Strollerderby : parenting girls

Does PSA Blame Parents for their Daughters Being Raped?

JeanneSager — Wed, 15 Oct 2008 17:29:00 GMT

The public service announcement warning parents not to buy their daughters alcohol because of the heightened risk for sexual abuse for drunk teens is a total of 30-seconds long. But the Queensland Government in Brisbane, Australia has been drawing harsh critiscm around the globe for putting the blame in the wrong place - the victim.

Opening with a girl's stricken face as she weeps and fights off an attacker in a dark alley, the commercial follows the girl's night in reverse. It backs out of the alley, away from the guy into a party of teens drinking, then back to the girl's house where Dad hands her a box of booze and waves bye bye. "Don't kid yourself," an ominous voice says, "buy your children alcohol and they could pay the price."

Feministing, Jezebel and dozens of others have taken up bashing the Aussies for the short, charging the ad makers with blaming girls for getting raped and their parents for putting them in that situation. "I think what is upsetting about this is that it perpetuates the belief that rape is a young woman's fault and that if parents buy their daughters alcohol they are putting them at risk of rape," says Feministing blogger Samhita. "What about telling young men to not rape drunk women? That is what the focus of the PSA should be. Perhaps another conversation about youth and alcohol consumption is needed, but let's not tangle the issues."

I agree that there should be more education for guys about a girl's right to say no. But I think it's Samhita who is mixing the messages here. This is about parents not taking care of their kids. It's about a smarmy smiling dad (watch the video and you'll see it) handing his daughter a big box of booze, putting her in a car full of teenagers with said alcohol and waving without a care in the world. Rape isn't the only horrible thing that can happen to her out there.

Unfortunately, rape is a reality, and there is only so much parents can do to protect their daughters. The U.S. Department of Justice has surmised a woman is raped here in the states every two minutes. It can happen in broad daylight or a dark alleyway. It can happen with alcohol or without. And you don't have to tell me that girls who undergo some sort of sexual abuse often feel like it's our fault.

Which is why arming our daughters to protect them from some day being raped is part of our jobs. Not because they're the weaker sex. Not because they're doing something wrong. Because it's something that can, and shouldn't have to happen. Add alcohol to any situation where boys and girls co-mingle, and statistics show the risk of a rape occuring increases. The U.S. Department of Justice Violence Against Women report figures 45 percent of all rapes involve alcohol - which could mean the victim or the attacker. The numbers include adult women, but considering two in six rape victim are under 18, there are plenty of teen girls being raped where alcohol is a factor.

Not because they're bad kids or because they asked for it but because they lost their ability to function because they drank too much. They lost their ability to protect themselves from the dangers that are out there, and guess who failed to protect them? Their parents. The ones who sent them to a party with a bunch of alcohol and no education on what it can do.

So, yes, I do put a portion of blame on the parents. Which was the point of the PSA to begin with - to teach them not to provide ther kids with free alcohol, to teach their kids about the affects alcohol will have on the body - including the risk of blackout, the risk of losing the physical strength to push off an attacker, and the risk that someone else who's drunk may have their inhibitions reduced to the point where they'll do something stupid. Like rape a girl.

In fact, the PSA shows a girl being abused, but the narrator says "67 percent of teenagers have been abused or assaulted whilst under the influence of alcohol." She says "your children." She doesn't say girls. She doesn't say daughters. It's an advertisement about protecting our girls and our boys, teaching girls to protect themselves, teaching boys they're not allowed to use alcohol as an excuse.

It's an advertisement that puts the responsibility for kids in their parents' hands. And when they drop the ball, the blame belongs with them.

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Part II: Why Parents of Boys Have It Better (And Why They Don't)

JeanneSager — Mon, 13 Oct 2008 16:36:00 GMT

Since giving birth to a little girl, I've been told over and over how I need to try for a little boy. Even my own mother - who has one of each - says it's something every mom needs to experience. But talking to moms who - by the luck of the draw (or the swim) - have only experienced parenting one gender, sometimes there are benefits to sticking with what you know.

According to a whole bunch of moms and dads to little boys out there, they've got it so good, they don't want to try it my way. Want to know what they've got that I don't have? Here's the top five reasons they tell me parents of boys have it better:

1. Two women living in one house usually find their period coincide. Dad - you won't have two women on the rag and ragging on you at the same time. Mom - no worrying that someone else stole the last tampon.

2. He can pee anywhere; and probably will. No lining a McDonald's bathroom toilet seat with TP. No balancing one foot on either side of the bowl so you can hold them right over the bowl. No worry that if Dad leaves the toilet seat up they'll fall in. The side of the highway is his oyster!

3. Mom - no finding your clothes have been liberated from your closet and your kid looks better in them. Dad - when you're starting to feel like those pants are too tight, just stow them in his closet - he'll never know the difference.

4. No crevices to clean during the diaper change. His family jewels handle a wipe-down of explosive diarrhea much more kindly than the cha cha.

5. About those snips, snails, and puppy dog tails. What's cuter than a puppy dog waving that little stump? A little boy wrapping his little fists around your neck and saying "I love you Mama/Dada." Yeah, I had to go there.

Now don't you want to know how the other half lives? Find out here: Part I: Why Parents of Girls Have it Better

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They Say: It Really Is Mom's Fault - But That's Not Always Bad

JeanneSager — Fri, 03 Oct 2008 16:33:00 GMT

Sorry Dad. She might be your little girl, but what she really wants is approval from Mom.

A new study published in the British Journal of Educational Psychology claims daughters achieve more when their mothers are proud of them. Researchers from the University of London followed more than 3,000 kids born in 1970, and found the girls whose mothers expected them to succeed at school are more likely to have higher self esteem as adults and more likely to have pursued higher education. They found no real affect for the boys, deducing mothers of daughters may be more likely to push their girls when it comes to education.

I can't help but wonder what they would have found if they'd looked beyond education. After all, the '70s stand out in the history of women's lib - and not just in America. England had its own version of the Women's Liberation Movement that fought for equal pay for women. Moms who may not have gotten much support to be all they could be as kids were suddenly learning, hey, being a girl doesn't have to hold you back.

But considering our parents are our first role models, it's no wonder girls look to Mom for approval of how we're doing on the path to being a grown up. She's our first example of what it means to BE a grown up. And other studies have already shown that when a mom is depressed, negative or anything BUT supportive, her daughter is more likely to struggle as an adolescent.

So Mom, have heart. She might slam the door and shove the iPod buds in her ears, but she still cares what you think . . .

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