Strollerderby : nursing in public

(Public) Breastfeeding Now Legal in Massachusetts!

Kate Tuttle — Mon, 13 Apr 2009 16:01:00 GMT

Okay, so that's a slightly misleading headline (shocking, I know!). Breastfeeding has never been illegal here, or really anywhere. But until and unless individual states pass laws specifically exempting them, breastfeeding mothers have always been vulnerable to prosection under laws against obscenity and "lewd behavior." The Massachusetts law, signed in January, went into effect last week and its sponsors hope it will not only protect individual mothers, but nurture a more pro-breastfeeding culture.

From the Boston Globe article:

Up till now, women who breastfed their babies in public could have been prosecuted for indecent exposure or lewd conduct. If convicted, they could even have been forced to register as sex offenders, proponents of the bill said.

The new law authorizes breastfeeding in public places and makes it clear it is not illegal.

"This law is a long time in coming. The idea behind this law is to make sure that women who want to breastfeed their children aren't prevented from doing that. And the message should go out that security guards and storekeepers and even police officers don't have the right to prevent a woman from breastfeeding her child," said Representative David Linsky, a Natick Democrat who backed the bill.

This isn't the first state law to specificially exempt nursing moms from anti-obscenity laws -- 40 other states have passed similar legislation, most in the past decade and a half -- and at this point it's more interesting to see which states do not provide such protection: Idaho, Michigan, Nebraska, North Dakota, South Dakota, Virginia, Washington, West Virginia. Indications are that most of them will follow suit. Perhaps most illustrative, though, is the lingering objection to such laws, as seen in the fact that it took eight years of sponsors putting up the Massachusetts bill before it was finally signed into law, and as currently seen in the comments section following the Globe article online. While many were very positive ("at last!" "yay!" "this is a great day"), a surprising number expressed outrage that women can now nurse in public without fear of harrassment or even arrest.

A sampling:

"I am a mother of two and i find it disgusting when a woman breastfeeds in public. People take this to an extreme and are practically nude! I do not want my boys to have to see this."

"Show a little respect for those of us who don't want to be subjected to this wonderful bonding experience. I think that breast feeding should be done in private. Nothing is the world is more awkward than running into a woman breast feeding a child. I most certainly do not want to have to explain to my young children why this person is exposing her private parts in public. My parents raised all of us on bottles and we turned out just fine. If you made the choice to go "natural" that so be it, but do not cram your choice down our throats."

"And really...would it be that hard to just use a bottle when you are out in public? I mean really??"

Leaving aside the extreme ignorance of how breastfeeding works -- as if nursing mothers should all want to bottle feed as well? -- it's fascinating to me how many of the commenters are worried about their small children being exposed to breastfeeding. Um, I get it that most of those objections come from parents who themselves used bottles, but why do they assume their children would share their discomfort -- at least, until they teach it to them, as they so obviously will. Babble readers, what do you think? Is it damaging for a child to see another child nursing with its mother? If so, why? And if not, what's the best come-back you can think of to some parent who gives you the stink-eye while breastfeeding in the same vicinity as their children?

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Wait, Was That A Nursing Mom? Or A Political Statement?

Kate Tuttle — Mon, 02 Feb 2009 19:21:00 GMT

In an effort to raise awareness and support for breastfeeding, an advocacy group in Marin County, California, is placing life-sized cardboard cutouts depicting nursing mothers and their babies in various public places.

According to the Marin Breastfeeding Coalition, the faux mamas and babies have been invited to "government buildings, businesses and the ferry terminals." The figures hold placards reading, "When breastfeeding is accepted, it won't be noticed."

The group is spreading the word both to promote breastfeeding and to remind the pubic that California law protects nursing mothers from being asked to leave or cover up when feeding their babies in public. The idea for the campaign came from David Swope, an advertising man whose wife is active in La Leche League. He told the Marin Independent Journal he can think of a few more venues where they might be useful: "I'd love to see these cutouts in sports bars - places where guys can start a discussion about breastfeeding."

Now if they could only engineer a 3-D version to use on airplanes, we'd be all set (although Barbara Walters would have to take a Xanax).

Smackdown: Damned If You Do, Damned If You Don't (Breastfeed, That Is)

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Photo from the Marin Independent Journal

Are Facebook Breastfeeding Advocates Being Too Prudish?

Miriam Axel-Lute — Mon, 26 Jan 2009 21:35:00 GMT

I participated in the whole "Hey Facebook, Breastfeeding Is Not Obscene" event. And I'll admit that even though I tend to think it's a good sign when people who disagree on other things can unite around some common ground, I was still deeply creeped out by the supporters who posted things like "I mean, I wouldn't want my kids to see those icky Facebook ads where two girls kiss, but breastfeeding is natural and God-approved so that should be OK."

Marty Klein takes that a step further, arguing that the Facebook campaign organizers are shooting themselves in the foot by trying to position breastfeeding pictures as "good nudity" as opposed to those pictures that really are obscene, rather than taking a more broad anti-censorship stance. He writes: "Your right to watch South Park ultimately depends on someone else’s right to go to a strip club. Your right to breast-feed in public ultimately depends on someone else’s right to buy a vibrator. MILC [Mothers International Lactation Campaign] may be willing to sacrifice 'real' obscenity like CSI or swing clubs to keep its own photos acceptable, but this short-sighted strategy has never worked."

I have a mixed reaction to this. In a general way, I understand and support Klein's philosophy. I believe freedom of speech for those I disagree with so we all have it and all that. I don't find nudity to be dangerous and while there's plenty of stuff out there I have no interest in seeing or having my kids see, I don't like anyone else drawing the line about what is "obscene" for me. Far too much of that goes on. And unless you're going to limit your cause to fully-latched-on photos (which they weren't), it does start to be a little silly to say "That same breast would be obscene if there weren't an infant somewhere in the shot."

On the other hand, I think there is a value in fighting against the ideas that breastfeeding is somehow sexual and that it ought to be kept private, and I think that's not entirely the same discussion as who should get to draw lines about the publicness of things that many/most find to be sexual.

And, as even Klein notes, Facebook is a private company that can do what it wants to do. I think it's perfectly reasonable for a group of consumers to call it on its hypocritical set of standards about what it considers acceptable in its pictures, without deciding to engage in a larger free-speech fight.

I also note that on the group's official petition, while they do refer to there being photos on Facebook that are "really obscene," they don't explicitly call on Facebook to step up policing them instead, as Klein implies (even if plenty of the commenters do).

What do you think? Should breastfeeding advocates set themselves up as "special case" nudity or fight for our right to bare our chests?

Photo from the Journal de Montréal.

Facebook Mothers Fight Breastfeeding Ban

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Uncover Your Nipples! 7 Gems from the Mouths of Nursing Toddlers

Miriam Axel-Lute — Tue, 13 Jan 2009 18:00:00 GMT

Every mother who has nursed past a year has heard someone's opinion that "Once they're old enough to ask for it, they're too old." This is, from health and evolution standpoints, absurd.

But especially in a culture that's still a little iffy on being made too aware of breastfeeding at all, the fact remains that having a verbal nursing kid can lead to some, ahem, interesting moments. They fall into a few key categories:

Baby Talk: Too Much or Too Little

1. "Num-nums!" "Oobies!" "Boob!" "Nu-nu!" There's no better way to realize that you have, despite your pre-parental protestations, incorporated sickeningly cutesy baby talk into your everyday vocabulary than to have it shouted at you in public and realize you're going to have to respond as if those words were language, and possibly even speak them yourself.

2. "Mama snacks!" "Hello nipple!" "Where's your breast?" Or the gourmet who says "Yum!" whenever he passes by the bras at Target. Some toddlers don't just nurse, they are vocal and articulate nursing enthusiasts. Some times so pointed that it's verbal equivalent of saying "damn the discreet cover-up." Which is fine. Except of course it was your kid's choice, not yours.

Your Words Out of Their Mouths

3. Version A: The politeness backfire. "Ask, nurse, please?" says one kid. "Hi. Milk. Smile," said mine for a while, betraying our attempts to explain what, beyond the technical words, constituted asking nicely.
4. Version B: Crossed wires. One mother reports that after training her son out of bad nursing behavior (oh, the dreaded twiddling) by repeatedly telling him he was all done with that, now he asks to nurse by saying hopefully "All done? All done?" (Bet she gets the "He wants to wean and you're not letting him!" treatment.)

The "Other Side" Confusion

4. "Side! I want side!" I thought it was a funny fluke that my daughter's younger friend picked up on her saying "other side" and began calling nursing "side." But apparently he's far from alone. That doesn't mean that anyone hearing will think it makes any sense though.

Parenting Shortcuts Exposed

5. Many of us have tried the squirting-breastmilk-on-an-oozing-eye trick. Whether or not it works, it gave my daughter the idea that she wanted milk squirted on her every injury. Once she got this in her head, a symbolic waving of a bare nipple across the offended limb was placebo enough to make almost anything instantly all better, so I played along out of laziness. Until, that is, I was on the sidewalk with a kid with a scrape who was screaming "Mommmmy! Milk on my knee! No! Milk on my knee!"

The Mini-Domme

6. "I'm going to open you up!" It's one thing to have a kid determinedly lifting your shirt before you've said it's OK. It's another when it comes with a declaration worthy of a TV surgeon. Of course that's better than . . .

7. "Uncover your nipples!" It's not as bad as it sounds, as she usually means it as a contrast to my having drawn the covers up over us in bed for a falling-asleep nurse, but I admit that I'm not-so-secretly hoping this one never leaves the house.

I'm sure I and mothers I heard these from are not alone. What has your nursing Baby Einstein come out with?

(Images were submissions to the Mothering breastfeeding icon contest.)

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Breastfeeding Moms Fighting Facebook Ban

JeanneSager — Thu, 18 Dec 2008 13:23:00 GMT

You can see it on Main Street, but breastfeeding moms are not allowed on Facebook. The social networking company has been deleting photos of women with their babies at their breast because it says it violates the decency standards set up for posting pictures on the site.

But moms are fighting back - with a Facebook group and plans for a "nurse in" at the Facebook headquarters in Palo Alto, Calif.

Already the group, "Hey, Facebook, breast-feeding is not obscene!," has attracted almost fifty-four thousand members, and a Facebook "event" page has been built for the Mothers International Lactation Campaign (MILC), a virtual protest to coincide with the nurse in. Members are being asked to change their profile picture to that of a nursing mother for the entirety of Dec. 27, the day women will protest in person in Palo Alto at 11 a.m. The picture need not be that of a human mother, the event creators say, but simply that of a mammal and her young in the act of feeding.

The company told a Daily News reporter that it has not actually banned breastfeeding on the site - photos that do not show an entire breast are allowed. That's technically true - the profile picture for the Hey, Facebook group is that of a breast almost entirely covered by a mother's blue t-shirt, the nipple encased in her baby's mouth. Approximately an inch of skin can be seen between the baby's cheek and the mom's shirt.

I've got to tell you, I've seen plenty of freaky photos on Facebook - from the teenager I babysat when he was 3 looking so blitzed he might well have had alcohol poisoning (not indecent, I suppose, but definitely making me feel old) to the old tea bagging trick (why do guys do this to one another?). I could see removing this kind of thing - you know, underage drinking is against the law guys.

But a mom breastfeeding? Give me a break. I'm one of those people who prefers to give a mom her privacy, and I look away - I probably would avoid commenting on a friend's photo if it was of her breastfeeding. But, in the end, it's a mother and her child. It's not a Janet Jackson wardrobe malfunction. Women can walk down the street wearing nothing on her boobs but a pasty and be violating nothing more than the laws of taste (and fashion). Meanwhile, she's showing more of her breast than a breastfeeding mom, and with no real reason for it.

Image: Facebook

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Things You Should Never Say To A Nursing Mother

Brett Singer — Thu, 20 Nov 2008 15:30:00 GMT

For most of these, we'll assume that you are speaking to your significant other, unless otherwise indicated.

- “Can I get a squirt of that?” The answer is no. If you're desperately curious about the taste of breast milk, try some that the mother of your children has expressed into a bottle.
- Two words that should never go together: “Tittie milk.” Not funny. Trust me.
- “How far can you squirt that stuff? Can you hit this cup on the shelf? How about if I move it closer? Honey? What are you doing with that hammer? OW!”
- “You and the baby are being really loud. Can you do that someplace else? I'm watching TV.”

And here are a few things not to say to a woman you don't know if you see nursing in a public place:

- “Ew! Gross!”
- “Niiice.”
- "Hey baby. Get it? Hey... baby...?" (It's not funny. I know you think its funny. But it's not.)
- A blank stare.
- A lascivious stare.
- Any sort of stare at all.

Anything to add? Remember – it takes a village.

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Babies R Us tells breastfeeding mother to get out

Brett Singer — Tue, 16 Sep 2008 22:30:00 GMT

A reader sent us a link to this post on Consumerist. Basically, a woman shopping at a California Babies 'R' Us tried to use a nursing chair, "for its intended purpose, she was told that she was not allowed to breastfeed on the sales floor." Apparently, this is illegal under California law. Something similar happened in New York at the Times Square Toys 'R' Us; that time, the ACLU got involved, since the New York law is similar to the one in California – breast-feeding anywhere, anytime.

I admit to being a little torn on this one. While I agree that all companies should follow the law, and that it's not unreasonable for a woman to breastfeed in public, I've also seen situations where I felt like it was a bit inappropriate. I can't imagine anyone wanting to nurse a baby at the Toys 'R' Us in Times Square, for example. (I also can't imagine anyone wanting to spend any time there at all, so maybe I'm the wrong person to ask about this.)

The comments on the site are similarly divided. The first one was 'disemvoweled', but I think it used to say something like, "So, they provide a room and that still isn't good enough?" along with something about "self-righteous parents." ('Disemvoweling' means the vowels were removed; this is the preferred fate for potentially offensive comments on many sites. If you don't know what that means, consider yourself lucky that you have better things to worry about; if you want to know, click here.) Not very nice, but does he/she/it have a point?

A more measured approach is shown in this comment: "Personally, I would use the room. I don't see the point of breastfeeding in public when a private room is available. It's not that breastfeeding is 'dirty' or 'wrong'…[but] it's not something I'd like to share with other people who could gawk because of their own insecurities."

And the award for the best comment on that post goes to: "First rule of Fight Club is: Don't get the La Leche League on your ass."

Now, obviously the employee was, at best, a jerk, and at worst was violating the woman's civil rights. (I'm not a lawyer so forgive me if I've used that term incorrectly.) But is the woman in the article going a little too far as well? What do you think?

source: Consumerist, via a reader (thanks!)

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Breast-feeding in public – bad idea?

Brett Singer — Fri, 11 Jul 2008 14:00:00 GMT

Capessa.com went out and asked women if they thought it was OK to breast-feed in public. Their answers may surprise you.

First, as a man, I have to point out that I disagree with the woman who says, "That's what breasts are made for." Before anyone gets upset, let me tell you that if I don't say that, I will be kicked out of the International Club of Guys. Which would be bad.

Second, I was actually surprised to see how many women in the video seemed to feel strongly that breast-feeding was something that should only be done in private. (I particularly liked the woman who said, "Especially these days, there are so many PRODUCTS," as if she were auditioning for an infomercial.)

Now, here's my opinion: it depends on the place as well as the person involved. I don't have a problem with women breast-feeding their babies in a public place, but I have to admit that I tend to look away when they do, not out of shame but out of respect. In a situation where I don't know how comfortable a woman feels about having people see them and their little one doing their thing, turning away seems like the polite way to go. How it's done is also a factor. I've seen some women do it so casually that it actually took me a second to realize what was going on. A covering of some sort can actually make it more noticeable, which isn't the goal. Some discretion seems warranted, if only to avoid panting weirdos who salivate at the merest suggestion of boobage.

It's also worth pointing out that I don't see anything sexual in breast-feeding (much as I don't see anything sexual in giving birth). To each his own I guess, but to me, seeing a baby receiving milk from its mother is not exactly a trip to the Ba-Da-Bing.

Does breast-feeding in public still have a stigma attached to it? Has anyone out there been given a hard time for doing it?

Source: Capessa via Shine

image: flickr.com

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Restaurant Wars: What's OK Kid Behavior?

Amy Kuras — Tue, 01 Jul 2008 20:32:00 GMT

We don’t take the kids out to dinner a lot because, well, they are typical little kids and while they behave pretty well, they make noise and wiggle and try to stare at people over the backs of booths and so on. We try to reinforce proper behavior, but repeating "Sit down. Now. Don’t lie down on the booth. Indoor voices please," 900 times in an hourlong restaurant visit makes it not very much fun for my husband and I either. And we've all gotten The Look when we walk into a restaurant with small children, from servers or other patrons, that says "oh no, not a little kid" before they have so much as a chance to spill something.

Worse, we sometimes feel like the only parents who do enforce restaurant manners. My huge pet peeve is people who let their kids sit and play video games after the meal has been served (I saw this at a nice restaurant recently and wondered why the mom even bothered to bring her son along), followed closely by people who let their kids run around like maniacs.

Chow's Table Manners column tackled the question of whether or not restaurateurs should shut down disruptive behavor if the parent's won't recently, and while no one came forward in defense of oblivious parents, it didn’t turn into as much of a baby bashing as I expected (although I am deeply surprised at the number of people offended by public nursing or who won't eat somewhere if small children are present, no matter how well behaved).

What behavior do you expect of your kids at a restaurant, and do you ever feel judged when you walk in with your kids?

"Babies Are Born to Be Breastfed" Campaign Wins Over the Masses

Jessica Ashley (Sassafrass) — Thu, 14 Jun 2007 22:07:00 GMT

For three months in Herkimer County in upstate New York, residents tuned into Deal or No Deal or Dr. Phil or drove down the highway and where exposed to breasts. OK, they were really exposed to breastfeeding, but I love the idea of giant boobies staring them down as they shuttled their kids to soccer practice and tuned into see Matt Lauer giggle over Giada's pancakes. The real exposure came in the form of PSAs on TV, posters and billboards, ~~baring~~ bearing the message that "Babies are born to be breastfed."

The campaign's educational mission to inform the public on the benefits of breastfeeding -- especially the long-term impact on children's health and obesity-prevention -- was far more successful than anticipated and was part of an intervention by the Health Start Initiative to gain acceptance for breastfeeding babies. A survey of locals revealed that, after the campaign 69% of men and 46% of women would be comfortable with having their child breastfed in public, each up 10% from pre-campaign polling.

What I love is that the campaign just puts it out there. The slogan doesn't include any diplomatic statements about "If you happen to use formula, that's cool too," which I don't necessarily disagree with but also don't need to hear while I am cheering on the mamas nursing in front God, the public and even (gasp) the paparazzi. I have to admit I'm not thrilled that one of the persuasive arguments is that it helps mothers drop pregnancy pounds (which I still think is a big La Leche League conspiracy ploy to the masses, but whatever). That little nit-picky point aside, I guess what really matters is that the campaign was a success. And if the breastfeeding billboards changed just one mind about nursing in public, especially that one mind who likened it to changing your tampon out in the open, then it was worth for the people of Herkimer County and for us all.

Maggie Gyllenhaal Feeds Child in Public Again

Sarah, Goon Squad Sarah — Tue, 12 Jun 2007 22:02:00 GMT

I know everyone seemed to get all worked up about Maggie Gyllenhaal nursing her kid in public. Well, the paparazzi caught her feeding her kid again in public, but this time she used a spoon.

You guys aren't going to freak out about this one are you? Ramona is eight months old now. She can eat solids.

I'd just like to say this to Maggie - You look great. You look happy. No matter how you are feeding your daughter I love the fact that it is you feeding her and not some nanny.

[photo: INF from People.com]

Maggie Gyllenhaal Nurses in Public

Sarah, Goon Squad Sarah — Mon, 07 May 2007 18:02:00 GMT

The paparazzi has scored parenting gold. They took pictures of Maggie Gyllenhaal (I have to look up her last name every single time I type it) nursing her baby in public. I suppose a lot of your reaction is going to be based in how you feel about public breastfeeding. I am all for it. I don't think I ever nursed in public, but it was mostly because I had twins and I was too chicken shit to take them anywhere public for very long when they were young.

Celebrity Baby Blog is reporting that most of the feedback they have been hearing about Gyllenhaal nursing her daughter in public has been positive. Either they have a very specific audience, or people are getting more tolerant in general. Don't lynch me, but it also helps that breastfeeding is very in style right now. I know, I know, breast is best, but it wasn't always so acceptable. I know when my Mom was nursing us it wasn't nearly as common.

Here is the real question. How uncool is it of the paparazzi to take a picture of Maggie's exposed boob? Or is that okay because she was in public and she is a public figure? I don't know.

Is it rude that I am posting it here or is it beautiful and natural?

[Photos by Pacific Coast News and WENN.]