Strollerderby : pee

Get Their Pee Away from Me

JeanneSager — Wed, 22 Apr 2009 19:30:00 GMT

I'm one of those parents who extols the virtues of "eau de kid." So I was all excited to read Peter Hartlaub's ode to the odors of kids in the Poop this week.

Until I got to section two. Cheerios and pee.

Really Peter, you had to lay that one out there for the child-free by choice folks to throw back at us? Maybe it's the mark of a mom who was beaten down by potty training, but where I agree with everything else on Hartlaub's list, his assertion that "the faint scent of toddler pee can actually be kind of pleasant." just made me want to retch.

Yes, I know he was kidding (sort of), but let me lay out my own list of reasons the Cheerios and pee smell has apparently been WAY overrated:

1. My daughter insists on sleeping with at least five to six books in her bed every night so she can "read" herself to sleep. As a sign of her love of literature, I couldn't be happier. As a sign of what's to be thrown out at 2 a.m. in case of that (rare, but still) bedwetting incident . . . ick. Nothing says read me like Goodnight Moon with urine dripping off of it.

2. Although perfectly able to use the "big" potty, the lure of the small potty is big in my house. Like most potties for kids, it lacks a flushing function. It makes up for it with a lid . . . which is usually left open. The only other thing you need to know? We have a dog. Nuff said.

3. Accidents happen (and if you watched Elmo's Potty Time as much as we did, you are now singing the song), but wet undies can always be whisked away to sit in the middle of a pile of laundry that needs to be done . . . right in the center of the pile, where heat and urine meet. Yum.

4. Ever been peed on by a potty training toddler? I don't think I need to say anymore!

But Hartlaub has good news for all of us. They graduate to the suntan lotion/peanut butter/Play-Doh/bananas smell . . . and it smells gooood!

Image: Green Baby Guide

What Won't Men Do With a Diaper?

JeanneSager — Wed, 15 Oct 2008 16:31:00 GMT

I'm beginning to wonder if some men just have a diaper fetish.

First it was the guy stealing dirty diapers off porches in upstate New York. Now a Ukranian boxing champ is extolling the use of his son's wet diapers to reduce swelling in his fists.

"Baby wee is good because it's pure, doesn't contain toxins and doesn't smell," Vitali Klitschko told a German newspaper this week. "The nappies hold the liquid and the swelling stays down."

Apparently he's had one knock too many on the noggin.

Let me poke a little at his bubble. I'll do it carefully; I don't need to be "wee'd" on. See, babies are little humans. In other words, he's wrapping his hands in human waste. Doesn't sound quite as nice as baby wee, but what the hey.

Oh, and about those toxins. Apparently he doesn't keep up with the 'Derby. Because Amy gave us the lowdown months ago on all the toxic nasties that have been popping up in baby piss tests of late - think that unpronouncable hot parenting word, phthalates. Considering he got the idea from his Grandma, I guess we can excuse that part. Granny wasn't worrying about phthalates or BPA when she plopped her kids in their lead-painted crib.

Remind me not to shake hands with any boxers from the Ukraine.

Image: DiaperReview

Dirty Diaper Thief on the Loose in Upstate New York

Five-Year-Old Catches STD From Dad's Towel?

Part II: Why Parents of Boys Have It Better (And Why They Don't)

Do Your Kids Go to Camp Grandma As Much as You Did?

Three-Year-Old Romanian Girl Youngest Singer, and She's Cute As All Get Out

Mob Mol Who Smuggled Sperm Says Prison System Hates Her Child for Being Born

Stay out of my room or I'll pee on your tree

Brett Singer — Thu, 10 Jul 2008 14:00:00 GMT

I've tried to write a summary of this story but I haven't been able to come up with a better intro than this one (from the New York Times):

When the men of the Phoenix Country Club saw their feeding ways in peril, they did not tarry. Some sent nasty e-mail messages, hectored players on the fairway and, for good measure, urinated on a fellow club member’s pecan tree.

As you can probably guess, it was that last one – the whole "urinating on a tree" thing – that grabbed my attention. What caused otherwise civilized men to make pee-pee on the pecan tree? Why, it was the women! They want to eat in the same dining room as the men! Well, if some chick wants to do that, I'm going to take a leak on her tree! That'll show those nosy broads.

The specifics are as follows: the Phoenix Country Club in Arizona does not allow women to eat in the men's grill room. According to the New York Times, this grill room is where high-level business deals are conducted, not to mention more pedestrian activities such as lunch. Well can't these persnickety hens go somewhere else? Actually, no. The "ladies' grill" has "a hot plate, some card tables and no bar." That's right. A hot plate.

Now, Arizona, Arizona… who's from Arizona? Oh! John McCain! Well, he's not a member. His son Andrew is, and so is Alice Cooper. (Kids, Alice Cooper is this rock star-type guy who used to really upset people because his act featured images of death and stuff. Yeah, we were pretty silly back then. Check out his Muppet Show episode, it's a lot of fun. And for those of you who remember Alice Cooper, yes. He's now a member of a country club that doesn't let women eat with men.)

This issue came to a head when Barbara Van Sittert and her husband Logan "appealed to the board of the club" to change the rules so they could have breakfast together. When they were told to stuff it, they went to the Attorney General's office, which recently issued an "advisory legal opinion that the club needed to comply with the state's antidiscrimination laws." That doesn't mean anything yet; the club has 30 days to try and settle the matter before the AG gets all legal on them.

So remember guys. If women want to do something you don't want them to do, whip it out and pee on their lawn. That'll show 'em.

image: progressivemajoritywisconsin.org

Dick Cheney whispering hush: Goodnight Bush

Political Nanny: White Talk, Blackface ... Barf

McCain Finds Humor in Domestic Violence

Pregcellent: Before We Peed On a Stick

Kelly Mills — Wed, 14 May 2008 13:01:00 GMT

Everyone remember the moment you saw the little double line on the stick or got the results of the blood test that confirmed, yep, gonna have a baby? (By the way, I know lots of people who gave their spouses the home test wrapped up as a gift, like "Surprise! We're having a baby!" but I wonder if my first thought would be, "Eeeek! That stick had pee on it.") Well, it wasn't always as simple as it is today with our drugstore modern conveniences blah blah. Behold: A history of wacky pregnancy tests.

It is totally interesting (for a fact-dork like me) to learn the ancient Egyptians had a method of pregnancy prediction with 70 percent accuracy: The woman peed on wheat and barley seeds, and if either grain grew, pregnancy was confirmed. Turns out pregnant lady urine has elevated estrogen, which promotes growth in those grains. That is totally a good Trivial Pursuit kind of fact to know. In the Middle Ages and beyond, the color of urine was supposed to hold clues. As long as you didn't eat lots of beets, I guess. My favorite is the 17th century practice of dipping a ribbon in the woman's pee, and then burning it. If the smell made her nauseous, pregnant. Oooh, just the idea makes me pregnant all the time. Anyhow, stock up on your pregnancy prediction fun facts now, while supplies last.

Best of FameCrawler: Week of April 25th

Whit Honea — Fri, 25 Apr 2008 20:00:00 GMT

Kat Moss Stands Up to Pee

Brad & Angelina's Quiet Wedding

Halle Berry Is No Couch Potato

Ashlee Simpson and Pete Wentz Are Like A Dog and His Owner

Jonas Bros Defend Miley's Bra-Baring Skank Pics, But Still No Word From Daddy

And The Most Embarassing Parent Award Goes To...

Lourdes Looks Like Mama Madonna

Bridget Moynihan Has Style Advice And So Do I

Mark Wahlberg Adding on to the Funky Bunch

Miley Cyrus' New Boyfriend Revealed!

One Bathroom Provides Life Lessons

Adrienne Martini — Thu, 06 Mar 2008 18:28:00 GMT

Want to bring your family closer together? The path to bonding isn't through elaborate vacations or structured playdates. No, all you need to do is move into a house with only one bathroom.

There is something about having to share such an intimate space that really does lend itself to knowing each other better. And those who've done the potty training boogie know that some of the best conversations you have with your toddler are those chats you start to keep him on the pot until he pees.

Still, I can't help but wonder where it will all lead. Would you be an even stronger family unit if you lived in the Geico house? Do loft dwellers know their kids better? Should we all be relocated to homes that are only seven-feet wide? And is it wrong that I still dream of my own private spa/WC/steam room (with WiFi and a barista) that only I have the key for?

Photo credit: doityourself.com

Uh Oh: "My Kid Needs to Pee" is NOT a Valid Excuse for Speeding

Karen Murphy — Thu, 05 Jul 2007 11:27:00 GMT

Don't tell me I'm the only one who has driven a wee bit faster when there's been a kid in the back of the car who suddenly discovers that he forgot to go to the bathroom after all before you left home 20 minutes ago, even though he told you at the time that he did. Hasn't this happened to you? Or maybe it's potty training month (or year, whatever) and your kid has to make a small deposit in every public bathroom within a 20-mile radius of anywhere.

Really. I can't be the only one, can I? Because how else did this Arizona women think to tell police, when she was pulled over for going 90 in a 55-mph zone, that her friend's kids, who were in the car at the time, ALL needed to pee which was supposed to explain her excessive and unsafe rate of speed? Oh, but oops, turns out they didn't actually need to pee after all, and bigger oops, the mom consumed a beer or two and maybe some schnapps (ew) while behind the wheel. Maybe it was the mom who needed to pee?

There's nothing funny of course about drinking and driving, and I'll bet this woman's friend won't be letting her kids ride with her much any more. Though one look at her photo would certainly give me pause.