Strollerderby : parenthood

Motherproofing the Motor City

JeanneSager — Mon, 06 Apr 2009 16:32:00 GMT

Ever wish your car was a little bit more kid friendly?

Kristin Varela doesn't just wish it. She's making it happen. The founder and editor-in-chief of Motherproof.com sat down with Babble to cover cars, kids and how her team of moms is making over Detriot for the good of parentkind.

Varela says she was getting "mommy Jell-O brain" from being home with two kids just around the time she realized it was time to go out and buy a new car. With a child in nursery school, she was looking to start a neighborhood carpool - but her two girls' carseats took up too much space in the backseat of her Subaru to make it practical.

"With two young children, the last thing I wanted to do was drive to 10 different dealerships and look at cars," Varela recalls. So she did what we all do - she went online. Only to find reviews that were family-specific for cars were few and far between. So she did her research, and Motherproof was born.

The site is now five years old and features not just cars reviews by Varela and her team of mothers but family car news, from tips on the accessories to buy and those to skip to tips on travel. And when we're talking reviews, we mean real life, "are we there yet" test drives with the kids. Varela and the other Motherproof moms keep each car for two weeks, driving it as though it IS the family car.

"Goldfish are crushed into the carpet, and cups are dumped over onto the upholstery," Varela admitted with a laugh. "It's real life mom car driving."

They'll drive any car, anywhere - from Mini Coopers to the minivan made for the prototypical soccer mom, because parents aren't one size fits all - and neither are drivers. Which is what's made Detroit listen up. Market research puts mothers' spending on cars at $83 billion a year. Moms influence eighty-five percent of all car buying choices. And dads want kid-friendly cars too - just ask the spouses/partners of some of Motherproof's writers . . . or their sons.

Adding to the success of the site are the Motherproof families. None of the parents are associated with the Motor City, nor are they professional writers - just parents with experience being parents. And they take their kids, spouses and days of driving into account in their reviews - nothing else. So they can be brutally honest, Varela says, and when they are, they pass their advice on to Detroit where she says several of the carmakers are inputting their findings into changes on future models.

When adult fingers get a mauling trying to slip into the crack in the backseat to hook a latch hook in for a carseat, Varela's crew lets the car manufacturers know parents don't want a knuckle busting. When the wireless headsets paired with the backseat DVD player are too big for kids' heads, she shoots them a line. Better still, they share it with all of us . . . so we don't have to drag two point five kids to ten dealerships looking for the right car to fit our needs.

Sound like the dream gig? Varela's looking for more moms to sign up to have a free car show up in her driveway every two weeks, so check out Motherproof.com and find out how to get your gripes and must-haves in front of the bigwigs in Detroit.

Twenty Reasons Not to Have a Baby

Amy Kuras — Wed, 11 Feb 2009 16:02:00 GMT

I can't possibly be the only person who made the decision to become a parent with my heart as much as my head, right? I mean maybe I run with a remarkably touchy-feely crowd, but most of us didn't lay out pros and cons and weigh all the options and so on; we just did, because it felt like it was time and because the idea of not having kids felt so much more awful than the consequences of having them.

But this list from the Guardian in London made me wonder, along with the baby budget post I posted last week. They cite "Twenty Reasons Not To Have a Baby," and yeah, they are good ones - it wrecks your sex life and makes your marriage strained for awhile, you never have money to spend on yourself and your wants, your carbon footprint balloons, and the lack of sleep is truly astounding.

But, but, really? Isn't part of being a grownup the idea that you actually are not the center of the universe, and so such things as the marked decrease in spending on dining out and food for yourself, the lack of "me time" and the lack of sleep sort of pale in comparison to the idea that you're helping to nuture another human being to their fullest potential and engage in a relationship like none other. If you're seriously the kind of person who could be swayed by a list like this, maybe you shouldn't be having a baby right now. There are really no logical reasons to become a parent, and about a million emotional ones to do so.

Was parenting a logical or emotional decision for you? Can it really be simple logic?

They Say: Kids Might Not Doom a Marriage

Balancing Work and Parenting—When You’re a Campaign Reporter

Hannah Tennant-Moore — Wed, 05 Nov 2008 22:05:00 GMT

Anyone who has ever felt guilty about missing a child's bedtime because of work will benefit from Jodi Kantor’s reminiscences on covering the presidential campaign during the first two years of her daughter’s life.

Kantor’s honesty about her own guilt—and sometimes lack thereof—over her demanding work life offers a refreshing look at the myriad ways one can be a good mother. Kantor openly admits that, despite missing her daughter horribly, she loved campaign trips, when she could fully focus on her work—and on being an adult, doing such novel things as going for drinks with her colleagues.

Most importantly, Kantor writes, “[T]here is no maternally correct way to say this, but the things I saw on the road—Obama’s world, the Edwards family trying to hold it together, the Huckabee surge, Iowa, African American voters in South Carolina, Hillary Clinton’s last stand, Denver—were worth the hours away from my daughter.”

I would add that that time apart was probably justified for the daughter as well. Growing up with a parent who has such rich work experiences to share surely opens children up to the world in important ways. And the fact that Kantor is also a devoted, loving mother who is home most of the time can't hurt, either.

Related articles on Babble:

No Country for New Mothers: A war reporter's first post-baby trip to Iraq.

Photo: HBD Marketing

10 Mysteries of Modern Parenthood (and some possible solutions)

Rachael Brownell (Redsy) — Fri, 25 Jul 2008 12:01:00 GMT

Facing the awesome responsibility of parenthood is easier if leavened with humor, enlightenment, and many vacations.

Here are 10 mysteries of modern parenthood and some possible solutions:

1. Paying for childbirth - Assuming you have insurance, when the bills start pouring once you have the baby, unraveling the payment puzzle requires patience and persistence and possibly an economics degree.

Possible Solution: Don't be shy about availing yourself of the insurance company's appeal process and making many calls to resolve outstanding bills. Each state has some version of a health insurance commissioner, who can be a very helpful advocate. Many children are also eligible for free or low-cost insurance.

2. Baby sign language - Is this is the biggest con sold to modern parents of all time or does it really help parents communicate with their kids?

Possible Solution: Babble polled several experts on this topic and did your research for you. Or just submit to your cynicism and read this.

3. FMLA - Family Medical Leave Act. Mystery: Are we eligible? Are we not? Should I be grateful for 12 weeks of unpaid leave?

Possible Solution: Save up your sick and vacation time, ask your company to consider offering paid maternity leave, move to Canada, Support Momsrising.org.

4. Toy/Carseat/Baby Product Safety - Are we poisoning our children if we buy Dora or Diego toys, feed them formula in BPA laced bottles, or cover them in sunscreen?

Possible Solution: Z Recommends blog offers many extremely informative product safety guides addressing everything from sunscreens to bathtoys.

5. Breast vs. Formula - Most of us agree that breast is best, but how much better than formula is it really? And what if you are unable to breastfeed or choose not to?

Possible Solution: Do the best you can and stand behind it. Stay away from La Leche League if you choose to formula feed. Read: Formula Fed and Flexible Parenting and Madeline Holler's Babble feature about extended breastfeeding to appreciate different approaches.

6. Childcare - How to afford it. How to find high quality options. Nanny or center? Work or stay home?

Possible Solution: Most studies are concluding that some combination of work and family time makes most parents feel happiest. If your work lets you cut back your hours and you can afford it (without being Mommy or Daddy Tracked) this has been the best solution for my family.

7. Education - Single sex education? Homeschool? Public or private? Waldorf? Montessori?

Possible Solution: Doing what works is obviously best. There is no question that public school is cheapest, but has No child Left Behind Ruined it?

8. Coparenting - Myth or reality?

Possible Solution: This assumes there are (at least) two parents available and willing to raise the kids. While there are plenty of signs that parenting is more equal than it used to be, many still think there is much room for improvement.

9. Potty training - Is it necessary?

Possible Solution: Parents these days are much less stressed about getting their kids potty-trained by 6 months of age. For a great round-up of blogs discussing potty-training, go here.

10. When is it the right time to have a child? - Even though we're cynical narcissists who complain a lot, most of us would agree that "yes" nearly anytime is a great time to have a child.

Are You a "Kidult"? Join the Club

Mike Adamick (Cry It Out!) — Mon, 30 Jul 2007 22:05:00 GMT

Comedian Richard Herring turned 40 and bought a skateboard. He still wears his Converse trainers, and purchases tight-fitting T-shirts to look cook, despite the obvious belly bulge.

Because if I am going to deny the fact that I am old, I might as well deny the fact that I am fat as well.

Holy lord, he knows me. Inside and out.

Most people would call turning 40 and suddenly trying to look and act like a teenager a mid-life crisis. But what if you never stopped acting like a teenager to begin with? Is that just who you are, or should you just strike out the "mid" and admit you're in a permanent life crisis?

Herring has a name for these hip Peter Pans -- "Kidults."

Here are the signs. Be warned. You may recognize a few of them and have a sudden desire to buy tweed and make your kids call you "sir."

College Student Admits Ignorance; Parents Rejoice

Mike Adamick (Cry It Out!) — Tue, 24 Apr 2007 17:22:00 GMT

Remember the college student who said stay-at-home dads have it easy? That at-home dads might as well wax their surfboards and hit the beach, for all the fun they're gonna have in the Land of Domesticity?

Well, he's back. With his tail between his legs. Nicely. Rebeldad got a nice note from the young man the other day, explaining that he was just poking a little fun -- trying to bring some light-hearted humor to all the students mixed up in the icky business of finals and what not. What he encountered instead was a torch-bearing, angry parental mob led fronted by yours truly.

Believe me, I know a thing or two about jokes falling on their face. I still get emails about this one (even though I'll defend to the end the idea that "Saturday Night Live" will never be considered "earnest" and also that some people are uptight morons).

It seems that sometimes you give someone a kid and they give you back their sense of humor. If that's the case, I'm wondering now if this poor, young college columnist might put off parenthood longer than he expected ....

Parents Are the Biggest. Dorks. Ever. And We Love Every Minute of It

Mike Adamick (Cry It Out!) — Mon, 23 Apr 2007 19:08:00 GMT

I danced in a grocery store Friday afternoon. And played air guitar. I may or may not have made facial expressions that may or may not have been mistaken for an "O Face." I was too excited to tell. But I definitely uncurled my thumbs and kicked my legs out like Elaine Benes. It was a sad, disturbing display of rhythmic paralysis that could only mean one thing: I'm a parent. And I'm a dork.

USC Daily Trojan columnist Jean Guerrero says such displays of I'll-never-grow-up-Peter-Panisms may just be the cure-all for societal ills. Skip if you want to. Sing if you must. Screw social conventions. Just do it.

I remember the social angst of high school and college. Even throughout my twenties I tried my best to fit in and, sadly, did. But once I had a child, it was like my Dork Flag unfurled itself and started waving in the breeze. I dance in stores. I sing on the sidewalk. I skip daily. Emmeline loves to dance and shake her arms about, so I jump on any chance to see her boogie, such as our Friday afternoon display of disco air guitar.

Proudly wearing a Dork Merit Badge might seem like a big leap for the younger set, as evidenced by the column's call to dork arms. But isn't that what parents do all the time? Isn't that why we're here?

Parents Stealing Childhood by Overscheduling

Sarah, Goon Squad Sarah — Tue, 10 Apr 2007 18:41:00 GMT

Is your little kid enrolled in soccer, dance, karate and music? Stop Thief! Or thieves perhaps. Are you robbing your kids of their childhood? Family experts are saying that if you are one of those overachieving parents you might be accidentally making your children miss out on the fun of youth.

Parents, especially parents in urban areas that tend to be competitive think they are giving their children an advantage by keeping them busy and enrolling them in a wide variety of activities. While this can certainly make a child well rounded and help them get into an exclusive private elementary school, parents can also be hurting their kids. Parents can be robbing kids of their childhood.

It may seem like your kids are having fun with their friends and doing interesting things, but children need free time to develop. They need to play and imagine. If they are running around all of the time from place to place they can become stressed out.

It is important to learn to swim. Group sports can teach kids how to work as a team and they are great exercise. Music lessons can assist creativity and math skills. Just beware over overdoing it. Your kids will thank you.

College Parenting Guru: Kids Are Like Dogs; They Need a Whuppin'

Mike Adamick (Cry It Out!) — Thu, 05 Apr 2007 20:53:00 GMT

Emmeline turns one next week, and she's already learning that a well-timed tantrum will get her anything she desires. More Cheerios. More play time. More heroin-spiked formula. So it was a great relief to read this bit of parenting advice from one Andrew Post, a senior and mass communications major at North Dakota State School Of Making Life As Simplistic As Possible -- NDSSOMLASAP for short.

Apparently I've been dealing with Emme's newfound independence with the wrong mindset. Turns out I've got to A. think of her as a dog, B. beat the crap out of her occasionally and C. force her to eat spinach so she might one day look through rose-colored glasses and see what a great dad I actually was. Thanks Andrew!

Here's just one of my favorite excerpts:

"I would be far less than a man today if Mom and Dad hadn’t taken the trouble to teach me some hard lessons.

"Parents who pamper their children and can’t stand disciplining them are literally following a recipe for disaster.

"Those children will end up (at the very least) socially inept losers. Like the people on “Jerry Springer.” "

I think he nailed it. (Oh please, oh please, oh please -- no one unearth the crazy crap I wrote in college ....)

The Most Surprising Part of Parenthood

Sarah, Goon Squad Sarah — Fri, 23 Feb 2007 20:09:00 GMT

I tell my friends that don't have children yet that everything about being a parent is surprising. The pregnancy doesn't usually happen the way you think it will, the birth isn't what you are expecting, your children don't look like you have always pictured them and every day they do something amazing.

The Two Okapi's Daddy wrote a post on this today. He says the most surprising part about parenting is the wonder, the beauty, the pure joy that he feels towards his kids. He said it beautifully. Moxie said It never stops surprising me how food becomes the focus for so much of our emotional issues around children and It's the Little Things says she is often floored with how stubborn and dramatic her son can be.

I was going to say that I was completely taken off guard that bananas could make such disgusting stains.

What part has surprised you the most about parenthood?