution, toymakers continue to try and wrest sexay from remodels of iconic toys from the 70s and 80s. Pictured right is the original Holly Hobbie. See her disturbing modern makeover after the jump.

She is only one of the Top 5 Worst Sweet-to-Sexy Toy Makeovers:

1. Strawberry Shortcake - No longer the dumpling gumdrop five or six-year-old, she is now a tween, likes to sit sexy sidesaddle, and wears her hair to her waist. Hard to imagine her playing soccer or doing anything but sitting passively and looking pretty.

2. Holly Hobbie - Like her friend Strawberry, Holly is now a tween with attitude (and long hair). Check her out. It's a sad day when we forsake prioneer girls like Laura Ingalls for Hannah Montana lookalikes.

3. Barbie - Hard to imagine that Barbie would some day seem tame compared to her slutty doll counterparts. Nevertheless, she's doing her best to keep up with the times.

4. My Little Pony - These sweet little purple and pink-haired quadropeds have a newer modern relative, the Strutz. The new horsies have implied cleavage, high heels and wear tons of makeup.

5. Trollz - Remember those crazy plastic statues with the weird furry hair? Take a look at their new incarnation.

If trolls can look like Bratz and Holly Hobbie has forsworn her pioneer girl roots, then surely the kiddie toy sexual revolution is complete.