Strollerderby : parents.com

Eye-Roll-Inducing "Parenting Trends"

Amy Kuras — Thu, 31 Jan 2008 22:03:00 GMT

One of the first unofficial lessons of Journalism 101: if it happens three times, it's a trend. Or, if it happens to you and at least one of your friends, it's a trend.

So I tend to view stories like this one from Parents.Com about the top 10 parenting trends for 2008 with great skepticism, to say the least. And if you're a regular reader of Strollerderby (and you should be) none of these are news to you. I'll list them anyway, to spare you the nine zillion irritating ads that cover the screen when you're trying to go through the article.

"Creative" baby names. "Semaj" from James? Seriously, people? Just, no. Bill already riffed on this funnier than I can ("silent q" indeed).
Toy safety. Suddenly everyone wants their toys made in the USA. Good luck with that!
Working mothers bringing babies to the workplace. Again, please no. I already aired my feelings about this in a comment on Other Amy's post on the topic – and apparently am in the minority, in a big way.
Sophisicated nurseries. Can't argue with this one, anything I say would solely be out of raw, naked envy for people with money and taste enough to pull these off.
Famiies traveling together more — groups of friends going on vacation, so each set of parents can trade off kid-watching and grownup time. Again, this sounds genius.
Holding baby showers for 2nd and 3rd kids. H to the ELL to the NO. One baby shower and one wedding shower per person per lifetime. End of story. Anything else that's a gifting party, outside of really unusual circumstances, is greedy. Although looking at the comments on this post by Kelly, I totally want a blessingway now
Personalized baby web sites. No problem with these, but our set of faraway grandparents are my in-laws, who are in their 70s. And refer to emails as "letters." So, yeah, not sure how well that would work for us.
Birthday parties with physical activity themes. Don’t they all devolve into malestroms of screamy, running kids, themes or no?
More sentimental push presents for mothers. Rachael already ever-so-eloquently expounded on this.

Discipline — saying no to spoiled kids. This is a trend? A new trend? The hell? What is wrong with us?

I've never been especially trendy. Articles like this one make me glad.

Photo: Time

Pregnancy Sex Uncensored: Had Enough Yet?

Kelly Mills — Mon, 30 Apr 2007 13:31:00 GMT

Here's the final chapter on Parents.com Pregnancy sex uncensored, then uncensored some more.

"Q. Are there any times when I should avoid sex?
A. If you're having a low-risk pregnancy with no complications, you can have sex up until the day you deliver, says Sarah de la Torre, MD, an ob-gyn in Seattle."

They go on to say don't do it if you have a high-risk pregnancy, blah blah, and then:

"If you still don't feel like having sex, tell your husband you're just not up for it -- he should understand."

And if he doesn't understand, well, time to get used to it. Almost every nursing mom I know had a libido so low, if Brad Pitt or Angelina Jolie walked in naked, they'd ask 'em to load the dishwasher rather than go for a good sheet-tumble.

What else?

"Q. I'm seven and a half months pregnant, and my tummy is huge. What's the best position for intercourse?
A. The hottest position for the third trimester is on top of your partner. That way, you can control the depth of penetration. Or, if you want to really spice things up, try reversing this position by facing away from him while he's sitting up and supporting your tummy. 'That feels fantastic too,' Paget says."

By the way, these questions all seem to be submitted by straight people (insert lesbian bed-death joke here) but I can tell you that for some of us, lady on top would have resulted in a suffocation death and sudden single parenthood for the newborn. When getting out of a chair is a challenge, your partner probably doesn't want you sitting on him, either. And nothing feels "fantastic" when you are pregnant.

And finally,

"Q. After we finish having sex, my baby seems to get quiet. What's going on?
A. No worries! 'The rocking motions you make during lovemaking can cause the fetus to go into a sleep cycle,' Dr. de la Torre says."

Hmmm, nothing like ther term "lovemaking" to make me feel like doing anything but. And I get a little skeeved out by the idea of rocking baby to sleep through some hot loving. But it's a moot point because I was so gigantically pregnant any kind of movement was highly unlikely. I couldn't have been rocked by a backhoe, let alone my poor spouse. Think flea on an elephant's back, if you need a mental image. And I'm sure you do.

More Uncensored Pregnancy Sex

Kelly Mills — Sun, 29 Apr 2007 12:24:00 GMT

Parents.com took the time to craft some careful answers to the most intimate questions about pregnancy sex. I'm going to add some completely incautious rambling to that. Here's round two of the Parents.com pregnancy sex questions.

"Q. Could my husband's penis do any harm to the baby?
A. A lot of men worry about this..."

Hold on for just a sec.

Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!

Sorry. Okay, back to the question.

"...but the answer is no. His penis won't traumatize the baby or cause your water to break. If you notice any bleeding after sex, talk to your physician -- increased blood supply in your cervix and amped-up circulation to the vaginal area during pregnancy can sometimes cause spotting. Call your doctor to rule out more serious causes of bleeding, such as placenta previa, placental abruption, or premature labor."

My words of wisdom for the day. When your husband expresses fears that his penis will harm the baby,

Don't say, "You've got nothing to worry about."

Do say, "Honey, I'm so glad you asked. Of course, if anyone's member could make the long journey into my uterus, yours totally could. But I want you to know that even in your case, I've been assured everything will be okay."

Next up: Are there times I should avoid sex?

Parents.com Uncensors Pregnancy Sex. We Uncensor It a Little More.

Kelly Mills — Sat, 28 Apr 2007 17:51:00 GMT

Ah, pregnancy sex. For many, it brings up mixed emotions and no small measure of anxiety. Parents.com did us the service of uncensoring some of the most burning questions and offering medically sound answers. Now I'll break it down for you a little more.

"Q. So many women say they feel sexier pregnant, but I just feel fat and tired. I'm only two months along, and sex is the last thing on my mind.
A. It's not just you -- this is totally common! During the first trimester, your body is hard at work, which means you may feel exhausted, nauseous, and overwhelmed -- no wonder you're not in the mood. "Once you hit your second trimester, the nausea lifts and estrogen kicks in, which jump-starts your sex drive," says Lou Paget, author of Hot Mamas: The Ultimate Guide to Staying Sexy Throughout Your Pregnancy and the Months Beyond. She advises that even if you're not up for intercourse, you can easily stay connected with your spouse by cuddling and kissing."

Many women feel sexier pregnant? Maybe I'm just splitting hairs here, but I think there's a difference between "feeling sexier" and wanting to have sex. If there's so many women out there who feel sexier pregnant, I say, right on sisters. For moi, wearing a short skirt and actually brushing my teeth makes me feel sexier. Having swollen ankles that look like giant pork sausages, vomiting at the smell of tortilla chips, and switching to elastic waistbands did not make me feel sexier. In any trimester.

But as they say, some people get the va-va-voom hormones, and some don't. Really, any change in mood, temperament, your body, or your shoe size during pregnancy is probably totally normal. Growing hair out of your ears? Normal. Need glasses now? Happens to lots of women. Want to throw a spatula at every third stranger who says, "Ooooh, you must be due any day now!" Ditto. If you're pregnant and one morning you wake up and you have turned into a giant cockroach, there's a section in What To Expect When You're Expecting on that.

But could we take an informal poll? How many spouses would like it if pregnant spouse said, "I don't want to have intercourse right now. But I'd like to kiss and cuddle instead so we can stay connected." I'm just curious.

Next time: Will his penis hurt the baby?