Explaining Plaxico Burress To A Seven Year Old

Brett Singer — Mon, 08 Dec 2008 16:45:00 GMT

This past week, my son, who is not a big football fan, asked me the following question:

"Dad, did Plaxico Burress shoot himself in the thigh?"

Yes, I said.

"Why did the New York Post call him a Giant Idiot?"

Well, said I, he plays for the Giants. ("I know that, dad.") And he did something really stupid.

"What did he do, dad?"

At this point I had a decision to make. Where do I go with this? I could have avoided the issue I guess, but that seemed pointless since he clearly had heard about the incident at school. Just to make sure, I asked. And yes, kids at school were talking about Quick Draw Burress, the Giant Idiot.

So what did I say? I told him that Plaxico was carrying a gun, which wasn't a great idea but that wasn't the main problem. The main problem was that he was carrying a gun and it went off. Luckily it only hit him, but it could have hit someone else. And the best way to avoid that would be to not have a gun at all.

"Why did he have a gun, dad?"

I don't know, kiddo. Some people think it makes them safer. That if something happened, they would be protected. The thing is, in this case, if Plaxico couldn't even take the gun out of his pocket without it going off accidentally, what makes him think he would be able to use it to defend himself? Plus, if he's afraid that something will happen to him when he goes out, maybe he should stay home. I think I threw in something about how Burress is a good football player, but probably not a very smart guy, since its hard to play football after you shoot yourself in the thigh. If memory serves, that got a laugh.

This isn't exactly what I said, but I think it's pretty close. What I didn't say to my son, but I will say here, is that I think it's really dumb to have guns around children. Plaxico has a 2 year old child at home. This isn't a case of someone trying to protect their home. This is a handgun. It's also an unlicensed handgun, which is a crime. I think I said something about the fact that Plaxico had a gun that he "wasn't supposed to have", without getting into mandatory sentencing laws or other legalities.

I understand that a lot of sports figures feel like targets. But everyone, no matter what they do for a living, have to be responsible. Someone could have gotten hurt. I know it's easy to say that, "Guns don't kill people, people kill people." But if there's no gun, the likelihood of someone getting hit with a bullet decreases exponentially.

When I was a kid, I don't think I ever asked my mother these kinds of questions. Reggie Jackson may have been an egomaniac and a womanizer, but as far as I know, he never shot anyone. Or himself.

Image: ebay

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Dudes for Palin: Vote for the Hot Chick!

Hannah Tennant-Moore — Sun, 19 Oct 2008 19:30:00 GMT

It may not surprise you to learn that, according to the New York Times, “dudes” constitute Sarah Palin’s most vocal supporters. But it may disturb you to learn what these men have to say about her.

Although Palin was ostensibly chosen for her anticipated appeal to women, the former beauty contestant has (gasp!) won over far more men than women, with her initial approval ratings at 44 percent among men and 36 percent among women. (Those numbers have since dropped considerably, down to 31 percent among men.)

Even as many conservatives fault Palin for being, to put it nicely, not “serious” enough, Joe Sixpacks can’t get enough of her. One of Palin's female supporters acknowledged that Palin rallies are about “70-30, maybe 65-35, men to women.” Among the shout-outs that Palin routinely receives at her rallies are cries of, “You tell ‘em babe!” and “You rock me out, Sarah!” Some men sport “Proud to vote for a hot chick” buttons, while others carry “Dudes for Palin” signs.

Palin apparently loves the testosterone-charged rock concert atmosphere of her rallies. After entering a rally to the heading-banging tunes of AC/DC, she told the crowd, “That was kinda cool.” She has also introduced her husband as “Alaska’s First Dude.”

At least one Palin supporter interviewed by the Times admitted that he came to a Palin rally “just to look at her.” He wisely chose to remain anonymous. Let’s hope he realizes that, just as it’s embarrassing to admit to supporting a political candidate simply because of her appearance, actually voting an inexperienced, scandal-plagued woman into the White House simply because she’s “beautiful” at a time in which our country is engaged in two wars, is widely hated throughout the world, and is in the early stages of widespread economic collapse, would be an unforgivably inane decision.

Dudes, if you want to stare at hot chicks, watch Desperate Housewives.

Photo: New York Times