Hulk want puny blogger to review Hulk movie

Brett Singer — Mon, 14 Jul 2008 14:00:00 GMT

Yesterday I received the following email:

To: Puny Blogger
From: Hulk
Subject: Hulk Movie

Hulk get right to point, Puny Blogger. Why Puny Blogger not review Hulk's movie? Puny Blogger wrote about Metal Man movie. Hulk hate Metal Man! Hulk smash!

Hulk know last movie had stupid plot and gamma-charged poodle. Hulk tell stupid producers about script problems at first table read, and Hulk not hire Ang Lee. (Hulk think Tiger/Dragon movie highly over-rated.) But Hulk feel good about latest big screen effort. New movie tell Hulk story in entertaining and emotionally satisfying way. Hulk see movie. Hulk happy with final cut.

Hulk angry that Puny Blogger not write about Hulk movie! Hulk just trying to get something going with career. Hulk father now, need to get ducks in row. Has Puny Blogger seen price of tuition? Hulk need start saving now. Hulk finally get big movie with big opening weekend gross, and Puny Blogger not care.

Write review of Hulk movie, Puny Blogger – or Hulk smash!

Cordially,

Hulk

Hulk, please accept our apologies for not reviewing your film sooner. I've just been busy with other projects, and of course, my family. As a new father, I'm sure you can understand. Please, do not smash me, my computer, or anything else for that matter. Here is my review of "The Incredible Hulk."

The last time Marvel brought ol' Greenskin to the big screen, it was a disaster. Too long, bad CGI effects, and a gamma irradiated poodle were only some of the problems. Bruce Banner becomes the Hulk because his father was mean to him, injecting him with some experimental serum, which is triggered by a blast of gamma radiation? Oookay. No disrespect to Ang Lee, but he was a bad choice.

For this latest effort, Marvel took over the producing reins and went back to basics. The story actually picks up where Lee's film leaves off; five years have passed, both in the film and in actual reality (Ang Lee's "Hulk" was released in 2003.) Ed Norton is a good Banner, although there are too many scenes that are clearly meant to "deepen" the character. When the Hulk shows up, it's great. The CGI isn't perfect, and it's not nearly as seamless as "Iron Man", which almost made you believe someone could build a shiny flying super-hero suit. But this new "Hulk" is 1000% better than the last one.

One interesting choice the director Louis Leterrier (the "Transporter" movies) and screenwriter Zak Penn (the last 2 "X-Men" flicks, as well as the upcoming "Captain America" and "Avengers" films) made was to go back to the much-beloved television series. They use a new version of the intro, the music shows up a couple of times, and some of the feeling of Banner wandering the globe looking for a cure is very much a part of this new "Hulk". (They did do away with the amazingly bad choice of renaming Hulk's alter ego "David Banner", although Bruce does use that name as an alias at one point.) I'm one of the millions of people who fondly recall the old "Hulk" series, which starred Bill Bixby and Lou Ferigno. (Lou has a cameo as a security guard and is still in body-builder shape.) That show, hokey and mopey though it was, had something that the first "Hulk" movie didn't, which was a sense of reality. Having a real person (Ferigno) play the Green Goliath made it feel more like it could actually happen. Part of what the new "Hulk" does better is to just have better CGI effects. But part of it is keeping things simple. Somehow going back to something that worked – the TV show – made this easier to pull off.

It's not a great movie. But it was so much better than I expected. Also, it sets up for future Marvel super-hero movies featuring multiple characters: Robert Downey Jr. shows up at the end to do his Tony Stark thing; this time you don't have to wait until after the credits. There's even a hint at a villain for a "Hulk" sequel. Part of the fun of watching our beloved funny books turned into movies is the recognition factor: "Hey! There's General Ross! Talking to Tony Stark! And they said something about a team!" Avengers! Yes!

"The Incredible Hulk" is still in theaters, so go check it out. It's a fun popcorn flick, and besides, Hulk needs the cash for Hulk Jr.'s college fund.

image: EOnline

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Brett Singer — Fri, 13 Jun 2008 14:00:00 GMT

This is:

a)   Me, after Burning Man
b)   The other Olsen sibling (you know, the one they keep locked in the basement)
c)   Rejected Sesame Street character Scary McNightmare
d)   The other Jonas brother
e)   The offspring of a superhero

It's e).

For those of you who always wondered, "What if the Hulk was sent to a strange planet and had a child with an alien woman who has some sort of power that connects her to the life-force of the planet itself?" Your question has been answered.

That's right, True Believers, this is Skaar: Son of Hulk. The new Hulk movie hits theaters today, which means a ton of Hulk-themed comic books will be released in an attempt to entice old and new fans to part with more of their nerdy money.

For the uninitiated and/or those who could not care any less, here's the scoop on Hulk's kid:

(Note: if for some reason you haven't read Planet Hulk / World War Hulk but are planning too, the next paragraph gives away the ending. So skip it if you don't want to be "spoiled.")

The Hulk is often a major league pain in the tuchas. All that, "Hulk is strongest one there is! Hulk smash!" can get real old after awhile. So The Illuminati – a group of self-appointed ultra-important superheroes (Iron Man, Namor, Doctor Strange, Professor Xavier, Reed Richards and Black Bolt) – decide to send Greenskin to an unpopulated planet where he can live out his days in peace and not hurt anyone. But they screw up and send him to a populated planet called Sakaar. While there, Hulk saves the people of Sakaar from an evil warlord and eventually becomes king. There is peace. There is happiness. There is even some Gamma-irradiated sex between the Hulk and his newfound ladyfriend, Caiera the Oldstrong. Then the ship that brought Hulk to Sakaar explodes, killing Caiera and his unborn child. OR SO HE THINKS. Hulk returns to Earth to wreak horrible Hulky vengeance on the "puny humans" that he thinks caused the explosion and the death of his happy alien family life.

This all happens in a series called Planet Hulk, which led to World War Hulk. It's good if you like that kind of thing.

HOWEVER! Hulk's son was not killed! In typical comic-book-nonsense fashion, Caiera has something called the Old Power, which connects her to the planet in a mystical way. Because of this, she is able to protect her child, who becomes a savage beast/teenager (same thing, right?). Or something along those lines.

Anyway, issue #1 of Skaar: Son of Hulk is available now in comic book shops. Is it any good? Eh. It's OK. Will I buy issue #2? Yeah. I will. Cuz I'm a sucker.

image: comiclist.com

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